fic.
OMG. I totally finished one. *throws confetti*
This is the finale to Spin. It's been a long time coming but it's done. Done, I say!!
Previous Chapters can be found by clicking on the "spin" tag in the lower left.
You should probably read the previous chapter first because I drop you right into where I left off.
“Sandy, I didn’t come here to make things any worse, I came because nothing is going to get better until Ryan and I make peace.”
“I just wish I knew why this happened in the first place. How I could’ve prevented this…”
“It’s…it’s my fault, Sandy. I…I’ve been blaming Ryan for things that have nothing to do with him, it’s like I’ve been putting all this anger that should’ve been directed at myself at him instead. He’s not Seth, he’s not you, I can’t read him like I can you guys…he’s different,” Kirsten said, needing to explain everything to him now that she’d finally put it into words for Ryan. She needed him to support her.
“Kirsten…”
“I thought that he didn’t care about Teresa losing the baby,” she said
“What?” Sandy asked, blinking at her.
“I thought that…because he didn’t say anything, or seem upset, that he didn’t care,” she admitted again.
“Kirsten…he’s seventeen years old. Do you think he would have left Harbor, left us if he didn’t care about the baby? God, Kirsten…I mean, it’s like, it’s like you don’t even know him! And it’s like I don’t even know you!” Sandy exclaimed, pale. “He didn’t say anything because…he obviously didn’t feel comfortable sharing his emotions with us…god, it was like he was scared to mention Teresa around me when I’d go see him in Chino…he didn’t want us to blame her…”
“I know…I…I haven’t been thinking straight. For a while now. It’s like the boys were gone all summer, and I missed them so much…” she started.
Sandy sighed, rubbing his eyes. “No, Kirsten. You missed Seth. You didn’t call Ryan, you didn’t go visit him in Chino. You didn’t even acknowledge the baby. Did you even have a conversation with him after he left? I mean, I knew you were upset, but did Ryan know you were upset?”
“I think…I think I detached myself from what I was really feeling…” Kirsten said. “Please, I need you to understand…”
“I’m trying…but I can’t get past how you could treat Ryan like this.”
Kirsten sighed. “I made a mistake. A lot of them. I thought you were all about the second chances…because I really need one of those right now…”
* ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** *
Ryan took a deep breath and pushed open the door to his apartment.
He’d walked to the little corner grocery and sat on the bus bench in front for a while, smoking and thinking about how getting arrested for stealing a car in Chino had landed him here with a whole new set of family complications.
Kirsten and Sandy were sitting at the counter of his tiny kitchen and they both looked up at him with relief in their eyes.
“I guess we should probably try to work this out, once and for all,” he said, leaning against the opposite counter and wrapping his fingers around the solid edge behind his back.
“All cards out?” Sandy asked him, his gaze steady.
“Yeah.”
“I want you to go back to school. Harbor, or another school if you want, but I want you to have a high school diploma. You have worked too hard to settle for a GED,” Sandy said.
Ryan nodded. It was a valid point. He was only a semester away.
Getting his GED had been as much of a money decision as it had been an easy way to keep Sandy off his back while he worked a full time job. If they were willing to pay for him to finish school, he’d take it.
“Harbor?” Kirsten asked quietly, her eyes glistening with emotion.
“I want to keep the apartment. I signed a three month agreement,” Ryan replied.
Kirsten opened her mouth to speak, but turned to Sandy before saying anything.
Ryan saw the way she was holding his hand. He was glad that they were reconciling. It was like the universe was off-kilter when Sandy and Kirsten were at odds.
“I think I might have blown things out of proportion. I had a lot on my mind, and I didn’t really get a vibe that it would be this huge of a thing if I left,” Ryan said. He’d tried to gather the words he needed to explain. He needed to start figuring this Cohen stuff out instead of running. They weren’t going to let him go. His internal need to fix things was taking over. He’d made things worse by moving out.
He’d never done anything right the first try.
“You didn’t think you mattered to us,” Sandy replied.
Ryan shrugged. “Well, if Wendy and I hadn’t gotten caught, we wouldn’t be here right now. I feel like there are standards that I have to strive for at your house and I can’t meet those standards. I’ve tried my best. I am tired of always being a disappointment.”
“You’re not a disappointment,” Sandy insisted.
Ryan shook his head. “Sandy, you say the words, but I need more than words. People have been saying things to me my whole life, but they don’t mean anything unless the actions back them up. I made straight A’s, I didn’t ask you guys for money, I do everything that Seth asks me to do…but it doesn’t matter.” He turned his attention to Kirsten. “You still judge me the same way you did when I first came here. I’ve tried to prove that I’m more than a juvenile delinquent to you, but when I make a mistake, I’m already convicted.”
“I am asking you for a second chance,” Kirsten whispered.
“You’re asking me for a second chance now. You’re coming to me now, after you’ve already taken away all my exits. You deliberately set me up to fail so I’d have to come crawling back to you, so you could turn the tables so I wouldn’t have any other choice,” Ryan said suddenly.
“I tricked you. Instead of being honest and trying to explain myself to you, to beg for your forgiveness, I betrayed you. I didn’t think it would make a difference if I talked to you, I thought the only way I could get you to come home would be if you couldn’t afford to keep your apartment,” Kirsten said, her voice shaking. Sandy smiled at her, reassuringly. He didn’t let go of her hand.
“You didn’t acknowledge me when I lived with you before. Why should I believe that if I come back it’ll be different for any reason other than guilt? How do I know you’re not doing this whole 180 because you’re afraid of losing your marriage?” Ryan replied.
Sandy looked between him and his wife.
“I care about you, Ryan. I took you for granted, I took what I have for granted. I can’t take back what I’ve done or said…but I can learn from my mistakes,” she replied softly.
Ryan finally let out the breath that he was holding.
“If we let you keep the apartment, are you going to go to Harbor?” Sandy asked.
“I’ll go. I just don’t want to lose my deposit for this place, I mean, I signed a lease and everything,” Ryan replied.
“Three months can be our trial period. Maybe we can try and get to know each other again. Caleb’s case is out of my hands. Kirsten and I are going to focus on our family again. We’d like a second chance at this.”
“You guys have both done a lot for me,” Ryan replied. “Taking me in when I had nowhere to go, helping me when I got into trouble, paying for my school. One of the reasons I moved out is because I didn’t want to continue taking advantage of your kindness. I don’t want to be a burden, I want to make you guys feel like you’ve gotten something out of your investment.”
Sandy stood up then and stepped over to embrace him tightly.
Ryan was surprised by the contact and patted Sandy’s back nervously. He was touched by the man’s visible emotion.
“We’re going to work this out. You might be sleeping here, but your home is always going to be with us, okay?” Sandy said, releasing him.
* ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** *
The first couple of weeks were laced with tension but they finally settled into a routine.
Seth would pick up Ryan before school in the Rover that was now designated for their use only. Kirsten had gotten a new car and had started back to work full-time.
Settling back into Harbor had been the easy part. No one apart from the teachers seemed to notice that he was even gone and Dr. Kim seemed desperate to avoid a lawsuit and made sure to speak to him daily.
Seth and Summer also stuck close to him, as if they could ensure his happiness by their constant companionship.
Ryan didn’t mind, though.
He hadn’t realized how much being invisible had affected his mood.
He had a job after school at a garage equidistance between his apartment and the Cohens and depending on what time he finished, he’d either have dinner and work on his homework at the Cohens, or he’d go to his apartment and veg out on the couch.
They went to family therapy on Thursday nights.
Ryan had never really considered himself a person that would need therapy, but he had to admit that it was nice to have someone weave through the tangled misunderstandings and tears that seemed to come up when people talked honestly.
He didn’t mind.
Seth stayed over at the apartment quite often, enough that Sandy insisted on paying half the rent.
It was a weird situation, but Ryan felt like it was the right thing for them at the time.
He needed to find out what his place was with the Cohens. And they needed to make up their minds, too.
Ryan didn’t want to be treated as dispensable anymore.
He was almost 18 and he needed to know if he was going to be going off into the world alone, or if he’d have people standing behind him.
FIN.
This is the finale to Spin. It's been a long time coming but it's done. Done, I say!!
Previous Chapters can be found by clicking on the "spin" tag in the lower left.
You should probably read the previous chapter first because I drop you right into where I left off.
“Sandy, I didn’t come here to make things any worse, I came because nothing is going to get better until Ryan and I make peace.”
“I just wish I knew why this happened in the first place. How I could’ve prevented this…”
“It’s…it’s my fault, Sandy. I…I’ve been blaming Ryan for things that have nothing to do with him, it’s like I’ve been putting all this anger that should’ve been directed at myself at him instead. He’s not Seth, he’s not you, I can’t read him like I can you guys…he’s different,” Kirsten said, needing to explain everything to him now that she’d finally put it into words for Ryan. She needed him to support her.
“Kirsten…”
“I thought that he didn’t care about Teresa losing the baby,” she said
“What?” Sandy asked, blinking at her.
“I thought that…because he didn’t say anything, or seem upset, that he didn’t care,” she admitted again.
“Kirsten…he’s seventeen years old. Do you think he would have left Harbor, left us if he didn’t care about the baby? God, Kirsten…I mean, it’s like, it’s like you don’t even know him! And it’s like I don’t even know you!” Sandy exclaimed, pale. “He didn’t say anything because…he obviously didn’t feel comfortable sharing his emotions with us…god, it was like he was scared to mention Teresa around me when I’d go see him in Chino…he didn’t want us to blame her…”
“I know…I…I haven’t been thinking straight. For a while now. It’s like the boys were gone all summer, and I missed them so much…” she started.
Sandy sighed, rubbing his eyes. “No, Kirsten. You missed Seth. You didn’t call Ryan, you didn’t go visit him in Chino. You didn’t even acknowledge the baby. Did you even have a conversation with him after he left? I mean, I knew you were upset, but did Ryan know you were upset?”
“I think…I think I detached myself from what I was really feeling…” Kirsten said. “Please, I need you to understand…”
“I’m trying…but I can’t get past how you could treat Ryan like this.”
Kirsten sighed. “I made a mistake. A lot of them. I thought you were all about the second chances…because I really need one of those right now…”
* ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** *
Ryan took a deep breath and pushed open the door to his apartment.
He’d walked to the little corner grocery and sat on the bus bench in front for a while, smoking and thinking about how getting arrested for stealing a car in Chino had landed him here with a whole new set of family complications.
Kirsten and Sandy were sitting at the counter of his tiny kitchen and they both looked up at him with relief in their eyes.
“I guess we should probably try to work this out, once and for all,” he said, leaning against the opposite counter and wrapping his fingers around the solid edge behind his back.
“All cards out?” Sandy asked him, his gaze steady.
“Yeah.”
“I want you to go back to school. Harbor, or another school if you want, but I want you to have a high school diploma. You have worked too hard to settle for a GED,” Sandy said.
Ryan nodded. It was a valid point. He was only a semester away.
Getting his GED had been as much of a money decision as it had been an easy way to keep Sandy off his back while he worked a full time job. If they were willing to pay for him to finish school, he’d take it.
“Harbor?” Kirsten asked quietly, her eyes glistening with emotion.
“I want to keep the apartment. I signed a three month agreement,” Ryan replied.
Kirsten opened her mouth to speak, but turned to Sandy before saying anything.
Ryan saw the way she was holding his hand. He was glad that they were reconciling. It was like the universe was off-kilter when Sandy and Kirsten were at odds.
“I think I might have blown things out of proportion. I had a lot on my mind, and I didn’t really get a vibe that it would be this huge of a thing if I left,” Ryan said. He’d tried to gather the words he needed to explain. He needed to start figuring this Cohen stuff out instead of running. They weren’t going to let him go. His internal need to fix things was taking over. He’d made things worse by moving out.
He’d never done anything right the first try.
“You didn’t think you mattered to us,” Sandy replied.
Ryan shrugged. “Well, if Wendy and I hadn’t gotten caught, we wouldn’t be here right now. I feel like there are standards that I have to strive for at your house and I can’t meet those standards. I’ve tried my best. I am tired of always being a disappointment.”
“You’re not a disappointment,” Sandy insisted.
Ryan shook his head. “Sandy, you say the words, but I need more than words. People have been saying things to me my whole life, but they don’t mean anything unless the actions back them up. I made straight A’s, I didn’t ask you guys for money, I do everything that Seth asks me to do…but it doesn’t matter.” He turned his attention to Kirsten. “You still judge me the same way you did when I first came here. I’ve tried to prove that I’m more than a juvenile delinquent to you, but when I make a mistake, I’m already convicted.”
“I am asking you for a second chance,” Kirsten whispered.
“You’re asking me for a second chance now. You’re coming to me now, after you’ve already taken away all my exits. You deliberately set me up to fail so I’d have to come crawling back to you, so you could turn the tables so I wouldn’t have any other choice,” Ryan said suddenly.
“I tricked you. Instead of being honest and trying to explain myself to you, to beg for your forgiveness, I betrayed you. I didn’t think it would make a difference if I talked to you, I thought the only way I could get you to come home would be if you couldn’t afford to keep your apartment,” Kirsten said, her voice shaking. Sandy smiled at her, reassuringly. He didn’t let go of her hand.
“You didn’t acknowledge me when I lived with you before. Why should I believe that if I come back it’ll be different for any reason other than guilt? How do I know you’re not doing this whole 180 because you’re afraid of losing your marriage?” Ryan replied.
Sandy looked between him and his wife.
“I care about you, Ryan. I took you for granted, I took what I have for granted. I can’t take back what I’ve done or said…but I can learn from my mistakes,” she replied softly.
Ryan finally let out the breath that he was holding.
“If we let you keep the apartment, are you going to go to Harbor?” Sandy asked.
“I’ll go. I just don’t want to lose my deposit for this place, I mean, I signed a lease and everything,” Ryan replied.
“Three months can be our trial period. Maybe we can try and get to know each other again. Caleb’s case is out of my hands. Kirsten and I are going to focus on our family again. We’d like a second chance at this.”
“You guys have both done a lot for me,” Ryan replied. “Taking me in when I had nowhere to go, helping me when I got into trouble, paying for my school. One of the reasons I moved out is because I didn’t want to continue taking advantage of your kindness. I don’t want to be a burden, I want to make you guys feel like you’ve gotten something out of your investment.”
Sandy stood up then and stepped over to embrace him tightly.
Ryan was surprised by the contact and patted Sandy’s back nervously. He was touched by the man’s visible emotion.
“We’re going to work this out. You might be sleeping here, but your home is always going to be with us, okay?” Sandy said, releasing him.
* ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** * ** *** ** *
The first couple of weeks were laced with tension but they finally settled into a routine.
Seth would pick up Ryan before school in the Rover that was now designated for their use only. Kirsten had gotten a new car and had started back to work full-time.
Settling back into Harbor had been the easy part. No one apart from the teachers seemed to notice that he was even gone and Dr. Kim seemed desperate to avoid a lawsuit and made sure to speak to him daily.
Seth and Summer also stuck close to him, as if they could ensure his happiness by their constant companionship.
Ryan didn’t mind, though.
He hadn’t realized how much being invisible had affected his mood.
He had a job after school at a garage equidistance between his apartment and the Cohens and depending on what time he finished, he’d either have dinner and work on his homework at the Cohens, or he’d go to his apartment and veg out on the couch.
They went to family therapy on Thursday nights.
Ryan had never really considered himself a person that would need therapy, but he had to admit that it was nice to have someone weave through the tangled misunderstandings and tears that seemed to come up when people talked honestly.
He didn’t mind.
Seth stayed over at the apartment quite often, enough that Sandy insisted on paying half the rent.
It was a weird situation, but Ryan felt like it was the right thing for them at the time.
He needed to find out what his place was with the Cohens. And they needed to make up their minds, too.
Ryan didn’t want to be treated as dispensable anymore.
He was almost 18 and he needed to know if he was going to be going off into the world alone, or if he’d have people standing behind him.
FIN.