Learning to Juggle
Once you stop journal entries it is hard to really get back into them. But I started this journal for a reason, so I’m going to try my best to keep it going….
Having Dad home for the weekend has been more of a preview of what is to come than anything else. Sometimes he tells me that he is going to get better no matter what, yet at other times he sits crying in front of me because he is scared he won’t be able to walk me down the isle someday. It’s hard on everyone I guess. Once Mum gets a few wines into her she is the first to tell me that. I am truly afraid of the stress that my father’s illness will put on this family, but there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Things with the house are still putting along slowly. As is stands I think it’s fair to say that I would maybe have ¼ of my room back to how it was, and between us, Mum and I are slowly managing to get everything else in the house back in order. But I can honestly say, I never thought it would be such a big job, just to move things from one spot to another.
The past few days I have been really worried that due to my constant distractions that I would have well and truly screwed things up with Leigh. And when Luke called me this morning to ask if we were even still together anymore, I knew I needed to do something. I called Leigh over straight away and had ‘a talk’ with him. I explained that I knew I hadn’t been the world’s best girlfriend these past few weeks, and that I understood that if he wanted to take some space. He just laughed at me though and said that there was no way I should even be apologising because “this is how relationships work…sometimes we all just need some time.” “I understand what you are going through Jess, so don’t think like that,” which I thought was really sweet of him. I know this sounds really cheesy, but sometimes I don’t think I am used to guys treating me this well. I guess I have just become so used to being the one who makes all the effort, or the one who gets hurt, that I’m just not 100% on how to act when things are so completely different. Hmm…
Having Dad home for the weekend has been more of a preview of what is to come than anything else. Sometimes he tells me that he is going to get better no matter what, yet at other times he sits crying in front of me because he is scared he won’t be able to walk me down the isle someday. It’s hard on everyone I guess. Once Mum gets a few wines into her she is the first to tell me that. I am truly afraid of the stress that my father’s illness will put on this family, but there is nothing I can do to stop it.
Things with the house are still putting along slowly. As is stands I think it’s fair to say that I would maybe have ¼ of my room back to how it was, and between us, Mum and I are slowly managing to get everything else in the house back in order. But I can honestly say, I never thought it would be such a big job, just to move things from one spot to another.
The past few days I have been really worried that due to my constant distractions that I would have well and truly screwed things up with Leigh. And when Luke called me this morning to ask if we were even still together anymore, I knew I needed to do something. I called Leigh over straight away and had ‘a talk’ with him. I explained that I knew I hadn’t been the world’s best girlfriend these past few weeks, and that I understood that if he wanted to take some space. He just laughed at me though and said that there was no way I should even be apologising because “this is how relationships work…sometimes we all just need some time.” “I understand what you are going through Jess, so don’t think like that,” which I thought was really sweet of him. I know this sounds really cheesy, but sometimes I don’t think I am used to guys treating me this well. I guess I have just become so used to being the one who makes all the effort, or the one who gets hurt, that I’m just not 100% on how to act when things are so completely different. Hmm…