(no subject)
ive never felt so empty, so sad in my life. i have spent the last 2 days crying. knowing that im not going back to school, knowing not what i want to do with my life. i could go back to school, my rents want me to, but im afraid if i do i will be wasting my time, be partying all the time. i need to get my priorities straight. get a full time job. i talked more to steph and lindz, and i just broke down, i needed to break down. i have never felt like this EVER. im glad they were so understanding. i love them so much. my best friends, my snoop troop. i feel soooo lost. i just need to find myself. i apologize for the way i have been acting towards everyone, if i have been distancing myself. i always hide my feelings, and keep them bottled up. i have no idea what im going to do. i told my rents im leaving soon. we got in the biggest fight ever last night. my dad made me feel so low, and unwanted. i feel so bad for my mom cuz she prob thinks me and brody are bad seeds. hes in rehab, and im a mess right now. shes been through so much, i just want to make her happy more than anything. i love her soooo much. she has been through soo much. god, i miss brody so much. i feel like when he gets home, he will be a total different person, i wont be able to talk to him, i wont see him that much. i have a feeling hes just gonna leave. he will be 18. i hope hes ok. i love him. my parents dotn trust me at all. i cant live in a house where my rents dont trust me. there is always tension. i told my mom this mornign that i love her, and that everything was gonna be ok. she started to cry. it breaks my heart when she crys. she deserves wayyyy more than she has. i wanted to talk to her without my dad. my dad always manipulates the way she thinks. once he opens his mouth, its either that, or nothing. i cant be here, i need to get away, find myself, i need to stop being so sad. it hurts sooo bad. i cant stop crying. i dont want you guys to feel bad for me, or give me sympathy, thats not what i want, i just needed to vent. actually it would prob be better if you dont comment. i love all my friends. you guys are what keeps me going. im ok, i think.
k im done. thanks for reading.
k im done. thanks for reading.