The Great Unknown
Do you ever get into a situation where your brain moves faster than your mouth? I was out at the grocery store earlier today to pick up some milk since we had run out. After ringing up said milk, the cashier lady asked me if I wanted a bag for it. Now, what I intended to say at this point was "I'll be okay." What actually came out of my mouth, however, was "I B K." I was rather dumbfounded by it, but it didn't seem to phase her at all. I guess as a cashier you get to converse with all sorts of interesting spins on the language.
So, in my last entry, which surprisingly few people commented on, I finally admitted to the world that I lack the dedication to visual artistry to pursue any sort of career there. That's a pretty big step considering that I've been doodling since I was a rug-rat, and it's all I've really wanted to do since then, and all the time, effort, money, study, blood, sweat, tears, and general angst that have gone into the pursuit of a future as some sort of artist. I suppose I've really known this for years, but I kept going anyway because I was lost and didn't really know what else I would do with myself. I kept saying that with enough teaching, enough study, and enough practice, I could get there. But my hands are too stupid, and I'm too judgmental of my "work," and when it comes down to it, I really just can't make myself believe that I will ever be as great an artist as I want to be. But that's okay. I don't have to be a professional artist. I can still pursue it as a hobby, and in fact I plan to.
So, then. What now? I'm sort of starting over from square one, I suppose. Only difference is I'm a lot less naïve now, although probably still moreso than I should be. Oh well, nobody's perfect. So, if I have eliminated the impossible, I must search for what is possible. A career should be something you're good at, and that you enjoy, and while I enjoy art, I'm not really good at it. It's not even to do with skill, really, it's to do with dedication to the craft and perseverence. I don't have patience for artistry to give it the time it needs. At least, not on a professional schedule.
What am I good at? Not a lot, honestly. At least, not a lot that's actually useful. I'm good at videogames, I'm good at being a decent human being, I'm good at baking cookies, brownies, and sometimes cheesecake, I'm good at both giving a damn and not giving a damn, and I'm usually pretty good at both talking to people and listening to people. Some people might also suggest that I am hilarious, but comedy is relative, and quite frankly, the only way to know if you're really funny or not is if people laugh at things you say/do. It's not really a call you can make for yourself. Moving on; what do I enjoy? Well, actually, I enjoy all those things I just listed. In addition, I enjoy figuring stuff out and learning new things, I like putting a different spin on something and making people think about it, and I like getting feedback from people whom I have made think about something. I'm not sure how good I am at any of those things, though. There's more than that, of course, but none of it really has anything to do with a career. Yea, like gaming has so much to do with a career.
So, now I have to condense all that into something that's useful. Near as I can figure, there seems to be some overlap in the area of chronicling and retelling information. So... I guess that means I should be a journalist, an author, or a teacher; probably of English or Literature or Creative Writing or Not Being a Douchebag or something. Author is of course the most creatively attractive option, but it is also the least likely to actually work out, largely for the same reasons I can't be an artist. I'm much better about sticking with writing than I am about sticking with a work of art, but I still rarely ever finish anything creative. The vast majority of the writing I actually finish is factual or opinionated stuff. Like this entry, for example. Besides, there's no reason I can't pursue creative and/or fiction writing as a hobby. I'll probably end up with lots of those. I've always thought of teaching as a noble profession that deserves a lot more respect than it tends to get, sometimes even from teachers themselves. It also strikes me as a rather difficult profession, and although the prospect of bringing precious knowledge to young (or perhaps even old) minds is enticing, I'm not entirely sure I'm up to the task. I'm pretty sure I could do it, just not completely sure. I also cannot be sure how soul-destroying it would be to have to suffer through atrocities committed against the English language by students on a daily basis. Plus, although it would be sexy to have summers off, it would also be sexy to not go broke over the summer. Journalist seems like the most practical option, if perhaps the least interesting, comparatively. I mean, as long as there's stuff happening, the world needs people to tell them about it, right?
Right now, I'm looking at journalism. It seems more immediately accomplishable than teaching at the moment, and time is an issue. I need to start looking at local public schools, colleges, and publications and figure out what the Hell I'm gonna do. See if apprenticeship or co-op is an option, look at the job market, figure out potential courses of study, and plot a course of action. I discussed it with my parents over lunch today and I was surprised with how supportive they were. I figured I'd get some kind of "You really need to stick with the education you've already paid for and build from there." speech or something, but they were actually really open to the concept of my switching gears like this. I dunno, maybe they've been desensitized by my cousins' abilities to spend years floundering around, moving from one thing and one place to the next, or perhaps they're just happy to see me making realistic, adult-like decisions about my life. I dunno. All I know is that these are bold new uncharted waters for me, and I have no idea how to use a sextant. I'm sort of working it out as I go.
So, in my last entry, which surprisingly few people commented on, I finally admitted to the world that I lack the dedication to visual artistry to pursue any sort of career there. That's a pretty big step considering that I've been doodling since I was a rug-rat, and it's all I've really wanted to do since then, and all the time, effort, money, study, blood, sweat, tears, and general angst that have gone into the pursuit of a future as some sort of artist. I suppose I've really known this for years, but I kept going anyway because I was lost and didn't really know what else I would do with myself. I kept saying that with enough teaching, enough study, and enough practice, I could get there. But my hands are too stupid, and I'm too judgmental of my "work," and when it comes down to it, I really just can't make myself believe that I will ever be as great an artist as I want to be. But that's okay. I don't have to be a professional artist. I can still pursue it as a hobby, and in fact I plan to.
So, then. What now? I'm sort of starting over from square one, I suppose. Only difference is I'm a lot less naïve now, although probably still moreso than I should be. Oh well, nobody's perfect. So, if I have eliminated the impossible, I must search for what is possible. A career should be something you're good at, and that you enjoy, and while I enjoy art, I'm not really good at it. It's not even to do with skill, really, it's to do with dedication to the craft and perseverence. I don't have patience for artistry to give it the time it needs. At least, not on a professional schedule.
What am I good at? Not a lot, honestly. At least, not a lot that's actually useful. I'm good at videogames, I'm good at being a decent human being, I'm good at baking cookies, brownies, and sometimes cheesecake, I'm good at both giving a damn and not giving a damn, and I'm usually pretty good at both talking to people and listening to people. Some people might also suggest that I am hilarious, but comedy is relative, and quite frankly, the only way to know if you're really funny or not is if people laugh at things you say/do. It's not really a call you can make for yourself. Moving on; what do I enjoy? Well, actually, I enjoy all those things I just listed. In addition, I enjoy figuring stuff out and learning new things, I like putting a different spin on something and making people think about it, and I like getting feedback from people whom I have made think about something. I'm not sure how good I am at any of those things, though. There's more than that, of course, but none of it really has anything to do with a career. Yea, like gaming has so much to do with a career.
So, now I have to condense all that into something that's useful. Near as I can figure, there seems to be some overlap in the area of chronicling and retelling information. So... I guess that means I should be a journalist, an author, or a teacher; probably of English or Literature or Creative Writing or Not Being a Douchebag or something. Author is of course the most creatively attractive option, but it is also the least likely to actually work out, largely for the same reasons I can't be an artist. I'm much better about sticking with writing than I am about sticking with a work of art, but I still rarely ever finish anything creative. The vast majority of the writing I actually finish is factual or opinionated stuff. Like this entry, for example. Besides, there's no reason I can't pursue creative and/or fiction writing as a hobby. I'll probably end up with lots of those. I've always thought of teaching as a noble profession that deserves a lot more respect than it tends to get, sometimes even from teachers themselves. It also strikes me as a rather difficult profession, and although the prospect of bringing precious knowledge to young (or perhaps even old) minds is enticing, I'm not entirely sure I'm up to the task. I'm pretty sure I could do it, just not completely sure. I also cannot be sure how soul-destroying it would be to have to suffer through atrocities committed against the English language by students on a daily basis. Plus, although it would be sexy to have summers off, it would also be sexy to not go broke over the summer. Journalist seems like the most practical option, if perhaps the least interesting, comparatively. I mean, as long as there's stuff happening, the world needs people to tell them about it, right?
Right now, I'm looking at journalism. It seems more immediately accomplishable than teaching at the moment, and time is an issue. I need to start looking at local public schools, colleges, and publications and figure out what the Hell I'm gonna do. See if apprenticeship or co-op is an option, look at the job market, figure out potential courses of study, and plot a course of action. I discussed it with my parents over lunch today and I was surprised with how supportive they were. I figured I'd get some kind of "You really need to stick with the education you've already paid for and build from there." speech or something, but they were actually really open to the concept of my switching gears like this. I dunno, maybe they've been desensitized by my cousins' abilities to spend years floundering around, moving from one thing and one place to the next, or perhaps they're just happy to see me making realistic, adult-like decisions about my life. I dunno. All I know is that these are bold new uncharted waters for me, and I have no idea how to use a sextant. I'm sort of working it out as I go.