Single in The City
I was always known as "serious." I grew up studious, inquisitive, diligent, hardworking, obedient and ambitious. I spent many, many years sighing, weeping or daydreaming about my knight in shining armour on top of that.
During my master's program, I changed my mind about getting a PhD and I became undecided as to what my career would be. Necessity landed me in the company where I am presently employed and a series of unexpected events got me my hero and then some more of them got me dumped.
None of this is news to anyone, by now. Since I've started dating again, I'm left to reflect on the pursuits of my past. I have had three "serious" boyfriends, each a long-term partner, each an eventual roommate as well. I treated each of these relationships as though it would be my last - that is, I gave my all and even changed some things, believing I would stay with that person for the rest of my life - and I left each one feeling like I had been robbed.
I spent my youth in pursuit of adulthood. I wanted responsibilities and I wanted a husband. Now that I have a steady job and a salary, my determined independence and a calendar of rendezvous with some people of interest in Toronto, I feel a little frustrated.
It's like winning a race only to find out that while you were running, everyone else stopped for a pic-nic, a stroll along the beach, several hours at an exciting theme park, a night of drunken orgies and a bus-ride to a Woodstock revival rally.
I am not trying to compare any of your actions to those I just listed. I am but trying to describe what it feels like to reach adulthood and suddenly stand alone. People are going back to school, struggling to start up a career at all, looking for marriageable partners or shopping at Ikea for yet another boring night in with television.
Did I do everything ass-backwards? My "romantic" life has not been something I would complain about. I have noticed, though, that the men my age seem to be seeking at least a girlfriend. Some dislike the 1950s sock-hop ideas I have about dating. What's more, I've been told time and again that women just want boyfriends.
My hetero life mate is right, I'm spent. I gave everything. I sprinted to adulthood only to feel like I was the only person in my immediate social surroundings who wanted a healthy, fulfilling relationship for life. I studied or worked or languished in various forms of illness while everybody else had fun.
People, backwards life choices be damned, it is my time to have fun.
During my master's program, I changed my mind about getting a PhD and I became undecided as to what my career would be. Necessity landed me in the company where I am presently employed and a series of unexpected events got me my hero and then some more of them got me dumped.
None of this is news to anyone, by now. Since I've started dating again, I'm left to reflect on the pursuits of my past. I have had three "serious" boyfriends, each a long-term partner, each an eventual roommate as well. I treated each of these relationships as though it would be my last - that is, I gave my all and even changed some things, believing I would stay with that person for the rest of my life - and I left each one feeling like I had been robbed.
I spent my youth in pursuit of adulthood. I wanted responsibilities and I wanted a husband. Now that I have a steady job and a salary, my determined independence and a calendar of rendezvous with some people of interest in Toronto, I feel a little frustrated.
It's like winning a race only to find out that while you were running, everyone else stopped for a pic-nic, a stroll along the beach, several hours at an exciting theme park, a night of drunken orgies and a bus-ride to a Woodstock revival rally.
I am not trying to compare any of your actions to those I just listed. I am but trying to describe what it feels like to reach adulthood and suddenly stand alone. People are going back to school, struggling to start up a career at all, looking for marriageable partners or shopping at Ikea for yet another boring night in with television.
Did I do everything ass-backwards? My "romantic" life has not been something I would complain about. I have noticed, though, that the men my age seem to be seeking at least a girlfriend. Some dislike the 1950s sock-hop ideas I have about dating. What's more, I've been told time and again that women just want boyfriends.
My hetero life mate is right, I'm spent. I gave everything. I sprinted to adulthood only to feel like I was the only person in my immediate social surroundings who wanted a healthy, fulfilling relationship for life. I studied or worked or languished in various forms of illness while everybody else had fun.
People, backwards life choices be damned, it is my time to have fun.