Social rantage and rationale
If Live Journal was tangible, my page would be ill dusty. This spot has become an intergalactic, pre-teen ghost town for millions of break-ups, weekend re-caps, and petty friend fights… but it’s also my semi-humble home base for sorting thoughts.
I’ve with the idea of being resentful of others. Would it be easier to get over things by being resentful? I’ve never doubted that anger is a legitimate emotion but can’t help feeling like it is one that should not linger. It’s incredibly rare that I become mad because I know it is just an emotion that surfaces sadness and disappointment, the thick of it. Resentment is often one sided. It feels good to point blame and be done but it’s difficult to admit self mistake and collaborate on working forward with someone else, or just cut communication. I figure if I can bypass anger, I can get straight to addressing my raw underlying feelings without the poor mental health that accompanies anger. Hostility is heavy weight.
Life is ironic. It seems that I’ve sub-consciously lost some distinction on how to interact with clients and how to interact with people in my life. Today I had the privilege to go on outreach for the first time since I’ve been handling case management and gray administrative junk. While on the streets, I sat back and allowed my staff to operate as they normally would. I was shocked to see the outreach worker stand 8 feet away without looking the client in the eyes. She simply said hello, passed the kit out and moved on. When I commented on her approach, her response was that ‘they don’t want supportive services… we asked a few months ago’. I mentored my staff to truly engage with the clients regardless of how many times they take food or hygiene without being interested in services. I’m not talking about pressuring a client into changing their mind for services, but just sincerely engaging with the understanding that we are building trust and a genuinely caring relationship… something these individuals may have never experienced. Patience is essential. With the right touch and care, we might meet them on a day that they are ready for change. In the case that they are ready for change, they will know who to approach for encouragement to that next step. Everyday is a new day and it pumps me up to see someone utilize the forward momentum of themselves and that we provide. Each step counts.
In recent situations I’ve been ready for change, but change is difficult when others have already determined that you are incapable. There are many things that I will not be good at next month but give me a year and I’ll be a bit better. Trust, patience, and encouragement are things that I grant every one of my clients upon each encounter. This is where I naturally misunderstand the distinction between work and my life. I’m paid to have patience, empathy, and practice positive reinforcement but friends and loved ones are not. It’s true; friends and loved ones can wipe their hands clean of me at any moment because engaging with someone by choice should be enjoyable. While I can empathize with annoying people, I still don’t want to hang out with them. Some close people in my life have become difficult to enjoy over time and I have separated myself from them due to a lack of common interest or perspective. It’s rare that I ever ditch a friend because they have offended me in an isolated incident or two because there is the ability to work though. Understanding or changes are things we are capable of but we all go at a different pace. People have the right to not wait around but I am obligated to see people through at work... and I enjoy it.
Anyway, I have always lacked the ability to change when I ride long and high life waves. I’m significantly more productive while climbing out of a low wave. I’ve had a difficult time attempting to adapt and recognize the importance of change at all times but I’ve recently been trying my hardest and am proud of my achievements. I’ve come a long way and have a long way to go.
I’ve with the idea of being resentful of others. Would it be easier to get over things by being resentful? I’ve never doubted that anger is a legitimate emotion but can’t help feeling like it is one that should not linger. It’s incredibly rare that I become mad because I know it is just an emotion that surfaces sadness and disappointment, the thick of it. Resentment is often one sided. It feels good to point blame and be done but it’s difficult to admit self mistake and collaborate on working forward with someone else, or just cut communication. I figure if I can bypass anger, I can get straight to addressing my raw underlying feelings without the poor mental health that accompanies anger. Hostility is heavy weight.
Life is ironic. It seems that I’ve sub-consciously lost some distinction on how to interact with clients and how to interact with people in my life. Today I had the privilege to go on outreach for the first time since I’ve been handling case management and gray administrative junk. While on the streets, I sat back and allowed my staff to operate as they normally would. I was shocked to see the outreach worker stand 8 feet away without looking the client in the eyes. She simply said hello, passed the kit out and moved on. When I commented on her approach, her response was that ‘they don’t want supportive services… we asked a few months ago’. I mentored my staff to truly engage with the clients regardless of how many times they take food or hygiene without being interested in services. I’m not talking about pressuring a client into changing their mind for services, but just sincerely engaging with the understanding that we are building trust and a genuinely caring relationship… something these individuals may have never experienced. Patience is essential. With the right touch and care, we might meet them on a day that they are ready for change. In the case that they are ready for change, they will know who to approach for encouragement to that next step. Everyday is a new day and it pumps me up to see someone utilize the forward momentum of themselves and that we provide. Each step counts.
In recent situations I’ve been ready for change, but change is difficult when others have already determined that you are incapable. There are many things that I will not be good at next month but give me a year and I’ll be a bit better. Trust, patience, and encouragement are things that I grant every one of my clients upon each encounter. This is where I naturally misunderstand the distinction between work and my life. I’m paid to have patience, empathy, and practice positive reinforcement but friends and loved ones are not. It’s true; friends and loved ones can wipe their hands clean of me at any moment because engaging with someone by choice should be enjoyable. While I can empathize with annoying people, I still don’t want to hang out with them. Some close people in my life have become difficult to enjoy over time and I have separated myself from them due to a lack of common interest or perspective. It’s rare that I ever ditch a friend because they have offended me in an isolated incident or two because there is the ability to work though. Understanding or changes are things we are capable of but we all go at a different pace. People have the right to not wait around but I am obligated to see people through at work... and I enjoy it.
Anyway, I have always lacked the ability to change when I ride long and high life waves. I’m significantly more productive while climbing out of a low wave. I’ve had a difficult time attempting to adapt and recognize the importance of change at all times but I’ve recently been trying my hardest and am proud of my achievements. I’ve come a long way and have a long way to go.