it is better for me to bite my tongue and bleed alone in silence.
i know how it is so i advise you to not analyze the lyrics of this song too deeply. it happened to be a song that came up. call it a twist of coincidence.
the last thing i would say is that this took me by surprise. the swarmed thoughts and feelings have long manifested into that which is far beyond my reach and control. not to say that i controlled anything to begin with, nor is it my place to control what has been evidently inevitable. it is difficult to hear the voice within myself that is reciting that in which i long to hear when what is presented in front of my eyes is vehemently contradictory. do you ever recall having dreams where you are falling, whether it be from a cliff, skydiving, or otherwise? this is almost a replica of that, with one exception: whereas in a dream in which i have the luxury of knowing that it is a fantasy and will be able to be rid of the moment the alarm clock sounds, i don't wake up. i can't. i keep falling. i know that there is a connecting force that will protect me from smashing into the asphalt, but it does not alleviate the sensation of falling that i fear. it is a still-frame of the scene on repeat. as i inch closer to the ground, it quickly pulls away again leaving all landscape and life forms as blurs. the jerking recoil of the cord is deadly. it is taunting me. i can almost hear someone's malicious laughter whistling past my ear, mocking my ill-fated destiny. it is disarraying all that i have organized in my mind. i'm pinching myself; i feel the pricking sensation of pain, but i don't want to come to terms with the fact that i am and have been awake all along. that is probably the most frightening fact of all. this is real. there is nothing in my power that i could do to rectify the situation. i have been given countless opportunities that i have not taken advantage of. there is a limit: you can only be so generous and you can only wait around for so long until you start to question what it is that you are seeking. if it's worth taking the risk. if it is worth rehashing everything that you have worked so tediously on masking. the shit finally hit the fan. once and for all. i am sure you've grown tired of this.
i have genuinely ticked off karma and i fear this time, i am eternally damned, for the lack of a fitting descriptor. i'm a real winner.
the last thing i would say is that this took me by surprise. the swarmed thoughts and feelings have long manifested into that which is far beyond my reach and control. not to say that i controlled anything to begin with, nor is it my place to control what has been evidently inevitable. it is difficult to hear the voice within myself that is reciting that in which i long to hear when what is presented in front of my eyes is vehemently contradictory. do you ever recall having dreams where you are falling, whether it be from a cliff, skydiving, or otherwise? this is almost a replica of that, with one exception: whereas in a dream in which i have the luxury of knowing that it is a fantasy and will be able to be rid of the moment the alarm clock sounds, i don't wake up. i can't. i keep falling. i know that there is a connecting force that will protect me from smashing into the asphalt, but it does not alleviate the sensation of falling that i fear. it is a still-frame of the scene on repeat. as i inch closer to the ground, it quickly pulls away again leaving all landscape and life forms as blurs. the jerking recoil of the cord is deadly. it is taunting me. i can almost hear someone's malicious laughter whistling past my ear, mocking my ill-fated destiny. it is disarraying all that i have organized in my mind. i'm pinching myself; i feel the pricking sensation of pain, but i don't want to come to terms with the fact that i am and have been awake all along. that is probably the most frightening fact of all. this is real. there is nothing in my power that i could do to rectify the situation. i have been given countless opportunities that i have not taken advantage of. there is a limit: you can only be so generous and you can only wait around for so long until you start to question what it is that you are seeking. if it's worth taking the risk. if it is worth rehashing everything that you have worked so tediously on masking. the shit finally hit the fan. once and for all. i am sure you've grown tired of this.
i have genuinely ticked off karma and i fear this time, i am eternally damned, for the lack of a fitting descriptor. i'm a real winner.