Saturday nite, after a nice evening out.
Dinner with our neighbors was actually fun.
Then we came home.
We were relaxing on the bed, Rusty asked if he could join us. We said sure. We were talking, relaxed.....Branond asked Rusty if he would pet him. (Which means stroke his hair, usually - just some form of physical comfort. Rusty likes getting his back scratched - and seems to like getting hugs, although we're not sure if the hugs are supposed to lead to sex. Brandon often longs to have somebody pet his hair or give him a hug - just some nonsexual physical affection.
So Rusty was stroking Brandon's hair, we thought everything was cool for now (we knew it wouldn't be for ever, but it seemed okay for tonight....) then Rusty came out with it.
"Question," he said. "Are we ever going to have sex again - ?"
Right now Rage, doesn't want a human name. He wants to be called Rage.
We told Rusty we're not prepared to have sex with him, and may not ever be. We told him we realize he has certain needs, and we would understand if he got those needs met elsewhere, as long as he was discreet and careful and didn't disrespect us about it. (LIke, just go get laid, dude! But quite pretending you love us just so you can get what you want! God! We've *begged* you to stop that, for so long!
THIS IS RAGE NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU PEOPLE READING THIS, THINK ABOUT US! YOU DON'T LIVE IN OUR SHOES, WE DO!
BRANDON JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED, THAT'S ALL! GOD! THESE PEOPLE IN HERE HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO KEEP THIS ASSHOLE SEXUALLY SATISFIED!
I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE, I HATE YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS, EVERYBODY'S A FUCKING LIAR!
BRANDON JUST WANTS A FRIEND OR TWO, A HUG ONCE IN A WHILE!
(Okay. An*********e, you did send him a free hug. Thank you. I hope you won't turn your back on him, for not kissing Rusty's ass. Sorry for putting it that way, but goddamn, is there one person on the face of this earth outside our own skin that we can be fucking honest with ? Did you ever just want to feel accepted, even during a bad moment ?
We've given this guy sex. Lots of it. Whether we wanted to or not. Right now the only reason he's being nice to us, is he wants to get laid. I Fucking HATE hi for teasing Brandon with the promise of love and affection, for no other reason than to ge some honey on his stinger. That;s not fair. And then when we *do* fuck him (which mostly falls to Freddie), where is all that "affection" ? Gone, baby! Out the fucking window! Because he's got what he wanted, so piss on us!
Yeah. I could be wrong. I know. That's me. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm just a walking, talking bundle of wrongness.
But, you don't have to hate the others for how I feel. You can hate me. Go ahead. I don't give a shit any more.
And my name is not Gage. It's Rage. I am NOT human any more. And i don't even remember whether i was originally male or female. Moot point, really. Now I'm a hideaous monster. I didn't do this to myself, but here it is, and here I am.
So now I wonder how many people are going to turn their backs on us because we hate what Rusty just did, the dishonesty of it.
So Brandon feels sorry for me ? Well, Ifeel sorry for him, too. Really sorry. Because he tries to be a good person, he only wants to be loved and accepted, and he's got a lot of love and affection to give in return. But.....the thing he wants most, he'll never get.
I think I'm much better off than he is. Because I dont' WANT anybody's stupid, phony affection any more. I know I'm not going to get it, and so I don't lose any sleep worrrying about it.
I know that people FUCKING SUCK!!!!!
Then we came home.
We were relaxing on the bed, Rusty asked if he could join us. We said sure. We were talking, relaxed.....Branond asked Rusty if he would pet him. (Which means stroke his hair, usually - just some form of physical comfort. Rusty likes getting his back scratched - and seems to like getting hugs, although we're not sure if the hugs are supposed to lead to sex. Brandon often longs to have somebody pet his hair or give him a hug - just some nonsexual physical affection.
So Rusty was stroking Brandon's hair, we thought everything was cool for now (we knew it wouldn't be for ever, but it seemed okay for tonight....) then Rusty came out with it.
"Question," he said. "Are we ever going to have sex again - ?"
Right now Rage, doesn't want a human name. He wants to be called Rage.
We told Rusty we're not prepared to have sex with him, and may not ever be. We told him we realize he has certain needs, and we would understand if he got those needs met elsewhere, as long as he was discreet and careful and didn't disrespect us about it. (LIke, just go get laid, dude! But quite pretending you love us just so you can get what you want! God! We've *begged* you to stop that, for so long!
THIS IS RAGE NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT ? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU PEOPLE READING THIS, THINK ABOUT US! YOU DON'T LIVE IN OUR SHOES, WE DO!
BRANDON JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED, THAT'S ALL! GOD! THESE PEOPLE IN HERE HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO KEEP THIS ASSHOLE SEXUALLY SATISFIED!
I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE, I HATE YOUR FUCKING OPINIONS, EVERYBODY'S A FUCKING LIAR!
BRANDON JUST WANTS A FRIEND OR TWO, A HUG ONCE IN A WHILE!
(Okay. An*********e, you did send him a free hug. Thank you. I hope you won't turn your back on him, for not kissing Rusty's ass. Sorry for putting it that way, but goddamn, is there one person on the face of this earth outside our own skin that we can be fucking honest with ? Did you ever just want to feel accepted, even during a bad moment ?
We've given this guy sex. Lots of it. Whether we wanted to or not. Right now the only reason he's being nice to us, is he wants to get laid. I Fucking HATE hi for teasing Brandon with the promise of love and affection, for no other reason than to ge some honey on his stinger. That;s not fair. And then when we *do* fuck him (which mostly falls to Freddie), where is all that "affection" ? Gone, baby! Out the fucking window! Because he's got what he wanted, so piss on us!
Yeah. I could be wrong. I know. That's me. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm just a walking, talking bundle of wrongness.
But, you don't have to hate the others for how I feel. You can hate me. Go ahead. I don't give a shit any more.
And my name is not Gage. It's Rage. I am NOT human any more. And i don't even remember whether i was originally male or female. Moot point, really. Now I'm a hideaous monster. I didn't do this to myself, but here it is, and here I am.
So now I wonder how many people are going to turn their backs on us because we hate what Rusty just did, the dishonesty of it.
So Brandon feels sorry for me ? Well, Ifeel sorry for him, too. Really sorry. Because he tries to be a good person, he only wants to be loved and accepted, and he's got a lot of love and affection to give in return. But.....the thing he wants most, he'll never get.
I think I'm much better off than he is. Because I dont' WANT anybody's stupid, phony affection any more. I know I'm not going to get it, and so I don't lose any sleep worrrying about it.
I know that people FUCKING SUCK!!!!!