(no subject)
tonight is a turn off the lights, lie in bed and just be sad.
My life has been...stressful to say the least and I'm torn between loving it and realizing that I'm finally a grown up. It's like I had all these other expectations, but this isn't bad. This isn't bad at all but this can't just be it.
I just stormed back in from Charles' car. I needed him tonight.
We've been really really good and it's scary how much I actually trust him, but when we're both in our weird moods, it's just this huge explosion of emotions for me and I don't know what to do and because he's not doing what I need from him, I freak out.
I just didn't want to fight tonight.
I wanted him to want to be there for me, but he just couldn't.
I can't be selfish. I don't know.
I'm torn.
I just don't have the energy anymore. It's only been a week and I'm burnt out.
I need to figure this out. I need to find a balance.
Short recap:
I got a semi-promotion at work and now I'm managing a bigger division. We're drowning and everything is exploding up all around us and I'm trying to save it. I'm trying to make everyone happy and it's been so stressful. My new work hours have been looking like this: 7am-9pm. Then I come in on the weekends and take things home to finish on the weekends.
A part of me really loves it. I love all this constant problem solving while being surrounded by creativity.
I should write him an email huh?
I don't know what to do.
I'm being crazy but that's because I've just been overwhelmed and I just needed him here with me to hold me tonight.
Because I'm in this mood, everything he does, the energy he gives off, I freak out. I become super sensitive.
I wish he would have asked to stay. Or at least come after me, but that's rare right? I don't know. Who makes up these...expectations? If I wanted to leave, why should he come after me? It was my choice.
We just can't be around each other when we're both stressed. This only makes me stronger.
My life has been...stressful to say the least and I'm torn between loving it and realizing that I'm finally a grown up. It's like I had all these other expectations, but this isn't bad. This isn't bad at all but this can't just be it.
I just stormed back in from Charles' car. I needed him tonight.
We've been really really good and it's scary how much I actually trust him, but when we're both in our weird moods, it's just this huge explosion of emotions for me and I don't know what to do and because he's not doing what I need from him, I freak out.
I just didn't want to fight tonight.
I wanted him to want to be there for me, but he just couldn't.
I can't be selfish. I don't know.
I'm torn.
I just don't have the energy anymore. It's only been a week and I'm burnt out.
I need to figure this out. I need to find a balance.
Short recap:
I got a semi-promotion at work and now I'm managing a bigger division. We're drowning and everything is exploding up all around us and I'm trying to save it. I'm trying to make everyone happy and it's been so stressful. My new work hours have been looking like this: 7am-9pm. Then I come in on the weekends and take things home to finish on the weekends.
A part of me really loves it. I love all this constant problem solving while being surrounded by creativity.
I should write him an email huh?
I don't know what to do.
I'm being crazy but that's because I've just been overwhelmed and I just needed him here with me to hold me tonight.
Because I'm in this mood, everything he does, the energy he gives off, I freak out. I become super sensitive.
I wish he would have asked to stay. Or at least come after me, but that's rare right? I don't know. Who makes up these...expectations? If I wanted to leave, why should he come after me? It was my choice.
We just can't be around each other when we're both stressed. This only makes me stronger.