Love Lessons (Final Chapter)
Naomi woke to the feeling of Emily’s hands gently brushing over her stomach, running up her sides. Blinking open her eyes, Naomi registered the fact that it was still dark, according to her clock it was a little after four which confused her greatly.
“Why are you awake Ems?” Naomi croaked, voice heavy with sleep, a sign that she shouldn’t be awake quite yet. Pulling herself up slightly and turning on her side to meet Emily’s gaze.
“Shit sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you I was just...” Emily trailed, looking slightly guilty as she pulled her hands away from Naomi’s body. Naomi grabbing hold of the hands as she did so, bringing them back to her, resting them on her lower back.
“Horny?” Naomi suggested, biting her lip as she looked at Emily, who was now moving her hands of her own accord again, pulling Naomi closer, hands moving upwards, brushing against Naomi’s bra strap.
“Touching you doesn’t mean I want sex, it just means I like touching you. I feel like I'll explode if I don’t touch you sometimes.” Emily admitted, and even though it was dark Naomi could tell she was blushing. Emily’s voice sounded so small, it was terrifying to Naomi.
“It’s scary isn’t it? The dependence people have on other people.” Naomi muttered, pulling away slightly, but quickly being pulled back forcefully by Emily who made Naomi’s eyes meet her own.
“There’s nothing to be scared of, I promise you that it’s okay to feel like this. You don’t have to feel scared, not of me.” Emily insisted, she could always tell when Naomi was on edge, when she looked like she was about to flee, it was tiring talking Naomi round sometimes, but always worth it.
“I’m not. I’m just. People can’t always be perfect Emily.” Naomi stuttered, her fathers letter being a reminder of this, he was far from perfect and yet all she wanted was to read it, to hear what he had to say for himself.
“Good thing I’m a realist. I’m more than aware that you’re a twat, luckily I love that part just as much as every other part. I love you for you Naoms.” Emily sighed, she’d been struggling to understand Naomi recently. Her girlfriend had made a complete U-turn from talking about the future and forever, to acting like a potential flight risk.
“You love the idea of me. I’m never going to be good enough for you.” Naomi whispered, pulling herself in even closer to Emily, her contrasting words and actions leaving Emily speechless. Instead Emily started placing kisses onto Naomi’s collarbone, whispering ‘I love yous’ as she worked her way up Naomi’s neck.
“I will never stop loving you.” Emily promised, causing Naomi to pull back and stare back at her girlfriend momentarily, before diving in passionately kissing Emily, working it so that she was now straddling her. Hands forcing the T-shirt Emily was wearing off, dropping it down the side of the bed, running her fingers over Emily’s torso.
Emily tried to push aside any of her worries and just enjoy the fact that Naomi was grinding on top of her, but she couldn’t help but think there was something bigger happening with Naomi that she wasn’t letting her in on. Rationalizing that Naomi was probably just concerned about Gina’s results, Emily tried to stop thinking, and as her bra was pulled off leaving her exposed to the cool night air suddenly her mind could only concentrate on one thing.
**
Cook didn’t think he’d ever experienced silence like this before, his whole life had been an explosion of noise, but right now there was nothing. Even his thoughts felt like they were being whispered, he looked around the group, Freddie now slumped on the ground, head in his hands. Effy still stood looking confused, her hand joined awkwardly with Katie’s who was now clutching onto JJ with her spare arm.
“Cook we need to do something, call an ambulance, we need to do something.” Freddie insisted, looking up from his hands. “She can’t be here, she’s going to lose it in a minute.” Freddie motioned towards Effy who was squeezing her eyes shut.
“Right, yeah. Fuck. I’ll get her away, get rid of the drugs, we won’t get in trouble for this, it was self defense yeah?” Cook decided, rubbing his arms, he felt so cold in just his polo-shirt.
“She’s dead isn’t she?” JJ muttered, eyes wide, his heart pounding, shaking so hard that Katie had to let go of Effy’s hand to envelop him in her arms. How had this happened, why were they here, why had this all gone so wrong?
“I ain’t a fucking doctor Jay. Look, any drugs, anything incriminating, give ‘em to me. I’m going to get Effy away from here, she can’t be associated with something like this after what happened with Katiekins. Right? Now Freds you need to keep Ruby warm, try and stop that fucking bleeding. Kates ring an ambulance once I’ve had a chance to get Eff out of here, and just keep Jay calm. It was self defense. You and Ruby were in the woods Katie and you felt scared, you text JJ and Freddie and they came to find you, they saw Ruby with the rock and Jay hit her with the bat. Most of its not a lie so we’re going to be fine, just do everything I’ve said.” Cook instructed, pacing as he did so, hand reaching into Freddie’s pocket to pull out the stash of spliffs he knew would be in there. Hiding them away in his own pocket.
“It’s a plan. It’s a good plan babes yeah? This is going to be okay.” Katie promised JJ, pressing a kiss to his cheek, guilt fluttered in her stomach as she watched Freddie move over to Ruby.
“She’s got a pulse, it’s really weak but its there.” Freddie called out, smiling at the group, Katie smiling back but noticing that Cook and JJ didn’t look impressed with their third musketeer.
“She’s alive, thats a good thing you two.” Katie grumbled, placing a supportive hand on Freddie’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch him.” JJ snapped, pulling her hand back, Katie spinning round and looking at JJ confused.
“Babes jealousy doesn’t suit you, you know I love you yeah?” Katie nodded, craning her head to kiss JJ, interlacing her fingers with his.
“I’m not... Just don’t go anywhere near him, we can’t trust him, please just listen to me Katie. I only want to protect you.” JJ sighed, pulling Katie away, his eyes meeting Freddie’s hurt gaze.
“What’s going on?” Katie asked, confused by the obvious atmosphere that had quickly developed between the three boys she thought had been best friends.
“Look we’ve got bigger fish to fry here kids, she’s fucking dying and we need to get Effy away. Eff babes come with me.” Cook snapped, softening his voice as he turned to Effy, Effy immediately moving towards him.
“Why do you get to take her away? I should look after her.” Freddie challenged, standing up. “Ruby’s your girlfriend!”
“Ex-girlfriend, she was trying to snog fucking Naomi the last time I saw her. Plus I don’t trust you to be left alone with a woman, never know what you might get up to hey Freds?” Cook growled, his forehead practically pressed up against Freddie’s.
“That blonde slag cheated on my sister? I’ll fucking kill her!” Katie squealed. “And will someone please tell me what’s going on with Freddie?”
“Fucks sake Katie no, Ruby tried to kiss her and Naomi pushed her off. Now can we all concentrate on the matter in hand! Jesus there is a girl bleeding to death in front of us and we’re more worried about who’s fucking who!” Cook shouted exasperated with his friends, slipping his hand into Effy’s who looked at him gratefully.
“You’re going to walk?” Freddie asked, conceding and dropping back down to Ruby’s side, pressing his hoody, which he’d pulled off, against her head.
“Well we can hardly take a fucking car. It’ll be fine, she needs to walk off the fucking shrooms anyway. That’s all she’s had right Katie?” Cook asked, concerned as Effy dropped her head against his chest.
“Some wine, but that’s it I promise. I’m sorry, it all got out of hand, I couldn’t stop it.” Katie started to cry, this whole situation felt like her fault, the girl slumped on the ground, Effy tightly wrapped in Cook’s arms, her own boyfriend shaking and looking so completely messed up.
“Did you even fucking try?” Cook asked as he pulled Effy away with him.
**
In a way Naomi had an ulterior motive with her spontaneous sex, orgasms were like sleeping tablets to Emily, and as soon as Naomi had moved her fingers that final time and Emily had yelped out, shaking as she was brought down from the intensity of it. Her eyes had almost immediately started to flutter closed, and within minutes Naomi could hear the heavy breathing that indicated Emily had fallen asleep.
Normally Naomi would have been annoyed, but Emily falling asleep was perfect because it meant that finally she could creep out of bed and reach for the letter. Padding softly out of the room, careful to close the door quietly, Naomi made her way down the stairs. Shoving the letter into her dressing gown pocket, she switched on the kettle and made a cup of tea before grabbing a packet of fags from the kitchen drawer and wandering outside.
Placing the steaming mug of tea on the patio, Naomi stretched out her legs, lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply. Her hand resting inside her pocket on the letter, she was almost ready to pull it out when a voice interrupted.
“Those things will kill you.” Gina sighed, taking a seat next to her daughter, laughing as Naomi rolled her eyes.
“You don’t smoke. You might be ill. Somehow I don’t think the world is fair so I might as well take my chances.” Naomi shrugged, taking another drag on the cigarette before flicking it away.
“What are you doing out here darling? It’s freezing cold, shouldn’t you be in bed with your girlfriend... It certainly sounded like you were enjoying yourself a little while ago.” Gina teased, raising an eyebrow knowingly
“Jesus mum, do you just hang around listening out for sex?” Naomi complained, picking up her mug and blowing on the steam before taking a sip.
“No darling, Emily’s just always been a little vocal in that department.” Gina laughed, having to bite her lip as she watched Naomi splutter and choke on her tea.
“Christ... You’re not a normal mum you know.” Naomi cried, wiping down her front which was now covered in tea.
“I’m special.” Gina agreed, pulling her chair closer to Naomi, resting her arm against Naomi’s, their fingers finding each others until they were holding hands.
“Yeah that’s one word for it.” Naomi smiled, resting her head against her mothers shoulder. The letter would have to wait till later.
**
JJ had always hated the smell of hospitals, they reminded him of horrible things, they reminded him of being seven years old and having to visit his grandmother who he’d never liked anyway, because she thought he was odd and she didn’t understand that he just thought about things in a different way to how she did. He remembered how ill she looked, how she looked dead weeks before she finally passed away, and how scary it was when his mum would tell him he had to kiss her goodbye. It was the last time he visited her that he refused to kiss her, didn’t want his lips to meet her pale skin, didn’t want her odd smell to flood his nostrils and make him feel sick, so when his mother had told him to say goodbye he’d ran away, ran down the corridor past patients and past nurses who tried to stop him. He’d hidden in the toilets for nearly two hours before someone finally coaxed him out. His grandmother died, and he’d never said goodbye, and he felt guilty, because even though he didn’t like her and even though she smelt funny and never really understood him, he still should have said goodbye.
“You look like you’re thinking.” Katie smiled, her hand resting on top of his, it felt strange to have this girl who he loved, who loved him back, looking after him and caring.
“We’re always thinking. It’s what humans do. We can’t just turn it off.” JJ stumbled, his words sounding robotic and forced.
“I know I just meant... I’m sorry.” Katie whispered, still feeling guilty for JJ feeling like this in the first place, guilty that there was a girl in hospital, guilty that she might not make it and then JJ would be left with this forever on his conscience.
“I got you guys some coffee, probably tastes like shit but yeah.” Freddie shrugged, offering the cups out to JJ and Katie, Katie taking it gratefully smiling at Freddie, whilst JJ simply scowled at the taller boy.
“Why are you still here Freddie? This has nothing to do with you. You should just leave, leave us alone.” JJ snapped, ignoring the coffee that Freddie was still proffering, hating the sight of his friend, it was simply agitating him further and after the events of the night he really didn’t need it.
“I’m part of this Jay, part of this whole fucking mess and you’re going to need me when the police come and interview us. I’m your friend remember? I’ve always been your friend.” Freddie insisted, because he knew exactly how messed up JJ would be feeling, and he’d always been so good at stopping him from getting locked on in the past.
“You’re not my friend.” JJ replied coldly, causing Katie to turn round and glare first at her boyfriend, and then over to her ex-boyfriend.
“Right is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on? Is this about the club that night? Because Jay babes you punched Freddie, its kind of you that needs to apologise not the other way around.” Katie sighed, oblivious to the secret that Freddie and JJ were hiding.
“Don’t... Please.” Freddie muttered to JJ, as JJ contemplated whether this was a secret that should be told or not. His loyalty was to Katie though, and she deserved to know, to finally be able to end this.
“It was him. Freddie was the one that attacked you. I found out and that’s why I can’t apologise to him, or be his friend, or even look at him. Because you’re everything to me Katie and he tried to destroy you.” JJ blurted out, immediately dropping his head into his hands to avoid looking at Katie.
“You fucking bastard!” Katie screamed, pushing him into the wall opposite and hammering her fists into his chest. JJ could hardly watch his girlfriend in so much pain, Freddie could concentrate on nothing else but Katie’s broken expression and Katie was so locked on punishing Freddie. All three oblivious to the approaching police officers who wanted a word with them.
**
Naomi had to abandon her plan to read the letter once again, she needed to get back to bed, soon Emily would be awake and it was a promise Naomi had made to herself and to Emily that she would always be there in the morning after they’d slept together. Creeping into the bedroom with toast to act as an explanation of her absence, Naomi was relieved to see Emily still happily sleeping in the same position she’d left her in.
Waving the plate under Emily’s nose, it took literally a second before she awoke, the smell of melting butter causing Emily to spring awake, pull herself up, and tuck in greedily.
“Oh my god I love you so much.” Emily mumbled through a mouthful of warm bread, Naomi could never get over Emily being so tiny but eating so much, her girlfriend was like a machine and Gina had often joked that their food bill had almost doubled since Naomi had started going out with Emily.
“I thought you might be hungry, our early morning session must have worked up an appetite.” Naomi winked, referencing their passion from earlier.
“I fell asleep afterwards didn’t I? Oh Nai I’m such a shit girlfriend, seriously you should prod me or something.” Emily sighed, feeling guilty that she’d left Naomi unsatisfied.
“Ems I didn’t care, honestly, I know what you’re like. Sex and sleep go one after another with you, followed a few hours later by a strong desire for food.” Naomi laughed, stealing a triangle of toast before Emily devoured the lot.
“You know me so well.” Emily smiled, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend, beaming at her with an adorable smile. “What time is it?”
Naomi glanced at her watch, sighing when she caught sight of the time. It was getting closer and closer to her mothers appointment, her stomach felt tight, she was glad Emily was eating all the toast now because she didn’t think she’d be able to force down anymore.
“Nearly half nine.” Naomi muttered, shuffling back on the bed as Emily placed the plate down and took Naomi’s hand in her own.
“It’s going to be okay yeah? I’m here. We’ll be fine the three of us, whatever the result.” Emily insisted, her thumb stroking the back of Naomi’s hand. Naomi locked in dread and feelings of despair, Emily desperate to keep Naomi going, the pair sat in silence for what seemed like forever.
The two of them eventually began to move, Emily pulling Naomi towards the bathroom, the two of them stepping into the shower. It wasn’t sexual. Simply Naomi’s need to be with someone, to have someone look after her as reality dawned on her what today could potentially mean for the rest of her life.
Stepping out of the shower, Emily wrapped a towel round Naomi, leaning in and kissing the tip of Naomi’s nose.
“I’m scared.” Naomi admitted in a soft voice that Emily wasn’t used to hearing.
“I know.” Emily whispered, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, wishing there was more she could do to make this easier.
**
“Do you want to sit down?” Cook asked Effy who was swaying slightly, her head continuously crashing into Cook’s chest as he tried to walk with her.
“I just want... I want to kiss you... I came here for you.” Effy murmured, face buried in Cook’s neck, he fought with desire, knew he couldn’t take advantage of her like this. Knew that she probably didn’t mean it, and that he’d be chucked aside once again leaving him heartbroken.
“I just want to get you home yeah? How about I carry you?” Cook suggested, easily picking up the tiny girl, trying not to swing her in his arms he didn’t want the motion of the walk to make her sick.
“I came here, I took the shrooms. I did it all because I love you, because I thought it was what you wanted. But it was all a game, it was all a big punishment.” Effy mumbled, rubbing her forehead against the soft material of Cook’s polo shirt, she could feel his heart racing underneath the fabric but it didn’t scare her, it calmed her.
“I’d have never asked you to do any of that shit babes. You should have known that.” Cook sighed, holding Effy tighter.
“Put me down. I want to sit down.” Effy insisted, Cook automatically stopping and finding a clearing for them to sit down in. Falling against Cook once again, she felt protected as he wrapped his arms around her.
“I’ll look after you.” Cook promised, pressing a delicate kiss to the top of Effy’s head
“I’ve always been scared. Scared of us. Thought we were too similar to work, but we do work don’t we? We’ve just got to stop hurting each other.” Effy contemplated, turning round and analysing Cook’s expression, hoping he agreed with her.
“You’re high, you don’t know what you’re saying. Don’t make promises you can’t keep Eff.” Cook grunted, a little harsher than he intended, he could see he’d frightened Effy with the tone of his voice.
“I’m going to go to sleep. I’ll tell you the same thing when I wake up.” Effy insisted, laying in Cook’s arms, so much of a resemblance to the two of them when they were on the run, it all felt so familiar, so nice.
“I hope so, cos I love you.” Cook whispered, even though Effy was asleep and couldn’t hear him. He would lie for hours waiting for her to wake and tell him she loved him too.
**
With her mother in with the doctor and Emily on a mission to find a toilet, Naomi was left alone and once again found the letter from her father burning away, desperate to be read. Finally pulling it out, she let her eyes focus on the words and began to read. It wasn’t terribly long, but said all it needed to say, with a surprising offer at the end. But before she could even contemplate what that meant, Emily had returned and the letter had been shoved back into her pocket.
“It was like an epic adventure just to have a piss, ridiculous.” Emily sighed, slumping down in the chair next to Naomi, grabbing hold of Naomi’s hand and giving her a supportive smile.
“She’s taking ages in there Ems. They don’t take ages just to say ‘all clear’ they take ages to explain treatment plans and shit. This is bad.” Naomi worried, her attention diverted from the letter momentarily as her concentration returned to where it needed to be, on her mother.
“...Or the doctors really fit and your mum is chatting him up. Please stop thinking negatively Nai, we won’t know anything until she’s finished.” Emily insisted, finding it difficult to rationalize with Naomi.
Both girls heads turned as the door to the doctors office clicked open, watching as Gina emerged, her face giving nothing away. Sitting down on the chair opposite them Gina stared at the two expectant faces looking back at her.
“We knew that there was a chance it wasn’t going to be the news we wanted...” Gina started, her voice cracking slightly, trying to stay strong as she watched the colour drain from Naomi’s face.
“Jesus...” Naomi stuttered, standing up and backing away slightly, her eyes begging her mum to tell her this was a sick joke, that this wasn’t happening to them.
“There are so many things that they can do darling. I’m going to start treatment straight away, and the doctor says they’ve caught it early, thats a good thing.” Gina desperately tried to explain, Naomi shaking her head as each word cut through her.
“I can’t do this.” Naomi muttered, turning and running down the corridor. Running so fast, desperate to get out, to get outside. Even when the cold air hit her it still wasn’t enough, she had to keep running, had to get away, as far away as possible.
“Gina I’m so sorry.” Emily finally spoke, part of her wanting to run after Naomi, but knowing that her girlfriend needed space right now. Instead wrapping her arms around Gina and holding her close, letting the older woman sob onto her shoulder.
**
They’d explained it all, it was all very serious, and there were official statements to be made. Both Katie and Freddie collaborated that it had been self-defense, that Katie had been in actual danger and that JJ was simply protecting his girlfriend. The police were keen to hear what Ruby had to say though, her statement would be the most important of all, if they were able to get one. No doctor had been able to tell them what was going on, what was happening, if she was okay. It was concerning, JJ just couldn’t stop thinking.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Katie whispered, her and JJ were finally alone, she could finally wrap her hand around JJ’s and let him know how sorry she was.
“I know. I begged you not to though Katie, I begged you to stop with the hatred. Look where it’s got us. What are you going to do now? Go after Freddie?” JJ questioned, his blue eyes connecting with Katie’s deep brown.
“I don’t want to talk about Freddie. I can’t think about him right now, not with all this other crap going on.” Katie snapped, her skins creeping as she thought about all the times she’d slept with Freddie, how they all made her feel so dirty and unclean now.
“I was walking around and I heard the doctors.” Freddie interrupted, walking back in, Katie shooting him a dirty look, as JJ’s ears pricked up and he looked interested.
“What did they say? Is she alright? Is she going to be alright Freddie?” JJ begged, standing up his eyes pleaded with Freddie to give him good news.
“Jay, I think... I think she’s dead.” Freddie muttered, knowing that his words were going to destroy the boy in front of him, and as JJ sunk to his knees, Freddie could see they had.
“JJ” Katie uttered, her hand resting on JJ’s back, desperately trying to support him.
“Get off me! This is your fault! This is all your fault!” JJ shouted pushing Katie away, Katie stumbling backwards, surprised and devastated by the look of pain on JJ’s face. She couldn’t fix this, couldn’t make it better, and JJ was right, it was all her fault.
**
There should have come a point when Naomi wanted to stop running, but there wasn’t, she just couldn’t stop. Only it was different this time, now she had somewhere to go.
**
Emily slipped her hand into Gina’s and the two walked together, taking the long way home, they talked, both avoiding the subject of Naomi. Gina explained everything that the doctor had told her and Emily nodded along, listening patiently and smiling and squeezing the older woman’s hand in all the appropriate places. Something that Naomi should have been doing, but instead it was Emily left to pick up all the pieces
“She’ll be okay won’t she?” Gina asked, Emily looking up surprised, Gina breaking the invisible ban on the mention of her daughter.
“You shouldn’t be worried about Naomi, I’ll deal with her. You need to concentrate on yourself for once, maybe you should call Kieran?” Emily suggested, seeing how Gina dropped her head at the mention of his name.
“It’s over between us. I can’t make him go through this.” Gina sighed, rubbing a hand over her tired eyes.
“Maybe he’d want to go through it with you. If it was Naomi I’d want to be there for her, I’d want to go through everything holding her hand. He really loves you.” Emily smiled, leaning her head against Gina’s shoulder. Gina kissing the top of Emily’s head as she did so.
The front door was almost in sight so Emily began to fumble for the key, Gina smiling at the responsible way in which Emily took care of her. They both paused listening out for Naomi but the house was silent.
“Tea?” Emily suggested, allowing Gina to go into living room and sink down into the sofa to sob the tears she’d been holding in since she got given the news.
Emily wandered into the kitchen and pulled out two mugs from the cupboard, leaning against the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil she spotted something on the table that made her heart sink.
I couldn’t stop running. I love you, don’t forget that. Look after her Ems, you’re a better person than I’ll ever be. x
Love really fucking hurt sometimes.
“Why are you awake Ems?” Naomi croaked, voice heavy with sleep, a sign that she shouldn’t be awake quite yet. Pulling herself up slightly and turning on her side to meet Emily’s gaze.
“Shit sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you I was just...” Emily trailed, looking slightly guilty as she pulled her hands away from Naomi’s body. Naomi grabbing hold of the hands as she did so, bringing them back to her, resting them on her lower back.
“Horny?” Naomi suggested, biting her lip as she looked at Emily, who was now moving her hands of her own accord again, pulling Naomi closer, hands moving upwards, brushing against Naomi’s bra strap.
“Touching you doesn’t mean I want sex, it just means I like touching you. I feel like I'll explode if I don’t touch you sometimes.” Emily admitted, and even though it was dark Naomi could tell she was blushing. Emily’s voice sounded so small, it was terrifying to Naomi.
“It’s scary isn’t it? The dependence people have on other people.” Naomi muttered, pulling away slightly, but quickly being pulled back forcefully by Emily who made Naomi’s eyes meet her own.
“There’s nothing to be scared of, I promise you that it’s okay to feel like this. You don’t have to feel scared, not of me.” Emily insisted, she could always tell when Naomi was on edge, when she looked like she was about to flee, it was tiring talking Naomi round sometimes, but always worth it.
“I’m not. I’m just. People can’t always be perfect Emily.” Naomi stuttered, her fathers letter being a reminder of this, he was far from perfect and yet all she wanted was to read it, to hear what he had to say for himself.
“Good thing I’m a realist. I’m more than aware that you’re a twat, luckily I love that part just as much as every other part. I love you for you Naoms.” Emily sighed, she’d been struggling to understand Naomi recently. Her girlfriend had made a complete U-turn from talking about the future and forever, to acting like a potential flight risk.
“You love the idea of me. I’m never going to be good enough for you.” Naomi whispered, pulling herself in even closer to Emily, her contrasting words and actions leaving Emily speechless. Instead Emily started placing kisses onto Naomi’s collarbone, whispering ‘I love yous’ as she worked her way up Naomi’s neck.
“I will never stop loving you.” Emily promised, causing Naomi to pull back and stare back at her girlfriend momentarily, before diving in passionately kissing Emily, working it so that she was now straddling her. Hands forcing the T-shirt Emily was wearing off, dropping it down the side of the bed, running her fingers over Emily’s torso.
Emily tried to push aside any of her worries and just enjoy the fact that Naomi was grinding on top of her, but she couldn’t help but think there was something bigger happening with Naomi that she wasn’t letting her in on. Rationalizing that Naomi was probably just concerned about Gina’s results, Emily tried to stop thinking, and as her bra was pulled off leaving her exposed to the cool night air suddenly her mind could only concentrate on one thing.
**
Cook didn’t think he’d ever experienced silence like this before, his whole life had been an explosion of noise, but right now there was nothing. Even his thoughts felt like they were being whispered, he looked around the group, Freddie now slumped on the ground, head in his hands. Effy still stood looking confused, her hand joined awkwardly with Katie’s who was now clutching onto JJ with her spare arm.
“Cook we need to do something, call an ambulance, we need to do something.” Freddie insisted, looking up from his hands. “She can’t be here, she’s going to lose it in a minute.” Freddie motioned towards Effy who was squeezing her eyes shut.
“Right, yeah. Fuck. I’ll get her away, get rid of the drugs, we won’t get in trouble for this, it was self defense yeah?” Cook decided, rubbing his arms, he felt so cold in just his polo-shirt.
“She’s dead isn’t she?” JJ muttered, eyes wide, his heart pounding, shaking so hard that Katie had to let go of Effy’s hand to envelop him in her arms. How had this happened, why were they here, why had this all gone so wrong?
“I ain’t a fucking doctor Jay. Look, any drugs, anything incriminating, give ‘em to me. I’m going to get Effy away from here, she can’t be associated with something like this after what happened with Katiekins. Right? Now Freds you need to keep Ruby warm, try and stop that fucking bleeding. Kates ring an ambulance once I’ve had a chance to get Eff out of here, and just keep Jay calm. It was self defense. You and Ruby were in the woods Katie and you felt scared, you text JJ and Freddie and they came to find you, they saw Ruby with the rock and Jay hit her with the bat. Most of its not a lie so we’re going to be fine, just do everything I’ve said.” Cook instructed, pacing as he did so, hand reaching into Freddie’s pocket to pull out the stash of spliffs he knew would be in there. Hiding them away in his own pocket.
“It’s a plan. It’s a good plan babes yeah? This is going to be okay.” Katie promised JJ, pressing a kiss to his cheek, guilt fluttered in her stomach as she watched Freddie move over to Ruby.
“She’s got a pulse, it’s really weak but its there.” Freddie called out, smiling at the group, Katie smiling back but noticing that Cook and JJ didn’t look impressed with their third musketeer.
“She’s alive, thats a good thing you two.” Katie grumbled, placing a supportive hand on Freddie’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch him.” JJ snapped, pulling her hand back, Katie spinning round and looking at JJ confused.
“Babes jealousy doesn’t suit you, you know I love you yeah?” Katie nodded, craning her head to kiss JJ, interlacing her fingers with his.
“I’m not... Just don’t go anywhere near him, we can’t trust him, please just listen to me Katie. I only want to protect you.” JJ sighed, pulling Katie away, his eyes meeting Freddie’s hurt gaze.
“What’s going on?” Katie asked, confused by the obvious atmosphere that had quickly developed between the three boys she thought had been best friends.
“Look we’ve got bigger fish to fry here kids, she’s fucking dying and we need to get Effy away. Eff babes come with me.” Cook snapped, softening his voice as he turned to Effy, Effy immediately moving towards him.
“Why do you get to take her away? I should look after her.” Freddie challenged, standing up. “Ruby’s your girlfriend!”
“Ex-girlfriend, she was trying to snog fucking Naomi the last time I saw her. Plus I don’t trust you to be left alone with a woman, never know what you might get up to hey Freds?” Cook growled, his forehead practically pressed up against Freddie’s.
“That blonde slag cheated on my sister? I’ll fucking kill her!” Katie squealed. “And will someone please tell me what’s going on with Freddie?”
“Fucks sake Katie no, Ruby tried to kiss her and Naomi pushed her off. Now can we all concentrate on the matter in hand! Jesus there is a girl bleeding to death in front of us and we’re more worried about who’s fucking who!” Cook shouted exasperated with his friends, slipping his hand into Effy’s who looked at him gratefully.
“You’re going to walk?” Freddie asked, conceding and dropping back down to Ruby’s side, pressing his hoody, which he’d pulled off, against her head.
“Well we can hardly take a fucking car. It’ll be fine, she needs to walk off the fucking shrooms anyway. That’s all she’s had right Katie?” Cook asked, concerned as Effy dropped her head against his chest.
“Some wine, but that’s it I promise. I’m sorry, it all got out of hand, I couldn’t stop it.” Katie started to cry, this whole situation felt like her fault, the girl slumped on the ground, Effy tightly wrapped in Cook’s arms, her own boyfriend shaking and looking so completely messed up.
“Did you even fucking try?” Cook asked as he pulled Effy away with him.
**
In a way Naomi had an ulterior motive with her spontaneous sex, orgasms were like sleeping tablets to Emily, and as soon as Naomi had moved her fingers that final time and Emily had yelped out, shaking as she was brought down from the intensity of it. Her eyes had almost immediately started to flutter closed, and within minutes Naomi could hear the heavy breathing that indicated Emily had fallen asleep.
Normally Naomi would have been annoyed, but Emily falling asleep was perfect because it meant that finally she could creep out of bed and reach for the letter. Padding softly out of the room, careful to close the door quietly, Naomi made her way down the stairs. Shoving the letter into her dressing gown pocket, she switched on the kettle and made a cup of tea before grabbing a packet of fags from the kitchen drawer and wandering outside.
Placing the steaming mug of tea on the patio, Naomi stretched out her legs, lighting up a cigarette and inhaling deeply. Her hand resting inside her pocket on the letter, she was almost ready to pull it out when a voice interrupted.
“Those things will kill you.” Gina sighed, taking a seat next to her daughter, laughing as Naomi rolled her eyes.
“You don’t smoke. You might be ill. Somehow I don’t think the world is fair so I might as well take my chances.” Naomi shrugged, taking another drag on the cigarette before flicking it away.
“What are you doing out here darling? It’s freezing cold, shouldn’t you be in bed with your girlfriend... It certainly sounded like you were enjoying yourself a little while ago.” Gina teased, raising an eyebrow knowingly
“Jesus mum, do you just hang around listening out for sex?” Naomi complained, picking up her mug and blowing on the steam before taking a sip.
“No darling, Emily’s just always been a little vocal in that department.” Gina laughed, having to bite her lip as she watched Naomi splutter and choke on her tea.
“Christ... You’re not a normal mum you know.” Naomi cried, wiping down her front which was now covered in tea.
“I’m special.” Gina agreed, pulling her chair closer to Naomi, resting her arm against Naomi’s, their fingers finding each others until they were holding hands.
“Yeah that’s one word for it.” Naomi smiled, resting her head against her mothers shoulder. The letter would have to wait till later.
**
JJ had always hated the smell of hospitals, they reminded him of horrible things, they reminded him of being seven years old and having to visit his grandmother who he’d never liked anyway, because she thought he was odd and she didn’t understand that he just thought about things in a different way to how she did. He remembered how ill she looked, how she looked dead weeks before she finally passed away, and how scary it was when his mum would tell him he had to kiss her goodbye. It was the last time he visited her that he refused to kiss her, didn’t want his lips to meet her pale skin, didn’t want her odd smell to flood his nostrils and make him feel sick, so when his mother had told him to say goodbye he’d ran away, ran down the corridor past patients and past nurses who tried to stop him. He’d hidden in the toilets for nearly two hours before someone finally coaxed him out. His grandmother died, and he’d never said goodbye, and he felt guilty, because even though he didn’t like her and even though she smelt funny and never really understood him, he still should have said goodbye.
“You look like you’re thinking.” Katie smiled, her hand resting on top of his, it felt strange to have this girl who he loved, who loved him back, looking after him and caring.
“We’re always thinking. It’s what humans do. We can’t just turn it off.” JJ stumbled, his words sounding robotic and forced.
“I know I just meant... I’m sorry.” Katie whispered, still feeling guilty for JJ feeling like this in the first place, guilty that there was a girl in hospital, guilty that she might not make it and then JJ would be left with this forever on his conscience.
“I got you guys some coffee, probably tastes like shit but yeah.” Freddie shrugged, offering the cups out to JJ and Katie, Katie taking it gratefully smiling at Freddie, whilst JJ simply scowled at the taller boy.
“Why are you still here Freddie? This has nothing to do with you. You should just leave, leave us alone.” JJ snapped, ignoring the coffee that Freddie was still proffering, hating the sight of his friend, it was simply agitating him further and after the events of the night he really didn’t need it.
“I’m part of this Jay, part of this whole fucking mess and you’re going to need me when the police come and interview us. I’m your friend remember? I’ve always been your friend.” Freddie insisted, because he knew exactly how messed up JJ would be feeling, and he’d always been so good at stopping him from getting locked on in the past.
“You’re not my friend.” JJ replied coldly, causing Katie to turn round and glare first at her boyfriend, and then over to her ex-boyfriend.
“Right is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on? Is this about the club that night? Because Jay babes you punched Freddie, its kind of you that needs to apologise not the other way around.” Katie sighed, oblivious to the secret that Freddie and JJ were hiding.
“Don’t... Please.” Freddie muttered to JJ, as JJ contemplated whether this was a secret that should be told or not. His loyalty was to Katie though, and she deserved to know, to finally be able to end this.
“It was him. Freddie was the one that attacked you. I found out and that’s why I can’t apologise to him, or be his friend, or even look at him. Because you’re everything to me Katie and he tried to destroy you.” JJ blurted out, immediately dropping his head into his hands to avoid looking at Katie.
“You fucking bastard!” Katie screamed, pushing him into the wall opposite and hammering her fists into his chest. JJ could hardly watch his girlfriend in so much pain, Freddie could concentrate on nothing else but Katie’s broken expression and Katie was so locked on punishing Freddie. All three oblivious to the approaching police officers who wanted a word with them.
**
Naomi had to abandon her plan to read the letter once again, she needed to get back to bed, soon Emily would be awake and it was a promise Naomi had made to herself and to Emily that she would always be there in the morning after they’d slept together. Creeping into the bedroom with toast to act as an explanation of her absence, Naomi was relieved to see Emily still happily sleeping in the same position she’d left her in.
Waving the plate under Emily’s nose, it took literally a second before she awoke, the smell of melting butter causing Emily to spring awake, pull herself up, and tuck in greedily.
“Oh my god I love you so much.” Emily mumbled through a mouthful of warm bread, Naomi could never get over Emily being so tiny but eating so much, her girlfriend was like a machine and Gina had often joked that their food bill had almost doubled since Naomi had started going out with Emily.
“I thought you might be hungry, our early morning session must have worked up an appetite.” Naomi winked, referencing their passion from earlier.
“I fell asleep afterwards didn’t I? Oh Nai I’m such a shit girlfriend, seriously you should prod me or something.” Emily sighed, feeling guilty that she’d left Naomi unsatisfied.
“Ems I didn’t care, honestly, I know what you’re like. Sex and sleep go one after another with you, followed a few hours later by a strong desire for food.” Naomi laughed, stealing a triangle of toast before Emily devoured the lot.
“You know me so well.” Emily smiled, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend, beaming at her with an adorable smile. “What time is it?”
Naomi glanced at her watch, sighing when she caught sight of the time. It was getting closer and closer to her mothers appointment, her stomach felt tight, she was glad Emily was eating all the toast now because she didn’t think she’d be able to force down anymore.
“Nearly half nine.” Naomi muttered, shuffling back on the bed as Emily placed the plate down and took Naomi’s hand in her own.
“It’s going to be okay yeah? I’m here. We’ll be fine the three of us, whatever the result.” Emily insisted, her thumb stroking the back of Naomi’s hand. Naomi locked in dread and feelings of despair, Emily desperate to keep Naomi going, the pair sat in silence for what seemed like forever.
The two of them eventually began to move, Emily pulling Naomi towards the bathroom, the two of them stepping into the shower. It wasn’t sexual. Simply Naomi’s need to be with someone, to have someone look after her as reality dawned on her what today could potentially mean for the rest of her life.
Stepping out of the shower, Emily wrapped a towel round Naomi, leaning in and kissing the tip of Naomi’s nose.
“I’m scared.” Naomi admitted in a soft voice that Emily wasn’t used to hearing.
“I know.” Emily whispered, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, wishing there was more she could do to make this easier.
**
“Do you want to sit down?” Cook asked Effy who was swaying slightly, her head continuously crashing into Cook’s chest as he tried to walk with her.
“I just want... I want to kiss you... I came here for you.” Effy murmured, face buried in Cook’s neck, he fought with desire, knew he couldn’t take advantage of her like this. Knew that she probably didn’t mean it, and that he’d be chucked aside once again leaving him heartbroken.
“I just want to get you home yeah? How about I carry you?” Cook suggested, easily picking up the tiny girl, trying not to swing her in his arms he didn’t want the motion of the walk to make her sick.
“I came here, I took the shrooms. I did it all because I love you, because I thought it was what you wanted. But it was all a game, it was all a big punishment.” Effy mumbled, rubbing her forehead against the soft material of Cook’s polo shirt, she could feel his heart racing underneath the fabric but it didn’t scare her, it calmed her.
“I’d have never asked you to do any of that shit babes. You should have known that.” Cook sighed, holding Effy tighter.
“Put me down. I want to sit down.” Effy insisted, Cook automatically stopping and finding a clearing for them to sit down in. Falling against Cook once again, she felt protected as he wrapped his arms around her.
“I’ll look after you.” Cook promised, pressing a delicate kiss to the top of Effy’s head
“I’ve always been scared. Scared of us. Thought we were too similar to work, but we do work don’t we? We’ve just got to stop hurting each other.” Effy contemplated, turning round and analysing Cook’s expression, hoping he agreed with her.
“You’re high, you don’t know what you’re saying. Don’t make promises you can’t keep Eff.” Cook grunted, a little harsher than he intended, he could see he’d frightened Effy with the tone of his voice.
“I’m going to go to sleep. I’ll tell you the same thing when I wake up.” Effy insisted, laying in Cook’s arms, so much of a resemblance to the two of them when they were on the run, it all felt so familiar, so nice.
“I hope so, cos I love you.” Cook whispered, even though Effy was asleep and couldn’t hear him. He would lie for hours waiting for her to wake and tell him she loved him too.
**
With her mother in with the doctor and Emily on a mission to find a toilet, Naomi was left alone and once again found the letter from her father burning away, desperate to be read. Finally pulling it out, she let her eyes focus on the words and began to read. It wasn’t terribly long, but said all it needed to say, with a surprising offer at the end. But before she could even contemplate what that meant, Emily had returned and the letter had been shoved back into her pocket.
“It was like an epic adventure just to have a piss, ridiculous.” Emily sighed, slumping down in the chair next to Naomi, grabbing hold of Naomi’s hand and giving her a supportive smile.
“She’s taking ages in there Ems. They don’t take ages just to say ‘all clear’ they take ages to explain treatment plans and shit. This is bad.” Naomi worried, her attention diverted from the letter momentarily as her concentration returned to where it needed to be, on her mother.
“...Or the doctors really fit and your mum is chatting him up. Please stop thinking negatively Nai, we won’t know anything until she’s finished.” Emily insisted, finding it difficult to rationalize with Naomi.
Both girls heads turned as the door to the doctors office clicked open, watching as Gina emerged, her face giving nothing away. Sitting down on the chair opposite them Gina stared at the two expectant faces looking back at her.
“We knew that there was a chance it wasn’t going to be the news we wanted...” Gina started, her voice cracking slightly, trying to stay strong as she watched the colour drain from Naomi’s face.
“Jesus...” Naomi stuttered, standing up and backing away slightly, her eyes begging her mum to tell her this was a sick joke, that this wasn’t happening to them.
“There are so many things that they can do darling. I’m going to start treatment straight away, and the doctor says they’ve caught it early, thats a good thing.” Gina desperately tried to explain, Naomi shaking her head as each word cut through her.
“I can’t do this.” Naomi muttered, turning and running down the corridor. Running so fast, desperate to get out, to get outside. Even when the cold air hit her it still wasn’t enough, she had to keep running, had to get away, as far away as possible.
“Gina I’m so sorry.” Emily finally spoke, part of her wanting to run after Naomi, but knowing that her girlfriend needed space right now. Instead wrapping her arms around Gina and holding her close, letting the older woman sob onto her shoulder.
**
They’d explained it all, it was all very serious, and there were official statements to be made. Both Katie and Freddie collaborated that it had been self-defense, that Katie had been in actual danger and that JJ was simply protecting his girlfriend. The police were keen to hear what Ruby had to say though, her statement would be the most important of all, if they were able to get one. No doctor had been able to tell them what was going on, what was happening, if she was okay. It was concerning, JJ just couldn’t stop thinking.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Katie whispered, her and JJ were finally alone, she could finally wrap her hand around JJ’s and let him know how sorry she was.
“I know. I begged you not to though Katie, I begged you to stop with the hatred. Look where it’s got us. What are you going to do now? Go after Freddie?” JJ questioned, his blue eyes connecting with Katie’s deep brown.
“I don’t want to talk about Freddie. I can’t think about him right now, not with all this other crap going on.” Katie snapped, her skins creeping as she thought about all the times she’d slept with Freddie, how they all made her feel so dirty and unclean now.
“I was walking around and I heard the doctors.” Freddie interrupted, walking back in, Katie shooting him a dirty look, as JJ’s ears pricked up and he looked interested.
“What did they say? Is she alright? Is she going to be alright Freddie?” JJ begged, standing up his eyes pleaded with Freddie to give him good news.
“Jay, I think... I think she’s dead.” Freddie muttered, knowing that his words were going to destroy the boy in front of him, and as JJ sunk to his knees, Freddie could see they had.
“JJ” Katie uttered, her hand resting on JJ’s back, desperately trying to support him.
“Get off me! This is your fault! This is all your fault!” JJ shouted pushing Katie away, Katie stumbling backwards, surprised and devastated by the look of pain on JJ’s face. She couldn’t fix this, couldn’t make it better, and JJ was right, it was all her fault.
**
There should have come a point when Naomi wanted to stop running, but there wasn’t, she just couldn’t stop. Only it was different this time, now she had somewhere to go.
**
Emily slipped her hand into Gina’s and the two walked together, taking the long way home, they talked, both avoiding the subject of Naomi. Gina explained everything that the doctor had told her and Emily nodded along, listening patiently and smiling and squeezing the older woman’s hand in all the appropriate places. Something that Naomi should have been doing, but instead it was Emily left to pick up all the pieces
“She’ll be okay won’t she?” Gina asked, Emily looking up surprised, Gina breaking the invisible ban on the mention of her daughter.
“You shouldn’t be worried about Naomi, I’ll deal with her. You need to concentrate on yourself for once, maybe you should call Kieran?” Emily suggested, seeing how Gina dropped her head at the mention of his name.
“It’s over between us. I can’t make him go through this.” Gina sighed, rubbing a hand over her tired eyes.
“Maybe he’d want to go through it with you. If it was Naomi I’d want to be there for her, I’d want to go through everything holding her hand. He really loves you.” Emily smiled, leaning her head against Gina’s shoulder. Gina kissing the top of Emily’s head as she did so.
The front door was almost in sight so Emily began to fumble for the key, Gina smiling at the responsible way in which Emily took care of her. They both paused listening out for Naomi but the house was silent.
“Tea?” Emily suggested, allowing Gina to go into living room and sink down into the sofa to sob the tears she’d been holding in since she got given the news.
Emily wandered into the kitchen and pulled out two mugs from the cupboard, leaning against the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil she spotted something on the table that made her heart sink.
I couldn’t stop running. I love you, don’t forget that. Look after her Ems, you’re a better person than I’ll ever be. x
Love really fucking hurt sometimes.