Sitting at work ...again!:)
My boss is leaving early today, so I think during my time of doing nothign and leaving here, I'm going to write in this lovely ol' thing b/c Delphi doesn't allow us to go onto Facebook or Myspace which is quite understandable. But I hope to make this entry interesting, long, and allows me to get everything off my chest. I wish I could honestly write everything in here without the worry of anyone reading it. Maybe I'll just make a whole new lj that makes it so that all of my enteries are private so no one else can read them. Yeah, what a fabulous idea. I just decorated my little workspace with pictures of my friends and family and I think it'll make my days working a lot more joyous b/c I'll see all of my friends and family smiling at me (and Twinkee ha ha)
This job is a very relaxing, well paying job. But I figured that it isn't the job for me. I'm not a fan of just sitting and not being able to talk to anyone. We do talk to each other randomly, and I do get to walk around sometimes. But I honestly liked the 'serving' atmosphere more intense and interesting b/c I'm always busy. I thrive on being busy. Yeah every so often I enjoy not having anything to do but for the most part I like to stay busy at work. So I need to keep this in mind for when I decide upon my career.
I'm very happy to be done with school for now. And pretty excited to start again. I'm going to only have school on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9-6, with 15 credits (5 classes), I'll be taking English, Math, Life long wellness, GERMAN!( I'm pretty pumped for that), and my co-op class that is only 7 weeks long.:) and I'll have a 4month membership to their gym for only 40 dollars compared to 90 b/c they have this deal if I'm taking a LW class this semester I only have to pay 40. So I was pretty excited, it will keep me motivated to go there every day, even though I'm working Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It only takes 15 mins to get there, so I feel it will be self-rewarding.
I feel like I'm being the one that is very much the party-pooper bummer type of person lately. It feels like all I want to do is just go home and not drive anywhere or do anything. I think the fact that I don't have any money to waste, I never want to go anywhere b/c when I hang out with my friends, we usually spend money (ie movies, drinking, shopping, or dinner)..and I feel bad b/c I would love to drive out to Midland and other random places but I don't have the moeny to even pay for gas..especially right now. I don't like being like this. I want to be the one that tries to spend every moment with her friends. I miss them so much and since they are home now, I need to go visit them. The thing that sucks is they all live in Midland or Merrill, which is like a half hour drive. I also don't want to have them come over to my house unless they want to b/c I dont' want them thinking that they have to come to me. IT's a 2 way friendship and I need to put my half in.
I think I'm going to get a second job which has it's ups and downs. First, I think I'm going to apply to the Magic Bean Coffee shop that is right next to where I live. It's a very nice place and i think it would help me get out of my rut of only going to work to sit down and be quiet. I think it will even it out. Also, I will get more money which I think will put me more to ease about not wanting to go anywhere.:) The bad things are it will shorten my free time and I may become too overwhelmed w/ 2 jobs and school. Also, I would have to work weekends which I'm enjoying not doing..so it's something I need to think about.
I wish I could go back a few months and change decisions... then again, I kind of don't. I make decisions for a reason good or bad. There has to be some good out of the bad decisions..they help you learn. I have learned and I hope it will help me prevent the bad from happeneing again. Ever since last summer I've been falling down and once I start to pick my feet back up, I slip and fall again. I need someone to help me stay up and help me from falling.
I wish I could start everything all over...with no history and no hurting or pain. I wish we could see what would've happened if nothing bad would have happened. But it feels like since all of the bad happened, that it has gone too far and that there is no hope fixing it. I want to fix it more than anything, but I don't want to cause the pain again, and I don't want to mess up. But you can't promise that because things happen for that reason. It wont ever be the same again. I did something on Sat that I never thought i would do for a very long time, but I did and it was nice but.. I know in the back of their minds they are thinking of things...they have it burned in their mind. The one in particular will always have those burned in his mind and I know he wont let go of it no matter what . He may not show that it still bothers him, but I know it does and I don't know what to do about it. I want to know if what we are doing right now is the right thing. I want it to be better.. I've been depressed a lot lately, and that sucks b/c that's not me.
I'm excited for Christmas, however, I'm almost finished shopping .. I need to get some material tomake my parents something. :) They will definitely like it. It will be Twinkees and Sugars first Christmas:) yay!
Wow, it does NOT feel like I'm working. lol I'm typing on LJ, listening to turkish music on my ipod, and ...well..not doing work b/c there is nothing for me to do. I must say that this entry was vey acceptable for my goals. I hope you all have a good day and I hope to at least get one comment for this b/c it was pretty intense:)
luv ya!