i never was one for words
i'm not much of a writer, and even less a philosopher, but the aching that keeps my mind distracted from scholarship just doesn't cease. i've spent the last few monthes staring into an abyss, where i teetered between hope and dispair, faith and the utter, disquieting panic that comes with the realization that i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about most all the time. i don't even know how i can tell if i know what i'm talking about, but a certain comfort has krept over me. a new confidence has precipitated from the realization, no, the recallection that beyond the cold exterior that haunts me as the nature of the material, a tugging sense of calm and peace invades my otherwise impregnable terror. i remember what matters again, and i feel better aquainted with it now than i have for a long time. i'm far better loved than i had fooled myself into thinking.
i gotta get out of this school. can i really be blamed for playing mario all day and skipping class if i can manage to do that and still do well in school? wouldn't only a complete, bliterhing idiot act otherwise? most every time i'm in class, i'm frustrated at how pointless, stupid, and trite everything is. the superficiality and ease is nauseating. the only way i ever work is if i have to. i wish i had to.
will i be influential, famous, great, and brilliant? i don't know, but i don't think i care to be any of those things any more than i care to be rich. i just want to be decent, loving, compassionate, and humble. faith would be a nice luxury, but i don't expect that much. i only want to be smart in so far as i can take care of myself and others better than another person or circumstance might take advantage of us.
morality isn't a matter of acting out of obligation and responsibility, but existing in a state of honest love and humility.
i'm so blessed with the friends that i have. i'm astounded at my windfall.
lastly, i am earnestly happy. my moods and policies change with the tides, but i never cared much for consistency anyway.
i gotta get out of this school. can i really be blamed for playing mario all day and skipping class if i can manage to do that and still do well in school? wouldn't only a complete, bliterhing idiot act otherwise? most every time i'm in class, i'm frustrated at how pointless, stupid, and trite everything is. the superficiality and ease is nauseating. the only way i ever work is if i have to. i wish i had to.
will i be influential, famous, great, and brilliant? i don't know, but i don't think i care to be any of those things any more than i care to be rich. i just want to be decent, loving, compassionate, and humble. faith would be a nice luxury, but i don't expect that much. i only want to be smart in so far as i can take care of myself and others better than another person or circumstance might take advantage of us.
morality isn't a matter of acting out of obligation and responsibility, but existing in a state of honest love and humility.
i'm so blessed with the friends that i have. i'm astounded at my windfall.
lastly, i am earnestly happy. my moods and policies change with the tides, but i never cared much for consistency anyway.