fucking diarreah and noise.

[brainofazombie]

today is my dog's birthday and i realized that as i was sitting there with him and he was biting me with psychotic fucking rage in his eyes, i really messed up my dog. i want to do something for him. i want to take him to that people pleasing dog park in south oxnard where all of the dogs have their owners foot in their ass. it's pretty fucking far, but i'm certainly thinking about it seriously. i take my dogs birthday seriously because he's the only real solidness i have. god, this world is so fucked up. such a big portion of it is fucking shit. and i'm some of it. ive been practically masturbating to criminal minds lately; i fucking watch it so much. i think it'd be cool to do what they do. even though it's a television show. i got food stamps yesterday and waited for hours. i hated it. there is just so many gross fucking things to see there. it kind of reminds me of this one time when i was a kid and my mom and her dumb ass ex-husband signed me and my brother up for this contest to run around in a pen and catch animals at some stupid ass rodeo. i caught a goat and got to take it home. i liked him so i kept him and played outside with him a ton. later we fucking sold him for food which was lame. hahaha. i just saw these fingernail clippings i bit off 3 weeks ago all lined up cool. it looks like they are doing the "egyptian walk" in a square. not too long ago, i guess i'll address this, i took acid at the beach and almost drowned myself because i went in too far. i'm not sure how i got myself out exactly, but i did and i managed to take in a fuckload of sea water on the way. it was a blast. i thought i was stronger than i realistically am and underestimated the strength of the waves. i'm always almost dying. for some reason i've been since i was 2 years old. it's a little traumatizing at times, but ironically for me being so weak, i've been strong enough to survive numerous times. it's really retarded. i haven't spoken to my brother in a while and i also want to send my grandmother a nice little card for always trying to talk me into keeping in contact with my mother and my brother. she still tries to do some good and i see it. there's just so much i wish i could say to people and if i only knew how to say it.


-"But if I seem to act unkind
It's only me, it's not my mind"