Short Fics written for saiyuki_time
I had almost forgotten about these! I wish I could write more for this community, it has some great prompts and has gotten some really great responses too.
Title: Dead Weight
Author: brainfuneral
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Disturbing Concepts (this is Hakkai/Gonou-centric, after all)
Pairing(s): light 58, nothing explicit
Notes: Written for the prompt "Ghosts". Here are the notes I wrote when I posted it originally:
I really didn't mean to write creepy, angst-filled Hakkai...and then I did. Sorry. And yet again, I can't really write Hakkai except through Gojyo it seems.
About 40 minutes taken altogether, because my cat kept jumping on my lap and demanding attention.
I had just moved to turn out the light when he spoke. I suppose I should've expected it, a quiet night with Hakkai that didn't include some whacked-out, soul-searching conversation simply wasn't a quiet night with Hakkai.
"You know, sometimes I feel that I literally carry Cho Gonou's corpse with me. Not the ghost of him, but the literal body. As if he's chained to my wrists and I drag him along through my days."
Damn.
When Hakkai soul-searches, it doesn't come out sunshine and rainbows and happy walks through the park. Although, I suppose I never really expected that.
"When I drive, he's the extra weight in the Jeep. When I go grocery shopping, I pull him through the crowded markets. When I sleep, he sleeps beside me."
What the fuck do I say to that? Yeah, that's really messed-up Hakkai, you're creepin' me out and can we please go to bed.
"I suppose I've never really imagined that I could hold true to Sanzo's beliefs. While he purports to hold nothing, I suppose I hold everything. I drag him along with me, my other self."
He's not even looking at me, really. Eventually I'll figure out what to say. Although I'm not sure my words are what get through anyway.
"Sometimes, Kanan is chained to him and I drag them both. They get quite heavy after a while."
Any minute now I'll figure out something witty and half-joking and sincere and perfect to say. He'll smile a little smile that would be patronizing on anyone else, but is Hakkai's closest smile to grateful.
"I suppose the feeling is similar to being haunted, except far more inconvenient. A specter I could ignore, but his weight dragging me down is dreadfully irritating."
"Hakkai."
"Yes, Gojyo?"
"Do you think your corpse could help me carry the groceries when we go? You buy an awful lot of shit for the monkey and it gets heavy."
He smiles. It's sad and heavy and wry and weary but his eyes are on me now. I smile back, willing my lips and teeth to tell him that I'll carry him, that I have carried him before and I'll carry him again, dragging whatever stupid corpse he feels he has along with him.
"Well, I suppose we can always attempt to ask him, although I must warn you that Cho Gonou wasn't fond of doing favors..."
"I'll just have to turn on the charm, then. And just so that we have some ground rules, 'the last man I'll ever bring to bed' applies to the living Cho Hakkai, not the corpse of Cho Gonou, regardless of when I said it and what your name was at the time. Got it? I'm not into threesomes. Unless we could convince Sanzo to..."
He smiles again.
Title: A Very Good Question
Author: clytemnaestra aka brainfuneral
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Hakkai-Craziness
Pairing(s): None
Notes: Written for the prompt "(In)Sanity". Random thoughts on Hakkai's youkai power limiters. Original Notes: This is Hakkai-POV, rambling dialogue. Just try to imagine Hakkai in lecture-mode, and hopefully this'll work!
"How do they feel? Well, I've grown so accustomed to them now that I don't really feel them at all any more. That is a very good question, nonetheless. When I was first...adjusting to them, they were really quite painful, as I recall. While my other physical injuries were healing, I remember they ached fiercely. They pinch my ear quite tightly, in order to stay securely in place, you see. My entire ear and the left side of my face and neck would throb rather painfully. I saw this as all a part of my penance, of course."
"As they come off? Ah, well. There's the physical transformation, of course. That was rather...jarring at first. It's rather like slipping out of one's skin and into the skin, muscle, bones of an entirely different person, if that explanation makes any sense to you. I'm afraid I can't describe the process with any great eloquence or detail. Except to say that sometimes I forget just exactly how long the claws of a youkai can be, and have punctured more than one beer can, to Gojyo's dismay."
"Haha, yes I suppose that's not really a very complete description of the process, now is it? The mental transition...how should I put this? It's...not as contradictory as I might have once thought. That statement doesn't make much sense on it's own, but rather needs to be put into the context of my previous way of thinking about the dichotomy of youkai versus human nature. I assumed, as do many, that the youkai personality is ingrained, set by nature as much as by social influences, much as human personalities seem to be. Thus, I had thought that my youkai personality would be an innate set of characteristics, mostly violent, aggressive tendencies. I have since found that this is hardly the case."
"It's surprising, I know. When taking off my youkai power limiters, one would assume that I would simply lose control over whatever semblance of humanity I have left. That my human personality would transform itself into a newer, youkai personality, one filled with violent, uncontrollable impulses. That is simply not the case."
"What I have come to find, and I'm sure there are those that will disagree with me on this point, is that my youkai nature is not contradictory to my human nature at all. My youkai nature is rather, an...exaggerated version of my human personality and characteristics. Thus, the delicate balance between sanity and insanity that I tread as a human is exactly the same as when I transform into a youkai."
"You look startled. I suppose I must say that I can't blame you on that point, indeed not."
"Perhaps I can put it another way. Say that every single day is a struggle, yes? Everyone struggles against their own obstacles, whether they be internal or external or a combination of both factors. In the case of myself, who has been human, and who has now been converted into a youkai, my struggles consist not of those that arise between my demonic versus my human nature, no. Rather, my struggle is between my self-restraint and the penance that I still feel that I owe, and the darker forces of my internal self that I continually fight to hold back and repress. This has nothing to do with youkai nature versus human nature, it is simply the nature of my inner self. Frightening prospect, no?"
"How do I restrain myself against these overwhelming dark, violent, albeit human desires, one might ask? Well, this is a very good question. Once I learned that these three little pieces of metal had nothing to do with it, did they lose their significance? Now that my sanity no longer rests on the relative safety of these fashionable earpieces, what purpose do they serve? Only to reign in my physical appearance and prevent the skewering of Gojyo's beer cans? Hahaha, that also, is a very good question indeed."
Title: Dead Weight
Author: brainfuneral
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Disturbing Concepts (this is Hakkai/Gonou-centric, after all)
Pairing(s): light 58, nothing explicit
Notes: Written for the prompt "Ghosts". Here are the notes I wrote when I posted it originally:
I really didn't mean to write creepy, angst-filled Hakkai...and then I did. Sorry. And yet again, I can't really write Hakkai except through Gojyo it seems.
About 40 minutes taken altogether, because my cat kept jumping on my lap and demanding attention.
I had just moved to turn out the light when he spoke. I suppose I should've expected it, a quiet night with Hakkai that didn't include some whacked-out, soul-searching conversation simply wasn't a quiet night with Hakkai.
"You know, sometimes I feel that I literally carry Cho Gonou's corpse with me. Not the ghost of him, but the literal body. As if he's chained to my wrists and I drag him along through my days."
Damn.
When Hakkai soul-searches, it doesn't come out sunshine and rainbows and happy walks through the park. Although, I suppose I never really expected that.
"When I drive, he's the extra weight in the Jeep. When I go grocery shopping, I pull him through the crowded markets. When I sleep, he sleeps beside me."
What the fuck do I say to that? Yeah, that's really messed-up Hakkai, you're creepin' me out and can we please go to bed.
"I suppose I've never really imagined that I could hold true to Sanzo's beliefs. While he purports to hold nothing, I suppose I hold everything. I drag him along with me, my other self."
He's not even looking at me, really. Eventually I'll figure out what to say. Although I'm not sure my words are what get through anyway.
"Sometimes, Kanan is chained to him and I drag them both. They get quite heavy after a while."
Any minute now I'll figure out something witty and half-joking and sincere and perfect to say. He'll smile a little smile that would be patronizing on anyone else, but is Hakkai's closest smile to grateful.
"I suppose the feeling is similar to being haunted, except far more inconvenient. A specter I could ignore, but his weight dragging me down is dreadfully irritating."
"Hakkai."
"Yes, Gojyo?"
"Do you think your corpse could help me carry the groceries when we go? You buy an awful lot of shit for the monkey and it gets heavy."
He smiles. It's sad and heavy and wry and weary but his eyes are on me now. I smile back, willing my lips and teeth to tell him that I'll carry him, that I have carried him before and I'll carry him again, dragging whatever stupid corpse he feels he has along with him.
"Well, I suppose we can always attempt to ask him, although I must warn you that Cho Gonou wasn't fond of doing favors..."
"I'll just have to turn on the charm, then. And just so that we have some ground rules, 'the last man I'll ever bring to bed' applies to the living Cho Hakkai, not the corpse of Cho Gonou, regardless of when I said it and what your name was at the time. Got it? I'm not into threesomes. Unless we could convince Sanzo to..."
He smiles again.
Title: A Very Good Question
Author: clytemnaestra aka brainfuneral
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Hakkai-Craziness
Pairing(s): None
Notes: Written for the prompt "(In)Sanity". Random thoughts on Hakkai's youkai power limiters. Original Notes: This is Hakkai-POV, rambling dialogue. Just try to imagine Hakkai in lecture-mode, and hopefully this'll work!
"How do they feel? Well, I've grown so accustomed to them now that I don't really feel them at all any more. That is a very good question, nonetheless. When I was first...adjusting to them, they were really quite painful, as I recall. While my other physical injuries were healing, I remember they ached fiercely. They pinch my ear quite tightly, in order to stay securely in place, you see. My entire ear and the left side of my face and neck would throb rather painfully. I saw this as all a part of my penance, of course."
"As they come off? Ah, well. There's the physical transformation, of course. That was rather...jarring at first. It's rather like slipping out of one's skin and into the skin, muscle, bones of an entirely different person, if that explanation makes any sense to you. I'm afraid I can't describe the process with any great eloquence or detail. Except to say that sometimes I forget just exactly how long the claws of a youkai can be, and have punctured more than one beer can, to Gojyo's dismay."
"Haha, yes I suppose that's not really a very complete description of the process, now is it? The mental transition...how should I put this? It's...not as contradictory as I might have once thought. That statement doesn't make much sense on it's own, but rather needs to be put into the context of my previous way of thinking about the dichotomy of youkai versus human nature. I assumed, as do many, that the youkai personality is ingrained, set by nature as much as by social influences, much as human personalities seem to be. Thus, I had thought that my youkai personality would be an innate set of characteristics, mostly violent, aggressive tendencies. I have since found that this is hardly the case."
"It's surprising, I know. When taking off my youkai power limiters, one would assume that I would simply lose control over whatever semblance of humanity I have left. That my human personality would transform itself into a newer, youkai personality, one filled with violent, uncontrollable impulses. That is simply not the case."
"What I have come to find, and I'm sure there are those that will disagree with me on this point, is that my youkai nature is not contradictory to my human nature at all. My youkai nature is rather, an...exaggerated version of my human personality and characteristics. Thus, the delicate balance between sanity and insanity that I tread as a human is exactly the same as when I transform into a youkai."
"You look startled. I suppose I must say that I can't blame you on that point, indeed not."
"Perhaps I can put it another way. Say that every single day is a struggle, yes? Everyone struggles against their own obstacles, whether they be internal or external or a combination of both factors. In the case of myself, who has been human, and who has now been converted into a youkai, my struggles consist not of those that arise between my demonic versus my human nature, no. Rather, my struggle is between my self-restraint and the penance that I still feel that I owe, and the darker forces of my internal self that I continually fight to hold back and repress. This has nothing to do with youkai nature versus human nature, it is simply the nature of my inner self. Frightening prospect, no?"
"How do I restrain myself against these overwhelming dark, violent, albeit human desires, one might ask? Well, this is a very good question. Once I learned that these three little pieces of metal had nothing to do with it, did they lose their significance? Now that my sanity no longer rests on the relative safety of these fashionable earpieces, what purpose do they serve? Only to reign in my physical appearance and prevent the skewering of Gojyo's beer cans? Hahaha, that also, is a very good question indeed."