It's like I'm tilting on an axis, and the axis is made of food
Thank all the deities for sunshine.
It's been a...tumultous week, though not necessarily a bad one. Little incidents; on Monday night I got pulled over for having a headlight out. The rain and enterprising construction teams have made my trip to work more and more challenging, and I've been very nervous about the bridge right by my house flooding (if it does, I'll have a 35-mile detour to get around it). The river is all up in my business, no lie. It's all been a bit surreal.
My mother and I started Weight Watchers this week, which sounds like a pretty average thing, but it's really weird for me. I've heard people talk about their "relationship" with food, and while I could understand it on a logical level, I've never really felt that way. It's just been...when I'm hungry, I eat. There's some food I really enjoy, restaurants I like to eat at, favorite dishes, all that, but it wasn't something that I interacted with in any significant way.
Now, I feel like I have started a Relationship With My Food. Not in a negative way, it's just...very weird to me to be so conscious not only of what I'm eating right now, but also what I ate yesterday, and what I'm going to eat tomorrow, and for the rest of the week. I went to the grocery store and bought more fresh food than I've probably ever had in my house at one time--bananas, pears, raspberries, mushrooms, even a bundle of organic cilantro. (Fresh fruits and most vegetables are 0 points, so I'll be eating a lot of them). It was just...strange. Pulling out my little calculator and finding out that raspberry cheesecake granola bars are fewer points than plain cranberry fiber bars. Counting up the different varieties of tuna. It's this foreign thing to me, especially after so many years of trying to gain weight and really not managing.
Anyway, I'm hoping it will be a good experience. I'd like to come back down a few (okay, many) pounds to the median of where I've been, but honestly, I think I'm doing this as much because I want to prove I can as anything about my weight. I have never had a lot of impulse control. I'm suspecting I might better myself if I can learn some.
It's been a...tumultous week, though not necessarily a bad one. Little incidents; on Monday night I got pulled over for having a headlight out. The rain and enterprising construction teams have made my trip to work more and more challenging, and I've been very nervous about the bridge right by my house flooding (if it does, I'll have a 35-mile detour to get around it). The river is all up in my business, no lie. It's all been a bit surreal.
My mother and I started Weight Watchers this week, which sounds like a pretty average thing, but it's really weird for me. I've heard people talk about their "relationship" with food, and while I could understand it on a logical level, I've never really felt that way. It's just been...when I'm hungry, I eat. There's some food I really enjoy, restaurants I like to eat at, favorite dishes, all that, but it wasn't something that I interacted with in any significant way.
Now, I feel like I have started a Relationship With My Food. Not in a negative way, it's just...very weird to me to be so conscious not only of what I'm eating right now, but also what I ate yesterday, and what I'm going to eat tomorrow, and for the rest of the week. I went to the grocery store and bought more fresh food than I've probably ever had in my house at one time--bananas, pears, raspberries, mushrooms, even a bundle of organic cilantro. (Fresh fruits and most vegetables are 0 points, so I'll be eating a lot of them). It was just...strange. Pulling out my little calculator and finding out that raspberry cheesecake granola bars are fewer points than plain cranberry fiber bars. Counting up the different varieties of tuna. It's this foreign thing to me, especially after so many years of trying to gain weight and really not managing.
Anyway, I'm hoping it will be a good experience. I'd like to come back down a few (okay, many) pounds to the median of where I've been, but honestly, I think I'm doing this as much because I want to prove I can as anything about my weight. I have never had a lot of impulse control. I'm suspecting I might better myself if I can learn some.