scared
I had a really good night with Heather yesterday, as usual, but she's been getting more and more aggrivated by me by the day. I never do or say the right things,let alone do or say anything that isn't awkward or demeaning. I'm honestly a terrible person and I hate myself for that. She made a really good point about how lazy and uncommited I was. What she doesn't understand is that I have only the best intentions, but things just don't ever come out that way. Another thing that's been scaring me all night, is that I may have left hickies on her neck before the night was through, and I figure this by the number of hickies she left on me. I certainly tried to be really soft about kissing her on the neck, but I guess that doesn't do any good, cuz she texted me about how her brother was laughing at her hickies. This means that everyone in her house has probably seen them already and is most probably royally pissed at me. I think her dad may have sent me a text message on her phone saying "ur dead" cuz I don't imagine she would. I've recieved that same message before from other angry men in the lives of the women I set myself up with. It makes me regret trying to date Heather, cuz I know how much of a risk it really is for me, although she doesn't see it at all. I can go to jail and/or get fined/sued for more things than just having sex with her, although, we haven't had sex yet nor do we plan to, cuz she wants to wait till marriage and I at least want to wait till she's 18 before it becomes a topic for discussion at all. So I haven't meant any harm by anything we've already done, and I certainly don't mean to piss off her folks cuz they can end our relationship at any point. I also don't want to piss off her folks cuz they can put me in jail. So I'm scared. I have other girls my age that want to date me, and I keep pushing them away cuz I love Heather. when you follow your heart, you're supposed to be with the one you love. But I don't think anyone wants me to. Not even God himself. And I think it's to the point where God will gladly have me imprisoned to enforce this stupid regulation. She's not a child nor is she mindless or unwilling. So I don't know why I need to worry so much. I don't pick her out for any un-ruley reason and I don't want to break any laws. She loves me and I love her. Simple as that. and we're not even planning on having any form of sex. All we can do is kiss, so it's not very easy at all to avoid giving or getting hickies. If things aren't destroyed already, then we may have to just settle for holding hands and gentley kissing on the lips. It's good enough for me, but I'm more concerned about whether or not I'll ever be aloud to see her again. I just have to see what her parents think about last night. I may find out today.