Fic: I Knead You (A Bakery AU) Part 5 (Kirk/McCoy, Rated: Hard PG)
Title: I Knead You (A Bakery AU)
Section Title: The Morgue & The Wii
Authors: wook77 and elanorofcastile
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy with sides of Spock/Uhura, Scotty/Gaila and Chekov/Sulu. Also, lots of Joanna McCoy.
Wordcount: ~6500
Rating: PG
Warnings: Present Day AU
Summary: Everyone wants their first date to be at the morgue. Also, Spock kicks ass at the Wii and Joanna is awesome, yet again.
A/N: Betaed by djin7 who is seriously the most amazing person for putting up with wook77: The Comma Hater and elanorofcastile: The Fastest Tense-Switcher East of the Mississippi. She deserves kudos and love showered upon her.
Part 4
Unbelieving at both the mess and the fact that his house is about to be invaded, again, Leonard hurries around the house trying desperately to get it fit for strangers to see more than the entry way. Piles of laundry cover every flat surface while dishes heap in the sink. Newspapers adorn what isn't covered by the laundry. Gaila and Jim should be here in just a few minutes and his house is a disaster. He'd forgotten how much clean up there is with a child, regardless of that child's neat tendencies or not. He's definitely gotten set in his ways when it comes to rhythms and routines.
"Jojo! Get your laundry picked up!" he yells up the stairs as he stacks the dishwasher. When she doesn't appear in a few minutes, he yells again. "Jojo! Your guests will be here in a few! You want your guests to see what a slob you are?"
"I was getting the toys ready!" she says huffily, finally reaching the kitchen. She makes no move to go to the living room to grab the piles of laundry needing to be put away, and Leonard glares at her.
"Jo, seriously - get the laundry put away and make your bed."
"I don't see why I have to clean just 'cause you have a date." She turns and stomps her way into the living room, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood floors.
"You invited them here, young lady! So you get to help. Also, it's not a date - I'm getting Jim his toe tag, that is all."
"Dad, it's a date."
"No, it isn't."
"Whatever." Leonard looks around the pillar and sees her gathering the clothes.
"Make sure they stay folded when you put them in the drawers. Neatly." With that, he puts the last dish into the dishwasher, dumps a pile of soap in it and turns it on. Knowing Joanna, she's stuffing her clothes in her drawers. He hurries up the stairs to help her along.
"You think Mister Jim will bring over dinner? I told him you liked steak," she says as he enters her room. She's actually putting the clothes away neatly.
"When did that come up?"
"Mister Jim was asking me stuff about you."
Oh? Leonard grimaces, fearing the worst. "Like what?"
"Um, he asked about your favorite food, and how long you and mommy have been divorced, and your favourite Star Wars character, stuff like that." She doesn't seem too interested in the why.
"Oh. Did you tell him?" Leonard asks casually, hoping she doesn't notice the way his voice catches slightly. Good God, it's like being in high school again. Maybe he should just run up to Jim and pull on his pigtails and be done with it. Is he seriously quizzing his seven year old daughter about what Jim says while Len isn't around? There are no words for the new low he's just discovered.
"Oh, yeah, Daddy! I told him you love steak, and that you moved away when I was five, and that your favorite Star Wars character was Wedge, just like me! And then we made cookies. Gaila painted flowers on them. They were really pretty."
Well. Perhaps he is, just maybe, reading this situation right. Or, maybe Jim had been just making conversation? Keeping Joanna occupied while he'd sat for her? Leonard knows full well what a chatterbox she can be, especially when hopped up on sugar. Maybe that's all it is. He's over-reading the situation, clearly. He frowns a little anyway.
"Daddy?" Joanna comes up to him. "You're not mad I told him that, are you?"
"No, no - of course not, darlin'. I was just wondering, is all." He smiles at her. She grins back, and turns to put away the rest of her things.
"Miss Gaila told Mister Jim to just ask you himself, and to get on with it, because dates don't happen if you don't ask."
Leonard's eyes bug out just a little bit, but Joanna is still turned away from him. She goes on, happily, "And Mister Jim got all red and left to check on the counter, and it was really weird."
Huh. Maybe he isn't reading the situation wrong, after all. That doesn't seem to help either way as he's now more nervous than ever. Dammit, this is a date! He looks down at his t-shirt and jeans and sighs. Perhaps he'd better find a nicer shirt. Definitely time for a nicer shirt. Just in case this is a date.
"Weird that he got all red, weird that he likes me or weird that a man likes me?" Leonard braces for her answer.
"Dads don't date. Ever. It's a rule."
"Is it?" He raises an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms and trying his best to look intimidating. She only giggles in response. Thankfully, his office staff isn't nearly as immune to his glare, which he thinks he's perfected over the years. "So then kissing is out of the question?"
"Yeah, duh. That's gross. Ew, Dad." She mimes throwing up and then slides the drawers closed before going to her bed, flipping the covers over the bunched-up sheets.
"What if we kissed when you weren't around?" Not that he has any plans for that because he doesn't. At all.
"I guess that'd be ok. As long as I don't have to see it. He going to move in and live here and stuff?"
"Honey, I don't even know if this is a date," he says as he crosses the room and hugs her. "You'd still get to visit and everything."
"But you only have a couple of bedrooms and I don't want to sleep on the sofa. Mary Ellen has to sleep on the sofa when she visits her dad and his new family."
"I promise this room is yours for as long as you want it, whether I'm dating someone or not." He hugs her a little tighter.
"So do you want to date Mister Jim?" she asks as he lets her loose.
"I don't know. Fix your sheets, you know better." She circles to the other side of the bed and they both straighten the sheets and then fix the comforter again. When they're done, she mimics his earlier pose, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. "What?"
"You totally want to date him. You get all googaly."
"I do not get 'googaly'."
"Yep, you do. Like right now, you're trying to look all annoyed and stuff but you're totally smiling. It's nice. I like when you smile."
"You, young lady, still have to clean up your bathroom," he says in an obvious attempt to derail the conversation. Maybe he does want this to be a date. Maybe he thinks Jim is funny and hot. But that doesn't mean that he wants to discuss it with his daughter who is way too young for boys other than the ones in the movies and video games.
"Can we play Wii?" she asks as she leaves the room. Leonard takes one last look around the room and figures it's clean enough for strangers to see.
"No smacktalking." When he reaches his own bedroom, he wonders if he should bother cleaning it and if he has enough time to change his shirt. Hopefully no one will look in there but just in case someone mistakes what room is Jojo's, maybe he should put away his own laundry. Or should he worry about cleaning the pantry? Is there enough to drink in the fridge? Has he hidden the alcohol? Maybe he should check. As he worries, he grabs a clean button down and slides it on over the t-shirt.
"But that's the best part!"
"Jojo, you have to be nice to them," he calls as he buttons up the shirt and then shoves it into his jeans. There, now he's nice enough for a date and casual enough to hang out with a friend. Oh God, why is he thinking about this? It is what it is.
"Yeah, whatever. I'm totally going to kick their asses!"
Leonard hurries into the bathroom, glad to see that she was wiping off the counter but still needing to address her language. "Joanna Elizabeth McCoy! What did I say about your language?!"
"Don't say it in front of Mom and Gram?"
"And strangers. No cussing in front of strangers."
"No fair! You just added that!"
This time, his glare works on her.
"Fine. And not in front of strangers."
"Strangers like Gaila who are being really nice by coming to hang out with you."
"So you can have your date."
"It's not a date."
"It totally is."
"I'm not arguing with a seven year old about dating."
"I win!" she crows as she folds the towels and hangs them on the towel bar. "And done."
The doorbell rings before Leonard has a chance to get downstairs to check on the drinks and alcohol.
"I'll get it!" Joanna takes off, tearing down the hall and then the steps, doing her best to sound like a herd of elephants as she slaps across the hardwood floors once more to race to the door.
"Dammit, Joanna!" Leonard yells as he rushes after her. "You don't open the -"
His chastisement stops abruptly as he sees Scotty and Gaila on the other side, bags from the bakery in hand and a very large, very black, poodle between them. "Come on in. Who's this?"
"Whatcha bring me?" Joanna asks as she opens the door further.
"Not a thing for the parental figure's enjoyment. Come along, Miss Joanna, show us around," Scotty says as he deftly avoids Leonard's hand as it tries to snag the bags. The dog looks at Leonard and then trots along with Scotty and Joanna.
"It's not more sugar, is it?" Leonard asks as he waits for Gaila to enter before shutting the door.
"None of your business, sir," Scotty says cheekily as he disappears into the living room following Joanna.
"Vegetable animals and a cupcake from earlier," Gaila explains with a shake of her head, as she hands over a box from the bakery.
"Vegetable animals?"
"Yep, like lions made out of broccoli, cauliflower sheep and carrot giraffes. Scotty's really good at 'em." She leans in and pecks his cheek. Bemused, he raises a hand and touches his cheek.
"And who's that?" He gestures towards the dog as Joanna leads Scotty further into the house.
"That's Keenser, Scotty's poodle. He takes it everywhere. Don't worry; he's housebroken and great with everyone. Where should I put this?" She waggles the bag at him.
"Oh, kitchen. This way." Leonard leads the way into the kitchen.
"Nice place. It's really close to the bakery. How come you haven't stopped by before?"
"Never go up that way, just head in to work and come home." He doesn't explain that work is only a few miles away as that can only make it worse. The doorbell rings before he can make himself sound even more anti-social and he almost runs out of the room to get it.
He opens the door to find Jim on the other side. He forgets about Gaila in the kitchen and Scotty with his dog currently trooping through his house. Instead, he's stuck on the way that Jim's button-down looks on him and those jeans. Leonard wonders, briefly, if he could pitch a new law to the Mayor to make Jim in jeans illegal, because there is no way that anyone should look that good.
"Can I come in?" Jim asks, one side of his mouth turning up at Len's obvious staring.
"Yeah, sure, of course," Leonard replies, his face heating. He struggles to cover it up by blurting, "Everyone else is here, including a surprise Scotty and a surprise dog."
"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that where Scotty goes, so does his dog. You're all right with dogs, aren't you?"
"I thought it was just going to be Gaila coming by."
"And so it was until I heard we'd be having cupcakes made by Miss Joanna herself. Can't be missing that now, can I?" Scotty says as he walks into the entry way with Keenser padding along behind him.
"Dad! Isn't Keenser awesome? Can we get a dog?"
"Yes. And, no." Leonard answers through the crowded hallway. There are too many people in too small of a space. "Kitchen's this way."
"Nice digs, didn't get a chance to tell you that, earlier," Jim says as he pushes past Leonard to head into the kitchen. Leonard breathes in the scent of Jim's cologne as he passes.
"And so close to the bakery, too. Means they can stop by more often," Gaila adds as she follows Jim.
"Aye, keep the counter staff in line. Those two would spend all day doing their homework and fighting with the customers if we weren't constantly watching 'em like hawks." Scotty mimes flying, flapping his arms and making an awkward noise that echoes.
"Scotty, you're going to scare the good Doctor and he'll make you leave. You want to be sent home?" Gaila chastises, waggling her finger as they all pile into the kitchen.
Jim's unpacking bags and boxes along with Gaila when Scotty nudges Joanna, and mocks Gaila.
"I can see you, Scotty."
"Oh yeah? What was I doing?"
"Rolling your eyes at me."
Scotty mouths, How'd she do that at Joanna, and Gaila laughs, continuing, "I can see you in the reflection of the fridge. Duh."
"Oh, now, well, I see I'll have to be a bit sneakier, then. Come along, Miss Joanna, let's let them take care of serving us while we get ready for the night of raucous entertainment."
"Raucous?" Leonard looks to Gaila and Jim, as Scotty leads Joanna out of the room with the dog trotting along behind them.
"Yeah, you should see him when he's playing Call of Duty. He's loud. Really loud."
"Gaila, lass, could you bring us a few snacks?" Scotty calls from the main room.
"Come get 'em yourself!" Gaila yells back.
"How well you get along with your neighbors?" Jim sidles closer to Leonard and whispers.
"Fairly well. Why?"
"Oh, good. Well, you ready to go?" Jim starts to head off but Leonard grabs his shoulder, ignoring the feel of muscle under his hand and concentrating on the worry of exactly what he's leaving his daughter with.
"Why?"
"No reason. Off to get a toe tag, Gaila. Be careful with Joanna." Jim tries to escape once more but Leonard grabs him with the other hand, holding on to him with both.
"Jim, why?"
"They're a bit loud is all. Last time we all got together, my neighbors got pissed and banged on the door and threatened to call the cops until we all shut up. It was embarrassing."
"We aren't loud at all. We're just exuberant," Gaila says and then turns towards the living room with a tray. "I promise we'll take care of Joanna."
"Cell number is on the fridge. So's my ex-wife's and the hospital number and my number at work. Don't piss off my neighbors." Leonard lets go of Jim, taking a moment to smooth his shirt. It's either his imagination working overtime or Jim is actually leaning into the space his hands left. Either explanation is distracting. Leonard clears his throat. "Jo?"
"Yeah?" Jo yells from the living room. Leonard steps away from Jim, pausing for one last breath of his cologne, and walks into the living room.
"Want to try that again?" He raises an eyebrow at her and she slides off the sofa where she's playing with Keenser, who's wagging his tail gleefully.
"Sorry, Daddy," she responds in a much more sedate tone, looking at him.
"Better. We're going to be gone for just a little bit. You remember how to get a hold of me?"
"Yep."
"And you remember what I said?"
"Yep."
"And?" Leonard waits a beat and grins when Joanna plasters herself against his legs. He's really missed his little girl and he'll miss her even more when she leaves. Best not to think about that. Instead, he concentrates on the way that she's hugging him and he gets to hug her back. "That's better. Love you, Jojo."
"Love you, too, Daddy." Joanna lets go and then hugs Jim. "You be nice to my Daddy. No stealing toe tags from his work."
"I promise, no stealing of toe tags."
"We'll be fine. You two head out to your night at the morgue. Be good to the bodies or they won't be good to you back," Scotty says, waving towards the door.
"I have no idea what that means," Leonard says as he follows Jim to the door.
"Neither do I. But Scotty's always been a little odd. It's part of his charm."
"Bye, Jojo! Be good! Mind Gaila and your manners."
"Will do, Daddy! Bye Mister Jim!"
Jim opens the door and holds it for him. With one last look towards where Joanna sits on the sofa, he heads out just as he hears Gaila ask, "Who's ready to eat some endangered species!?"
"You hungry?" Jim asks as they walk down the stairs.
"We had pizza," Leonard says as he heads towards the BART station. "You mind taking the BART or you want me to drive?"
"BART's fine. Public transportation reduces our carbon footprint."
"Huh."
"Plus, it means that you can keep your attention on me rather than driving." Jim flashes a grin at him. In the murky light, Jim's hair shines like a beacon and Leonard loses all trace of the conversation.
"Ah."
"And just in case you want to stuff me into a drawer, I can escape instead of being stuck at your mercy miles and miles from home." Jim shudders dramatically before reaching out a hand and brushes at something on Leonard's shirt.
"Right," Leonard agrees as he watches Jim's hand play with his clothes. His imagination slips to how it would feel to have them playing with his bare skin.
"You're not listening to a thing I'm saying, are you?" Jim asks, finishing whatever he'd been doing to Leonard's clothes.
Leonard's brain replays the past couple of minutes and he says, "If I'd wanted to kill you and put you in a drawer, I would've stolen Gaila's medieval torture device and used that."
"You were listening, I'm honored."
"Asshole," Leonard mutters and heads into the station. Jim follows him as they dodge the assembled crowd. Once they're inside and waiting for the train, Leonard uses the excuse of the Friday night crowd and stands close to Jim, breathing in the scent of his cologne once more.
"You sniffing me?" Jim asks as a train rumbles past going the wrong way.
"Can't figure out the scent you're wearing."
"Was going to use Doctor McDreamy's stuff but I figured that was taking the T.V. Doctor thing too far. It's Pour Homme."
"More French?" Leonard says before he can help himself.
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" Jim leers, making Leonard's cock pay attention even more.
"Je ne comprends pas."
"Nice, very nice," Jim says, holding up a hand. "Gimme five."
"What are we, five?"
"Yep, five whole fingers here," Jim pauses to waggle his fingers and then grabs Leonard's hand, "and five here. I'd say we're more like a perfect ten."
Leonard doesn't hear anything that Jim says as soon as he has their hands together. The roar of the train entering the station adds to the way that Leonard can only feel Jim rather than hear him.
"This our train?" Leonard watches Jim's lips move and wants to taste them.
"Yeah, come on." Leonard holds on to Jim's hand as he pulls him onto the crowded train. Of course he's picked a crowded car, one that's so crowded that he's forced to stand far too close for comfort. He can feel Jim's legs against his own as they're pushed farther into the train. His dick takes notice of the proximity as well and Leonard growls, trying to pull back so that Jim doesn't think that he's some crazy creep that gets off on crowded train cars. Even if he maybe is.
Only problem with him pulling back is that Jim leans back along with him, pressing his shoulderblades against Leonard's chest. The train lurches and Leonard finds himself flying forward, thrusting against Jim.
"We haven't even had a drink yet," Jim says over his shoulder, looking back at Leonard. Leonard gapes in response, earning himself a grin. "Not that I'm planning on getting you drunk and taking advantage of you."
"I'm sure that's a tactic you very rarely ever need to use," Leonard responds dryly.
"Well, sometimes, on the tough cases," Jim lets his voice trail off suggestively.
The train lurches before Leonard can respond with You flirtin' with me? Luckily, he catches his balance before he can tumble into Jim further. "This is our spot."
"I'll cherish it forever," Jim says, laughing at Leonard as they follow the tide of the crowd leaving the train.
As the crowd disperses, so does Leonard's almost-ease. Now that they've arrived, he has no idea how the hell he's going to get Jim inside the morgue, or at the very least, justify it. Especially on a Friday night. Especially when he's on vacation.
Maybe he can get away with claiming Jim's a med student? Leonard sneaks a look at Jim and decides that there's no way that he can get away with that. What if one of his employees starts asking Jim medical questions? No, that one's a horrible idea.
Maybe he can claim that Jim's his cousin in from Georgia and visiting with Jo? Leonard sneaks another glance at Jim and sees the answering grin. Instantly, his gut tightens and he wants to taste that smile. Nope, no way he's getting away with this one, either. Not if he keeps slavering all over the man.
Each step towards his office makes him more and more nervous. Hell, even if he gets Jim inside without any sort of incident, what are they going to do once they get inside? Hey, Jim, I'd love to fuck you and, by the by, ignore the body in the freezer doesn't exactly sound like the most romantic proposition.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got bodies in the freezer and a hard-on for you makes him snort derisively. That's what he gets for hanging out with a seven-year-old. Jim looks over at his snort and then elbows him lightly.
"Wanna let me in on the joke?"
"Me," Leonard says, meaning it entirely. He's awful at this whole dating thing and he doesn't know why he thought maybe that this might be one.
"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can," Jim says as they climb the stairs towards the security entrance. At Leonard's blank stare, he adds, "Elsa Maxwell, famous hostess with the mostess. It's a favorite quotation of mine."
"You have the most random knowledge," Leonard says as he holds open the door and looks at the security officers sitting behind the scanners and desks.
Maybe he can claim that this is a bet, one that Jim lost. Except the security guards aren't known for their sense of humor so he thinks he's probably better off going with what comes naturally. "Evening."
"Doctor McCoy," the one guard says as Leonard shows his badge and walks through the scanner. "Who's your guest?"
"Jim Kirk. I'll sign him in," he says with as professional and surly a tone as he can manage.
"Reason for visit?"
"Professional." When the guard starts to question, Leonard raises an eyebrow and glares at him. The man fills something out on the clipboard and then turns it towards Leonard. Yep, natural is definitely the way to go.
"I need a copy of his identification."
"Sure, he's right here with it," Jim pipes up, pulling his license out and letting the guard scan it. "Mind if I step through?"
"Come on through," the other guard says. Jim walks through, the scanner going off. "Got any metal in your pockets? Coins? A watch? Cell phone?"
"Oh, all of the above," Jim says and steps back through, emptying his pockets to go through the scanner and stepping through once more. As the scanner goes off again, Leonard's nerves increase until they're jangling with the sense of wrongdoing. This has to be one of his worst ideas. What's he going to do if Jocelyn calls tonight to confirm the flight plans? What's he going to tell her when a crazy Scottish stranger answers the phone to tell her that Leonard took a man to the morgue and left Jojo with him and his pseudo-hippy-maybe-girlfriend? He's such a moron.
By the time his brain stops churning with the thoughts of the doom and gloom to be visited upon him, Jim's getting wanded and grinning the entire time. "How anyone can be happy to be scanned by security forces, I have no idea."
"You don't like to get wanded?" Jim says, raising his own eyebrow.
"You ever think about anything other than sex?"
"Yep," Jim admits while the guard dismisses him. He grabs his things from the scanner and they head towards the inner sanctum. "What's first?"
"Um, well, we could…" How the hell is he going to justify Jim down in the exam rooms? And who the hell brings an almost stranger to the fucking morgue?
"I hope you're not going to say 'visit the bodies' because, seriously, bodies? No thanks." Jim pauses and grins up at Len. "I just want a toe tag. If Jo asks, we totally went there and I totally touched one. How about your office or somewhere without any dead people?"
Leonard boggles at him while his knees weaken in relief. "Sure, office it is. I don't suppose bakers have much need of cadavers, after all."
~*~
"Oh come on, you keep getting blowed up. You're bringing our score down." Joanna puts her hands on her hips, Wii remote and nunchuk firmly in hand, and glares at Scotty. "I thought you liked Star Wars!"
"I do! It's these newfangled controls I don't like! You have to wave about with this one," Scotty pauses to shake the controller, "while swirling about with this one," another pause and another gesture, "and would you look at that? Now Leia's gone off and gotten herself killed again."
"Han's doing just fine, though," Gaila says from her perch on the couch. "I like this game."
"Don't you have anything else?" Scotty says as he hurries Leia about to pick up the scattered points.
"Even my daddy does a better job and he's awful at games."
"Get me a regular controller and this would be fine. Nothing wrong with them."
"I don't think Atari joysticks work with the Wii, sorry," Gaila says dryly, as she makes Han shoot Leia. "And you're bleeding parts again."
"Son of a bit - that is, son of a bugger," Scotty curses. The doorbell rings, making him drop the controllers in relief as he rushes for the door. "Well, now, would you look at who's decided to stop by."
"We thought to ascertain if, perhaps, you were, as it were, in over your head," Spock says as he steps into the house.
"How'd you find this place anyway?" Scotty says as he waits for them to get in the house.
"Jim provided the address in case you required assistance. As we were in the neighborhood, we thought to assess the situation."
"We're fine. Scotty's not very good at playing games, though. You any better?" Joanna raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms and staring at Spock as he approaches.
"I find video games to be a waste of time that could be better spent reading and increasing one's knowledge."
"Lame," Joanna says and goes back to her game. "Or you're a scaredy cat. Whatever."
Scotty and Gaila laugh so hard that Gaila starts to snort while Scotty falls to the ground. Uhura glares at the pair of them and then, leaning into Spock, says, "She's got you there."
"I will attempt your game," Spock says.
Scotty hands over his set of controllers. "You'll have to make due with Leia in the bikini. Hope you don't mind, mate."
"There are no other acceptable characters?" Spock turns a look towards Uhura, who is raising her eyebrow as if to say, 'Princess Leia not good enough for you?'.He turns back and states, "I shall endeavor to perform admirably."
"Huh?" Joanna looks at Spock and then Uhura. "You talk funny."
"He means that he'll do better than Scotty."
"Oh, well, why didn't he say so?"
"Because he's got a stick up his as, err, butt." Gaila stops herself.
"I fear that is not appropriate language in front of a child."
"Yeah, Scotty shouldn't hear that sort of talk," Joanna says and then launches back into the game.
Within minutes, they've advanced another two levels while Scotty and Uhura watch.
"Boba Fett is clearly not this illogical in the original trilogy," Spock says as Leia blows up Boba Fett for a second time.
"Thought you said you didn't like games," Scotty says from his perch on the sofa.
"I do not. I am, however, rather skilled at them."
"You should see him when the guys get together," Uhura says and then claps her hands over her mouth. "Jim's going to kill me."
"What get together?" Scotty's attention immediately goes to Uhura.
"Nothing. Just sometimes, they'll play a game or something. Nothing planned."
"Sounds like a conversation that needs to happen." Scotty subsides into a pout that has Joanna glancing between all the adults.
"Mister Scotty? Want to play as Luke? You can, if you want." She offers her controllers to Scotty. "You can even get him blowed up, if you want."
"Thanks, lass," Scotty says, "how about you help me out with it?"
Joanna nods, slipping onto his one leg and mans the nunchuk while Scotty takes over the controller. They do almost as well as when Joanna had played by herself and they advance another couple of levels. When Scotty looks away from the television, he sees Gaila staring at him funny. "What?"
"Not a thing. You guys make a good pair." She smiles at him and his heart thumps at the honest affection in her voice and expression. His own answering smile crosses his face, making hers brighten further. Well, then, what just happened there?, they both think as they stare at one another.
~*~
"So this is where you work." Jim states, as he walks around the office, picking up random objects and setting them back down haphazardly.
"Sort of. I work down in the freezer a lot, too." Leonard barely resists grabbing Jim's wrist to keep him from moving more things.
"Bet that's cool," Jim says with a smirk.
"That was horrible. How the hell do you fool the world into thinking you're suave with shit like that?"
"My great ass makes up for it."
"Right." Leonard really has nothing to say to that, because he's beginning to believe it's true.
"So what's this for?" Jim holds up a bone. "And please tell me it isn't real."
Now how the hell is Leonard supposed to explain the bone without making himself look horrible? "It's real."
"You have a real bone in your office? It's a cow or something, though, right?"
"If that makes you feel better, we can pretend." Leonard grins at the way that Jim drops the bone quickly.
"You are one sick man. Why would you have a human bone in your office?"
"Long story. I'm sure you aren't interested." Jim only cocks an eyebrow as he rests against the bookcases. "Fine. So my ex-wife? She's a paleontologist."
"Right, Jo mentioned that."
"She was a TA for an anthropology class I took."
"Hot for teacher? Kinky. I approve," Jim says with a wink.
"Asshole. Anyway, I didn't realize that she was flirting with me while she tutored me over some bones. Turns out she was and she finally got fed up with me, kissed me. Got married, had a kid, she got fed up with me not paying enough attention to her. When we divorced, I took one of the bones from her collection, figured all I had left were my bones."
"That's almost poetic, Bones," Jim says as he gingerly picks up the bone and puts it back where Leonard had had it.
"Fuck off."
"Seriously, Bones, it's cool." They slide into an almost-uncomfortable silence. "So where's my toe tag?"
"We'll get it on the way out, if you're done messing my shit up," Leonard says as Jim reaches for another object off Leonard's desk. It's about time they get back to Joanna, after all.
"Not done yet." The words are said cheerfully but Leonard can't help but worry over the possibilities. And wonder about them.
"I say you're done. You've made a mess of my office." Leonard ignores the way that Jim looks from stack of paper to stack of paper and then over to the binders with information in them. "Don't look at me like that. I like my mess in order."
"Touchy touchy," Jim says, holding up his hands and waiting for Leonard to pass before he leans in and whispers. "I like that."
"Oversexed dick," Leonard mutters while his stomach tightens and he's in the same embarrassing situation he'd been in on the train. At least Jim's not right in front of him.
He's still quite flustered as they walk out of the building and into the fresh air. Leonard decides that, as much as he wants to get home to Joanna, he doesn't want the evening to end, quite yet.
"You forgot my toe tag."
"Dammit," Leonard mutters and turns back, slipping into the building, and ignores the security guards' looks as he hurries down into the bowels of the building. He grabs a bunch of toe tags and then walks back outside. He grabs Jim's hand, slaps a tag in it and then says, "Here, stop bitching. Even Joanna doesn't complain this much."
"Doesn't have my name on it like Jo's does."
"For that, you're buying me dinner," Leonard says, starting off towards his house. "And we're going somewhere nice. Hope you brought your wallet."
"I can see why you got divorced with those sorts of demands, Bones," Jim says, hurrying after Leonard.
"Huh?"
"Seriously, you want dinner with me, you could try flattery. 'Hey, Jim, nice shoes, wanna fuck?' See? I'd totally go for that."
"Hey, Jim, shut the fuck up, you do have a great ass, and now you're going to buy me dinner."
"Much better," Jim says, clapping Leonard's shoulder. "I knew you had it in you to be romantic, Bones."
"Why the hell are you talking about bones?"
"That's you."
"Huh."
"I named you now I get to keep you. Rules of having pets." Jim swings his arm over Leonard's shoulder. He shivers, just a little.
"You just call me a dog?"
"Yep. But you shed less than Keenser."
"Now you're buying drinks, too."
"Sounds good to me. Lead on."
This time, the silence is companionable as they walk down the street, Jim's arm still over Leonard's shoulders. It takes a few minutes to get to the restaurant.
"Nice taste."
"Mind if I call the house?"
"Of course not. You think she's set the place on fire, yet?"
"Don't even joke about that." Leonard pulls out his cell and dials his house, pacing up and down the street as it rings and rings. Just as it starts to go to voicemail, someone picks up.
"House of McCoy, not a McCoy speaking," Scotty says. The dog's barking in the back while Joanna shouts something at someone else. Another low, male voice answers while someone else giggles.
"What the hell is going on there?"
"It's the McCoy himself. Well, good doctor, we've a bit of a party going on with the Wii. You didn't tell us that your daughter is a shark at video games. She's kicking our arses and isn't at all shy and retiring about it."
"That's my girl," he says proudly. "I hear other people, who'd you let into my house?"
"Spock and Uhura. Seems Jim didn't trust us to care for the wee one alone so he asked the responsible ones to stop by and make sure we weren't all dead."
"He did, did he?" Leonard turns and looks at Jim, raising an eyebrow. Jim does his best to look innocent but Leonard isn't buying it. "How responsible of him to invite people to my house."
"Oh, dude, sorry, forgot to tell you. Thought if anyone was good with making sure Joanna survives all while eating some vegetables, it'd be Spock and Uhura."
"So then she said she wanted to be Luke and who'm I to deny a girl her Jedi?" Obviously, while listening to Jim, Leonard's missed part of the conversation with Scotty. He doesn't even try to catch up.
"May I speak to my daughter?" Leonard asks, ignoring the puppy eyes from Jim.
"Course. Miss Joanna Skywalker, your dad's on the phone!"
"Howdy, Darth Dad!"
"You all right, Jo?"
"Dad, don't tell Scotty but Mister Jim's being mean to him and should invite him to his video game nights."
"He is, is he?" Leonard looks at Jim once more. Jim tries even harder to look innocent.
"Yep. You having a good time on your date?"
"It's not a date," Leonard says.
"Whatever. You having a good time?"
"Yep."
"Good. We're having fun, too! Mr Spock is really good at games, and Miss Uhura and Miss Gaila made me eat lions and giraffes. It was awesome." There's a muffled voice and Joanna giggles. "K, Daddy, gotta go. Mister Spock says that Leia can't beat the Rancor without Luke. Bye!"
"Bye," Leonard says but Joanna's already hung up the phone. He turns to Jim and says, "You."
"Me?"
"You invited even more strangers to my house. The one with my young, impressionable daughter in it."
"I invited people you've already met and who are more reserved than Scotty and Gaila. Spock can't breathe without the stick up his ass brushing a lung and Uhura would kick everyone's asses and make them like it if they got out of line."
"You ever do it again," Leonard threatens with a mock stern glare.
Not that there's any reasonable reason to believe that Joanna will ever visit him again, nor reason to believe that he'll see Jim again, outside of the bakery.
"I won't, promise," Jim says, holding up a hand in the classic Boy Scout salute. "Scout's honor."
"Let's go," Leonard says, looking forward to dinner, regardless, and trying to trust in the world just once.
"Oh, and by the way, Jo said something about Scotty finding out about your video games nights," Leonard says with a smirk.
Jim groans, making Len snort. He's suddenly famished.
Part 6
As Always, we'd love to hear what you thought.
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/pimping.
Section Title: The Morgue & The Wii
Authors: wook77 and elanorofcastile
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy with sides of Spock/Uhura, Scotty/Gaila and Chekov/Sulu. Also, lots of Joanna McCoy.
Wordcount: ~6500
Rating: PG
Warnings: Present Day AU
Summary: Everyone wants their first date to be at the morgue. Also, Spock kicks ass at the Wii and Joanna is awesome, yet again.
A/N: Betaed by djin7 who is seriously the most amazing person for putting up with wook77: The Comma Hater and elanorofcastile: The Fastest Tense-Switcher East of the Mississippi. She deserves kudos and love showered upon her.
Part 4
Unbelieving at both the mess and the fact that his house is about to be invaded, again, Leonard hurries around the house trying desperately to get it fit for strangers to see more than the entry way. Piles of laundry cover every flat surface while dishes heap in the sink. Newspapers adorn what isn't covered by the laundry. Gaila and Jim should be here in just a few minutes and his house is a disaster. He'd forgotten how much clean up there is with a child, regardless of that child's neat tendencies or not. He's definitely gotten set in his ways when it comes to rhythms and routines.
"Jojo! Get your laundry picked up!" he yells up the stairs as he stacks the dishwasher. When she doesn't appear in a few minutes, he yells again. "Jojo! Your guests will be here in a few! You want your guests to see what a slob you are?"
"I was getting the toys ready!" she says huffily, finally reaching the kitchen. She makes no move to go to the living room to grab the piles of laundry needing to be put away, and Leonard glares at her.
"Jo, seriously - get the laundry put away and make your bed."
"I don't see why I have to clean just 'cause you have a date." She turns and stomps her way into the living room, her bare feet slapping against the hardwood floors.
"You invited them here, young lady! So you get to help. Also, it's not a date - I'm getting Jim his toe tag, that is all."
"Dad, it's a date."
"No, it isn't."
"Whatever." Leonard looks around the pillar and sees her gathering the clothes.
"Make sure they stay folded when you put them in the drawers. Neatly." With that, he puts the last dish into the dishwasher, dumps a pile of soap in it and turns it on. Knowing Joanna, she's stuffing her clothes in her drawers. He hurries up the stairs to help her along.
"You think Mister Jim will bring over dinner? I told him you liked steak," she says as he enters her room. She's actually putting the clothes away neatly.
"When did that come up?"
"Mister Jim was asking me stuff about you."
Oh? Leonard grimaces, fearing the worst. "Like what?"
"Um, he asked about your favorite food, and how long you and mommy have been divorced, and your favourite Star Wars character, stuff like that." She doesn't seem too interested in the why.
"Oh. Did you tell him?" Leonard asks casually, hoping she doesn't notice the way his voice catches slightly. Good God, it's like being in high school again. Maybe he should just run up to Jim and pull on his pigtails and be done with it. Is he seriously quizzing his seven year old daughter about what Jim says while Len isn't around? There are no words for the new low he's just discovered.
"Oh, yeah, Daddy! I told him you love steak, and that you moved away when I was five, and that your favorite Star Wars character was Wedge, just like me! And then we made cookies. Gaila painted flowers on them. They were really pretty."
Well. Perhaps he is, just maybe, reading this situation right. Or, maybe Jim had been just making conversation? Keeping Joanna occupied while he'd sat for her? Leonard knows full well what a chatterbox she can be, especially when hopped up on sugar. Maybe that's all it is. He's over-reading the situation, clearly. He frowns a little anyway.
"Daddy?" Joanna comes up to him. "You're not mad I told him that, are you?"
"No, no - of course not, darlin'. I was just wondering, is all." He smiles at her. She grins back, and turns to put away the rest of her things.
"Miss Gaila told Mister Jim to just ask you himself, and to get on with it, because dates don't happen if you don't ask."
Leonard's eyes bug out just a little bit, but Joanna is still turned away from him. She goes on, happily, "And Mister Jim got all red and left to check on the counter, and it was really weird."
Huh. Maybe he isn't reading the situation wrong, after all. That doesn't seem to help either way as he's now more nervous than ever. Dammit, this is a date! He looks down at his t-shirt and jeans and sighs. Perhaps he'd better find a nicer shirt. Definitely time for a nicer shirt. Just in case this is a date.
"Weird that he got all red, weird that he likes me or weird that a man likes me?" Leonard braces for her answer.
"Dads don't date. Ever. It's a rule."
"Is it?" He raises an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms and trying his best to look intimidating. She only giggles in response. Thankfully, his office staff isn't nearly as immune to his glare, which he thinks he's perfected over the years. "So then kissing is out of the question?"
"Yeah, duh. That's gross. Ew, Dad." She mimes throwing up and then slides the drawers closed before going to her bed, flipping the covers over the bunched-up sheets.
"What if we kissed when you weren't around?" Not that he has any plans for that because he doesn't. At all.
"I guess that'd be ok. As long as I don't have to see it. He going to move in and live here and stuff?"
"Honey, I don't even know if this is a date," he says as he crosses the room and hugs her. "You'd still get to visit and everything."
"But you only have a couple of bedrooms and I don't want to sleep on the sofa. Mary Ellen has to sleep on the sofa when she visits her dad and his new family."
"I promise this room is yours for as long as you want it, whether I'm dating someone or not." He hugs her a little tighter.
"So do you want to date Mister Jim?" she asks as he lets her loose.
"I don't know. Fix your sheets, you know better." She circles to the other side of the bed and they both straighten the sheets and then fix the comforter again. When they're done, she mimics his earlier pose, arms crossed and eyebrow raised. "What?"
"You totally want to date him. You get all googaly."
"I do not get 'googaly'."
"Yep, you do. Like right now, you're trying to look all annoyed and stuff but you're totally smiling. It's nice. I like when you smile."
"You, young lady, still have to clean up your bathroom," he says in an obvious attempt to derail the conversation. Maybe he does want this to be a date. Maybe he thinks Jim is funny and hot. But that doesn't mean that he wants to discuss it with his daughter who is way too young for boys other than the ones in the movies and video games.
"Can we play Wii?" she asks as she leaves the room. Leonard takes one last look around the room and figures it's clean enough for strangers to see.
"No smacktalking." When he reaches his own bedroom, he wonders if he should bother cleaning it and if he has enough time to change his shirt. Hopefully no one will look in there but just in case someone mistakes what room is Jojo's, maybe he should put away his own laundry. Or should he worry about cleaning the pantry? Is there enough to drink in the fridge? Has he hidden the alcohol? Maybe he should check. As he worries, he grabs a clean button down and slides it on over the t-shirt.
"But that's the best part!"
"Jojo, you have to be nice to them," he calls as he buttons up the shirt and then shoves it into his jeans. There, now he's nice enough for a date and casual enough to hang out with a friend. Oh God, why is he thinking about this? It is what it is.
"Yeah, whatever. I'm totally going to kick their asses!"
Leonard hurries into the bathroom, glad to see that she was wiping off the counter but still needing to address her language. "Joanna Elizabeth McCoy! What did I say about your language?!"
"Don't say it in front of Mom and Gram?"
"And strangers. No cussing in front of strangers."
"No fair! You just added that!"
This time, his glare works on her.
"Fine. And not in front of strangers."
"Strangers like Gaila who are being really nice by coming to hang out with you."
"So you can have your date."
"It's not a date."
"It totally is."
"I'm not arguing with a seven year old about dating."
"I win!" she crows as she folds the towels and hangs them on the towel bar. "And done."
The doorbell rings before Leonard has a chance to get downstairs to check on the drinks and alcohol.
"I'll get it!" Joanna takes off, tearing down the hall and then the steps, doing her best to sound like a herd of elephants as she slaps across the hardwood floors once more to race to the door.
"Dammit, Joanna!" Leonard yells as he rushes after her. "You don't open the -"
His chastisement stops abruptly as he sees Scotty and Gaila on the other side, bags from the bakery in hand and a very large, very black, poodle between them. "Come on in. Who's this?"
"Whatcha bring me?" Joanna asks as she opens the door further.
"Not a thing for the parental figure's enjoyment. Come along, Miss Joanna, show us around," Scotty says as he deftly avoids Leonard's hand as it tries to snag the bags. The dog looks at Leonard and then trots along with Scotty and Joanna.
"It's not more sugar, is it?" Leonard asks as he waits for Gaila to enter before shutting the door.
"None of your business, sir," Scotty says cheekily as he disappears into the living room following Joanna.
"Vegetable animals and a cupcake from earlier," Gaila explains with a shake of her head, as she hands over a box from the bakery.
"Vegetable animals?"
"Yep, like lions made out of broccoli, cauliflower sheep and carrot giraffes. Scotty's really good at 'em." She leans in and pecks his cheek. Bemused, he raises a hand and touches his cheek.
"And who's that?" He gestures towards the dog as Joanna leads Scotty further into the house.
"That's Keenser, Scotty's poodle. He takes it everywhere. Don't worry; he's housebroken and great with everyone. Where should I put this?" She waggles the bag at him.
"Oh, kitchen. This way." Leonard leads the way into the kitchen.
"Nice place. It's really close to the bakery. How come you haven't stopped by before?"
"Never go up that way, just head in to work and come home." He doesn't explain that work is only a few miles away as that can only make it worse. The doorbell rings before he can make himself sound even more anti-social and he almost runs out of the room to get it.
He opens the door to find Jim on the other side. He forgets about Gaila in the kitchen and Scotty with his dog currently trooping through his house. Instead, he's stuck on the way that Jim's button-down looks on him and those jeans. Leonard wonders, briefly, if he could pitch a new law to the Mayor to make Jim in jeans illegal, because there is no way that anyone should look that good.
"Can I come in?" Jim asks, one side of his mouth turning up at Len's obvious staring.
"Yeah, sure, of course," Leonard replies, his face heating. He struggles to cover it up by blurting, "Everyone else is here, including a surprise Scotty and a surprise dog."
"Oh yeah, forgot to tell you that where Scotty goes, so does his dog. You're all right with dogs, aren't you?"
"I thought it was just going to be Gaila coming by."
"And so it was until I heard we'd be having cupcakes made by Miss Joanna herself. Can't be missing that now, can I?" Scotty says as he walks into the entry way with Keenser padding along behind him.
"Dad! Isn't Keenser awesome? Can we get a dog?"
"Yes. And, no." Leonard answers through the crowded hallway. There are too many people in too small of a space. "Kitchen's this way."
"Nice digs, didn't get a chance to tell you that, earlier," Jim says as he pushes past Leonard to head into the kitchen. Leonard breathes in the scent of Jim's cologne as he passes.
"And so close to the bakery, too. Means they can stop by more often," Gaila adds as she follows Jim.
"Aye, keep the counter staff in line. Those two would spend all day doing their homework and fighting with the customers if we weren't constantly watching 'em like hawks." Scotty mimes flying, flapping his arms and making an awkward noise that echoes.
"Scotty, you're going to scare the good Doctor and he'll make you leave. You want to be sent home?" Gaila chastises, waggling her finger as they all pile into the kitchen.
Jim's unpacking bags and boxes along with Gaila when Scotty nudges Joanna, and mocks Gaila.
"I can see you, Scotty."
"Oh yeah? What was I doing?"
"Rolling your eyes at me."
Scotty mouths, How'd she do that at Joanna, and Gaila laughs, continuing, "I can see you in the reflection of the fridge. Duh."
"Oh, now, well, I see I'll have to be a bit sneakier, then. Come along, Miss Joanna, let's let them take care of serving us while we get ready for the night of raucous entertainment."
"Raucous?" Leonard looks to Gaila and Jim, as Scotty leads Joanna out of the room with the dog trotting along behind them.
"Yeah, you should see him when he's playing Call of Duty. He's loud. Really loud."
"Gaila, lass, could you bring us a few snacks?" Scotty calls from the main room.
"Come get 'em yourself!" Gaila yells back.
"How well you get along with your neighbors?" Jim sidles closer to Leonard and whispers.
"Fairly well. Why?"
"Oh, good. Well, you ready to go?" Jim starts to head off but Leonard grabs his shoulder, ignoring the feel of muscle under his hand and concentrating on the worry of exactly what he's leaving his daughter with.
"Why?"
"No reason. Off to get a toe tag, Gaila. Be careful with Joanna." Jim tries to escape once more but Leonard grabs him with the other hand, holding on to him with both.
"Jim, why?"
"They're a bit loud is all. Last time we all got together, my neighbors got pissed and banged on the door and threatened to call the cops until we all shut up. It was embarrassing."
"We aren't loud at all. We're just exuberant," Gaila says and then turns towards the living room with a tray. "I promise we'll take care of Joanna."
"Cell number is on the fridge. So's my ex-wife's and the hospital number and my number at work. Don't piss off my neighbors." Leonard lets go of Jim, taking a moment to smooth his shirt. It's either his imagination working overtime or Jim is actually leaning into the space his hands left. Either explanation is distracting. Leonard clears his throat. "Jo?"
"Yeah?" Jo yells from the living room. Leonard steps away from Jim, pausing for one last breath of his cologne, and walks into the living room.
"Want to try that again?" He raises an eyebrow at her and she slides off the sofa where she's playing with Keenser, who's wagging his tail gleefully.
"Sorry, Daddy," she responds in a much more sedate tone, looking at him.
"Better. We're going to be gone for just a little bit. You remember how to get a hold of me?"
"Yep."
"And you remember what I said?"
"Yep."
"And?" Leonard waits a beat and grins when Joanna plasters herself against his legs. He's really missed his little girl and he'll miss her even more when she leaves. Best not to think about that. Instead, he concentrates on the way that she's hugging him and he gets to hug her back. "That's better. Love you, Jojo."
"Love you, too, Daddy." Joanna lets go and then hugs Jim. "You be nice to my Daddy. No stealing toe tags from his work."
"I promise, no stealing of toe tags."
"We'll be fine. You two head out to your night at the morgue. Be good to the bodies or they won't be good to you back," Scotty says, waving towards the door.
"I have no idea what that means," Leonard says as he follows Jim to the door.
"Neither do I. But Scotty's always been a little odd. It's part of his charm."
"Bye, Jojo! Be good! Mind Gaila and your manners."
"Will do, Daddy! Bye Mister Jim!"
Jim opens the door and holds it for him. With one last look towards where Joanna sits on the sofa, he heads out just as he hears Gaila ask, "Who's ready to eat some endangered species!?"
"You hungry?" Jim asks as they walk down the stairs.
"We had pizza," Leonard says as he heads towards the BART station. "You mind taking the BART or you want me to drive?"
"BART's fine. Public transportation reduces our carbon footprint."
"Huh."
"Plus, it means that you can keep your attention on me rather than driving." Jim flashes a grin at him. In the murky light, Jim's hair shines like a beacon and Leonard loses all trace of the conversation.
"Ah."
"And just in case you want to stuff me into a drawer, I can escape instead of being stuck at your mercy miles and miles from home." Jim shudders dramatically before reaching out a hand and brushes at something on Leonard's shirt.
"Right," Leonard agrees as he watches Jim's hand play with his clothes. His imagination slips to how it would feel to have them playing with his bare skin.
"You're not listening to a thing I'm saying, are you?" Jim asks, finishing whatever he'd been doing to Leonard's clothes.
Leonard's brain replays the past couple of minutes and he says, "If I'd wanted to kill you and put you in a drawer, I would've stolen Gaila's medieval torture device and used that."
"You were listening, I'm honored."
"Asshole," Leonard mutters and heads into the station. Jim follows him as they dodge the assembled crowd. Once they're inside and waiting for the train, Leonard uses the excuse of the Friday night crowd and stands close to Jim, breathing in the scent of his cologne once more.
"You sniffing me?" Jim asks as a train rumbles past going the wrong way.
"Can't figure out the scent you're wearing."
"Was going to use Doctor McDreamy's stuff but I figured that was taking the T.V. Doctor thing too far. It's Pour Homme."
"More French?" Leonard says before he can help himself.
"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?" Jim leers, making Leonard's cock pay attention even more.
"Je ne comprends pas."
"Nice, very nice," Jim says, holding up a hand. "Gimme five."
"What are we, five?"
"Yep, five whole fingers here," Jim pauses to waggle his fingers and then grabs Leonard's hand, "and five here. I'd say we're more like a perfect ten."
Leonard doesn't hear anything that Jim says as soon as he has their hands together. The roar of the train entering the station adds to the way that Leonard can only feel Jim rather than hear him.
"This our train?" Leonard watches Jim's lips move and wants to taste them.
"Yeah, come on." Leonard holds on to Jim's hand as he pulls him onto the crowded train. Of course he's picked a crowded car, one that's so crowded that he's forced to stand far too close for comfort. He can feel Jim's legs against his own as they're pushed farther into the train. His dick takes notice of the proximity as well and Leonard growls, trying to pull back so that Jim doesn't think that he's some crazy creep that gets off on crowded train cars. Even if he maybe is.
Only problem with him pulling back is that Jim leans back along with him, pressing his shoulderblades against Leonard's chest. The train lurches and Leonard finds himself flying forward, thrusting against Jim.
"We haven't even had a drink yet," Jim says over his shoulder, looking back at Leonard. Leonard gapes in response, earning himself a grin. "Not that I'm planning on getting you drunk and taking advantage of you."
"I'm sure that's a tactic you very rarely ever need to use," Leonard responds dryly.
"Well, sometimes, on the tough cases," Jim lets his voice trail off suggestively.
The train lurches before Leonard can respond with You flirtin' with me? Luckily, he catches his balance before he can tumble into Jim further. "This is our spot."
"I'll cherish it forever," Jim says, laughing at Leonard as they follow the tide of the crowd leaving the train.
As the crowd disperses, so does Leonard's almost-ease. Now that they've arrived, he has no idea how the hell he's going to get Jim inside the morgue, or at the very least, justify it. Especially on a Friday night. Especially when he's on vacation.
Maybe he can get away with claiming Jim's a med student? Leonard sneaks a look at Jim and decides that there's no way that he can get away with that. What if one of his employees starts asking Jim medical questions? No, that one's a horrible idea.
Maybe he can claim that Jim's his cousin in from Georgia and visiting with Jo? Leonard sneaks another glance at Jim and sees the answering grin. Instantly, his gut tightens and he wants to taste that smile. Nope, no way he's getting away with this one, either. Not if he keeps slavering all over the man.
Each step towards his office makes him more and more nervous. Hell, even if he gets Jim inside without any sort of incident, what are they going to do once they get inside? Hey, Jim, I'd love to fuck you and, by the by, ignore the body in the freezer doesn't exactly sound like the most romantic proposition.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got bodies in the freezer and a hard-on for you makes him snort derisively. That's what he gets for hanging out with a seven-year-old. Jim looks over at his snort and then elbows him lightly.
"Wanna let me in on the joke?"
"Me," Leonard says, meaning it entirely. He's awful at this whole dating thing and he doesn't know why he thought maybe that this might be one.
"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can," Jim says as they climb the stairs towards the security entrance. At Leonard's blank stare, he adds, "Elsa Maxwell, famous hostess with the mostess. It's a favorite quotation of mine."
"You have the most random knowledge," Leonard says as he holds open the door and looks at the security officers sitting behind the scanners and desks.
Maybe he can claim that this is a bet, one that Jim lost. Except the security guards aren't known for their sense of humor so he thinks he's probably better off going with what comes naturally. "Evening."
"Doctor McCoy," the one guard says as Leonard shows his badge and walks through the scanner. "Who's your guest?"
"Jim Kirk. I'll sign him in," he says with as professional and surly a tone as he can manage.
"Reason for visit?"
"Professional." When the guard starts to question, Leonard raises an eyebrow and glares at him. The man fills something out on the clipboard and then turns it towards Leonard. Yep, natural is definitely the way to go.
"I need a copy of his identification."
"Sure, he's right here with it," Jim pipes up, pulling his license out and letting the guard scan it. "Mind if I step through?"
"Come on through," the other guard says. Jim walks through, the scanner going off. "Got any metal in your pockets? Coins? A watch? Cell phone?"
"Oh, all of the above," Jim says and steps back through, emptying his pockets to go through the scanner and stepping through once more. As the scanner goes off again, Leonard's nerves increase until they're jangling with the sense of wrongdoing. This has to be one of his worst ideas. What's he going to do if Jocelyn calls tonight to confirm the flight plans? What's he going to tell her when a crazy Scottish stranger answers the phone to tell her that Leonard took a man to the morgue and left Jojo with him and his pseudo-hippy-maybe-girlfriend? He's such a moron.
By the time his brain stops churning with the thoughts of the doom and gloom to be visited upon him, Jim's getting wanded and grinning the entire time. "How anyone can be happy to be scanned by security forces, I have no idea."
"You don't like to get wanded?" Jim says, raising his own eyebrow.
"You ever think about anything other than sex?"
"Yep," Jim admits while the guard dismisses him. He grabs his things from the scanner and they head towards the inner sanctum. "What's first?"
"Um, well, we could…" How the hell is he going to justify Jim down in the exam rooms? And who the hell brings an almost stranger to the fucking morgue?
"I hope you're not going to say 'visit the bodies' because, seriously, bodies? No thanks." Jim pauses and grins up at Len. "I just want a toe tag. If Jo asks, we totally went there and I totally touched one. How about your office or somewhere without any dead people?"
Leonard boggles at him while his knees weaken in relief. "Sure, office it is. I don't suppose bakers have much need of cadavers, after all."
~*~
"Oh come on, you keep getting blowed up. You're bringing our score down." Joanna puts her hands on her hips, Wii remote and nunchuk firmly in hand, and glares at Scotty. "I thought you liked Star Wars!"
"I do! It's these newfangled controls I don't like! You have to wave about with this one," Scotty pauses to shake the controller, "while swirling about with this one," another pause and another gesture, "and would you look at that? Now Leia's gone off and gotten herself killed again."
"Han's doing just fine, though," Gaila says from her perch on the couch. "I like this game."
"Don't you have anything else?" Scotty says as he hurries Leia about to pick up the scattered points.
"Even my daddy does a better job and he's awful at games."
"Get me a regular controller and this would be fine. Nothing wrong with them."
"I don't think Atari joysticks work with the Wii, sorry," Gaila says dryly, as she makes Han shoot Leia. "And you're bleeding parts again."
"Son of a bit - that is, son of a bugger," Scotty curses. The doorbell rings, making him drop the controllers in relief as he rushes for the door. "Well, now, would you look at who's decided to stop by."
"We thought to ascertain if, perhaps, you were, as it were, in over your head," Spock says as he steps into the house.
"How'd you find this place anyway?" Scotty says as he waits for them to get in the house.
"Jim provided the address in case you required assistance. As we were in the neighborhood, we thought to assess the situation."
"We're fine. Scotty's not very good at playing games, though. You any better?" Joanna raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms and staring at Spock as he approaches.
"I find video games to be a waste of time that could be better spent reading and increasing one's knowledge."
"Lame," Joanna says and goes back to her game. "Or you're a scaredy cat. Whatever."
Scotty and Gaila laugh so hard that Gaila starts to snort while Scotty falls to the ground. Uhura glares at the pair of them and then, leaning into Spock, says, "She's got you there."
"I will attempt your game," Spock says.
Scotty hands over his set of controllers. "You'll have to make due with Leia in the bikini. Hope you don't mind, mate."
"There are no other acceptable characters?" Spock turns a look towards Uhura, who is raising her eyebrow as if to say, 'Princess Leia not good enough for you?'.He turns back and states, "I shall endeavor to perform admirably."
"Huh?" Joanna looks at Spock and then Uhura. "You talk funny."
"He means that he'll do better than Scotty."
"Oh, well, why didn't he say so?"
"Because he's got a stick up his as, err, butt." Gaila stops herself.
"I fear that is not appropriate language in front of a child."
"Yeah, Scotty shouldn't hear that sort of talk," Joanna says and then launches back into the game.
Within minutes, they've advanced another two levels while Scotty and Uhura watch.
"Boba Fett is clearly not this illogical in the original trilogy," Spock says as Leia blows up Boba Fett for a second time.
"Thought you said you didn't like games," Scotty says from his perch on the sofa.
"I do not. I am, however, rather skilled at them."
"You should see him when the guys get together," Uhura says and then claps her hands over her mouth. "Jim's going to kill me."
"What get together?" Scotty's attention immediately goes to Uhura.
"Nothing. Just sometimes, they'll play a game or something. Nothing planned."
"Sounds like a conversation that needs to happen." Scotty subsides into a pout that has Joanna glancing between all the adults.
"Mister Scotty? Want to play as Luke? You can, if you want." She offers her controllers to Scotty. "You can even get him blowed up, if you want."
"Thanks, lass," Scotty says, "how about you help me out with it?"
Joanna nods, slipping onto his one leg and mans the nunchuk while Scotty takes over the controller. They do almost as well as when Joanna had played by herself and they advance another couple of levels. When Scotty looks away from the television, he sees Gaila staring at him funny. "What?"
"Not a thing. You guys make a good pair." She smiles at him and his heart thumps at the honest affection in her voice and expression. His own answering smile crosses his face, making hers brighten further. Well, then, what just happened there?, they both think as they stare at one another.
~*~
"So this is where you work." Jim states, as he walks around the office, picking up random objects and setting them back down haphazardly.
"Sort of. I work down in the freezer a lot, too." Leonard barely resists grabbing Jim's wrist to keep him from moving more things.
"Bet that's cool," Jim says with a smirk.
"That was horrible. How the hell do you fool the world into thinking you're suave with shit like that?"
"My great ass makes up for it."
"Right." Leonard really has nothing to say to that, because he's beginning to believe it's true.
"So what's this for?" Jim holds up a bone. "And please tell me it isn't real."
Now how the hell is Leonard supposed to explain the bone without making himself look horrible? "It's real."
"You have a real bone in your office? It's a cow or something, though, right?"
"If that makes you feel better, we can pretend." Leonard grins at the way that Jim drops the bone quickly.
"You are one sick man. Why would you have a human bone in your office?"
"Long story. I'm sure you aren't interested." Jim only cocks an eyebrow as he rests against the bookcases. "Fine. So my ex-wife? She's a paleontologist."
"Right, Jo mentioned that."
"She was a TA for an anthropology class I took."
"Hot for teacher? Kinky. I approve," Jim says with a wink.
"Asshole. Anyway, I didn't realize that she was flirting with me while she tutored me over some bones. Turns out she was and she finally got fed up with me, kissed me. Got married, had a kid, she got fed up with me not paying enough attention to her. When we divorced, I took one of the bones from her collection, figured all I had left were my bones."
"That's almost poetic, Bones," Jim says as he gingerly picks up the bone and puts it back where Leonard had had it.
"Fuck off."
"Seriously, Bones, it's cool." They slide into an almost-uncomfortable silence. "So where's my toe tag?"
"We'll get it on the way out, if you're done messing my shit up," Leonard says as Jim reaches for another object off Leonard's desk. It's about time they get back to Joanna, after all.
"Not done yet." The words are said cheerfully but Leonard can't help but worry over the possibilities. And wonder about them.
"I say you're done. You've made a mess of my office." Leonard ignores the way that Jim looks from stack of paper to stack of paper and then over to the binders with information in them. "Don't look at me like that. I like my mess in order."
"Touchy touchy," Jim says, holding up his hands and waiting for Leonard to pass before he leans in and whispers. "I like that."
"Oversexed dick," Leonard mutters while his stomach tightens and he's in the same embarrassing situation he'd been in on the train. At least Jim's not right in front of him.
He's still quite flustered as they walk out of the building and into the fresh air. Leonard decides that, as much as he wants to get home to Joanna, he doesn't want the evening to end, quite yet.
"You forgot my toe tag."
"Dammit," Leonard mutters and turns back, slipping into the building, and ignores the security guards' looks as he hurries down into the bowels of the building. He grabs a bunch of toe tags and then walks back outside. He grabs Jim's hand, slaps a tag in it and then says, "Here, stop bitching. Even Joanna doesn't complain this much."
"Doesn't have my name on it like Jo's does."
"For that, you're buying me dinner," Leonard says, starting off towards his house. "And we're going somewhere nice. Hope you brought your wallet."
"I can see why you got divorced with those sorts of demands, Bones," Jim says, hurrying after Leonard.
"Huh?"
"Seriously, you want dinner with me, you could try flattery. 'Hey, Jim, nice shoes, wanna fuck?' See? I'd totally go for that."
"Hey, Jim, shut the fuck up, you do have a great ass, and now you're going to buy me dinner."
"Much better," Jim says, clapping Leonard's shoulder. "I knew you had it in you to be romantic, Bones."
"Why the hell are you talking about bones?"
"That's you."
"Huh."
"I named you now I get to keep you. Rules of having pets." Jim swings his arm over Leonard's shoulder. He shivers, just a little.
"You just call me a dog?"
"Yep. But you shed less than Keenser."
"Now you're buying drinks, too."
"Sounds good to me. Lead on."
This time, the silence is companionable as they walk down the street, Jim's arm still over Leonard's shoulders. It takes a few minutes to get to the restaurant.
"Nice taste."
"Mind if I call the house?"
"Of course not. You think she's set the place on fire, yet?"
"Don't even joke about that." Leonard pulls out his cell and dials his house, pacing up and down the street as it rings and rings. Just as it starts to go to voicemail, someone picks up.
"House of McCoy, not a McCoy speaking," Scotty says. The dog's barking in the back while Joanna shouts something at someone else. Another low, male voice answers while someone else giggles.
"What the hell is going on there?"
"It's the McCoy himself. Well, good doctor, we've a bit of a party going on with the Wii. You didn't tell us that your daughter is a shark at video games. She's kicking our arses and isn't at all shy and retiring about it."
"That's my girl," he says proudly. "I hear other people, who'd you let into my house?"
"Spock and Uhura. Seems Jim didn't trust us to care for the wee one alone so he asked the responsible ones to stop by and make sure we weren't all dead."
"He did, did he?" Leonard turns and looks at Jim, raising an eyebrow. Jim does his best to look innocent but Leonard isn't buying it. "How responsible of him to invite people to my house."
"Oh, dude, sorry, forgot to tell you. Thought if anyone was good with making sure Joanna survives all while eating some vegetables, it'd be Spock and Uhura."
"So then she said she wanted to be Luke and who'm I to deny a girl her Jedi?" Obviously, while listening to Jim, Leonard's missed part of the conversation with Scotty. He doesn't even try to catch up.
"May I speak to my daughter?" Leonard asks, ignoring the puppy eyes from Jim.
"Course. Miss Joanna Skywalker, your dad's on the phone!"
"Howdy, Darth Dad!"
"You all right, Jo?"
"Dad, don't tell Scotty but Mister Jim's being mean to him and should invite him to his video game nights."
"He is, is he?" Leonard looks at Jim once more. Jim tries even harder to look innocent.
"Yep. You having a good time on your date?"
"It's not a date," Leonard says.
"Whatever. You having a good time?"
"Yep."
"Good. We're having fun, too! Mr Spock is really good at games, and Miss Uhura and Miss Gaila made me eat lions and giraffes. It was awesome." There's a muffled voice and Joanna giggles. "K, Daddy, gotta go. Mister Spock says that Leia can't beat the Rancor without Luke. Bye!"
"Bye," Leonard says but Joanna's already hung up the phone. He turns to Jim and says, "You."
"Me?"
"You invited even more strangers to my house. The one with my young, impressionable daughter in it."
"I invited people you've already met and who are more reserved than Scotty and Gaila. Spock can't breathe without the stick up his ass brushing a lung and Uhura would kick everyone's asses and make them like it if they got out of line."
"You ever do it again," Leonard threatens with a mock stern glare.
Not that there's any reasonable reason to believe that Joanna will ever visit him again, nor reason to believe that he'll see Jim again, outside of the bakery.
"I won't, promise," Jim says, holding up a hand in the classic Boy Scout salute. "Scout's honor."
"Let's go," Leonard says, looking forward to dinner, regardless, and trying to trust in the world just once.
"Oh, and by the way, Jo said something about Scotty finding out about your video games nights," Leonard says with a smirk.
Jim groans, making Len snort. He's suddenly famished.
Part 6
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