Oh god, no. No. Please god no this can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening.
Jesus... it's like horrible Internet fan-fiction was somehow sent back to 1978, before either the Internet or fan-fiction even existed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asnVcbWQ2cg When even Lucas says "Fuck this shit", you know it's gotta be bad.