Miki Honda - You Seem Far Away [B5-C4]
Aimi Katsu’s eyes were staring straight ahead, but they weren’t looking at anything now. Her expression was one of surprise, but not terror- obviously she had died before realizing what was happening to her. Her blouse, once white, was now tattered and drenched scarlet.
It disturbed Miki, who had shakily taken a step forward once the clip in her gun was empty. In the confusion, both Yuya and Miyako were gone. She could have sworn she had hit one of them, possibly both, but there was no point chasing after them now. They would be too far away at this point, and it was too dark to see exactly where they went.
Miki took another quick glance at Aimi, who was just lying there, looking so politely surprised and indifferent. It was disgusting and terrible to her killer, who wanted nothing more than to walk away, to not look into those blank eyes, knowing that the last thing they had ever seen was her. She couldn’t bring herself to close them.
Her bag was still slung over her shoulder. It had been punctured a few times by the bullets during Miki’s attack, and it looked as though one of the bottles of water had been hit, but Miki knew the weapon must still be inside. Without pausing, Miki snatched hungrily at it, ignoring the fact that Aimi’s body was still attached to it. She pulled at the bag, the strap catching on Aimi’s arm. It flopped limply toward Miki, who gasped audibly and backed away quickly.
It was like she was grabbing for her. Truly terrified now, Miki’s heart was racing as she ran back towards where Emi and Harumi were waiting, not going back for the bag.
It was then that she remembered one of them screaming. What if-
“Emi!” Miki yelled. There was no reply. “Harumi!”
She heard something nearby, and turning to her left, she saw two figures on the ground. Emi, kneeling over Harumi, who was lying on her back, not moving.
Oh Christ. Shit, please, god, no-
Coming closer, Miki saw that Harumi was chalk white, except for an expanding red stain on her shirt. The same shade of red as Aimi’s. Harumi’s skin was pale and clammy and her face- shit. Miyako’s bullet had probably hit her lungs or her heart, or whatever vital organ in her torso. Harumi was dying, or perhaps already dead. There was nothing they could do for her.
“Harumi?” There was panic in Emi’s voice as she sobbed over their classmate. “Haru-“
“Emi!” Miki grabbed Emi and pulled her upward, away from Harumi. She was surprised at how confident and strong her voice sounded as she said in a rush to Emi, “Miyako’s got a gun, we need to go.”
It wasn’t the real reason Miki wanted out of there. It was true, but Miyako was probably far gone by this point. She just wanted to get away from there. Cruel as it was, the sight of Harumi and Aimi on the ground, lying there while they slowly bled out and stiffened, was sickening and frightening, not sad or tragic. At least, not now.
“Miki-Miki, Harumi-“
“I know, come on!”
She pulled Emi away from Harumi, whose body was still visible through the darkness. Her eyes were half closed, and her expression was one of sleepy nonchalance. Miki tore her eyes from Harumi, hurriedly making a distressed Emi walk with her.
Neither of them looked back.
“Miki! Hey, Miki!”
Miki turns around, smirking slightly, giving her friend Kana time to catch up to her. It’s the end of
the day, and clubs are letting out. Miki’s art club, a total joke as usual, nevertheless gives her something to do, even if Ms. Kadotani is hopeless.
“Hey, what’s up?” Miki asks as soon as Kana is within speaking distance.
“Not much. Just chorus,” Kana says, hoisting her bag over her shoulder. “You wanna walk home together?”
“Alright.” The two girls start heading for the school entrance.
“You seem in a good mood today.”
“Oh, well,” Miki smirks wider, “I had a good weekend. I met a new guy when I was in the park.”
Now it’s Kana’s turn to smirk. “Ohhhhh, okay. What’s he like?” she says in a mock-casual tone.
Miki grins sheepishly in despite of herself.
“Miki.”
They both jump at the sound of the gruff male voice from behind them. Engrossed in their conversation, they failed to notice someone waiting right outside of the school gate. Turning around, Miki sees who it is. Seita.
“Oh. Hi.” Miki says, awkwardly, “We didn’t see you. What’re you doing here?”
Seita shifts uncomfortably and mumbles about being in the neighborhood. Miki notices that the smell of weed coming off him. Kana eyes him suspiciously, and Seita’s eyes move from Miki to
Kana.
“This is my friend Kana,” says Miki, hoping to bridge the awkward silence. “Kana, this is Seita. He’s the one I told you about.”
They both mutter “hi” to each other, but neither of them looks too impressed with each other. Seita looks at Kana’s high-end purse and accessories disdainfully, while Kana takes in his worn out t-shirt and jeans and less-than-stellar hygiene with a supercilious look that Miki’s seen before whenever Kana is unimpressed.
“So, uh… where do you go to school?” Kana asks Seita, even though the look on her face suggests that she might already know the answer.
“I don’t go to school. Not everyone is as privileged.” He places a heavy emphasis on the last word, and the awkward silence intensifies until Kana breaks it a few seconds later.
“Well, Miki, I've gotta get going. I’ll see you later.”
“Oh, okay,” Miki says, feeling let down, “See you later.”
Seita waits until Kana is out of earshot before scoffing audibly. “She’s your friend? Jeeze.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Kana’s an awesome person.” Miki says heatedly.
“She’s a little princess, isn’t she? Rich people are all alike. Manipulating the system so that they get everything. Kissing the government’s butt for a leg up. This country is bad enough as it is without people like her.”
“Hey, it’s not her fault. Besides, you don’t even know her.”
“They’re all the same. Goddamn elitists.”
“Whatever. What are doing here, anyway?”
“I told you. I was around, just felt like seeing you.” He holds out a paper bag, opening it so she can see a small heap of a familiar moss-like substance on the bottom. “You want a hit?”
“Oh. Sure, thanks. But we’re not doing this in public.”
“Do I look like an idiot? Come on let’s go.”
“Where?”
“I know a spot.”
“Where, a dumpster? The fucking park?” Miki says, scathingly. “Let’s go to my house. My parents
are still at work.”
She tries not to think about what happened the last time she went somewhere alone with a boy.
She tells herself it won’t happen this time.
Miki never really liked the rain much. It was never beautiful to her, never made her feel refreshed or cool. The feeling of clothes and hair sticking to her skin felt horribly cold, though she told herself to tough it out.
That’s what it was all about, now. Just tough it out. Your friends dying all around you, no sleep in two days, and the inescapable fear that you could be the next one to go. This rain was nothing in comparison.
Sweeping the hair out of her eyes, Miki continued to look for signs of someone besides them. She and Emi hadn’t seen anyone since leaving Harumi to die. It was bad to think about her and Aimi, whose names had been announced unflinchingly by Toriumi at the six o’clock report, even though it had been hours since then. Miki’s desperation in wanting to stay alive had eclipsed her guilt for now. This was how nature stayed its course: the instinct to stay alive made Miki push it all back inside her head. It would stay there, she told herself, until she won.
She couldn’t help but think how odd those words sounded in her head. It sounded so easy, like it was another art contest. Inconsequential.
“Miki,” Emi called above the heavy wind and rain, “we need to find shelter!”
Miki stumbled over a wet rock, having been absorbed in her thoughts. Emi grabbed her and set her straight again, leaned close, and hissed in her ear, “We can’t do anything like this.”
Miki had been reluctant to find shelter, even though the thought of keeping dry sounded wonderful. Everyone would be hiding now; she couldn’t help but feel somewhat desperate at the thought that no one had died on the last report. With all this rain, it seemed natural that they were the only ones actually getting anything done. Still, Emi had a point. Miki still had that swooping feeling in her stomach, the kind you get when you almost fall. The terrain was downright dangerous in this kind of weather.
“Okay, okay,” Miki conceded, kneeling on the ground and pulling out her map. “We’re here, I think, and here… is the nearest building.” She traced the locations with her finger, trying unsuccessfully to keep the
map dry.
“Right.” Emi nodded, “Let’s head over there and wait for the rain to stop.”
As they got up off the ground, Miki sighing, feeling frustrated, they heard something.
Screaming.
Both girls instinctively turned toward its source, Emi clutching onto Miki’s shoulder so forcefully, Miki had to pull herself away. The screaming belonged to a girl, and it sounded relatively close, judging by the fact they could still hear it above all the rain.
“Oh God,” Emi whispered in Miki’s ear, “Something happened.”
“Maybe… okay, maybe it’s a trap.”
She didn’t know why she was saying it; maybe part of her wanted it to be true. Demonizing their classmates made the task of eliminating them that much easier… not much, but if it was a trick... it meant they were ready to fight back. They couldn’t afford to take that chance.
“Who would do that?”
“People with a strategy. We should leave.”
“No.” Emi’s voice cracked. “No, we’re playing, right?”
Miki said nothing. The two girls stood there in the rain, looking at each other with a type of painful intensity.
“If it’s a trap, they’re playing too. So if we kill them, it’s… it’s what has to happen. If she’s really hurt, then…. Then we can’t do anything else to help.” Emi said it, her voice quiet, barely audible above the rain, but she was determined.
Miki knew what she was trying to say. Emi was right, too; they had agreed to play, and there was no Harumi to disagree this time. The only thing was- and Miki was ashamed to admit it- she was afraid to kill again. Miyako and Yuya had escaped the last time she tried, and what if that happened again? What if? Besides, Emi had no idea what it was like to actually kill someone on purpose. Tatsutorou’s death had been an accident, after all.
“I can do it.” Emi said suddenly. Miki blinked confusedly at her, sweeping her hair out of her eyes again.
“What?”
“I can borrow your gun. And do it. You’ll get it back,” she added quickly, sounding a little frightened at her own daring.
It was kind of like Emi had been reading Miki’s mind. Was she just trying to prove her bravery and wanting to show their commitment to playing? Or was this a statement to show that she wanted to help Miki? Either way, it was temping to just hand the gun over. She vindictively thought that Emi, who had cried- who had shown her weaknesses- wouldn’t be able to understand what it was like.
She would give her that chance. Maybe she would understand, then, what it was like to end a life. She didn’t show her frustration as she shoved the gun into Emi’s hands. That’s what it was about- not to get caught up in emotions. Emi had to learn.
“Okay, you do it.”
Emi looked surprised; Miki could tell she hadn’t expected her to agree.
“Maybe you should…Maybe you should wait here?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess I should.” Miki stopped, even though it was against her better judgment, and stood there, the rain beating down upon her skin. She hadn’t realized what a weight the gun had been. It had meant security, safety. Now Miki felt naked and exposed without it. Emi looked back at Miki fleetingly, who stood there, feeling anxious and unsafe. She was tempted to follow Emi anyway, but that would mean having to watch it happen.
Soon Emi had vanished from view, heading in the direction of the trading lodge, whose roof stood out distinctively against the murky grey sky.
That’s when she saw two people, approaching the trading lodge from the other side, their heads bowed against the wind and rain. Judging by their speed, they must have no heard the screams. It looked like they just wanted to get out of the rain.
Miki, hesitated, wondering if she should go to Emi’s aid. The sight of them both- a girl and a boy, both hard to distinguish at such a distance- was frightening to her, especially now she didn’t have a gun.
She had taken a few brisk paces when shots rang out. It was just one gun… Miki knew it was hers; that sound had last punctured her ears when she shot at Miyako, Yuya, and Aimi. Miki quickened her pace, slipping again on the wet ground. Picking herself up, she could now see the doorway Emi must have gone through.
The first thing she saw was a small splattering of blood. Whose it was, Miki didn’t care, as long as it wasn’t Emi or Kana’s. The next thing she saw was the gun- her gun, lying on the floor. Miki lunged for it, instantly feeling a small amount of security at having it back in her hands. It wasn’t until she had it safely in her arms that she looked around.
There was no other word to describe it other than carnage. Pure carnage. Aimi had only been one person. A heavy pang of shock and disgust shot through Miki as she looked at the fallen. Mao Chikamatsu, Mimiko Hashimoto, Aiko Sakada., a girl whose face was too badly crushed to identify, and… oh shit.
Keisuke Akita. That’s where Emi was, kneeling over him, shaking. She didn’t seem to know what to do with herself, or how to help her boyfriend, who was bleeding and shaking, though not as much as Emi. Keisuke didn’t look good- even from across the room, Miki couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Keisuke and Harumi. It was worse than it had been with Harumi’s death, though… but that was only because Emi knew how much Emi cared for him.
“Oh my god…” Emi was whimpering, looking hopelessly at her boyfriend. She didn’t seem to even notice Miki, who had edged closer, sliding on the dozens of shells that littered the floor. She could hear someone stumbling outside, away from them; Kesuke’s partner, presumably. A small dark trail of blood went out the door, quickly being washed away by the rain.
She thought about staying to help. But she couldn’t. Keisuke’s eyes were half-closed, his breathing wet and ragged. His clothes were wet, too, though not just with rain, Miki knew.
“I’m going after her. The girl he was with. I’m…” she had no clue what to say to her. Sorry? It’s not your fault? No, she couldn’t say that, because it was. “I’ll be right back,” Miki stammered to Emi, even though Emi wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to her.
“Keisuke… please…” Emi kept whimpering, her hands suggesting she wanted to touch him, to hold him, even, though she looked too scared to do anything.
Miki looked away from them, also trying to avoid looking at her other classmates sprawled about the small building. She got up and headed back out in the rain, through the back door. She could see the girl, who hadn’t made a lot of progress in evacuating. She didn’t seem able to run- she walked with a heavy limp, though she wasn’t clutching her leg.
Miki stumbled after her. It wasn’t until she got closer that she saw clearly who it was: Akemi. Akemi Kasai. She was quiet and kept mostly to herself- but Miki didn’t mind her. They stood up for each other once in a while during a debate or an argument, but weren’t really friends. They certainly weren’t now.
Akemi turned and saw Miki heading for her, but she looked like she didn’t have the strength to look frightened. Her hands were grasping her lower abdomen, a mixture of blood and something… much more solid dangled through her fingers. She took another step away and fell to her knees. By the time Miki was right behind her, she had rolled onto her side, gasping for air and her wet hair falling over her face. She wasn’t making an effort to get up- she probably couldn’t, anyway.
Miki adjusted the gun, pointing it at Akemi’s motionless body. It might have been kinder just to put her out of her misery, but Miki didn’t pull the trigger. She heard a rasping noise coming from her, something that stood out from the sound of rain hitting the rocks all around them. Akemi was talking.
“I’m dead.”
“I didn’t… do it,” Miki blurted stupidly, though Akemi didn’t say anything else or give any sign that she heard anything.
It took a moment for Miki to realize that there wasn’t any reason to keep pointing the gun at her. She knelt down, trying to keep the guilt from ensnaring her again. She vaguely remembered that she had gone after Akemi to kill her, but all she wanted to do now was help. Like Aimi, like Harumi, like Keisuke… there was nothing left to be done.
“Akemi?”
She stayed by Akemi’s side for a long time. The rain continued to fall.
Miki kneels down, placing the shoebox containing the remains of her parakeet into the small hole in the back garden. Miki’s father dug the hole, even though he had originally told his five year-old daughter that throwing the bird away was the obvious choice of action. Miki cried until her mother gave her father a sharp look.
The family stands out in the back yard; Miki, on the ground, her older sister Ayumu waiting impatiently off to the side- she had only begrudgingly agreed to attend the funeral-, and her parents, standing behind Miki with consolatory smiles on their faces.
“Do you want to say goodbye to Tsubasa?”
“Yeah,” Miki exclaims, then without pausing, “Tsubasa, you were a good bird. You’re going to heaven. I’m sorry I dropped you. You’re going to heaven,” she repeats. “Mommy, can you say something?”
“Oh… well, Tsubasa, you were… a good bird. I always used to feed you.”
Even at five years old, Miki, thinks it’s a less than enthusiastic send off, but she doesn’t mind. She’ll mind later, on and off over the years, when she becomes racked with guilt over the little bird’s death. She didn’t mean to… but it was still her fault. Life is so fragile and so precious, and she has to live with the fact that she’s ended one forever.
“Bye-bye, Tsubasa. You’re going to heaven,” she says one more time before scooping the small pile of dirt over the box.
((FFFF, okay, incredibly sorry about the time it took to post. Uhhh, I don't have any PC control, but there's not a whooole lot of new material because I was trying desperately trying to get out of the time bubble. Let me know if there's any problem! And on that note, sorry if this is crap. :O Oh well, I'll try to be more proactive in the future! \o/ ))