Dark Paradise - The Life and Future with Enchanter
The tears flowed endlessly. Kuja didn't understand. How foolish a thought it was to have in recent times believed he was perhaps no longer capable of crying, while now a lake was currently filling around the palace with every captured teardrop.
The grief had sent him to sleep. Death, if it were possible. Alas, the ghost he already was lay in his master bed, the corporeal tears were not capable of stopping, soaking the pillows and sheets.
One night Kuja dreamt he saw them again. Enchanter and Sketch. He dreamt he was Enchanter in the world of Tera. He was little Sketch travelling the world and running various errands. It made him happy to see them again, a little comfort and relief in his misery. Visiting the Lake of Tears in Tera brought the reflection of his own sorrow, those teardrops no longer running his cheeks raw but simply filling the salty black depths around his black palace. Everything was painted black, even more so than the day he decorated the palace in honour of it being Enchanter's home too. The purple, silver and black marble, the motifs, were all a solid black now. Black bridges grew over the dark crystal moat, leading to black and dead gardens where not a bird was invited to sing, all from save one little sanctuary of Vere's kempt garden.
Kuja had not been alone. But the difficulty of facing reality was too much to bare. Desora had descended from the Heaven's to embrace him and share his pain. Vere sat by him and attempted to dry his tears and bring him food and drink. Kira had also come to offer his respects, support and love. He could not face any of them in the real world, but in dreams he could. Distracted and immersed in the fantasy of leading his life in other worlds, worlds where he had purposes and goals, worlds where Enchanter and Sketch could possibly still be alive... It was so nice seeing Sketch and Kira play together. Enchanter patiently watched over Kira and with formal cordial grace greeted Desora. The power of the Shadows seemed out of reach however to imbue in their weapons, and so Kuja would work for the day to reunite them. Shadows called to Sketch in another world where Vere would also make appearance and return to adventuring with Kuja. It felt good fighting to avenge the fallen. But deep down Kuja already knew that no matter how powerful he was or could strive to become, the fact that he was a god, had immense power, could make deals with other gods, fate or even Deaths, nothing could return the real Enchanter and Sketch to him.
He was angry. Sometimes it was so fierce he wanted to destroy everything, all existence. Let us all be nothingness. (2-3-16) He wanted to kill in Enchanter's name and offer all the darkness his entire being and existence could muster to the Shadows and expect them to repay him with Enchanter and Sketch. He had only just been so tightly holding Sketch and promising him his powerful fathers would always keep him protected and safe.
More tears streamed. Kuja had so much anger and hatred in his past, but Enchanter had finally completely healed him. Enchanter's kind smile shone through the darkness, a rare beacon and one of Kuja's only true lights in this world, reminding him Enchanter would not want him to ever be in pain or misery. But that in itself was crushing. Enchanter who would shake the very foundations of reality in order to keep him safe, protected and loved, his unwavering resolute determination that nothing would ever separate them. It took Enchanter time, but Kuja actually believed him. He believed in those kind blue eyes, that unhindered smile that always looked his way, gazing to the surface and beyond, deep down into Kuja's soul and heart with all its darkness, all his sins and faults, where even at the worst of him, Enchanter's endearing love and affection would not waver. He brought peace to Kuja's heart Kuja has never known before.
Enchanter was the one who was perfect in every way. From his stunning, handsome features, that beautiful long shimmering silver hair that radiated around his flawless tall and toned form. (24-3-16)
Seized by the overbearing pain in tides, he was drowned by his tears once more into the darkness, void of coherent thoughts, just the constant feeling of loss and being ripped apart, existing through the unbearable loneliness of losing what matters most. He would never be whole again, his heart that Enchanter had literally buried and burrowed himself into, Sketch who was born from and easily won it, his heart that had grown and healed so much because of them, was now left with the biggest gaping hole that's ever been torn from him before. Only their beautiful faces could end this suffering. Only seeing and being with them again could save him from this pit.
No matter how much he wished his existence away, no matter how many times he has killed himself only to return to his same old miserable self, he knew now for certain his death would only come when he would want so much to live, and suddenly without control.
There were the soothing waves that encouraged him back to the surface, distant voices of loved ones. But only when he fell far enough, could he hear Enchanter and Sketch's voices once more... His unmerciful heart of self-hatred, fallen even further beyond his own darkness... a gentle hand would reach out to stroke him and tell him everything's alright...
"I love you, Enchanter! Unconditionally! Please come back!"
"I will never leave you, Kuja."
"But you're not here anymore..."
Kuja wished so much he could see, but the tears blurred his vision as Enchanter took Kuja's hand and gently placed it against the strong chest to the pulse beating the same as Kuja's heart. Kuja's head only lowered as he visibly shook with his sobbing.
"I am right here. I am not going anywhere."
Kuja knew Enchanter was smiling as he spoke these tender words, as endearingly as Kuja remembered them. The silver haired Shadow Master gently captured both of his hands, elegantly urging one hand to hold against his shoulder and the other entwining fingers. One strong and safe hand wound around Kuja's waist, pulling him slightly closer, though still maintaining a distance out of respect, which Kuja promptly closed, his face embedded in silver hair. Like the first time Enchanter made him dance with him, Kuja didn't hear any music. The only sound was Enchanter's flattering words, whose love eventually tuned his heart to hear and believe in the most beautiful of songs. Kuja realised it now, how completely he believed in and worshipped Enchanter, while Enchanter never preached or tried to inflict or control Kuja in anyway, letting Kuja now feel like the free bird flown into Enchanter's open warm loving hands, instead of Enchanter being stuck in the spider's web Kuja felt he had tightly spun around Enchanter.
"I can't go on without you." Kuja sobbed as he clung. (1-4-15) He worshipped Enchanter so much. All the life left they have together that Enchanter vowed to him would be forever, all the happiness and peace Enchanter instilled in him, the happy family Kuja had always wanted that they were so joyously embarking on and actually living. He felt like they had been lovers for much longer times, a ground breaking friendship beyond this space and time, where they had reached each other in places no others would understand one another like they did. They were two dark souls so shunned by the light of the world, hiding in the shadows, but through their twinned darkness, they were able to see their twin light hiding behind their scars. Deep down they were very much alike, and as they drew each other's lights to the surface they were so blinded by each other's brilliance. That's how they saw each other, in such awe, diamonds in the rough of such tainted and twisted exteriors. Together they promised a future together, painting it with so much colourful life, of twisted darkness, but most of all of laughter and love where nothing could come between them. Enchanter promised him this. Though Enchanter willingly took on a more subservient role to please Kuja's possessive and demanding love, Enchanter was the one who Kuja saw far above him. Like Desora, he worshipped Enchanter as a supreme being over all existence. He clung on to Enchanter so tightly right now, completely stopping their dance, refusing to ever let him go as he cried endlessly into these silver locks.
"I never got to tell you..." The words came out in broken sobs. "I love you so much!" How could he ever step back out into a world so cold. Without this touch. Without this embrace. Without the future they had set for each other, into a world where he never even got to say those words.
"Daddy don't cry!"
That longed for little voice only made him cry out even more.
"Sketch!" It was so hard letting go of Enchanter, but he so longed for Sketch too. The boy ran into his outstretched beckoning arms to be wrapped up so completely in his tight, probably crushing embrace. "I love you so much!" While he treasured Sketch, he made sure to still feel his shoulder against Enchanter's presence, not wanting to be separated from him for a second.
"I love you too Daddy." Sketch said so cutely as those small hands clutched onto Kuja's shirt tightly, treasuring his father just as much. "Don't cry... I will work harder so Daddy's tears don't fall."
"It's not so simple, my beautiful child." Kuja's hand gently and adoringly swept over Sketch's forehead, cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead and his cheek, smothering his face with kisses as Sketch began to blush. Soon Kuja hoisted Sketch up into his arms, holding him up to be more level with Enchanter and himself, seeing his pleased lover's paternal and adoring eyes of a proud father and lover. Enchanter and Sketch's smiles made him able to smile too, leaning in to kiss his lover's lips, that familiar, warm, soft and worshipping taste. While kissing Enchanter, his smile broadened feeling Sketch leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. Could anyone be more blessed than him? To have such true and unconditional love of two such perfect souls...
"Daddy Kuja, I did more gardenings with Uncle Vere and Mommy Des showed me how to bake more cookies."
"That's wonderful!" Kuja continued to smile, amused by Sketch's unfounded jealousy and efforts to come between Enchanter and himself and so happy to hear about Vere and Desora. "Please don't forget how much Daddy Enchanter loves you too. I promise he will never ever hurt you and only wishes the best for you." Kuja wanted so much to see their bond, knowing how much Enchanter loved Sketch and how good he was to both of them and would always be. "I'll always love and be with you, my beautiful child. We both will always be there for you."
He felt both Enchanter and Sketch wiping, embracing and kissing away his tears that could not stop falling.
(5-4-16) Together they all continued to live their lives, the cool shadows dancing around them as the sunlight streamed through the tops of tall trees as they walked leisurely through the park together, holding hands with such happiness. They would dine together at cafes and restaurants, take Sketch to theme parks, museums and attractions and treat him to all the ice cream and treats he desired. At night they would bathe together and wash each other with tenderness, care and innocent fun in the expansive white marble room, and in bed they would cuddle and kiss each other goodnight, Sketch in the middle of their warm embrace as they all slept peacefully with their glowing smiles.
Kuja would sometimes take them to new, exciting and beautiful places, from this world to the stars. When Sketch was worn out and asleep from a busy day, or happy being in the company of Uncle Vere or baby sat by Kira, Enchanter liked to take Kuja out on romantic dates, always gifting him with beautiful black roses and other thoughtful unique gifts that Kuja always adored. Kuja's palette for food became existent once more as Enchanter so treated him, and together they embarked on exotic menu lists of cocktails, Kuja getting to see Enchanter drunk for the first time thanks to a particular restaurant in their own private ambient wooden carved booth. Otherwise in their private time, Kuja enjoyed feeding Enchanter his darkness, his real sustenance that he needed to survive, delighting in concocting and feeding it to his handsome stallion in new and kinky ways, the pleasure always more intense than the pain.
But for the most part, all of them liked being home together best. Their nest together, Kuja's palace something of pride and love once more. Sketch loved gardening with his Uncle Vere, he loved holding hands with Kuja and walking with his father, adoring every word from his lips no matter the subjects. He loved baking with Desora and was a little mischievous with Kira, but soon became great friends. He loved spending all his days thinking about Kuja, doing and making things always for him. Enchanter too spent his days thinking about and always fulfilling Kuja's happiness beyond his fantasies, hopes and dreams. When his lover was absent, he crafted beautiful sculptures of darkness for Kuja, always so magnificent, and looked after the growing Sketch, whose unruly nature was taking after his lavender haired father.
Sketch was an absolute saint for Kuja, but for anyone else, he could be an absolute terror. Though for Desora and Pamilla he would look cutely up to, sharing cookies and melting their hearts. The loved ones his Daddy Kuja told him of he would always treat with respect. Most of them, anyway. Though it wasn't until one dramatic night that Sketch saw how much his jealousy of Enchanter over Kuja upset both of his fathers and he truly saw how much his father Enchanter loved him and had always done for him, and finally Sketch realised his own love, need and want for the father he had often scorned. Wonderful tears of reconciliation flowed as their family was strengthened even further. He had the jealousy of his lavender haired father, but Enchanter's saintly altruistic love that transcended heavens, rivalling few was not only unconditionally given to him, but flowed through his veins. Enchanter himself had not realised, thought of or dwelled on his own pain, it was only when Kuja forced the matter to the light and Sketch's loving arms were around him did his tears of sorrow and joy fall. A great peace came to all of them that night.
Sketch treated both of his father's with love, but still that didn't save the rest of the world. Both father's made some efforts to discipline, and Kuja gave up first with his threatening punishments that had no effect. Sketch could go through the worst of torments for Kuja and still look up at him with starry eyes, and Kuja no longer had the heart to feign closing off his heart to Sketch. It was left to Enchanter, whose loving nature for the boy could only advise him on what was acceptable and what was not. For instance, it was acceptable for Sketch to do as he pleased, it was not acceptable for Enchanter to be called into the school over complaints of Sketch's cruel deeds he was caught for and cleaning up his messes.
"Sketch, my little darling..." Kuja would appear, helping Enchanter pick up Sketch from school for a rare time, much to Enchanter's relief and Sketch's excitement. "After such playground fun, you need to clean up the blood so the people with authority don't notice, and threaten or discredit your victims enough so they're too afraid to speak out or have no scars to prove it. I'm not going to threaten the teachers for you, we send you here to learn and enjoy these experiences for yourself. Now, let's say we all go out for ice cream, from your favourite cafe?"
"Thank you, father. I will do better." Sketch beamed up to Kuja, while Enchanter perhaps turned a blind eye or thought little of such matters, where his care for his love and his son's happiness so loyally outweighed anything else.
Kuja was so proud of Sketch. He was such a handsome, beautiful, arrogant, condescending, sadistic, popular, adored, seductive, manipulating and powerful teenager. It was so flattering to Kuja's dark nature, bringing the alluring attributes of Enchanter to make this perfect and so desired being. But Kuja would have been proud of Sketch too if he was a saint or a coward, there was really nothing Sketch could do to lose his father's favour from the beginning, perhaps to the envy of some of Kuja's other children.
Kuja was so happy, he truly felt like the most blessed being in all existence. To have Enchanter and Sketch, Desora, Lilium and Vere. His other friends and family, all coming together for big events and parties. Sometimes smaller dinners and picnics, people were always happy to call in or be invited and called upon. Including Dark Enchanter, Heartless, Tarikvosin and their new spawn, Heartrik. After some epic challenges, battles and compromises, soon everyone saw eye to eye and even warmed up to each other. They were all creatures who had lived the darkness, and enjoyed the light too.
The most joyous of resurrections was bringing back Enchantress. Kuja attempted to toy with her at first, but in the end he respected her too much, and mayhap she had more spells up her sleeves than Kuja's knowing knowledge, he didn't want to get caught in rune spells for all eternity that Enchanter and Sketch would fight against Enchantress and Heartless to the death over. The warmth his family gave Kuja made his darker urges fade further and further away. The life he used to lead of going out to bring misery and mayhem unto others, had turned into wondering what decorations should be used on the next invitations to his dear friends.
For the first time in months had Kuja's constant tears reprieved. Somewhere in one of his embraces with Enchanter and Sketch, seeing their happy smiles, hearing their laughter. Somewhere where he's forgotten that he was actually dreaming.
It was life as usual, the constant business had turned to being normal. Long ago were the days he spent drinking and torturing away his existence. Would Vere complain again to him today that some of the guests had gotten into his not so secret anymore garden? Would Kira and Jonas report of any problems with the maids and other staffing areas? Would he bump into Heartless again who was trying to hide from his insatiable lover Tarikvosin? He hoped Sketch and Heartrik weren't playing too roughly today... Kuja had to get up early today to discuss matters with Enchantress. She ran most of the business, pretty much all of it, Kuja just aided with his powers helping to turn his palace into being Enchantress' new sanctuary for all who seek respite. After her healed resurrection, she was pessimistic about opening her beautiful sanctuary once more. After some years, Kuja encouraged her and offered her his aid, wanting to do good as well for others, and with the consent of his loved ones, the palace was turned into a protected sanctuary for all those who sought peace, refuge, relaxation, and or fun, leisure, fine dining, the palace of sanctuary had it all. No one could use magic other than the powerful entrusted guards and owners, anyone who violently attempted such would be instantly teleported away by the power of Enchantress' runes. Vere was in his element. Enjoying catching any crooks the good old fashioned way. Heartless returned to his guard post most loyal to Enchantress, and Ithereall followed Kuja into this new world to act as guard for him here too. Pamilla and Direi also enjoyed helping out being part time employees, though Kuja would try to insist they simply enjoy their time as exclusive guests, sometimes seen sun bathing by the pool to much popularity. Balthameul also sometimes came to stay with his family and help out. Balthameul and Kuja were old and mutual friends now with all grievances so far in the past. Drucilla had five husbands who were all different and pined after her where sometimes she would complain it felt more like she had five children, but only in jest. Kaijou had fun flittering through and sometimes playing pranks, enjoying keeping Kuja on his toes. Leviata was invited often and liked to check in on her brother and helped him redecorate some areas and design some new rooms. Damien, Griever and Aubrey helped out as well, by Damien telling them to help and the attendants complying, Aubrey with less willingness. It was surprising the amount of people who wanted to help, and the volumes of guests who came. It felt like all Kuja's friends, family, loved ones and their loved ones were all blissfully in the one place where albeit busy, everyone was happy. There was drama here and there that added the spices to life, but on the whole everyone was safe and loved.
"Good morning, my love." Enchanter kissed Kuja's lips. "You said you wanted to get up early today?" The tall handsome silver haired man smiled, already dressed in his beautiful black attire with his dark purple silk tie, standing beside Kuja's bed with a black rose. Kuja could also smell the aroma of a delicious breakfast Enchanter had personally cooked and placed on his bedside table. Kuja smiled back and felt like it had been so long since he had last seen Enchanter. He didn't feel like doing anything anymore today, but lounge with and dote upon Enchanter and Sketch. He missed Sketch too and missed the days they all used to share the same bed. These days Kuja had returned to sleeping mostly alone, or alternating between Enchanter, Desora and Vere. Though they tried to reassure him, he still felt his guilt for loving them equally.
"The day can wait, i want to spend it with you now." Kuja smiled back up to Enchanter, trying to convince his lover the bed was more comfortable too. Enchanter was already enticed before Kuja need say anything, soft silver strands spilling down to drape around Kuja's flawless naked torso, kissing his eager lover's lips once more with entwining passion.
"But then the day will be over." Enchanter's fingers that had torn through men's rib cages, so gently brushed over Kuja's forehead, delicately sweeping away stray strands and holding his cheek.
"The day can wait for another day, i want to spend all this time with you. Where is Sketch? I want to see him too."
"Our little handful has become (19-4-16) quite the gentleman."
"That would be your fault." Kuja teased as he ran his slender fingers down Enchanter's pale neck, the purple tie loosening and buttons soundlessly coming undone so he may trail further along an exposed collar bone and chest. No matter the years and countless times, Kuja always so desired Enchanter, as if forever making up for the past without each other, the happiness that was denied them.
"I love you. I fear i don't say this enough."
"You don't need to. I can always feel it." Enchanter's hand warmly encased Kuja's, gently guiding it inside his silky shirt to rest against the lulling pulse of their shared heart. "I will always love you and stay by your side forever, my sadistic vixen."
(21-4-16) Kuja would tease that Enchanter doesn't have a choice, but they both knew, and Kuja knew how much it meant to Enchanter for Kuja to know that he was always Enchanter's choice. This time he wouldn't tease and reply with his sincerest, "Thank you. I will always love and take care of you too." And they kissed once more so happily.
"Daddy Kuja!" Sketch suddenly burst into the room, a handful of tulips freshly plucked from the ground.
"Sketch!" Kuja's arms were open wide to the young boy, such a sudden pang in his chest, a haunting sense of déjà vu. There was such a strong need for Sketch to be in his arms right now or he feared his heart would break. But as he somehow feared, Sketch didn't come to his arms. Instead the boy was stopped, crying with so many little tears running down his cheeks over the realisation that the flowers he had worked so hard on and brought to his father had suddenly withered and died within this room.
A feeling of dread washed over him, stopped in his tracks, as he had already left the bed to run to embrace Sketch. Sketch was a child again... this scene... from so long ago... He turned back around and his eyes widened in mortified horror to see Enchanter was not in his bed. Looking back Sketch was no longer there either. On the bedside table there were however the tulips, that Kuja had brought back to life for Sketch in the past to preserve forever in the transparent enclosure. The room was not his own private room, but the rooms he had designed for and shared with Enchanter and Sketch.
There was water, brandy, food and flowers on the bedside table he knew instantly that Vere had freshly brought to him every day while he slept the months away. Vere and Desora's love and care for him broke the dream for him in the gentlest possible way.
A moment of breath taken away, of all time standing still, until that shard hits so hard and sinks so deep you bleed, and bleed and bleed.
His scream shattered all the windows in the palace, his tears drowned his face, his nails raked at his own flesh as he crumbled. His fists pounded against the floor as cuts appeared all over his body, for his wounds to instantly bleed profusely, running all the life and darkness he so desperately wanted to give whilst also allowing himself to feel the pain and proving that it could not compare. Bathed in his own tears, blood, agony and hatred he called to the Darkness then, though longing for Death to answer him ever more.
"Take me! Take me you bastards!!"
There was relief as the shadows came to life, engulfing Kuja into the darkness and he so eagerly sunk into their depths to face them for the very first time. He was mixed between hating them so very much and loving them for being all he had left of Enchanter and Sketch, as if rival mutual lovers.
"Give them back!! They belong to me!!"
Kuja could hear no voices, but he could hear the sentiments brushed and whispered against his ears. The Darkness told him things that Enchanter had tried to tell him too. His jealousy was unfounded. His hatred unfounded. His disgust of them saddening. The tears hit harder, bigger droplets. They were truly the echoing sentiments of their Master. The shadows still cared for him even when their Master was gone, that only emphasised how strong Enchanter's love for him was. He just cried and cried and the shadows would form the appearance of Enchanter and Sketch for him in their attempts to console him too.
"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry." He repeated as he let the shadows lick over his body, healing all his cuts and accepting their touch. "I want them back so much." The shadows lulled over him with their sorrow too, their deep love for their Masters too that made Kuja appreciate, love, need and cling to the shadows more and more. His hands even reached out to hold a tendril and clasped it to his wet cheek, cradled against his face as he lay there. The Shadows shared his pain, he loved them for loving Enchanter and Sketch with him just as much. In truth the Shadows did a much better job of looking after and protecting Enchanter and Sketch. Kuja never should have hated them, but he was always so insecure. "Please tell me everything about them." Kuja gladly clung on to Sketch's shadow, holding him so tightly as the shadow of Enchanter hugged the both of them from behind. A smile of some kind of relief, of happiness, would come to him as the Shadows and he remembered their loves together.
(22-4-16) The Shadows told Kuja how much Enchanter and Sketch loved him. How their Masters always thought about him and wished so strongly for his happiness. "I regret not trusting and believing in them sooner. I can never be forgiven." The Shadows knew and understood Enchanter and Sketch's thoughts better than Kuja did and told him everything, how Kuja needn't feel any guilt and just how happy they were to love and be with him. How Kuja had made their lives happy, the happiest they've ever been.
Even in death, Enchanter helped to heal and ease his pain with his loving sentiments that still held on to Kuja's broken heart, keeping what pieces he had left held together. It was so cruel, to have the Seed of Enchanter in his heart, but no Enchanter to feed off his darkness, to share his otherwise useless heart. He would hold onto this piece and preserve it forever, he held the last of Enchanter and could never let it fall away or ever leave him.
Kuja had always been so pessimistic, believing for certain things would always go wrong, destructively breaking things himself to lead them faster to the inevitable future of Enchanter hating or leaving him. But despite all his antics, Enchanter would always approach him with the same tenderness and care, the same wanting love in his eyes with only inclining sorrow and longing, yet eternal patience for Kuja to feel comfortable and safe with his love that would never leave him or break him like any others had done before. His darkest and his lightest sides, Enchanter accepted them all. Kuja had known love before, but never like this. It kept a constant feeling of always being loved, assured and cared for by the man, lover and child he loved, adored and worshipped so much, no pain would come. It made him feel that Enchanter and Sketch knew how much he loved them too and he could be at peace knowing they knew his true heart and love and want for them to be with him forever.
The darkness that seeped from him wanted to tear all the worlds to obliteration. Why should a world exist without these beautiful souls. There's no point to existence. He was so exhausted and so tired, his attempts at death always failing and always feeling forced to go on just to receive more pain.
"Your time isn't now, but it will come, should you wish it to be so definite." A voice from the stars spoke to him for the first time in this darkness. The darkness was so vast across all space and time, it was able to open the way to Kuja's origins.
"I do. I wish it so much. I wish to die and be nothing and rest eternal. If i can not be with all that i love, then i do not want life at all." Kuja responded, answering as if to his own Heaven's, an entity of some laws he could believe in with such hope for a true end.
"You could be so much more. Able to command whole armies, to govern empires, to create new worlds of harmony or of chaos."
"Do not speak to me of casting away my feelings now." Kuja turned away from this being now, to only face the darkness. "The battle that i have always faced, i choose to love and not hate. Enchanter and Sketch revealed to me the world in which a dark creature as i could do so..."
"You know you don't have to feel this pain. The powers you use to constantly recreate yourself are capable of much grander things."
"I could never choose to cast away this pain, it is all i have left of them." Kuja cried and clung to his own chest, the Seed inside. The pain made him constantly want to die, but the thought of Enchanter and Sketch being unloved hurt him even more. There was no one but him and the Shadows that loved Enchanter and Sketch so much. He was wrong to have forsaken his memories of Desora when he felt this similar pain before, but at least she had her better brothers and sisters to love her and be by. Who else could know how wonderful Enchanter and Sketch were? All the lives that they had yet to touch, their Kingdom of Sanctuary with Enchantress and all their friends and family. All the people, everything that was so significant to Kuja, always left him or was taken away. Dreams and hope built up always to be shattered.
I have nothing left.
The Darkness revealed to him the way back to his palace, a pool of light nearby. It revealed to him the form of his own body sleeping in his dark bed, but with his angelic wife beside him. Desora lay beside him, embracing him, ever since the day she had descended from the Heavens to be with him once more, even though he slept, she still stayed by his side all this time.
His constant tears fell harder once more. He felt so conflicted. His guilt, his shame, his sorrow and self-hatred. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve any happiness. He could not leave this place, yet he so longed to feel her arms as they so held the body he saw.
All the windows in the palace were not broken. The Darkness and Shadows must have shielded the palace and that body that lay there now was made from the Shadows, as most of Enchanter's body and appearance was so formed.
"Does this mean i can be your Master?" It was a mutual want, their mutual love for Enchanter and Sketch brought them together. Kuja loving them for being the closest entity to Enchanter and Sketch, and the Shadows wishing to serve Kuja's protection and happiness as their Masters so strove. The Seed in Kuja's heart, a creation from a Shadren, the Shadow Masters, last of their kind, asserted and strengthened their bond.
The shadow bodies of Enchanter and Sketch appeared once more, standing, that made Kuja get to his feet and run to embrace them, their arms wrapping around him in turn.
"I cannot say goodbye, i cannot!"
He understood what the Shadows were saying, that they, Enchanter and Sketch would always be with him. They were a part of him. The shadows of his heart forever. And the Shadows and Kuja were Enchanter and Sketch's advocates. Enchanter and Sketch always strived for Kuja's happiness, to feel at ease, protected, loved, cared for, that everything would work out and that they would never willingly leave him. Kuja would not forsake their efforts now and would continue to always believe in them.
Desora was the first to bless him with such unconditional love, he believed, loved and worshipped her the most and forever would as the supreme goddess of light in the universe, bringing harmony to the darkest of places.
Vere blessed him with a formidable unconditional love that proved to stick it out with him, somehow as this mortal entity, tougher and stronger than anyone else he's ever met. No matter how low Kuja sunk or broken or destructive he would be, Vere would always be there to take care of his broken lord.
Kira he had only recently met, but he could hear the boy's sentiments reaching him from afar. Such a devoted, strong and sweet little heart. Kuja feared that life was punishing him, even though it was unintentional, it seemed he had collected another profoundly loving heart that he didn't deserve.
Greater pain would always be inevitable, he would live knowing this now. The pain will always be there and crash in waves and tides, though sometimes the storms would be calm enough to let those soft rays shine through seeping into the bone once more. The moments that he got to spend with his loved ones, it was worth the pain. He wanted to be stronger for them too, Enchanter and Sketch's advocates.
"Come with me."
The grief had sent him to sleep. Death, if it were possible. Alas, the ghost he already was lay in his master bed, the corporeal tears were not capable of stopping, soaking the pillows and sheets.
One night Kuja dreamt he saw them again. Enchanter and Sketch. He dreamt he was Enchanter in the world of Tera. He was little Sketch travelling the world and running various errands. It made him happy to see them again, a little comfort and relief in his misery. Visiting the Lake of Tears in Tera brought the reflection of his own sorrow, those teardrops no longer running his cheeks raw but simply filling the salty black depths around his black palace. Everything was painted black, even more so than the day he decorated the palace in honour of it being Enchanter's home too. The purple, silver and black marble, the motifs, were all a solid black now. Black bridges grew over the dark crystal moat, leading to black and dead gardens where not a bird was invited to sing, all from save one little sanctuary of Vere's kempt garden.
Kuja had not been alone. But the difficulty of facing reality was too much to bare. Desora had descended from the Heaven's to embrace him and share his pain. Vere sat by him and attempted to dry his tears and bring him food and drink. Kira had also come to offer his respects, support and love. He could not face any of them in the real world, but in dreams he could. Distracted and immersed in the fantasy of leading his life in other worlds, worlds where he had purposes and goals, worlds where Enchanter and Sketch could possibly still be alive... It was so nice seeing Sketch and Kira play together. Enchanter patiently watched over Kira and with formal cordial grace greeted Desora. The power of the Shadows seemed out of reach however to imbue in their weapons, and so Kuja would work for the day to reunite them. Shadows called to Sketch in another world where Vere would also make appearance and return to adventuring with Kuja. It felt good fighting to avenge the fallen. But deep down Kuja already knew that no matter how powerful he was or could strive to become, the fact that he was a god, had immense power, could make deals with other gods, fate or even Deaths, nothing could return the real Enchanter and Sketch to him.
He was angry. Sometimes it was so fierce he wanted to destroy everything, all existence. Let us all be nothingness. (2-3-16) He wanted to kill in Enchanter's name and offer all the darkness his entire being and existence could muster to the Shadows and expect them to repay him with Enchanter and Sketch. He had only just been so tightly holding Sketch and promising him his powerful fathers would always keep him protected and safe.
More tears streamed. Kuja had so much anger and hatred in his past, but Enchanter had finally completely healed him. Enchanter's kind smile shone through the darkness, a rare beacon and one of Kuja's only true lights in this world, reminding him Enchanter would not want him to ever be in pain or misery. But that in itself was crushing. Enchanter who would shake the very foundations of reality in order to keep him safe, protected and loved, his unwavering resolute determination that nothing would ever separate them. It took Enchanter time, but Kuja actually believed him. He believed in those kind blue eyes, that unhindered smile that always looked his way, gazing to the surface and beyond, deep down into Kuja's soul and heart with all its darkness, all his sins and faults, where even at the worst of him, Enchanter's endearing love and affection would not waver. He brought peace to Kuja's heart Kuja has never known before.
Enchanter was the one who was perfect in every way. From his stunning, handsome features, that beautiful long shimmering silver hair that radiated around his flawless tall and toned form. (24-3-16)
Seized by the overbearing pain in tides, he was drowned by his tears once more into the darkness, void of coherent thoughts, just the constant feeling of loss and being ripped apart, existing through the unbearable loneliness of losing what matters most. He would never be whole again, his heart that Enchanter had literally buried and burrowed himself into, Sketch who was born from and easily won it, his heart that had grown and healed so much because of them, was now left with the biggest gaping hole that's ever been torn from him before. Only their beautiful faces could end this suffering. Only seeing and being with them again could save him from this pit.
No matter how much he wished his existence away, no matter how many times he has killed himself only to return to his same old miserable self, he knew now for certain his death would only come when he would want so much to live, and suddenly without control.
There were the soothing waves that encouraged him back to the surface, distant voices of loved ones. But only when he fell far enough, could he hear Enchanter and Sketch's voices once more... His unmerciful heart of self-hatred, fallen even further beyond his own darkness... a gentle hand would reach out to stroke him and tell him everything's alright...
"I love you, Enchanter! Unconditionally! Please come back!"
"I will never leave you, Kuja."
"But you're not here anymore..."
Kuja wished so much he could see, but the tears blurred his vision as Enchanter took Kuja's hand and gently placed it against the strong chest to the pulse beating the same as Kuja's heart. Kuja's head only lowered as he visibly shook with his sobbing.
"I am right here. I am not going anywhere."
Kuja knew Enchanter was smiling as he spoke these tender words, as endearingly as Kuja remembered them. The silver haired Shadow Master gently captured both of his hands, elegantly urging one hand to hold against his shoulder and the other entwining fingers. One strong and safe hand wound around Kuja's waist, pulling him slightly closer, though still maintaining a distance out of respect, which Kuja promptly closed, his face embedded in silver hair. Like the first time Enchanter made him dance with him, Kuja didn't hear any music. The only sound was Enchanter's flattering words, whose love eventually tuned his heart to hear and believe in the most beautiful of songs. Kuja realised it now, how completely he believed in and worshipped Enchanter, while Enchanter never preached or tried to inflict or control Kuja in anyway, letting Kuja now feel like the free bird flown into Enchanter's open warm loving hands, instead of Enchanter being stuck in the spider's web Kuja felt he had tightly spun around Enchanter.
"I can't go on without you." Kuja sobbed as he clung. (1-4-15) He worshipped Enchanter so much. All the life left they have together that Enchanter vowed to him would be forever, all the happiness and peace Enchanter instilled in him, the happy family Kuja had always wanted that they were so joyously embarking on and actually living. He felt like they had been lovers for much longer times, a ground breaking friendship beyond this space and time, where they had reached each other in places no others would understand one another like they did. They were two dark souls so shunned by the light of the world, hiding in the shadows, but through their twinned darkness, they were able to see their twin light hiding behind their scars. Deep down they were very much alike, and as they drew each other's lights to the surface they were so blinded by each other's brilliance. That's how they saw each other, in such awe, diamonds in the rough of such tainted and twisted exteriors. Together they promised a future together, painting it with so much colourful life, of twisted darkness, but most of all of laughter and love where nothing could come between them. Enchanter promised him this. Though Enchanter willingly took on a more subservient role to please Kuja's possessive and demanding love, Enchanter was the one who Kuja saw far above him. Like Desora, he worshipped Enchanter as a supreme being over all existence. He clung on to Enchanter so tightly right now, completely stopping their dance, refusing to ever let him go as he cried endlessly into these silver locks.
"I never got to tell you..." The words came out in broken sobs. "I love you so much!" How could he ever step back out into a world so cold. Without this touch. Without this embrace. Without the future they had set for each other, into a world where he never even got to say those words.
"Daddy don't cry!"
That longed for little voice only made him cry out even more.
"Sketch!" It was so hard letting go of Enchanter, but he so longed for Sketch too. The boy ran into his outstretched beckoning arms to be wrapped up so completely in his tight, probably crushing embrace. "I love you so much!" While he treasured Sketch, he made sure to still feel his shoulder against Enchanter's presence, not wanting to be separated from him for a second.
"I love you too Daddy." Sketch said so cutely as those small hands clutched onto Kuja's shirt tightly, treasuring his father just as much. "Don't cry... I will work harder so Daddy's tears don't fall."
"It's not so simple, my beautiful child." Kuja's hand gently and adoringly swept over Sketch's forehead, cupping his cheek and kissing his forehead and his cheek, smothering his face with kisses as Sketch began to blush. Soon Kuja hoisted Sketch up into his arms, holding him up to be more level with Enchanter and himself, seeing his pleased lover's paternal and adoring eyes of a proud father and lover. Enchanter and Sketch's smiles made him able to smile too, leaning in to kiss his lover's lips, that familiar, warm, soft and worshipping taste. While kissing Enchanter, his smile broadened feeling Sketch leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. Could anyone be more blessed than him? To have such true and unconditional love of two such perfect souls...
"Daddy Kuja, I did more gardenings with Uncle Vere and Mommy Des showed me how to bake more cookies."
"That's wonderful!" Kuja continued to smile, amused by Sketch's unfounded jealousy and efforts to come between Enchanter and himself and so happy to hear about Vere and Desora. "Please don't forget how much Daddy Enchanter loves you too. I promise he will never ever hurt you and only wishes the best for you." Kuja wanted so much to see their bond, knowing how much Enchanter loved Sketch and how good he was to both of them and would always be. "I'll always love and be with you, my beautiful child. We both will always be there for you."
He felt both Enchanter and Sketch wiping, embracing and kissing away his tears that could not stop falling.
(5-4-16) Together they all continued to live their lives, the cool shadows dancing around them as the sunlight streamed through the tops of tall trees as they walked leisurely through the park together, holding hands with such happiness. They would dine together at cafes and restaurants, take Sketch to theme parks, museums and attractions and treat him to all the ice cream and treats he desired. At night they would bathe together and wash each other with tenderness, care and innocent fun in the expansive white marble room, and in bed they would cuddle and kiss each other goodnight, Sketch in the middle of their warm embrace as they all slept peacefully with their glowing smiles.
Kuja would sometimes take them to new, exciting and beautiful places, from this world to the stars. When Sketch was worn out and asleep from a busy day, or happy being in the company of Uncle Vere or baby sat by Kira, Enchanter liked to take Kuja out on romantic dates, always gifting him with beautiful black roses and other thoughtful unique gifts that Kuja always adored. Kuja's palette for food became existent once more as Enchanter so treated him, and together they embarked on exotic menu lists of cocktails, Kuja getting to see Enchanter drunk for the first time thanks to a particular restaurant in their own private ambient wooden carved booth. Otherwise in their private time, Kuja enjoyed feeding Enchanter his darkness, his real sustenance that he needed to survive, delighting in concocting and feeding it to his handsome stallion in new and kinky ways, the pleasure always more intense than the pain.
But for the most part, all of them liked being home together best. Their nest together, Kuja's palace something of pride and love once more. Sketch loved gardening with his Uncle Vere, he loved holding hands with Kuja and walking with his father, adoring every word from his lips no matter the subjects. He loved baking with Desora and was a little mischievous with Kira, but soon became great friends. He loved spending all his days thinking about Kuja, doing and making things always for him. Enchanter too spent his days thinking about and always fulfilling Kuja's happiness beyond his fantasies, hopes and dreams. When his lover was absent, he crafted beautiful sculptures of darkness for Kuja, always so magnificent, and looked after the growing Sketch, whose unruly nature was taking after his lavender haired father.
Sketch was an absolute saint for Kuja, but for anyone else, he could be an absolute terror. Though for Desora and Pamilla he would look cutely up to, sharing cookies and melting their hearts. The loved ones his Daddy Kuja told him of he would always treat with respect. Most of them, anyway. Though it wasn't until one dramatic night that Sketch saw how much his jealousy of Enchanter over Kuja upset both of his fathers and he truly saw how much his father Enchanter loved him and had always done for him, and finally Sketch realised his own love, need and want for the father he had often scorned. Wonderful tears of reconciliation flowed as their family was strengthened even further. He had the jealousy of his lavender haired father, but Enchanter's saintly altruistic love that transcended heavens, rivalling few was not only unconditionally given to him, but flowed through his veins. Enchanter himself had not realised, thought of or dwelled on his own pain, it was only when Kuja forced the matter to the light and Sketch's loving arms were around him did his tears of sorrow and joy fall. A great peace came to all of them that night.
Sketch treated both of his father's with love, but still that didn't save the rest of the world. Both father's made some efforts to discipline, and Kuja gave up first with his threatening punishments that had no effect. Sketch could go through the worst of torments for Kuja and still look up at him with starry eyes, and Kuja no longer had the heart to feign closing off his heart to Sketch. It was left to Enchanter, whose loving nature for the boy could only advise him on what was acceptable and what was not. For instance, it was acceptable for Sketch to do as he pleased, it was not acceptable for Enchanter to be called into the school over complaints of Sketch's cruel deeds he was caught for and cleaning up his messes.
"Sketch, my little darling..." Kuja would appear, helping Enchanter pick up Sketch from school for a rare time, much to Enchanter's relief and Sketch's excitement. "After such playground fun, you need to clean up the blood so the people with authority don't notice, and threaten or discredit your victims enough so they're too afraid to speak out or have no scars to prove it. I'm not going to threaten the teachers for you, we send you here to learn and enjoy these experiences for yourself. Now, let's say we all go out for ice cream, from your favourite cafe?"
"Thank you, father. I will do better." Sketch beamed up to Kuja, while Enchanter perhaps turned a blind eye or thought little of such matters, where his care for his love and his son's happiness so loyally outweighed anything else.
Kuja was so proud of Sketch. He was such a handsome, beautiful, arrogant, condescending, sadistic, popular, adored, seductive, manipulating and powerful teenager. It was so flattering to Kuja's dark nature, bringing the alluring attributes of Enchanter to make this perfect and so desired being. But Kuja would have been proud of Sketch too if he was a saint or a coward, there was really nothing Sketch could do to lose his father's favour from the beginning, perhaps to the envy of some of Kuja's other children.
Kuja was so happy, he truly felt like the most blessed being in all existence. To have Enchanter and Sketch, Desora, Lilium and Vere. His other friends and family, all coming together for big events and parties. Sometimes smaller dinners and picnics, people were always happy to call in or be invited and called upon. Including Dark Enchanter, Heartless, Tarikvosin and their new spawn, Heartrik. After some epic challenges, battles and compromises, soon everyone saw eye to eye and even warmed up to each other. They were all creatures who had lived the darkness, and enjoyed the light too.
The most joyous of resurrections was bringing back Enchantress. Kuja attempted to toy with her at first, but in the end he respected her too much, and mayhap she had more spells up her sleeves than Kuja's knowing knowledge, he didn't want to get caught in rune spells for all eternity that Enchanter and Sketch would fight against Enchantress and Heartless to the death over. The warmth his family gave Kuja made his darker urges fade further and further away. The life he used to lead of going out to bring misery and mayhem unto others, had turned into wondering what decorations should be used on the next invitations to his dear friends.
For the first time in months had Kuja's constant tears reprieved. Somewhere in one of his embraces with Enchanter and Sketch, seeing their happy smiles, hearing their laughter. Somewhere where he's forgotten that he was actually dreaming.
It was life as usual, the constant business had turned to being normal. Long ago were the days he spent drinking and torturing away his existence. Would Vere complain again to him today that some of the guests had gotten into his not so secret anymore garden? Would Kira and Jonas report of any problems with the maids and other staffing areas? Would he bump into Heartless again who was trying to hide from his insatiable lover Tarikvosin? He hoped Sketch and Heartrik weren't playing too roughly today... Kuja had to get up early today to discuss matters with Enchantress. She ran most of the business, pretty much all of it, Kuja just aided with his powers helping to turn his palace into being Enchantress' new sanctuary for all who seek respite. After her healed resurrection, she was pessimistic about opening her beautiful sanctuary once more. After some years, Kuja encouraged her and offered her his aid, wanting to do good as well for others, and with the consent of his loved ones, the palace was turned into a protected sanctuary for all those who sought peace, refuge, relaxation, and or fun, leisure, fine dining, the palace of sanctuary had it all. No one could use magic other than the powerful entrusted guards and owners, anyone who violently attempted such would be instantly teleported away by the power of Enchantress' runes. Vere was in his element. Enjoying catching any crooks the good old fashioned way. Heartless returned to his guard post most loyal to Enchantress, and Ithereall followed Kuja into this new world to act as guard for him here too. Pamilla and Direi also enjoyed helping out being part time employees, though Kuja would try to insist they simply enjoy their time as exclusive guests, sometimes seen sun bathing by the pool to much popularity. Balthameul also sometimes came to stay with his family and help out. Balthameul and Kuja were old and mutual friends now with all grievances so far in the past. Drucilla had five husbands who were all different and pined after her where sometimes she would complain it felt more like she had five children, but only in jest. Kaijou had fun flittering through and sometimes playing pranks, enjoying keeping Kuja on his toes. Leviata was invited often and liked to check in on her brother and helped him redecorate some areas and design some new rooms. Damien, Griever and Aubrey helped out as well, by Damien telling them to help and the attendants complying, Aubrey with less willingness. It was surprising the amount of people who wanted to help, and the volumes of guests who came. It felt like all Kuja's friends, family, loved ones and their loved ones were all blissfully in the one place where albeit busy, everyone was happy. There was drama here and there that added the spices to life, but on the whole everyone was safe and loved.
"Good morning, my love." Enchanter kissed Kuja's lips. "You said you wanted to get up early today?" The tall handsome silver haired man smiled, already dressed in his beautiful black attire with his dark purple silk tie, standing beside Kuja's bed with a black rose. Kuja could also smell the aroma of a delicious breakfast Enchanter had personally cooked and placed on his bedside table. Kuja smiled back and felt like it had been so long since he had last seen Enchanter. He didn't feel like doing anything anymore today, but lounge with and dote upon Enchanter and Sketch. He missed Sketch too and missed the days they all used to share the same bed. These days Kuja had returned to sleeping mostly alone, or alternating between Enchanter, Desora and Vere. Though they tried to reassure him, he still felt his guilt for loving them equally.
"The day can wait, i want to spend it with you now." Kuja smiled back up to Enchanter, trying to convince his lover the bed was more comfortable too. Enchanter was already enticed before Kuja need say anything, soft silver strands spilling down to drape around Kuja's flawless naked torso, kissing his eager lover's lips once more with entwining passion.
"But then the day will be over." Enchanter's fingers that had torn through men's rib cages, so gently brushed over Kuja's forehead, delicately sweeping away stray strands and holding his cheek.
"The day can wait for another day, i want to spend all this time with you. Where is Sketch? I want to see him too."
"Our little handful has become (19-4-16) quite the gentleman."
"That would be your fault." Kuja teased as he ran his slender fingers down Enchanter's pale neck, the purple tie loosening and buttons soundlessly coming undone so he may trail further along an exposed collar bone and chest. No matter the years and countless times, Kuja always so desired Enchanter, as if forever making up for the past without each other, the happiness that was denied them.
"I love you. I fear i don't say this enough."
"You don't need to. I can always feel it." Enchanter's hand warmly encased Kuja's, gently guiding it inside his silky shirt to rest against the lulling pulse of their shared heart. "I will always love you and stay by your side forever, my sadistic vixen."
(21-4-16) Kuja would tease that Enchanter doesn't have a choice, but they both knew, and Kuja knew how much it meant to Enchanter for Kuja to know that he was always Enchanter's choice. This time he wouldn't tease and reply with his sincerest, "Thank you. I will always love and take care of you too." And they kissed once more so happily.
"Daddy Kuja!" Sketch suddenly burst into the room, a handful of tulips freshly plucked from the ground.
"Sketch!" Kuja's arms were open wide to the young boy, such a sudden pang in his chest, a haunting sense of déjà vu. There was such a strong need for Sketch to be in his arms right now or he feared his heart would break. But as he somehow feared, Sketch didn't come to his arms. Instead the boy was stopped, crying with so many little tears running down his cheeks over the realisation that the flowers he had worked so hard on and brought to his father had suddenly withered and died within this room.
A feeling of dread washed over him, stopped in his tracks, as he had already left the bed to run to embrace Sketch. Sketch was a child again... this scene... from so long ago... He turned back around and his eyes widened in mortified horror to see Enchanter was not in his bed. Looking back Sketch was no longer there either. On the bedside table there were however the tulips, that Kuja had brought back to life for Sketch in the past to preserve forever in the transparent enclosure. The room was not his own private room, but the rooms he had designed for and shared with Enchanter and Sketch.
There was water, brandy, food and flowers on the bedside table he knew instantly that Vere had freshly brought to him every day while he slept the months away. Vere and Desora's love and care for him broke the dream for him in the gentlest possible way.
A moment of breath taken away, of all time standing still, until that shard hits so hard and sinks so deep you bleed, and bleed and bleed.
His scream shattered all the windows in the palace, his tears drowned his face, his nails raked at his own flesh as he crumbled. His fists pounded against the floor as cuts appeared all over his body, for his wounds to instantly bleed profusely, running all the life and darkness he so desperately wanted to give whilst also allowing himself to feel the pain and proving that it could not compare. Bathed in his own tears, blood, agony and hatred he called to the Darkness then, though longing for Death to answer him ever more.
"Take me! Take me you bastards!!"
There was relief as the shadows came to life, engulfing Kuja into the darkness and he so eagerly sunk into their depths to face them for the very first time. He was mixed between hating them so very much and loving them for being all he had left of Enchanter and Sketch, as if rival mutual lovers.
"Give them back!! They belong to me!!"
Kuja could hear no voices, but he could hear the sentiments brushed and whispered against his ears. The Darkness told him things that Enchanter had tried to tell him too. His jealousy was unfounded. His hatred unfounded. His disgust of them saddening. The tears hit harder, bigger droplets. They were truly the echoing sentiments of their Master. The shadows still cared for him even when their Master was gone, that only emphasised how strong Enchanter's love for him was. He just cried and cried and the shadows would form the appearance of Enchanter and Sketch for him in their attempts to console him too.
"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry." He repeated as he let the shadows lick over his body, healing all his cuts and accepting their touch. "I want them back so much." The shadows lulled over him with their sorrow too, their deep love for their Masters too that made Kuja appreciate, love, need and cling to the shadows more and more. His hands even reached out to hold a tendril and clasped it to his wet cheek, cradled against his face as he lay there. The Shadows shared his pain, he loved them for loving Enchanter and Sketch with him just as much. In truth the Shadows did a much better job of looking after and protecting Enchanter and Sketch. Kuja never should have hated them, but he was always so insecure. "Please tell me everything about them." Kuja gladly clung on to Sketch's shadow, holding him so tightly as the shadow of Enchanter hugged the both of them from behind. A smile of some kind of relief, of happiness, would come to him as the Shadows and he remembered their loves together.
(22-4-16) The Shadows told Kuja how much Enchanter and Sketch loved him. How their Masters always thought about him and wished so strongly for his happiness. "I regret not trusting and believing in them sooner. I can never be forgiven." The Shadows knew and understood Enchanter and Sketch's thoughts better than Kuja did and told him everything, how Kuja needn't feel any guilt and just how happy they were to love and be with him. How Kuja had made their lives happy, the happiest they've ever been.
Even in death, Enchanter helped to heal and ease his pain with his loving sentiments that still held on to Kuja's broken heart, keeping what pieces he had left held together. It was so cruel, to have the Seed of Enchanter in his heart, but no Enchanter to feed off his darkness, to share his otherwise useless heart. He would hold onto this piece and preserve it forever, he held the last of Enchanter and could never let it fall away or ever leave him.
Kuja had always been so pessimistic, believing for certain things would always go wrong, destructively breaking things himself to lead them faster to the inevitable future of Enchanter hating or leaving him. But despite all his antics, Enchanter would always approach him with the same tenderness and care, the same wanting love in his eyes with only inclining sorrow and longing, yet eternal patience for Kuja to feel comfortable and safe with his love that would never leave him or break him like any others had done before. His darkest and his lightest sides, Enchanter accepted them all. Kuja had known love before, but never like this. It kept a constant feeling of always being loved, assured and cared for by the man, lover and child he loved, adored and worshipped so much, no pain would come. It made him feel that Enchanter and Sketch knew how much he loved them too and he could be at peace knowing they knew his true heart and love and want for them to be with him forever.
The darkness that seeped from him wanted to tear all the worlds to obliteration. Why should a world exist without these beautiful souls. There's no point to existence. He was so exhausted and so tired, his attempts at death always failing and always feeling forced to go on just to receive more pain.
"Your time isn't now, but it will come, should you wish it to be so definite." A voice from the stars spoke to him for the first time in this darkness. The darkness was so vast across all space and time, it was able to open the way to Kuja's origins.
"I do. I wish it so much. I wish to die and be nothing and rest eternal. If i can not be with all that i love, then i do not want life at all." Kuja responded, answering as if to his own Heaven's, an entity of some laws he could believe in with such hope for a true end.
"You could be so much more. Able to command whole armies, to govern empires, to create new worlds of harmony or of chaos."
"Do not speak to me of casting away my feelings now." Kuja turned away from this being now, to only face the darkness. "The battle that i have always faced, i choose to love and not hate. Enchanter and Sketch revealed to me the world in which a dark creature as i could do so..."
"You know you don't have to feel this pain. The powers you use to constantly recreate yourself are capable of much grander things."
"I could never choose to cast away this pain, it is all i have left of them." Kuja cried and clung to his own chest, the Seed inside. The pain made him constantly want to die, but the thought of Enchanter and Sketch being unloved hurt him even more. There was no one but him and the Shadows that loved Enchanter and Sketch so much. He was wrong to have forsaken his memories of Desora when he felt this similar pain before, but at least she had her better brothers and sisters to love her and be by. Who else could know how wonderful Enchanter and Sketch were? All the lives that they had yet to touch, their Kingdom of Sanctuary with Enchantress and all their friends and family. All the people, everything that was so significant to Kuja, always left him or was taken away. Dreams and hope built up always to be shattered.
I have nothing left.
The Darkness revealed to him the way back to his palace, a pool of light nearby. It revealed to him the form of his own body sleeping in his dark bed, but with his angelic wife beside him. Desora lay beside him, embracing him, ever since the day she had descended from the Heavens to be with him once more, even though he slept, she still stayed by his side all this time.
His constant tears fell harder once more. He felt so conflicted. His guilt, his shame, his sorrow and self-hatred. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve any happiness. He could not leave this place, yet he so longed to feel her arms as they so held the body he saw.
All the windows in the palace were not broken. The Darkness and Shadows must have shielded the palace and that body that lay there now was made from the Shadows, as most of Enchanter's body and appearance was so formed.
"Does this mean i can be your Master?" It was a mutual want, their mutual love for Enchanter and Sketch brought them together. Kuja loving them for being the closest entity to Enchanter and Sketch, and the Shadows wishing to serve Kuja's protection and happiness as their Masters so strove. The Seed in Kuja's heart, a creation from a Shadren, the Shadow Masters, last of their kind, asserted and strengthened their bond.
The shadow bodies of Enchanter and Sketch appeared once more, standing, that made Kuja get to his feet and run to embrace them, their arms wrapping around him in turn.
"I cannot say goodbye, i cannot!"
He understood what the Shadows were saying, that they, Enchanter and Sketch would always be with him. They were a part of him. The shadows of his heart forever. And the Shadows and Kuja were Enchanter and Sketch's advocates. Enchanter and Sketch always strived for Kuja's happiness, to feel at ease, protected, loved, cared for, that everything would work out and that they would never willingly leave him. Kuja would not forsake their efforts now and would continue to always believe in them.
Desora was the first to bless him with such unconditional love, he believed, loved and worshipped her the most and forever would as the supreme goddess of light in the universe, bringing harmony to the darkest of places.
Vere blessed him with a formidable unconditional love that proved to stick it out with him, somehow as this mortal entity, tougher and stronger than anyone else he's ever met. No matter how low Kuja sunk or broken or destructive he would be, Vere would always be there to take care of his broken lord.
Kira he had only recently met, but he could hear the boy's sentiments reaching him from afar. Such a devoted, strong and sweet little heart. Kuja feared that life was punishing him, even though it was unintentional, it seemed he had collected another profoundly loving heart that he didn't deserve.
Greater pain would always be inevitable, he would live knowing this now. The pain will always be there and crash in waves and tides, though sometimes the storms would be calm enough to let those soft rays shine through seeping into the bone once more. The moments that he got to spend with his loved ones, it was worth the pain. He wanted to be stronger for them too, Enchanter and Sketch's advocates.
"Come with me."