(no subject)
some xmas this is going to be.
i've lost the one woman that meant more to me then anything else in this world. she doesn't want me, because i didn't change for her, and because i got jealous because i loved her. we were going to marry, and have kids together. we had picked names for them, Thomas James and Raina Lynn (tho we had never really decided how to spell raina yet) i was hoping for a boy w/ my hair, and my shape, and a girl w/ her hair and her figure. (a girl w/ my figure, ewww).
i wanted to grow old with her. i wanted to share my life with her. she doesn't want any of this. she's made it fairly appparent that she can't ever love me again. i don't understand why. i don't feel like what i've done is so bad that it warrents this. i didn't cheat on her, and she hasn't cheated on me either, the only thing that i'd even consider would warrent something like this.
she keeps telling me how unhappy she is, and i feel responsible for it, and i wish i could take her pain away, and hold her in my arms again and take care of her. But she won't let me. I feel like such an aweful person because of how things are now. i wish i could stop the tears from running down my face as i type this and i think of her. she talks about ending it, and when i think of it, i die inside, because she wouldn't be there if it weren't for me. maybe i should have never asked her out. maybe she'd be happy now if i hadn't. it's all my fault :(
i have nothing to live for anymore. she was all i wanted.
and i can only blame myself. what's the use in living now. i've driven the woman i love to such unhappiness that she considers ending her own life. i'll never forgive myself for any of this. i'll never marry, and i'll never have kids. it's a shame really, i hate to think that i won't be able to leave a family of my own behind, that there's be no one to carry on my name. she's the one for me, but she doesn't want me anymore.
i don't know if i'll ever update this again, she's the only one that even knows it exists. Farewell, I'll miss you, you'll always have a place in my heart.
i've lost the one woman that meant more to me then anything else in this world. she doesn't want me, because i didn't change for her, and because i got jealous because i loved her. we were going to marry, and have kids together. we had picked names for them, Thomas James and Raina Lynn (tho we had never really decided how to spell raina yet) i was hoping for a boy w/ my hair, and my shape, and a girl w/ her hair and her figure. (a girl w/ my figure, ewww).
i wanted to grow old with her. i wanted to share my life with her. she doesn't want any of this. she's made it fairly appparent that she can't ever love me again. i don't understand why. i don't feel like what i've done is so bad that it warrents this. i didn't cheat on her, and she hasn't cheated on me either, the only thing that i'd even consider would warrent something like this.
she keeps telling me how unhappy she is, and i feel responsible for it, and i wish i could take her pain away, and hold her in my arms again and take care of her. But she won't let me. I feel like such an aweful person because of how things are now. i wish i could stop the tears from running down my face as i type this and i think of her. she talks about ending it, and when i think of it, i die inside, because she wouldn't be there if it weren't for me. maybe i should have never asked her out. maybe she'd be happy now if i hadn't. it's all my fault :(
i have nothing to live for anymore. she was all i wanted.
and i can only blame myself. what's the use in living now. i've driven the woman i love to such unhappiness that she considers ending her own life. i'll never forgive myself for any of this. i'll never marry, and i'll never have kids. it's a shame really, i hate to think that i won't be able to leave a family of my own behind, that there's be no one to carry on my name. she's the one for me, but she doesn't want me anymore.
i don't know if i'll ever update this again, she's the only one that even knows it exists. Farewell, I'll miss you, you'll always have a place in my heart.