(no subject)
yeah, sorry no pictures in this post... this is just a post of what im thinking about currently. i've been thinking a lot lately about how much i miss school life more than i miss life at home. kirsten call's me crazy but i love it at school and kzoo is even starting to grow on me even if it's a shit hole. but thats not the main thing i've been thinking about. the main thing is how much i spend time with people, who i spend the majority of my time with and how conflicting that is. i have too many groups of people that are all different so i cant just hang out in a huge group. i constantly find myself torn between at least 3 different people at one time and i cant say either of them have seniority over any of the others... i dunno. at dinner my dad told me that he wanted me to make friends with the music school people, well i already have and they're one of the groups i really enjoy being around. then there are those friends that i knew before i even went to college and i was close friends with and im practically letting them slip away from me which i dont want. i try to explain what happens but i dont think anyone actually believes me and just passes it off as steve giving another excuse for not wanting to be around them. i feel like a horrible person when i have to turn someone down, but really if someone calls me and i ask what im doing and we make plans and then 5 minutes later someone else calls who i havent seen (well someone i havent seen as much as the person who i just made plans with for instance) and wants to hang out... im not gonna cancel the first person because i havent seen this person before them, i dunno i might be wrong in thinking that but i try to stick with the original plans i make. then there are those who i make plans with and they always seem to fall through... and i truely hate it cuz i dunno if im a bad person or it's just my luck or whatever. i have no idea what to think, these things have just been running through my mind lately and it just seems so trivial in the end but people get pissed at me and i cant explain myself. i have too many different groups of friends, that's the explaination i can come up with... and those i see more frequently are usually the people who i see more often. i WANT to see everyone, if i could i would just stop time or rewind or something so i can please everyone had have fun with everyone i know so there's no one left hurt. the only other way to describe it is the divorced child syndrome... going from friend to friend and back again. if this applies to you i hope it made something clear... my actions hopefully are more clear. i never make a plan with the intention of breaking them. im sorry.