Sparkling Stars X: The Trade (2/3)
Title: Sparkling Stars X: The Trade (2/3)
Author: BradyGirl_12
Pairings/Characters: (this chapter) Lester Gruber, Harrison 'Tinker' Bell, Chief Urulu, Christy/Virgil (Christy does not appear in this chapter), Joseph 'Happy' Haines, Quinton McHale
Fandom: McHale's Navy
Genres: Drama, Historical
Rating (this chapter): PG-13
Warnings (this chapter): None
Spoilers: None
General Summary: To save one of their own, the crew of the PT-73 must trade something of great value, but they don't own anything of worth. Or do they?
Chapter Summary: The trade is made.
Date Of Completion: October 4, 2022
Date Of Posting: October 24, 2022
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em, Universal does, more’s the pity.
Word Count (this chapter): 1924
Feedback welcome and appreciated.
Author's Notes: Lest you think I went a little overboard with McHale calling Virgil 'honey' (Chapter 2), it's canon, folks! Yep, said by the Skipper to Virgil in 3 Girls On An Island (1x08) (4:52). Sure, could be said to be a joking tone, though it sounded pretty matter-of-fact to me. ;) I was surprised the line made it past the censors, though maybe it didn't. When I started watching the show, it had been in syndication for years, and I'm sure even as a grade-schooler I would have remembered one guy calling another guy 'honey', joking or not. Anyway, glad to hear it! :)
The title of this story is similar to one of the two Twilight Zone episodes in which Edson Stroll (who played Virgil) guest-starred: The Trade-Ins (3x31). The other episode was Eye Of The Beholder (2x06).
The entire series can be found here.
II
THE GOODS
"You don't want to buy a pig in a poke, and that includes a slave fully clothed. Kick the tires, look under the hood and check the oil. You know, the bare essentials."
Rob Hopeful
American Comedian
U.S.O. Show
Holakai Naval Base
September 6, 1942
Everything happened so fast. Gruber's shiny new trinkets turned out to be genuine, not the knock-offs everyone thought they were. Unfortunately, Willy had been selling the treasures on the main base and was promptly arrested. Captain Binghamton regretted only catching the young radioman instead of the whole crew, but he would take what he could get. Lieutenant Carpenter managed to persuade the captain to let Willy go (after all, he was just a small fish) if all the items were returned.
All of the items were returned except for the dragon-themed tea service, which had been traded to Chief Urulu. Gruber and Tinker went over to the village and Gruber hoped to fast-talk Urulu into trading the tea service back.
The golden teapot occupied a place of honor in the Chief's hut, surrounded by the china teacups and saucers. The large teapot was eye-catching, a crafted golden dragon curled up and around the wide pot. Green eyes sparkled in the dragon's head. Were they real emeralds? Gruber's hands grew sweaty at the thought.
"Good morning, Chief," Gruber said jovially.
"What you want, Gruber?"
"Well, I'm prepared to trade you for that cheap, nickel-plated teapot. I've got the finest samurai swords for your pleasure."
Urulu was sitting in his favorite chair, which was used as his ceremonial throne. He looked skeptically at the other man.
"Look, Chief." Tinker handed him a sword from the bag he was carrying. "High quality, see?" He touched the blade and snatched his hand away, blowing on his index finger. "Now, how many swords would you like?"
Urulu waved his hand dismissively. "Why I want cheap junk?"
"Junk? I'm wounded, Chief!" said Gruber.
Urulu maintained a knowing expression, as if he knew Gruber was conning him. A con knew a con!
"Would you like some pilots' uniforms? How about a framed photograph of the Imperial Palace?"
Tinker rolled his eyes. This was not going well!
"You got nothing I want."
Gruber hoped Urulu wasn't aware of the true value of the tea service he now owned. Willy's freedom was at stake!
"You sure, Chief?" Gruber asked, trying to come up with something.
"Hmm." Urulu snapped his chubby fingers. "You do have something."
"Tell me, Chief!" Gruber spread out his arms, ready to deal.
"You sell me that pretty piece of ass you own."
Uh oh.
"Well, Chief, you see, we can't really sell..."
"That is deal, Gruber. Take it or leave it."
Gruber felt like smacking him himself in the forehead. Oh, brother!
"We'll get back to you, Chief "
& & & & & &
Virgil tied up the gig he had used to visit the main base. He jumped out onto the dock and joined the crew sitting around the outdoor picnic table.
"How's Christy?" asked Happy.
"Still zonked out. Boy, jungle diseases are the worst." Virgil cocked his head. "Something's up. Lester?"
"Well, we, uh..."
"C'mon, spit it out."
"Urulu wants something of value in exchange for the teapot."
"Like what?"
"Well, not the cheap souvenirs, that's for sure," Tinker said.
"Does he want money? We don't have any to speak of."
Tinker, Happy and Gruber avoided Virgil's eyes. Now he was getting nervous. "Guys?"
Gruber reluctantly met Virgil's eyes. "He wants you."
"Me?" Virgil squeaked.
"You."
Virgil folded his arms. "But you can't sell me." He gave Gruber a glare. "You guys don't own me, the Navy does. You're Caretaker Masters."
"We'll negotiate for a trade instead of sale."
Virgil felt his stomach tightening. Were they really considering...?
"It's the only way to save Willy."
Virgil rubbed his arm. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, what else do we have of value to trade?" Gruber buffed his fingers on his Hawaiian shirt.
Virgil felt butterflies in his stomach. He thought of Willy, his friend and crewmate, facing a long stretch in the Naval prison of Portsmouth, equal to the Army's Leavenworth. He couldn't bear the thought of his science fiction buddy trying to survive in Big Boy prison.
Urulu wants you. He'll agree to this crazy deal. He swallowed. What are you hesitating about? All kinds of men wanted you in the brothel. Just because you've gotten spoiled servicing men you know doesn't mean you won't have dozens using you in the future. You have to save Willy!
Tinker spoke up. "We aren't going to order you to do this. It's your choice."
"We'll make it a one-night stand," Gruber said.
i can do this. It'll only be one night.
Tinker, Happy and Gruber looked at him hopefully. Virgil kept his arms tight around his body. He took a deep breath.
"All right, I'll do it "
Gruber jumped up. "Great! Let's get going."
It hurt a little that Lester was so eager to trade him off.
"Won't Mr. Parker wonder where I am?"
Gruber gestured to Chuck's hut. "You know Mr. Parker has a milder form of what Christy's got. Fuji's taking care of him and will keep him distracted."
Christy!
"Shouldn't we wait until I visit Christy tonight?"
Gruber shook his head. "We can't wait. The quicker we get Willy out, the better." He grasped Virgil's jaw. "Besides, that'll save you telling Christy any lies " Releasing him, Gruber said, "Let's snap to, fellas. Hubba, hubba!" He spanked Virgil. "Keep your usual uniform on. The worn jeans and blue shirt gives you that earthy look." Gruber started off in the direction of Urulu's village.
Virgil removed his dogtags and handed them to Happy. "Hold these for me, will you, Hap?"
"Sure, Virg, but why?" Happy took the little metal tags.
"I'm not going to the village as a sailor. I'm going as a slave."
He turned and followed Gruber. Tinker and Happy exchanged sad and frustrated looks
& & & & & &
Urulu was seated in the palm reed chair that served as his throne. The crew from the PT-73 was escorted in by warriors carrying spears. The Chief noted Virgil's presence with satisfaction as the teapot flickered in the firelight of the Fire God's altar.
"So, you come to make deal, Gruber?"
"Right, Chief." Gruber gently took Virgil by the arm and placed him closer to the throne. "Now, we can't sell you this perfect specimen of manhood..." Urulu rolled his eyes "...since the Navy owns him, we don't, but we can trade him. For the length of one glorious night, you get this beauty in exchange for the Golden Dragon tea service! Virgil, show the Chief the goods."
Virgil shot Gruber as dirty a look as he dared but began unbuttoning his shirt.
Urulu swiftly used his ceremonial stick to stop Virgil. "Have seen goods before at luaus. What this business about trade, Gruber? You insult position of Chief, offering one-night stand like two-dollar whore. No offense," he directed at Virgil.
Virgil blinked. "None taken, Chief."
"Aww, Chief, I'd never insult you." Gruber waved his hand. "You're being offered prime, uh..." He choked off the word 'beef'. "Prime goods, Chief! You're going to turn that down?" Gruber shook his head as he caressed Virgil's butt. "I thought you were a sharp trader, Chief."
"Not going to sleep with one-night rental."
"Then don't sleep with him! He's like a fine painting that can be enjoyed. All the great art collectors appreciate beauty."
Behind Gruber, Happy and Tinker had a hard time refraining from rolling their eyes. Virgil was looking at the ceiling, his hands locked behind him. His top two buttons were still undone. Maybe he could still seal the deal.
Urulu considered Gruber's words. He looked Virgil up and down.
"Okay, deal. He classy up place."
"Absolutely, Chief." Gruber reached over and closed his fingers around Virgil's wrist, pulling him forward. "One bee-yoo-ti-ful slave for one night in exchange for the Golden Dragon tea service."
Urulu signaled two of his men, who boxed up the tea set and presented it to Gruber.
"Thanks, Chief. Enjoy your objets d'art. See you tomorrow."
Gruber gave Virgil's butt a swat and he and the boys carried the boxes away, Tinker and Happy throwing apologetic looks back at Virgil.
After his crewmates left, Virgil took a deep breath and began to kneel at Urulu's feet.
"No kneel. Go sit on pillow," Urulu ordered.
Virgil obeyed, sitting cross-legged. He rested his elbows on his knees and sighed.
"What up?"
"Oh, just thinking, Chief."
Urulu ate a snack of pineapple rings. "Interested in American thinking. Tell me."
"It's just that I'm frustrated with Lester right now. He was pretty quick to offer me up." He sighed. "Though he did give me the choice of going along with this."
Surprised, Urulu said, "Gruber give you choice?"
"Yes."
Urulu snorted. "You Americans no have handle on this slavery thing, huh?"
Virgil smiled ruefully. "Some of my fellow Americans with darker skin would disagree with you, but if you mean this 20th century form of slavery, you're probably right." He rubbed between his eyes. "Sometimes I feel like this is being made up as we go along. Damn Lester. He drives me crazy."
"You know, you kinda mouthy for a slave."
Rueful smile again. "So I've been told, Chief."
Urulu ate another pineapple ring. "Sound like you want to teach Gruber lesson."
"That's it exactly, Chief!" Virgil's eyes sparkled. "Will you help me?"
Urulu considered for a minute. "Okay." He ate the last ring. "Now come over and kneel." Virgil obeyed. "I make proclamation about not taking you to bed (he muttered under his breath that it was the dumbest thing he had ever done) but still can have fun."
He picked up his ceremonial stick and placed it under Virgil's jaw, tilting his head back. The Chief slid the stick down his borrowed slave's throat, chest, stomach and lower...
& & & & & &
Gruber awoke the next day, supremely satisfied. He had returned the tea service late yesterday, and Willy was scheduled to be released this afternoon. After breakfast he would go to the village and get Virgil back, and another successful deal would be done.
At breakfast Tinker pointed a fork at his buddy. "You better get Virgil back soon. Mr. Parker's making noises about getting.out of bed and is gonna notice Virgil missing. And the Skipper's coming back today. Oh, yeah, and wait'll Christy finds out why Virgil hasn't visited him in the hospital since early yesterday."
"C'mon, Tink, quit rainin' on my parade." Gruber finished his toast. "It's a beautiful day. Don't mess things up."
Tinker shook his head. "You're cuttin' it close, Grube."
"Well, c'mon, then. Hubba hubba!"
& & & & & &
Gruber, Tinker and Happy entered the Chief's ceremonial hut. Jaws dropped and Gruber managed to stammer, "V...Virg?"
Virgil was dressed in a colorful native skirt with a pale yellow lei and blossoms looped around his wrists and ankles. He wore a large hibiscus blossom behind one ear. He was perched on the arm of Urulu's chair, laughing and joking with the Chief.
"He's gone native!" Tinker gasped.
Virgil waved to them. "Hi, guys!"
"Um, hi, Virg. Looks like you've had a nice visit," said Gruber.
"I've had a blast! The Chief sure knows how to make a fella feel valued."
"Valued, huh? Hey, you're worth a teapot! Ouch!" Gruber glared at Tinker, who had elbowed him in the ribs.
Urulu laughed. "Cheap teapot? Virgil here worth more than that. He classy place up."
"C'mon, Virg, you've had your fun. Time to come back home with your buddies," Gruber said.
Virgil played with Urulu's necklace. "I think I might stay here."
"What?!"
"Hey, Virg, quit kiddin'," said Tinker.
"Not kidding." Virgil smiled charmingly at Urulu. Urulu caressed his stomach and Virgil leaned down so that the Chief could whisper in his ear. They both laughed.
"Hoo boy," Happy said.
"Virgil, I order you to come with us." Gruber's tone was firm even as he rubbed his ribs.
Virgil's eyes flashed, "You can't order me. You traded me!" He quickly added, "Willy off the hook?"
"Yes," Tinker said.
"Good. Now shoo." He waved his hand dismissively.
"Christy's good, too "
Virgil shot him a look of gratitude and smiled seductively at Urulu.
"Let's go," Tinker said to Gruber.
"Without Virgil?" Gruber protested.
"Yeah." Tinker tipped his cap. "We'll be back, Chief."
"Take time. In no hurry," Urulu said as he slid his ceremonial stick across Virgil's bare chest.
Once outside the hut Gruber grabbed Tinker's arm. "We can't leave without Virgil."
"I know, but he won't come. He's mad at you."
"Slaves aren't supposed to be mad."
"Yeah, but he is. I don't think he'll come back until the Skip asks him."
Gruber groaned. "Then we'll have to tell the Skip everything."
Happy nodded. "Better come clean, Grube. You'll need the Skip to back you up when Christy finds out about all this."
"Virgil agreed to this!"
"Maybe, but Christy won't see it that way," Tinker said.
Gruber knew that Tinker was right. He wasn't keen on facing Christy in full-blown Protective Mode on his own when it came to Virgil.
"Let's go," he said
& & & & & &
McHale disembarked from the gig, thanking the sailor who began making the return journey to the base. He was greeted by Happy, who took his valise.
"How's Chuck?"
"Better, Skip."
"Great. Listen, I stopped by the hospital and Christy's upset that Virgil hasn't come to visit him since early yesterday. What's up? I thought Virgil would be camped out there since the 73 was out of rotation with no officers available."
"Well, Skip, why don't you change and have a beer and we'll fill you in."
"A beer, huh? I think I'm gonna need one."
McHale changed out of his dress uniform and sat on his favorite chair while drinking a beer. He didn't have long to wait until Happy and Tinker came in, dragging a reluctant Gruber behind them.
"Well, Skip, here's the story," Gruber began.
Outside the hut a cry of "What?!" reverberated around the clearing, birds flying up out of the trees. What followed was five minutes of shouted invective, then a parade of McHale and his men leaving the hut and heading for Urulu's village.
& & & & & &
Virgil was kneeling by Urulu's feet, accepting a bowl of poi from the indulgent Chief, who ran his fingers through his slave's hair
McHale cleared his throat noisily as he and his men entered the hut. Urulu said, "You back, McHale? What you want?"
"My Gunner's Mate."
"Hmph. You awfully anxious to get back slave you easily traded."
"Yes, well, I didn't trade him." McHale glared at Gruber. "C'mon, Virg, we need ya "
"I'm needed here. Right, Chief?" Virgil asked, sipping from a cup of mango juice.
"You bet." The Chief played with Virgil's lei.
"Listen, we got word just before we left that Willy's on his way home."
Virgil smiled. "Good."
"Christy's wondering why you haven't visited him lately."
Virgil pushed away the bowl of poi. "But is he okay?" He sounded a little worried.
"He's doing okay." McHale smiled. "Come on, Virgil, honey, we want you home."
McHale knew that Virgil wanted some coaxing, and he was willing to give it to him. Despite giving him a choice about the trade, there had been tremendous pressure on him to say yes. A little coaxing wouldn't hurt.
"Hey, he a pretty addition around here," Urulu protested.
"I agree with you, Chief, but we need him on the crew." McHale looked at Virgil. "Virgil, honey, please come home."
Virgil looked down at his cup, took a final sip, and stood facing Urulu. He bowed and said, "Thank you for your hospitality, Chief, but I have to go home now. My crewmates need me."
Urulu shook his head with a chuckle. "You Yankees still not get this slavery thing."
"'Fraid you're right, Chief," Virgil said cheerfully. "Be right back, Master," he said to McHale. He left the hut.
"You got some slave there, McHale," Urulu said.
"Oh, yes " If he wasn't so special, I'd put him over my knee and paddle him pink.
He chatted with Urulu as they waited for Virgil, who returned in his seaman's uniform, carrying his native clothing.
"You keep clothes. Look good in 'em," Urulu said
"Thanks, Chief."
McHale gently grasped Virgil's arm and said, "Well, Chief, thank you for taking care of Virgil. We gotta go." He pulled Virgil out of the hut as Urulu called after them, "Say hello to Blondie for me."
Once outside McHale said sternly, "Expect some extra paddling tomorrow morning, Virgil."
Virgil smiled. "Okay, Skip "
"Get going," McHale said, ignoring Virgil using 'Skip' instead of 'Master'.
Oh, he's gonna get paddled good.
Virgil's smile was smug as he followed his crewmates into the jungle.
McHale looked skyward as he clutched his cap with both hands. "Spare me from smug slaves!"
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