I hate complaining about work. I fucking hate it.
And even when I'm booked to a full 40-hour work week, I'm not safe! Called in on one of my two days off-- the other day being my four-and-a-half hour class in addition to a work meeting in the morning. So really, just one day off.
But Circle K wouldn't dare think to pay for overtime. Perish the fucking thought. So naturally, I'd switch days and get Thursday off. In summation: going in today would benefit me not at all.
I really wanted to delete that last entry because I was caught in a moment of weakness where I felt like my fucking brain was melting. "It was just a bad day", I thought to myself as I scoured it over last night with a hint of cringe. But no. Let it stay. Let it serve as a reminder what this dead-end job is doing to me.
I have come to the conclusion as long as I remain at the corner store up the street, happiness is not attainable. Or at least, improving in the field of art is certainly not and the two are one in the same. My energy and motivation these days is for shit. I consider playing video games productive just because it means I did something as opposed to just laying in bed, dozing in and out. Gone are the days I woke up early to crank out steady practice sessions. I'm lucky if I scrawl something for ten minutes before going to sleep.
My patience has been whittled down exponentially. I've become increasingly short with friends and family and it's really fucking upsetting. That's not who I am but these days I can't call forth the energy to restrain myself. I feel grumpy, tired and lifeless more days than not. To reiterate: that's not who I am. Not at all. It sure feels like what I'm becoming, tho.
Anyway, to conclude, I'm not going in because fuck that. Nothing good will come of it. I will lash out at customers and co-workers alike. I will not have time to do the homework I need to finish for tomorrow. Perhaps most importantly, I will not get the day's respite my mind so desperately needs. I shall revel in this day. Though all too short, I'm going to finish my damn homework, drink pumpkin ale and play Mega Man and Chrono Cross because I need some semblance of happiness today.
But Circle K wouldn't dare think to pay for overtime. Perish the fucking thought. So naturally, I'd switch days and get Thursday off. In summation: going in today would benefit me not at all.
I really wanted to delete that last entry because I was caught in a moment of weakness where I felt like my fucking brain was melting. "It was just a bad day", I thought to myself as I scoured it over last night with a hint of cringe. But no. Let it stay. Let it serve as a reminder what this dead-end job is doing to me.
I have come to the conclusion as long as I remain at the corner store up the street, happiness is not attainable. Or at least, improving in the field of art is certainly not and the two are one in the same. My energy and motivation these days is for shit. I consider playing video games productive just because it means I did something as opposed to just laying in bed, dozing in and out. Gone are the days I woke up early to crank out steady practice sessions. I'm lucky if I scrawl something for ten minutes before going to sleep.
My patience has been whittled down exponentially. I've become increasingly short with friends and family and it's really fucking upsetting. That's not who I am but these days I can't call forth the energy to restrain myself. I feel grumpy, tired and lifeless more days than not. To reiterate: that's not who I am. Not at all. It sure feels like what I'm becoming, tho.
Anyway, to conclude, I'm not going in because fuck that. Nothing good will come of it. I will lash out at customers and co-workers alike. I will not have time to do the homework I need to finish for tomorrow. Perhaps most importantly, I will not get the day's respite my mind so desperately needs. I shall revel in this day. Though all too short, I'm going to finish my damn homework, drink pumpkin ale and play Mega Man and Chrono Cross because I need some semblance of happiness today.