(no subject)
This is the third day in a row that I have slept until 5pm. This is the third day in a row that I have woken up with a excrutiating headache. Coincidence? I think not.
Me and Sallie are seeing Dashboard again on August 11th? Yeah, the 11th. I'm excited. It's in Camden HAHAHA. You're driving, Sal, not me!
Me, Fran, and Mer were going to make a spontaneous beach trip today but I went to bed at 5:30 and Mer bailed so I decided it would be best to do it another day. Sorry, Fran.
Me ending the trip and something else going on in a friend's group of friends got me thinking: Why do I get anxious over anything that isn't "safe"? Spontaneous adventures sound like they'll be fun when they first happen and then I start to feel panicky and I get upset. I want to be adventurous and wild and carefree but I won't allow myself when it comes down to it. Am I afraid of being destructive? I have been this way my whole life. But I do have fun all the time. Small things like calling up a friend and saying I want to chill at Dunkin Donuts at 1am is perfectly fine. Or even when we planned to go to the beach I wasn't anxious because I knew what I had to do and where the destination would be. I'm talking about big/small road trips, crazy antics (think of something Lauren Schell would want to do), etc. Every time I think back to when I have let myself go I never like the results. I don't even have to get in trouble with some sort of authority; I feel guilty for days because I feel I have done something wrong.
I don't even know if this is something I want to change about myself because I like not fucking up and I like feeling stable and secure. Sometimes I just get frusterated that I don't completely act the way an 18 year old should.
Me and Sallie are seeing Dashboard again on August 11th? Yeah, the 11th. I'm excited. It's in Camden HAHAHA. You're driving, Sal, not me!
Me, Fran, and Mer were going to make a spontaneous beach trip today but I went to bed at 5:30 and Mer bailed so I decided it would be best to do it another day. Sorry, Fran.
Me ending the trip and something else going on in a friend's group of friends got me thinking: Why do I get anxious over anything that isn't "safe"? Spontaneous adventures sound like they'll be fun when they first happen and then I start to feel panicky and I get upset. I want to be adventurous and wild and carefree but I won't allow myself when it comes down to it. Am I afraid of being destructive? I have been this way my whole life. But I do have fun all the time. Small things like calling up a friend and saying I want to chill at Dunkin Donuts at 1am is perfectly fine. Or even when we planned to go to the beach I wasn't anxious because I knew what I had to do and where the destination would be. I'm talking about big/small road trips, crazy antics (think of something Lauren Schell would want to do), etc. Every time I think back to when I have let myself go I never like the results. I don't even have to get in trouble with some sort of authority; I feel guilty for days because I feel I have done something wrong.
I don't even know if this is something I want to change about myself because I like not fucking up and I like feeling stable and secure. Sometimes I just get frusterated that I don't completely act the way an 18 year old should.