Crack!fic - a team effort
Title: Late Reports (or The Chocolate Icing Handjob)
Authors: muck-a-luck and cocoajava, with an important cameo appearance by seidhle, posted in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Cameron Mitchell/Jack O'Neill/Teal'c/Sam Carter
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Taquitos, quacamole, icing and pie. Everything you could possibly want at an orgy, right?
Content/warnings: Food!porn. Spanking. Essentially PWP. Het content.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only. muck_a_luck and brainofck
For my loyal rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.
CK: *chuckles evilly* Taquitos, feet flavored...
CJ: Mmm. Stick a taquito between each toe. That's 8 taquitos. Make the guy hold very very still. Blob quacamole on top of each. Tell him if he wiggles and anything falls, he is SO getting a spanking.
Then proceed to nibble his neck.
*indulges in a pretty daydream*
CK: CK (no the other one!) better watch out. Meanwhile, Daniel has swiped some of those plastic disposable handcuff thingies from SG-1's supply closet...
CJ: .... and Teal'c has appropriated a tub of sour cream, and is strolling down the hall towards Jack's room, the only sign that something is afoot is one eyebrow, subtly raised....
CK: And the bag of salsa Sam dropped off on Jack's desk with a mysterious smile about an hour ago...
CK OK. Would like to revise that to a bag, with a jar of salsa in it, as a bag of salsa would be more of a annoying practical joke...
CJ: Meanwhile..... General Hammond has accidentally ordered too much food for visiting dignitaries, and decides to get rid of it by having a large chocolate sheet cake dropped by Jack's room.
CK: Oh, no! Jack is miffed, as it is not pie! Teal'c's arrival prevents him stomping off in a huff to complain... Teal'c likes chocolate cake. So does Daniel.
Suilu: And ra is suddenly randomly reincarnated because a) he's hot and b)
he's bringing the pinata.
Woot.
(Boy. It does really write itself.) [Editorial note: Earlier, CJ had commented that Stargate slash writes itself...]
CK: *cries*
CJ: Meanwhile, poor Cameron Mitchell is pacing the halls, holding a cherry pie, asking random folk "can you tell me which way to the Stargate?". They shake their heads and roll their eyes, till finally one guy smirkingly gives him directions to Jack's quarters as a practical joke.
CK: Oh, no! And on Dagobah, or wherever it is the Jaffa High Council is meeting, they are really ticked off that noone has brought them their cherry pie! (thought I should throw in some random plot)
CJ: Hey! You got plot on my smut!!!!!
Hey! You got smut on my plot!!!!
Calm down! Two great tastes that go great together!!!!
A confused Cameron bursts into Jack's room, get a hell of an eyeful, then stammers.... "Now I know what the "SG" really stands for. Smutty Goodness." And he strode across the room to kneel by Jack, a wicked glint in his eye as he pulled the plastic wrap off his pie.
CK: Jack, who is desparately trying to avoid a spanking, whimpers and eyes the pie longingly...
CJ: Teal'c eyes Jack's trembling toes, and as the first blob of guacamole falls off, Teal's eyebrow raises. "Indeed. You seem to have dropped something, O'Neill."
Jack decides what the hell. He's already going to get a spanking. He twists sideways, taquitos flying all over the floor, grabs a handful of pie (literally) and grins at Cameron just before he snogs him.
Daniel does not appreciate losing that nibble-able neck, and reaches for the whip.
CK: But Sam steps in a applies a firm open handed slap. It leaves a lovely red hand print.
CK [annoyed aside]: And why is Arlington Circuit not answering their damn phone?!
CJ: While Arlington Circuit continued to ignore their phones in favor of ogling the scene taking place on their telly, wondering when it was that Stargate had hired new writers, poor Jack's arse got redder and redder, as Sam happily applied his punishment.
"This cake is excellent. Quite moist." said Teal'c, and swiped a bit of the frosting across Jack's mouth. But he liked frosting quite a bit, so immediately took it back with a languid lick.
CK: Daniel and Cameron had become quite distracted, making out in the corner, but at the mention of cake, Daniel asks, "Ever get a hand job with chocolate icing for lube?"
CJ: Teal'c's eyebrow gracefully arched nearly off the top of his well-shaped skull. "I have not, DanielJackson. Please demonstrate this procedure." He stood and let his camoflague pants drop to the floor, freeing his impressive erection.
Sam giggled, and smacked Jack again. Her hand was getting sore, and her eyes were starting to glaze over in a lust filled haze. All the men were a little scared of her.
CK: Cameron decided that since he had lost Daniel's attentions anyway, maybe it was time to lower the threat level from Sam. He caught her eye and crooked a finger. She contemplated Daniel's little plastic restraints, trussed Jack up, and went over to join Cameron on the dusty brokendown couch in the corner.
Jack was relieved his punishment was apparently over, but now he had a closeup view of Daniel's technique with icing that was making his dick leak all over his unfinished mission reports.
CJ: While General Hammond relaxed with the dignitaries after their ample lunch, he wondered why it was that Jack was so late turning in his mission reports. But he was too full to be bothered to get up and go check on his progress.
Meanwhile, Sam settled neatly atop Cameron, straddling his lap, intent on getting to know the new guy. Jack bit his sticky lip as Daniel showed Teal'c a few tricks he'd learned back in his days at University. The cunning linguist had studied more than languages, and showed off a wrist maneuver that had Teal's eyes rolling back in his head. Jack's mission reports got soggier by the minute.
CK: Sam curled up satisfied and content on Cameron's chest as he indulged in a sticky, post-coital nap.
Teal'c helped Jack to his knees, as Daniel climbed up onto the desk behind him. As Teal'c licked his own cum off Jack's cheeks, Jack learned just how ineffective chocolate icing could be as a lubricant.
CJ: Hammond's guests had just stepped through the Stargate. All was quiet. Too quiet.
"Right, then. Time to see why Jacks' mission reports are so late."
He walked briskly down the hall towards Jack's quarters. Jack had better have an ironclad excuse.
CK: Odd. The door was locked.
The general slid his pass key through the reader.
And stood flabbergasted by the scene inside Jack's office.
Teal'c greeted him with a nod.
"Is there something you needed, General?" he asked, as Daniel continued to pound into Jack.
"Oh!" piped up Cameron from the corner. "Jack, the general wants those mission reports on his desk, pronto!"
Sam sat up and stretched.
"I don't think you're getting any reports, General, 'til Daniel cuts Jack loose..."
General Hammond backed out of the office.
That sounded like a good excuse to him...
Authors: muck-a-luck and cocoajava, with an important cameo appearance by seidhle, posted in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Cameron Mitchell/Jack O'Neill/Teal'c/Sam Carter
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Taquitos, quacamole, icing and pie. Everything you could possibly want at an orgy, right?
Content/warnings: Food!porn. Spanking. Essentially PWP. Het content.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1, I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only. muck_a_luck and brainofck
For my loyal rugbytacklers, I have done a Stargate crash course located here.
CK: *chuckles evilly* Taquitos, feet flavored...
CJ: Mmm. Stick a taquito between each toe. That's 8 taquitos. Make the guy hold very very still. Blob quacamole on top of each. Tell him if he wiggles and anything falls, he is SO getting a spanking.
Then proceed to nibble his neck.
*indulges in a pretty daydream*
CK: CK (no the other one!) better watch out. Meanwhile, Daniel has swiped some of those plastic disposable handcuff thingies from SG-1's supply closet...
CJ: .... and Teal'c has appropriated a tub of sour cream, and is strolling down the hall towards Jack's room, the only sign that something is afoot is one eyebrow, subtly raised....
CK: And the bag of salsa Sam dropped off on Jack's desk with a mysterious smile about an hour ago...
CK OK. Would like to revise that to a bag, with a jar of salsa in it, as a bag of salsa would be more of a annoying practical joke...
CJ: Meanwhile..... General Hammond has accidentally ordered too much food for visiting dignitaries, and decides to get rid of it by having a large chocolate sheet cake dropped by Jack's room.
CK: Oh, no! Jack is miffed, as it is not pie! Teal'c's arrival prevents him stomping off in a huff to complain... Teal'c likes chocolate cake. So does Daniel.
Suilu: And ra is suddenly randomly reincarnated because a) he's hot and b)
he's bringing the pinata.
Woot.
(Boy. It does really write itself.) [Editorial note: Earlier, CJ had commented that Stargate slash writes itself...]
CK: *cries*
CJ: Meanwhile, poor Cameron Mitchell is pacing the halls, holding a cherry pie, asking random folk "can you tell me which way to the Stargate?". They shake their heads and roll their eyes, till finally one guy smirkingly gives him directions to Jack's quarters as a practical joke.
CK: Oh, no! And on Dagobah, or wherever it is the Jaffa High Council is meeting, they are really ticked off that noone has brought them their cherry pie! (thought I should throw in some random plot)
CJ: Hey! You got plot on my smut!!!!!
Hey! You got smut on my plot!!!!
Calm down! Two great tastes that go great together!!!!
A confused Cameron bursts into Jack's room, get a hell of an eyeful, then stammers.... "Now I know what the "SG" really stands for. Smutty Goodness." And he strode across the room to kneel by Jack, a wicked glint in his eye as he pulled the plastic wrap off his pie.
CK: Jack, who is desparately trying to avoid a spanking, whimpers and eyes the pie longingly...
CJ: Teal'c eyes Jack's trembling toes, and as the first blob of guacamole falls off, Teal's eyebrow raises. "Indeed. You seem to have dropped something, O'Neill."
Jack decides what the hell. He's already going to get a spanking. He twists sideways, taquitos flying all over the floor, grabs a handful of pie (literally) and grins at Cameron just before he snogs him.
Daniel does not appreciate losing that nibble-able neck, and reaches for the whip.
CK: But Sam steps in a applies a firm open handed slap. It leaves a lovely red hand print.
CK [annoyed aside]: And why is Arlington Circuit not answering their damn phone?!
CJ: While Arlington Circuit continued to ignore their phones in favor of ogling the scene taking place on their telly, wondering when it was that Stargate had hired new writers, poor Jack's arse got redder and redder, as Sam happily applied his punishment.
"This cake is excellent. Quite moist." said Teal'c, and swiped a bit of the frosting across Jack's mouth. But he liked frosting quite a bit, so immediately took it back with a languid lick.
CK: Daniel and Cameron had become quite distracted, making out in the corner, but at the mention of cake, Daniel asks, "Ever get a hand job with chocolate icing for lube?"
CJ: Teal'c's eyebrow gracefully arched nearly off the top of his well-shaped skull. "I have not, DanielJackson. Please demonstrate this procedure." He stood and let his camoflague pants drop to the floor, freeing his impressive erection.
Sam giggled, and smacked Jack again. Her hand was getting sore, and her eyes were starting to glaze over in a lust filled haze. All the men were a little scared of her.
CK: Cameron decided that since he had lost Daniel's attentions anyway, maybe it was time to lower the threat level from Sam. He caught her eye and crooked a finger. She contemplated Daniel's little plastic restraints, trussed Jack up, and went over to join Cameron on the dusty brokendown couch in the corner.
Jack was relieved his punishment was apparently over, but now he had a closeup view of Daniel's technique with icing that was making his dick leak all over his unfinished mission reports.
CJ: While General Hammond relaxed with the dignitaries after their ample lunch, he wondered why it was that Jack was so late turning in his mission reports. But he was too full to be bothered to get up and go check on his progress.
Meanwhile, Sam settled neatly atop Cameron, straddling his lap, intent on getting to know the new guy. Jack bit his sticky lip as Daniel showed Teal'c a few tricks he'd learned back in his days at University. The cunning linguist had studied more than languages, and showed off a wrist maneuver that had Teal's eyes rolling back in his head. Jack's mission reports got soggier by the minute.
CK: Sam curled up satisfied and content on Cameron's chest as he indulged in a sticky, post-coital nap.
Teal'c helped Jack to his knees, as Daniel climbed up onto the desk behind him. As Teal'c licked his own cum off Jack's cheeks, Jack learned just how ineffective chocolate icing could be as a lubricant.
CJ: Hammond's guests had just stepped through the Stargate. All was quiet. Too quiet.
"Right, then. Time to see why Jacks' mission reports are so late."
He walked briskly down the hall towards Jack's quarters. Jack had better have an ironclad excuse.
CK: Odd. The door was locked.
The general slid his pass key through the reader.
And stood flabbergasted by the scene inside Jack's office.
Teal'c greeted him with a nod.
"Is there something you needed, General?" he asked, as Daniel continued to pound into Jack.
"Oh!" piped up Cameron from the corner. "Jack, the general wants those mission reports on his desk, pronto!"
Sam sat up and stretched.
"I don't think you're getting any reports, General, 'til Daniel cuts Jack loose..."
General Hammond backed out of the office.
That sounded like a good excuse to him...