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Haff J. Naykid
We met him at The Killers concert and after he was done spinning around and pulling his nipples, we sat down for a little one on one time. Just Haff and I. Me and Haff. I just wanted to get the know the man behind the swirling and the pulling. Think of this like, Behind the music, except for better because instead of music, we have shirts to get behind, and that's something I can REALLY get behind. WINK!
Haff was born in a small town in east Tennessee (shout out to dimples) called Broken Fence East. For time conserving purposes we'll just call it, affectionately, BFE. Not much happened in BFE, Tennessee and Haff learned at an early age that he was bigger than the town he was born in. He just had to figure out a way to get out and be who he was meant to be, because he knew his destiny was to be, "That Guy". Which, if you didn't know, it takes a lot to become "that guy". I'm well on my way because the first step is to use comma's as often as humanly possible. It's hard to tell that in normal social settings, but lucky for me I have all you fuckers reading my blogs. Oh wait, this, is, about, Haff, and, not, about, me. Moving right along...
He started first perfmorning for friends and family at small gatherings and things of that nature. He loved to bounce around to whatever music was playing, whether it be Mariachi (or Macarochino if you're Michelle) bands or Rick Dea's weekly top 40. Bouncing turned to jumping, jumpin turned to spinning, spinning turned to drop kicking, and well you know how the natural progression to nipple pulling goes from there. The shirtless thing came about when he was dancing around at a backyard barbeque and he felt something bite him. He wasn't sure if it was a bee or a seal, but he knew he was bit, and he was bit hard. His arms started flailing because of the pain he felt and he had to take his shirt off and inspect the source of said pain. No one knew what was going on but Haff noticed they were really enjoying it, so he continued to add that part to his overall act.
It just so happened that at the age of 19, The Killers show was his first one to take on the road. And it just so happened that we were there to witness and document such greatness. I promised Haff I would do whatever I could to get his name out there, and he promised to always let me know which shows he was going to be at within an 8 hour drive of Nashville. If you ever want to go with me to see him, just let me know, because he truly is "That Guy". That guy you want to sit next to, that guy you want to laugh at, that guy you need to blog about, that guy that you wish you could put in your pocket so that whenever you're sad he can dance for you shirtless. He isn't, however, that guy you'd want to take home to mom, so keep that in your memory bank. Just in case. I just hope one day he gets the love and respect he deserves, and makes enough money to get out of BFE.
el fin.
I'm kindof bummed at this blog. It had so much potential but I was just too tired to make it into all it could be, in the aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarmy. Maybe one day I'll do a Haff part two and tweak it up a bit. Either way, I'm glad this story was told, and I wish you all could've been there to experience what I did. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.