It's always the same thing
I always tell myself how I am going to stay away. And how much I don't care. But how can I not care? Why can't I move on? It's been almost 3 years. That's fucking pathetic Matt. It's obvious she doesn't care anymore. She's done with it all. Why aren't you? Why do I dwell? Why do I feel like I have to know everything about her still? My head's not right. I think I need therapy. Why do I always tend toward depression? I need someone else. I just haven't been able to connect with anyone else. Well there was one other. But she is no longer an option either.
Why is it that my happiness is so directly tied to being wanted, or loved? Why do I need someone to stroke my ego? Why am I not good enough for myself? If I can't love myself, I guess there is no chance of me ever loving someone else. Look at what I did to her. She loved me more than anything. And I treated her so terribly. And I can say that in hindsight and point out every single mistake I ever made. I know that if I was given another chance that eventually I would make the same fucking mistakes all over again. How fucking stupid. Not that it matters. She's changed you know. She's becoming more superficial all the time. "And i dont know what i am getting from *censor'd* better be a bunch of shit"
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She's not the girl you fell in love with. Maybe you just tell yourself that so that you can break away from these feelings. It never works.
Such a shallow slut she's become. I don't think I believe that. What if she is just playing that card to me so that I will leave her alone.
She cried. SHE CRIED before I left. There is something how can I say that it doesn't exist?
I thought about my trip next week. I was thinking that if that plane crashes I would have a smile on my face. Come on do the work for me. I know I can't do it myself.
Too much to think about.
Why is it that my happiness is so directly tied to being wanted, or loved? Why do I need someone to stroke my ego? Why am I not good enough for myself? If I can't love myself, I guess there is no chance of me ever loving someone else. Look at what I did to her. She loved me more than anything. And I treated her so terribly. And I can say that in hindsight and point out every single mistake I ever made. I know that if I was given another chance that eventually I would make the same fucking mistakes all over again. How fucking stupid. Not that it matters. She's changed you know. She's becoming more superficial all the time. "And i dont know what i am getting from *censor'd* better be a bunch of shit"
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLABHALBHALBHALBHALBHALBHBALABHABLBHABLBAHABLBAHBALBAHBALBHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLBAH
She's not the girl you fell in love with. Maybe you just tell yourself that so that you can break away from these feelings. It never works.
Such a shallow slut she's become. I don't think I believe that. What if she is just playing that card to me so that I will leave her alone.
She cried. SHE CRIED before I left. There is something how can I say that it doesn't exist?
I thought about my trip next week. I was thinking that if that plane crashes I would have a smile on my face. Come on do the work for me. I know I can't do it myself.
Too much to think about.