Inner arguments utilising most aspects of 'me'.
First entry, and not a particularly upbeat "hooray new journal" one. Bugger. I hope this doesn't set the tone for the rest of the journal.
I seem to be having serious difficulties in a) coming up with a visual representation of my ideas, and b) making effort to do so.
However, I seem to be able to articulate my ideas (and indeed....opinions, gripes) in sentences which do not use the word "fuck" a lot, even despite my anger about the subject and the questions arising.....something like that. (Maybe I can't express myself verbally, either?)
The whole point of creating this journal was to crack open my writers (and creative) block so that I don't fail my degree.
Point 1.
I'm having doubts about whether I belong on this course, see point 2.
Point 2.
I'm having doubts about my creativity. Are people just humouring me when I ask them about ideas for my work? Why am I struggling so much with my use of visual language?
Point (unrelated to above points) 3.
I'm having doubts about the relationship I'm in, as I'm not entirely sure we're 100% right for each other. But then, I say to myself, find a couple who are 100% right for each other.
(relating to point 3) It's entirely my fault.
Is it normal to type out your internal dialogue?
Sort-it-out. What can I do about everything.
Point 1 :
-Nothing much. No point in dropping out now. You're halfway through the course. Ride with it. It could just be normal amounts of self doubt. OR
-Nothing much. No point in dropping out now. But then you'll worry that you've wasted SO MUCH MONEY on something you realised you didn't have the ability for.
-Quit now. You may kick yourself in the years ahead, wondering if you could make it. OR
-Quit now. You will not kick yourself in years ahead as something will come along which is right for you in every way.
Point 2 :
-Look at a fuck load of artists, compare your ideas to theirs, contemplate what the pieces say, and come to an answer to your own question. (inner voice: Or a question to go with your answer. Art = questions. Ask lots of visual questions.)
(Sinister inner voice: You mean look at even more artists you find difficult to understand? You've looked at a fuck load already. Nothing happened. You'll never experience a sudden leap of understanding. You're too stupid.)
-Carry out every single thing you think of, eg. being Britney Spears. Fucking do it and stop whining. Eventually you'll find the question to your answer.
-Talk. To. People.
-Write more.
Point 3 :
-Talk.To.Him. Apologise for being a bitch.
-Ride it out. Maybe it's just the 6 month honeymoon period coming to an end. This can be a good thing. Your understanding for each other will deepen.
-Can't end it. Signed contract for next year.
Oh, what a huge mess I am. Why am I writing replies to myself. I need to get a grip. I think I'm succeeding at worrying myself here.
I seem to be having serious difficulties in a) coming up with a visual representation of my ideas, and b) making effort to do so.
However, I seem to be able to articulate my ideas (and indeed....opinions, gripes) in sentences which do not use the word "fuck" a lot, even despite my anger about the subject and the questions arising.....something like that. (Maybe I can't express myself verbally, either?)
The whole point of creating this journal was to crack open my writers (and creative) block so that I don't fail my degree.
Point 1.
I'm having doubts about whether I belong on this course, see point 2.
Point 2.
I'm having doubts about my creativity. Are people just humouring me when I ask them about ideas for my work? Why am I struggling so much with my use of visual language?
Point (unrelated to above points) 3.
I'm having doubts about the relationship I'm in, as I'm not entirely sure we're 100% right for each other. But then, I say to myself, find a couple who are 100% right for each other.
(relating to point 3) It's entirely my fault.
Is it normal to type out your internal dialogue?
Sort-it-out. What can I do about everything.
Point 1 :
-Nothing much. No point in dropping out now. You're halfway through the course. Ride with it. It could just be normal amounts of self doubt. OR
-Nothing much. No point in dropping out now. But then you'll worry that you've wasted SO MUCH MONEY on something you realised you didn't have the ability for.
-Quit now. You may kick yourself in the years ahead, wondering if you could make it. OR
-Quit now. You will not kick yourself in years ahead as something will come along which is right for you in every way.
Point 2 :
-Look at a fuck load of artists, compare your ideas to theirs, contemplate what the pieces say, and come to an answer to your own question. (inner voice: Or a question to go with your answer. Art = questions. Ask lots of visual questions.)
(Sinister inner voice: You mean look at even more artists you find difficult to understand? You've looked at a fuck load already. Nothing happened. You'll never experience a sudden leap of understanding. You're too stupid.)
-Carry out every single thing you think of, eg. being Britney Spears. Fucking do it and stop whining. Eventually you'll find the question to your answer.
-Talk. To. People.
-Write more.
Point 3 :
-Talk.To.Him. Apologise for being a bitch.
-Ride it out. Maybe it's just the 6 month honeymoon period coming to an end. This can be a good thing. Your understanding for each other will deepen.
-Can't end it. Signed contract for next year.
Oh, what a huge mess I am. Why am I writing replies to myself. I need to get a grip. I think I'm succeeding at worrying myself here.