I Heart College.....
College Students are truly a rare breed. Week after week we put ourselves through the guantlet of flip-cup tournaments, keg stands, ice luges, and power hours only to pass out breifly and wake up at obscene hours of the morning to re-fuel our still-intoxicated bodies with a few more beers all in the name of tailgate. We also lack any legitimate sense of time. We "pre-drink" until eleven. 12:40 classes are "early." We know 1:30 as last call because we have been going to the bars since we were 16 with our fake I.D's. We live in our own world, a world where jungle juice seems like a good idea, being awake at 4 a.m is normal, "wanna do a bodyshot" is a sufficient pick up line, and 21st birthdays are an entity unto themselves.
We have become aware that alcohol makes us say, do, and wear things that would, in a sober state, be out of the question. Watching our friends make out with a stranger in front of cheering spectators is raw comedy, kegerators become the greatest invention ever made, and we discover things that seem utterly amazing...like "malt liquor" and "beerios." We make friends while we are drunk and assign them an adjective that will forever precede their name in order to distinguish them from the rest of our friends we make while drunk (also because we don't know thier last names!) "Sloppy Tom" "Scuba Steve" and "DVD Matt" will always be near and dear to our hearts.
We have no money because we spend it all on beer. This, unfortunately, is also why we drink Povov and Crazy Horse, and trust us, that takes heart. It grows on us after awhile, or after we've taken to many shots too remember what we are drinking tastes like gasoline. The lack of money situation is also why if we see someone sipping a corona, they are a baller, and we will make friends with them. After a long night of bonging beers at a house party, bravely resisitng the urge to drunk dial and/or drunk IM all of our ex's, then going shot for shot with a boy/girl at the bar, we wake up hugging an empty box of wine in our underwear on our best friends kitchen floor with a million questions running through our pounding heads.
We wake up with random incoherent numbers in our cell phones and crazy ass messages on our computers..."Who the hell is Gr342t5ONE", random pic's on our camera's (Ohh, thats the guy she was making out with last night!), and a mere .73 cents in our pockets... "I didn't know Texas hold 'em was a drinking game!", and a desperate desire to lay in bed for the rest of our lives. It is then that we swear off drinking.. for real.. we really mean it this time. Yet, after shot-gunning a brewski or two and kicking back with a 40, we head to the shower, beer in hand, and get ready to begin our evening once again.
IT TAKES BALLS, SIMPLY PUT! WE KNOW HOW TO PARTY!! We have honed and perfected our art! We are lushes, bar stars and boozehounds! Why do we act this way you ask? BECAUSE WE CAN! Because in a couple of blurry years we will enter the " real world ". So for the time being we will live it up, As long as there are beers to be drank, and shots to be taken...we will be there.. as long as there are case races to be won and frat houses to pass out in, we will be there! AS long as their are tables to be danced on and annoying 80's songs to sing loudly along too, we will be there! BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO LIE....WE PROBABLY WON'T REMEMBER IT!!!