(no subject)
I get in bed ready for war, and wake up disarmed.
Nights make you soft just so days can break you down.
I will never get used to the tossing and turning right before
I give in and give up.
We’re all growing now, single pods breaking off
Family dysfunctions floating away, burrowing in
Where they cannot be seen and must be ignored.
We’re all frogs now, jumping from daddy to boyfriend
to husband to children. We’re all mommies now.
Still -
No amount of freedom will release me from hours
Of silence and stillness, stiff joints and limbs, this body
Untouched for days while he is gone. As if I am incapable
of touching myself. I’m too good for that now? In my
infinite fucking wisdom, I float above crowds
and sweat when I am called upon to speak. Tendrils,
which used to reach out, are now dried up and gone.
My arms reach only for him, my bottle and cradle.
He pushes gently out of my grabbing fingers to work
During the day, while I count my toes and sigh to no-one
And afterwards, we draw together like magnets, chatter
Until we run out. We keep going as if there’s a happy ending.
As if by working our whole lives, we are actually making money
And not just coughing it back up to spend on a bed
to sleep in, and the sick scenes that haunt our dreams.
I’m no protector. Armor and aprons fit poorly on a girl’s body.
I’m no woman. I can’t chase away your fears; my comfort is cheap.
I can only try to coordinate our doubts on alternating schedules,
So one of us will always be strong enough to kiss
the other’s worried head. Baby, when it’s your turn to hold me
Will you please tell me, where are we going?
Nights make you soft just so days can break you down.
I will never get used to the tossing and turning right before
I give in and give up.
We’re all growing now, single pods breaking off
Family dysfunctions floating away, burrowing in
Where they cannot be seen and must be ignored.
We’re all frogs now, jumping from daddy to boyfriend
to husband to children. We’re all mommies now.
Still -
No amount of freedom will release me from hours
Of silence and stillness, stiff joints and limbs, this body
Untouched for days while he is gone. As if I am incapable
of touching myself. I’m too good for that now? In my
infinite fucking wisdom, I float above crowds
and sweat when I am called upon to speak. Tendrils,
which used to reach out, are now dried up and gone.
My arms reach only for him, my bottle and cradle.
He pushes gently out of my grabbing fingers to work
During the day, while I count my toes and sigh to no-one
And afterwards, we draw together like magnets, chatter
Until we run out. We keep going as if there’s a happy ending.
As if by working our whole lives, we are actually making money
And not just coughing it back up to spend on a bed
to sleep in, and the sick scenes that haunt our dreams.
I’m no protector. Armor and aprons fit poorly on a girl’s body.
I’m no woman. I can’t chase away your fears; my comfort is cheap.
I can only try to coordinate our doubts on alternating schedules,
So one of us will always be strong enough to kiss
the other’s worried head. Baby, when it’s your turn to hold me
Will you please tell me, where are we going?