Love....
Love really confuses me ... I thought I was so in love with someone and through life and some shit that happened I came to realize (believe) that I didn't, but now I don't know. Today made me think about a lot of shit. I don't think anybody knows exactly what I am talking about, but either way love is a bitch. Why is it that we continue to love someone even though there is so much shit that tells us not to or that we shouldn't. I just don't know what to do... I try to control my feelings yet I can't. I know better than to do this, but I feel like I have no control. I just don't even know what to do. I wish I could control my feelings, yet nothing works. I don't want to be hurt anymore... why can't I be happy like so many other people I know. Don't get me wrong, I know that all the "happy" people I know have problems too, but it seems like every guy I know is an ass. Why can't I find that one guy that just makes my world complete? Wait ... I have. WAIT !!!!!!!!!!! He makes my world complete, but that does not mean I am one of those "happy" people. I am not ... I found the one that makes my world complete if you wanna be cliche, but it's not that simple. He may make my world complete, but there is so much more to it than that. If youi know what I am talking about then you are good, because I have not talked to anyone about this, but if you do then please HELP ME!!!! I am so confused. I don't want to cause myself pain, but if I let myself feel this way than pain will surely come.
Anyway ... sorry about that! I went wo Cedar Point with Doug yesterday and it was soooooooooooooooooooooo much fun. It was awesome. It was really fun to ride a rollercoaster and not know what to expect. It has been a while since I have experienced that. The rides were awesome and I had a blast. I can't wait to go back next year, I just hope we can get a big group of people to go and make a big trip out of it. Getting to see Lake Erie on the rides was so beautiful too... it was truely amazing.
I have decided that I have to lose weight. I am so disgusted with myself. I use to be somewhat happy with myself even though I knew I was over weight. Maybe I wouldn't actually say happy, but content. I was aware that I needed to lose weight, but it didn't really bother me. My grandmother has been on my back for as long as I can remember about my weight, but I just bitched about her and accepted that I wasn't Miss America. Now I am having a hard time accepting myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore without being disgusted. I need and want to lose weight so bad and I am determined to not be a fat ugly slob, no matter what it takes.
Well I guess that is enough for tonight ... I need to go to bed. Gnight everybody :)
Anyway ... sorry about that! I went wo Cedar Point with Doug yesterday and it was soooooooooooooooooooooo much fun. It was awesome. It was really fun to ride a rollercoaster and not know what to expect. It has been a while since I have experienced that. The rides were awesome and I had a blast. I can't wait to go back next year, I just hope we can get a big group of people to go and make a big trip out of it. Getting to see Lake Erie on the rides was so beautiful too... it was truely amazing.
I have decided that I have to lose weight. I am so disgusted with myself. I use to be somewhat happy with myself even though I knew I was over weight. Maybe I wouldn't actually say happy, but content. I was aware that I needed to lose weight, but it didn't really bother me. My grandmother has been on my back for as long as I can remember about my weight, but I just bitched about her and accepted that I wasn't Miss America. Now I am having a hard time accepting myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore without being disgusted. I need and want to lose weight so bad and I am determined to not be a fat ugly slob, no matter what it takes.
Well I guess that is enough for tonight ... I need to go to bed. Gnight everybody :)