FIC: Before Me 8 (Harry Potter, HarryxRon)
Title: Before Me
Fandom: Harry Potter
Words: 2, 507
Warnings: None
Rating: PG
I returned to the office but was unable to focus on the high stacks of paperwork that needed my attention. I slump in my chair and stare down at the paperwork I ought to be filling out, but just can't find the energy to. Maybe I should get one of those self-writing quills. They can be hella expensive, but it would help take a chunk out the mountain of paperwork on my desk. Maybe I could get the boss to sign off on the idea. Keeping up the pretense that I was reading over the weekly update to a cold case I kept replaying the conversation with Ginny in my head. What would make Harry happy? For so long I thought being together with Ginny was the answer, but according to the woman herself that wasn't really the case anymore. And if she was right, maybe that had never been what made Harry happy. Truly happy. But I still couldn't see how I was the actual answer.
For one thing, Harry wasn't bent like me. He had never shown the slightest bit of romantic or sexual interest in the same sex. If anything it was the opposite. I may have been in love with my best mate for years now but I had gone on a few dates in the past. Not very successful ones, but still I had gone on them... And every time Harry plastered on his "Chosen One" smile whenever I told him I was heading out with a bloke. There was never a hint of longing or wonder that indicated he was interested or anything but thinly disguised, um, not approval. At least, that's how I had interpreted his moodiness whenever I went out. Since my sexuality was an unspoken taboo I didn't have a choice but to make assumptions on how Harry felt. It wasn't as if he volunteered any information on the subject.
"I wish I loved you the way you want me to. My life would be so much easier if I did."
The traitorous memory made me shudder and soured my mood. If I ever needed proof about how Harry felt that was it. Granted, Harry is a sloppy drunk and that everyone has learned never to take what a drunk Harry said or did seriously. Still, that was the only time Harry ever seemed to acknowledge my preference for male company. It was difficult to not take that personally.
My mind conjured the accidental kiss Harry and I shared the other night and the awkward conversation that followed the next day. That was further evidence he wasn't entirely comfortable with the whole gay thing. With me being gay.
I itched for a cigarette but refrained from pulling the pack out of my pocket. Harry was putting limits on his alcohol consumption and in a show of support, I had promised to ease up on the smoking. Now instead of indulging whenever a craving hit, I only smoked after meals. Or at least that was the deal. I cringed as I realized I had already broken that deal with the impromptu smoke after seeing my sister. I'm going to have to abstain for my post-lunch smoke. The change may do wonders for my breathing but as for my nerves, that was a whole other story.
I was bought out of my thoughts by the sudden plonk of a brown paper bag with grease stains on the bottom of it on my desk, a delicious smell waffled out the top. I looked up and was greeted by a grinning Harry with a knowing smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
"What's this?" I asked, giving up on working and dragged the bag closer to me.
"What does it smell like?" Harry replied, the sarcasm dipping into Draco Malfoy territory. He tempered it with a smile instead of a smirk as he went over to his desk and sat down with his own identical greasy brown bag.
"It smells an awful lot like lunch."
"Ding, ding, ding. Well done, Auror Weasley. You got it on one try." I threw him a rude gesture and he laughed heartily. "You're welcome."
"Thanks, Auror Potter," I thanked him properly by digging into the enchanted icebox next to my desk and tossed him a nice, cold bottle of water. "How did you know?"
"Please," he scoffed, catching the water with ease. You can't take the reflexes of a Seeker out of the Chosen One. "I recognized what you're doing right away."
I froze taking in his words and looked over at him. Could it be that he knew I went to speak to Ginny? And if so, did he also know where I had to go to find her? "What was I doing?"
"You always take an 'early lunch break' when you have to do something personal," he pointed out, making air quotes for emphasis. "You've done it countless time before." He finished, arranging his food onto a small pile of unfolded napkins.
Oh, okay, then. I guess I haven't been as clever as I thought.
"So what was it? Hot date?" He asked it jokingly but the way he was staring at me, it's like he was studying me, watching for something- but what?
My stomach tightened at the thought of lying to him even more. It was much easier to think about withholding information from Harry when he wasn't staring at me with such an open expression, clearly interested in hearing what I had to say. Screw it, I thought. I may have hinted to Ginny that I was going to keep my word not to tell Harry about her and Dean until after mum's birthday party but I still wasn't wholly comfortable lying to Harry. Fortunately, I did have some wiggle room about what I could tell him.
"I went to see Ginny." I watched his face closely expecting to see the hurt extinguish the light in his eyes at the mention of his ex. Harry blinked, completely caught off guard by my declaration.
"How-how is she? Is everything okay? Is she alright?" I could see the worry, quick and bright, flash in his eyes.
I raised my hand to stop him from spiraling into every worst case scenario he could think of. "She's fine. Really. I just wanted to talk to her, that's all."
Harry's shoulders slump in relief and then he blushed as if embarrassed about his concern for his ex-girlfriend. "Oh, okay."
"Yeah," I agreed and then we silently tuck into our food. Nothing but the sound of rustling newspaper print wrapping and munching was heard for a while as we ate our fish and chips. "I think I know what I want to get mum for her birthday," I said after a moment, hoping the change in the subject will clear the awkwardness in the air. Harry grabbed onto it with aplomb.
"Finally," he breathed. "So, what'll it be?"
I smile widely at him. "A radio."
After much deliberation, I decided to get Molly a new radio, the same model as the one Harry and I just bought. I really loved our new one and I thought my mum would like it, too. Plus, it came with the added bonus that I was familiar with it. So when she opened it I will be able to show her how to use it and not feel like a complete fool trying to explain how it worked without either Harry or Hermione having to butt in and fill in those little Muggle details that continue to escape my notice even after all these years of spending half my time in the Muggle world.
"Hmm," Harry hummed, thinking it over. My stomach tightened again. Maybe it was a bad idea after all. "I like it. Arthur is going to be over the moon to have a new Muggle-like gadget to tinker with."
"Oh, right," I said, a bit ashamed that it not thinking about how my dad would react. Now that I think about it the radio seemed more like a gift for my dad than something for my mum. "Great," I mumbled and placed a hand to my face. I'm back at the beginning.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked, with half his fried fish in his mouth.
"What were you thinking about getting mum for her birthday?" I said instead.
Harry bit into the fish, letting the rest of it fall onto the pile of neatly folded napkins on his desk and chewed quickly before answering. "Oh, um, I hadn't quite decided yet," he admitted. Harry's cheeks reddened and I knew that that wasn't entirely true. Maybe he wanted to keep it a surprise from everyone and not just mum. "I was thinking maybe we could make her something."
"Like what?"
Harry suddenly had trouble meeting my eyes and I had an inkling he had an idea. "Um, I dunno. Maybe a cake or something sweet. Like her favorite dessert."
That was when it occurred to me Harry was a genius and that I was a bad son because I didn't know what mum's favorite dessert was. I bet Hermione knew. Damn, Hermione, knowing things and stuff.
"That's an idea. A really good idea," I said and Harry's smile at my encouragement made my stomach flip but in a happy, pleasant sort of way and not a the-fish-might-have-turned-you-now-have-food-poisoning-Ron sort of way.
A thought popped into my head and grin back at Harry. "How about I pop over to the Burrow after work and nab one of mum's cookbooks? I'm sure there'd be a recipe from my gran that we could try."
Harry liked the idea and agreed to get the ingredients we would most likely need while I headed to the Burrow for the book.
I felt like a hefty weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I now had a plan for my mum's gift and I didn't have to stress about what to get her. Best of all I didn't have to talk to Harry about what happened when I spoke to Ginny. He may know that I went to see her and the Dean secret still remained, but at least I was able to be as honest with him as I could.
The rest of our work day consisted of us silently getting through our paperwork. Well, I was able to take a handful of my towering stack of incomplete files and formed a small gnome hill of completed ones. It wasn't a lot, but still, I'd made progress.
When we called it quits for the day Harry stopped me in the doorway with a hand on my arm. "I'm glad to see you feeling better," Harry said with a soft grin. "It's been a while since I've seen you so..." he ran his hand up and down my arm comfortingly as he hunted for the right word. "Content."
My heart raced at the unexpected gesture. I willed myself to appear calm. Stupid heart, this wasn't the time to get all flustered.
"You too," I said and cursed at my lame response. "You've come a long way in such a short amount of time." I allowed myself to mirror Harry's gesture and placed a hand on his arm. "I'm so proud of you, Harry."
Harry tilted his head up and gave me a look. His emerald green eyes were wide and searching from one of my eyes to the other. It wasn't a fast frantic movement, just a gentle glide as he tried to find something. I couldn't tell what he was looking for though I was reminded of the moment we had in the kitchen when we smashed the tomato between us. Harry had been seeking something in me then, too, but I still didn't know what. No, wait. Maybe I did now. Or more precisely, Ginny knew. Perhaps she'd known all along. So I looked back at him. I smiled the softest hint of a smile to show him I wasn't going to play this off as a joke. I smiled at him with all the love and acceptance I held for him; both as a friend and as someone I cherished. I kept my gaze steady and yielding, silently praying Harry would see whatever it was he was hoping to.
"Harry-" I started, unable to handle the long stretch of silence. My mouth was too dry to speak so I didn't finish my thought. Slowly, Harry matched my smile and it changed into a smirk. I longed to lean down and just claim those smirking lips for my own. But I remained still and with a light squeeze, I lowered my arm from Harry's shoulder.
"Thank you, Ron," Harry said and copying me he removed his hand. And just like that, the moment had passed. "I'm going to let the owls out for the night before I go to the grocers. I'll see you later."
"Later, Harry." My heart was still racing as I watched him go off to the fireplaces to floo home. I took a deep, shuddering breath letting out all the tension I was feeling. I wasn't sure if I'd managed to convey those emotions to Harry. All I could do believe there wasn't anything more I was able to do to prove to Harry that I was here for him, that I wanted him without overwhelming him by crossing that frustrating line between best friends and...something more.
This was starting to get ridiculous. Harry and I were seriously overdue for a talk. I wasn't sure when we would be able to have that talk. I just hoped it was soon. Because these mixed signals I've been getting from Harry? They're becoming too much and I wasn't sure I was going to survive long enough to find out.
I was really hoping to get this story updated without too much of a delay and yet here we are almost a year later. I apologize. I've never been a fast writer and with so many ideas inside me for many, many fandoms some stories just get left by the wayside. Plus, I had a health scare back in February. I'm doing much better now.
As much as I adore this story, Before Me is one of those stories that has suffered the most from my lack of progress. Thank you, thank you, thank you for those of you who have waited that long year for this update. I hope it was worth the wait.
Until next time,
Bramblerose4