Spin 5a
Small update just to prove that I'm still writing OC fanfic even though the fandom seems to hate me these days.
Click the "Spin" tag in the upper left for previous installments. It's been a while but we may possibly be nearing the end of this one.
Ryan opened the door with the chain on. He hadn’t expected Kirsten.
“Can I come in? I…I brought bagels.”
“That doesn’t work here.”
“Um, I also brought pop tarts,” she said nervously. “Please?”
Ryan closed the door. He didn’t want to do this.
She knocked.
He unchained the door and swung it open, stepping aside to let her inside.
“This…this is a nice place…” she said quietly.
“Sandy helped a lot,” Ryan replied.
“I think we need to talk.”
“Do you need to talk to my landlord first? See if you can sabotage my lease, too? Need the college’s admissions office?”
“College?”
“For my G.E.D.”
“Ryan, you have to go back to Harbor…you have so much promise…” she started.
He held up his hand to stop her, shaking his head.
She held the bag of bagels tightly and he had never seen her so unsettled. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t know. Can we?” Ryan replied.
“Yes. I need to find a way to make things right between us.”
Ryan stared at her, unsure of what to say.
“Please. Seth and Sandy…for their sakes, at least. You don’t owe me anything at this point.”
Ryan led her into the small kitchen and busied himself at the coffeepot. “I’m listening.”
Kirsten was quiet for a long moment. “That’s my problem. I didn’t listen. I didn’t see. I got so caught up in my own problems that I discounted all the other problems that you and everyone else were going through. And when I found out about the guidance counselor…I assumed the worst. I didn’t know you’d talked to Sandy.”
“I didn’t tell you. I’d already disappointed him,” Ryan replied.
“No, you worried him. And I was too self-absorbed for him to confide in me. He was helping my father because of me and now, it’s like he lost you because of me, too. Lately, all I’ve managed to do is hurt my family.”
“I didn’t leave to make things more complicated for you. I left for the opposite reason,” Ryan said.
“Sit down, please…I need you to know I’m serious.”
Ryan poured her a cup of coffee and carried his own to the opposite end of the counter.
She glanced at her cup and her eyes filled with tears. “You know how I take my coffee and I don’t even know your middle name.”
“I didn’t ask you to be my mother. I am grateful to your family, I never meant to hurt them.”
“You have never hurt my family.”
“Intentionally, you mean,” Ryan said.
Kirsten sighed. “Ryan…Sandy told me what you’d been doing. Taking care of everything, being nonobtrusive…you should have never been put in that position.”
“This is all nice and everything, but it doesn’t explain why you’d sabotage my job. Why you’d make things harder for my by getting me laid off.”
“I…I wanted you to come home.”
“You wanted me to fail,” Ryan stated.
“I need you back.”
“You had me back,” Ryan replied.
Kirsten lowered her gaze. “After I saw you defend me in juvenile hall…after Seth told me how you defended him from the jocks…and after Oliver Trask…I saw what a special, loyal kid you were…and then you took responsibility and went with Theresa…you did something I couldn’t…”
Ryan was lost.
“I had an abortion. I terminated my baby because I couldn’t deal with disappointing my father, with losing my social status…
“I don’t understand,” Ryan admitted. What did this have to do with anything?
“But you came back, Ryan. And…and you didn’t seem to care that your baby died…” Kirsten said.
Ryan blanched, anger flickering in his eyes before his face went blank. “How can you say that to me? No one ever asked how I felt, no one saw me dialing Theresa’s number or ordering flowers or writing letters, so I guess they didn’t really happened, right? No one wanted to hear about my summer.”
“But…”
“But nothing. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be upset. All I heard from anyone was how I was ruining my life supporting a baby at 17, for dropping out of school so I could make a life for a child. I was supposed to be relieved and it wasn’t polite conversation around your house,” Ryan snapped.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know you like I know Seth and Sandy, I can’t…I can’t read you…”
“SO you were punishing me for not mourning according to your standards,” Ryan said, chilled.
“God, I hope not…I just…I feel like I’m numb, like losing you and Seth for a whole summer made me into a different person…”
Ryan was silent. He had no idea where this conversation was headed.
“I haven’t been thinking clearly and I’ve taken it out on you. I haven’t been rational.”
Ryan shrugged. “Well, that’s all behind us. I have moved out of your house. I am officially out of your life.”
“That is unacceptable. You will never be out of my life. I was disconnected, not letting myself get attached to you again so I wouldn’t be hurt if you left me again…because it hurt so much the last time that I didn’t think I could handle it again.”
That seemed really stupid to Ryan since her indifference to him had been a major reason for him moving out.
“Ryan…the worst part about all of this is that I don’t have an excuse for my actions. Nothing that I say is going to change what I’ve done or make any of this up to you.”
“Then why are you here?” he asked.
“Because I have to try. For Sandy and Seth. For you. I’ve made mistakes and I’m asking you to forgive me. Give me another chance.”
There was a knock on the door and Ryan got up to answer it.
“Can we talk?” Sandy asked as soon as he opened the door.
Ryan stepped aside so Sandy could see Kirsten sitting at the counter.
“Oh. Are you okay?” Sandy asked Ryan quietly.
“She wanted to talk. I let her in. I have coffee,” Ryan said.
Kirsten’s gaze locked with Sandy’s and she seemed to hesitate. “I brought bagels.”
“Well, at least you’ve learned a few things from me,” Sandy said dryly.
“Should I call Seth? Make this a family meeting?” Ryan asked, breaking the silence.
“I’m here to ask for forgiveness. To try and keep Ryan in our lives,” Kirsten told Sandy.
“Ryan will always be in our lives,” Sandy replied.
“I’m going to let you guys talk. I need to think. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Ryan said.
Click the "Spin" tag in the upper left for previous installments. It's been a while but we may possibly be nearing the end of this one.
Ryan opened the door with the chain on. He hadn’t expected Kirsten.
“Can I come in? I…I brought bagels.”
“That doesn’t work here.”
“Um, I also brought pop tarts,” she said nervously. “Please?”
Ryan closed the door. He didn’t want to do this.
She knocked.
He unchained the door and swung it open, stepping aside to let her inside.
“This…this is a nice place…” she said quietly.
“Sandy helped a lot,” Ryan replied.
“I think we need to talk.”
“Do you need to talk to my landlord first? See if you can sabotage my lease, too? Need the college’s admissions office?”
“College?”
“For my G.E.D.”
“Ryan, you have to go back to Harbor…you have so much promise…” she started.
He held up his hand to stop her, shaking his head.
She held the bag of bagels tightly and he had never seen her so unsettled. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t know. Can we?” Ryan replied.
“Yes. I need to find a way to make things right between us.”
Ryan stared at her, unsure of what to say.
“Please. Seth and Sandy…for their sakes, at least. You don’t owe me anything at this point.”
Ryan led her into the small kitchen and busied himself at the coffeepot. “I’m listening.”
Kirsten was quiet for a long moment. “That’s my problem. I didn’t listen. I didn’t see. I got so caught up in my own problems that I discounted all the other problems that you and everyone else were going through. And when I found out about the guidance counselor…I assumed the worst. I didn’t know you’d talked to Sandy.”
“I didn’t tell you. I’d already disappointed him,” Ryan replied.
“No, you worried him. And I was too self-absorbed for him to confide in me. He was helping my father because of me and now, it’s like he lost you because of me, too. Lately, all I’ve managed to do is hurt my family.”
“I didn’t leave to make things more complicated for you. I left for the opposite reason,” Ryan said.
“Sit down, please…I need you to know I’m serious.”
Ryan poured her a cup of coffee and carried his own to the opposite end of the counter.
She glanced at her cup and her eyes filled with tears. “You know how I take my coffee and I don’t even know your middle name.”
“I didn’t ask you to be my mother. I am grateful to your family, I never meant to hurt them.”
“You have never hurt my family.”
“Intentionally, you mean,” Ryan said.
Kirsten sighed. “Ryan…Sandy told me what you’d been doing. Taking care of everything, being nonobtrusive…you should have never been put in that position.”
“This is all nice and everything, but it doesn’t explain why you’d sabotage my job. Why you’d make things harder for my by getting me laid off.”
“I…I wanted you to come home.”
“You wanted me to fail,” Ryan stated.
“I need you back.”
“You had me back,” Ryan replied.
Kirsten lowered her gaze. “After I saw you defend me in juvenile hall…after Seth told me how you defended him from the jocks…and after Oliver Trask…I saw what a special, loyal kid you were…and then you took responsibility and went with Theresa…you did something I couldn’t…”
Ryan was lost.
“I had an abortion. I terminated my baby because I couldn’t deal with disappointing my father, with losing my social status…
“I don’t understand,” Ryan admitted. What did this have to do with anything?
“But you came back, Ryan. And…and you didn’t seem to care that your baby died…” Kirsten said.
Ryan blanched, anger flickering in his eyes before his face went blank. “How can you say that to me? No one ever asked how I felt, no one saw me dialing Theresa’s number or ordering flowers or writing letters, so I guess they didn’t really happened, right? No one wanted to hear about my summer.”
“But…”
“But nothing. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be upset. All I heard from anyone was how I was ruining my life supporting a baby at 17, for dropping out of school so I could make a life for a child. I was supposed to be relieved and it wasn’t polite conversation around your house,” Ryan snapped.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know you like I know Seth and Sandy, I can’t…I can’t read you…”
“SO you were punishing me for not mourning according to your standards,” Ryan said, chilled.
“God, I hope not…I just…I feel like I’m numb, like losing you and Seth for a whole summer made me into a different person…”
Ryan was silent. He had no idea where this conversation was headed.
“I haven’t been thinking clearly and I’ve taken it out on you. I haven’t been rational.”
Ryan shrugged. “Well, that’s all behind us. I have moved out of your house. I am officially out of your life.”
“That is unacceptable. You will never be out of my life. I was disconnected, not letting myself get attached to you again so I wouldn’t be hurt if you left me again…because it hurt so much the last time that I didn’t think I could handle it again.”
That seemed really stupid to Ryan since her indifference to him had been a major reason for him moving out.
“Ryan…the worst part about all of this is that I don’t have an excuse for my actions. Nothing that I say is going to change what I’ve done or make any of this up to you.”
“Then why are you here?” he asked.
“Because I have to try. For Sandy and Seth. For you. I’ve made mistakes and I’m asking you to forgive me. Give me another chance.”
There was a knock on the door and Ryan got up to answer it.
“Can we talk?” Sandy asked as soon as he opened the door.
Ryan stepped aside so Sandy could see Kirsten sitting at the counter.
“Oh. Are you okay?” Sandy asked Ryan quietly.
“She wanted to talk. I let her in. I have coffee,” Ryan said.
Kirsten’s gaze locked with Sandy’s and she seemed to hesitate. “I brought bagels.”
“Well, at least you’ve learned a few things from me,” Sandy said dryly.
“Should I call Seth? Make this a family meeting?” Ryan asked, breaking the silence.
“I’m here to ask for forgiveness. To try and keep Ryan in our lives,” Kirsten told Sandy.
“Ryan will always be in our lives,” Sandy replied.
“I’m going to let you guys talk. I need to think. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Ryan said.