First day back, second day back.
Exhausted, unpacking. My arms hurt so bad from carrying things up and down the stairs at the shelter.
We're all actually excited about this celibacy thing. We know we shouldn't even hope that he'll stick to it.....but we've so got our hopes up that he'll stick to it.
Gage is saying, "Of *course* he won't stick to it! We can *never* trust him to be telling the truth!"
But we're not ready to let it go yet.
There was a time when we didn't feel like we could trust Russell....
Second day. Time to regroup.
First of all, we don't have to analyze or justify our decision to come back to Rusty. We're only strong enough to do what we're strong enough to do, and we're only sure of what we're sure of.
We got really sick and threw up all night, got the runs as well.....got really grateful early this morning when we could finally poop and not puke!
While we were sick, we watched the top 100 hard rock videos on VH1....and Gage forgot all about his appearance and forgot about hating anybody and forgot about all those bitter experiences. So now we know what he loves, and what floats his boat. (That's a relief. We've never had anybody in here think about murder before, even in passing. Suicide, yeah - but not murder.)
Well, I'm happy to report that this morning, Gage could no more kill a loved one than the rest of us could. It's scary to think that he got that tripped out....but, that was what it was. He doesn't have some deep, pathological difference from the rest of us, he's not a sociopath - but we don't like that he can get that tripped out. That's not okay, to make a gross understatement.
In fact, one of the reasons we chose to write about this here, was as a safeguard. As in, now you would never get away with anything like that, so (as our dad used to say) get that thought out of your mind.
(God. This whole train of thought, started with joking about wishing we could feed our mom some pot brownies to calm her down. It's like, once we opened that door, even jokingly, it was a real Pandora's Box. We've never liked barbed jokes like that, and we had no idea that one of us in here would really be capable of that kind of thinking. Well, it's probably better to know, than to not know.)
Speaking of Gage getting thoughts out of his head, the only effective way we've found to deal with that problem, outside of zombie meds, is through twelve-step programs. So we're thinking maybe AlAnon or Alateen for Gage, if this hard rock thing isn't enough. Brandon and Freddie found AlAnon step work too intense, due to some trauma stuff, so we picked up some Alateen step work books, and that was a lot better.
We're all actually excited about this celibacy thing. We know we shouldn't even hope that he'll stick to it.....but we've so got our hopes up that he'll stick to it.
Gage is saying, "Of *course* he won't stick to it! We can *never* trust him to be telling the truth!"
But we're not ready to let it go yet.
There was a time when we didn't feel like we could trust Russell....
Second day. Time to regroup.
First of all, we don't have to analyze or justify our decision to come back to Rusty. We're only strong enough to do what we're strong enough to do, and we're only sure of what we're sure of.
We got really sick and threw up all night, got the runs as well.....got really grateful early this morning when we could finally poop and not puke!
While we were sick, we watched the top 100 hard rock videos on VH1....and Gage forgot all about his appearance and forgot about hating anybody and forgot about all those bitter experiences. So now we know what he loves, and what floats his boat. (That's a relief. We've never had anybody in here think about murder before, even in passing. Suicide, yeah - but not murder.)
Well, I'm happy to report that this morning, Gage could no more kill a loved one than the rest of us could. It's scary to think that he got that tripped out....but, that was what it was. He doesn't have some deep, pathological difference from the rest of us, he's not a sociopath - but we don't like that he can get that tripped out. That's not okay, to make a gross understatement.
In fact, one of the reasons we chose to write about this here, was as a safeguard. As in, now you would never get away with anything like that, so (as our dad used to say) get that thought out of your mind.
(God. This whole train of thought, started with joking about wishing we could feed our mom some pot brownies to calm her down. It's like, once we opened that door, even jokingly, it was a real Pandora's Box. We've never liked barbed jokes like that, and we had no idea that one of us in here would really be capable of that kind of thinking. Well, it's probably better to know, than to not know.)
Speaking of Gage getting thoughts out of his head, the only effective way we've found to deal with that problem, outside of zombie meds, is through twelve-step programs. So we're thinking maybe AlAnon or Alateen for Gage, if this hard rock thing isn't enough. Brandon and Freddie found AlAnon step work too intense, due to some trauma stuff, so we picked up some Alateen step work books, and that was a lot better.