(no subject)
It feels like if five seconds ago I was saying goodbye to my sister, hugging her and telling her how much I would miss her. In less than month I will be saying that 120+ times and only really meaning it about twenty of those times. Part of me came to terms with the fact that in the next ten years the only people that will remain in my life from my past will be my family, even then they will barely be there, and in the fall of 2006 I will be starting my life.
I think that there is only ten peple I will really miss, family included. I think that there will be three people I will really really miss. and I think that only one of those will really really miss me in return.
I've been meeting a lot of new people lately. Everytime I punch in a new name in my cell I think "I'm going to be deleting this in a couple of months". Sometimes I think "Will you be different? Will you be saved in there for the rest of my life?" and if I do, I laugh at myself because the things I think of when I should be happy are so lame. I should be grateful for another weekend of laughs with new friends, grateful for the invitations into new homes... into new lives.
If I am barely floating in the lives of my "friends", if I am barely there, what is going to make meeting new people different? If I can barely keep the relationships I have now, how is it going to change?
I think last night was a massive dissapointment, I think all of yesterday was. I realized how different we are. How much you don't care about me. You're title is supposed to make you different from everyone else, but you don't act that way. All I kept think was "One year from now you won't remember me" and when we were laughing all I kept thinking was "Six months from now you wont remember me" and when I got out of your car I thought "what if...what if you don't remember me tomorrow?"
I think that there is only ten peple I will really miss, family included. I think that there will be three people I will really really miss. and I think that only one of those will really really miss me in return.
I've been meeting a lot of new people lately. Everytime I punch in a new name in my cell I think "I'm going to be deleting this in a couple of months". Sometimes I think "Will you be different? Will you be saved in there for the rest of my life?" and if I do, I laugh at myself because the things I think of when I should be happy are so lame. I should be grateful for another weekend of laughs with new friends, grateful for the invitations into new homes... into new lives.
If I am barely floating in the lives of my "friends", if I am barely there, what is going to make meeting new people different? If I can barely keep the relationships I have now, how is it going to change?
I think last night was a massive dissapointment, I think all of yesterday was. I realized how different we are. How much you don't care about me. You're title is supposed to make you different from everyone else, but you don't act that way. All I kept think was "One year from now you won't remember me" and when we were laughing all I kept thinking was "Six months from now you wont remember me" and when I got out of your car I thought "what if...what if you don't remember me tomorrow?"