Yoshitoki Kuninobu: {D6} Everything
He watched the tracker soar wildly through the air with an incomprehensible look of anger and puzzlement. It crashed into a lengthy patch of high grass, never to be seen again. Idiot! A strong, desperate part of him wanted to get on hands and knees to look for it. That thing was
could have been
a savior. It was important, didn't Shuuya know that? The scanner was the ultimate defense in the program, especially now when things were so crucial. Was throwing it away some futile attempt at lashing out against him? It was pitiful, like an indiscreet double stab wound that would get them both killed. They'd bleed out slowly and, surprise, there was somebody with the jump on them.
Crazy...
This was it. They were walking on a deadly tight rope. And as sad as the sight was in a pathetic sort of way, Yoshi reveled in the image of Shuu begging for him to stop talking. It felt like something he couldn't name. It made him feel taller, somehow. The fact that there was more to be said - so much more truth for him to choke on - made Yoshitoki smile upside down. Now, you finally see what's been in plain view all along. Behind every smile, there's nothing.
His anger boiled his speech over, but before he could say anything else, Shuuya explained himself. "I don't need it. I know where Sakura is. And if she's not there when I get there, then it wasn't meant to be. If you still wanna come, then... That's up to you, Yoshi. To decide if it's meant to be."
Compared to its childish weakness hours ago, Shuu's voice flowed thrice as strong. Yoshitoki hardly recognized its aged sound. It was almost as if he were a changed man (that's a funny word to say, 'cause we never got a chance to grow up and be men for real
and now we never will). He stepped out of the moment to think of the word future and how all his thoughts on ten years from now -
Hey. Shuuya's leaving.
- had been put to an abrupt halt. As a kid, he'd been one of those unsure types, not really ever knowing exactly what he had wanted to be. One year, a children's doctor. The next, a therapist. Then, some type of poetry connoisseur, a real art appreciator fully commited to his work. Or perhaps, being an editor for a certain poetess would be better, if things had ever had a chance to get that far. And, yeah. He'd never been one hundred percent sure of himself. Too late for that. His chance to choose had been ripped out from under him.
It tore the wind out of his lungs. Future, it lay in the barrel of a gun. Choices - make them now - not like there were many options left to choose from. That definitely narrowed things down... So, what am I supposed to do? Follow him and put in a repeat performance, huh? Up until his time on the island, he'd led an auto-pilot life. A smile here, a cheer for someone else there. Repeat. It was a role he had been shunted into, a bunch of tracks his last place express train had been forced to ride. Why?
Okay, okay. Stop it. This wasn't getting him anywhere but back to the beginning. There were still nine people left. Nine. And, dammit, it would suck if their collars exploded. How bad would that hurt? Or, would it be over so fast that it would be like, hey, do you hear something? Explosion. The end. Out of all the ways to die, that had to be the lamest way to go. That wouldn't be fair to everyone that had put the effort in to off at least one person. A total cop-out.
I'm not the only one alive that's messed up. Alright? Everyone had done it. No blame,
(he was gonna kill me, you saw it)
no shame.
(oh... Toshinori, I--)
There was nothing to do except keep moving forward, towards where Shuuya had went. It didn't take much to reach the star athlete's location. The guy was a magnet, after all. He was on the ground, his familiar back to Yoshi. In his arms, lay the body of a girl. ...What? How'd that get there? Surprisingly, Yoshitoki recognized her small frame instantly. Megumi Etou.
While they had never been particularly close, he did remember her as being one of the nice girls, friends with Mizuho Inada (she's still alive, why aren't you with her) and Kaori Minami. She had kind of reminded him of Noriko, a little bit - she'd never hurt a soul intentionally and she was so friendly and polite in a genuine way he admired, but, Noriko was different from Megumi in better ways. Honestly, though, everyone paled in comparsion.
But the way Megumi was lethargically lying down and the way Shuuya was desperately holding onto her didn't seem right together. Walking closer and seeing the way the light shined on her hair, he saw just what was wrong with her. Blood. His stomach knotted itself inwardly.
Oh, God, she's dying and -- "Shuuya."
Her mouth moved painfully, speech coming out in short bursts. Yoshitoki was close enough to see the life in her eyes flickering in and out everytime she broke for strength. How could anyone - whoa - little Megumi from class, someone actually - and as much as she strained her words and as much as it was killing her faster to do so, she held on to get out her message. It wasn't meant for him to hear, but Yoshi got the gist of it immedieately. The look she was giving Shuuya, it was
Love. Megumi and Yukie had felt the same way about Shuuya that he had felt about Noriko Nakagawa.
I never got the chance.
In those final moments, what was Noriko doing? Was there someone there to hold her until she ran out of air to breathe? A friend. If she had to have died, it should have been with a friend by her side, cradling her peacefully and singing her to sleep.
it should've been me
Everything should have been in reverse. Yoshitoki holding Noriko and telling her everything that she had to hear. He'd tell it to her in a poem he had memorized the first day his core reached for her grace. Every important thing there was to say about her, he'd let her know. He'd tell her it's not fair and that he was sorry he couldn't have found her sooner. His heart would shatter, much like it was rupturing now, and he'd say it.
I love you.
He'd hug her until her pain went far, far away, while his would be there to stay forever. That was how things were meant to be.
I fucked up.
Yoshitoki hadn't saved her when it mattered. He had once told her that he would always be there for her and this time, when he wasn't
I messed up so bad. If what they said about learning from your mistakes was true, then, fuck, he had too much shit to learn.
So, what is it now? Eight of us left? Me, Shuuya, Sakura, Kawada, Kiriyama, Inada, Sakaki, and Yuka. Who would have thought it was going to be us? If he smoked, he would have lit up a cigarette right now. Perfect moment. Yoshitoki shifted from foot to foot, waiting to see what to do next. He had ran out of tears after that crying session in the truck and instead, his heart grieved eternally for the poor girl.
Poor girl? Try poor everyone. This sucks. It meant that this was pretty much endgame. There was going to be one more report, right? Then after that, collar detonation, or something. Or, something. He glanced over to Shuuya. Okay, maybe I should say I'm sorry. He's all crying... I mean, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing.
"No..." A voice distinctively female, obviously stressed.
Reflexively, his hand gripped around his gun. It was stuck into his belt, at the ready for any snap decisions later on. His eyes took her picture in, wandering all around her unkempt hair, messed-up clothes, down to her worn shoes, then back up to her hands. Hey, that's a rock. A really bloody-looking rock. It wasn't much of a leap to say that that was the murder weapon here.
Looks like things had taken a turn for the worse with her, too. He remembered when they had first met up during the game. And Yutaka, goofy chipmunk-faced Yutaka. Whatever happened to him, Yuka? Then, he grimly realized that as messy and changed as she looked, he must not have been looking so good, either. No matter how long he spent scrubbing himself and guzzling water, he couldn't clean the blood off of him. The smell never went away.
He leaned back and watched them talk. Watched the pleading in Yuka's eyes. He thought back to the time when she reassured him that she'd never be able to kill anyone. Remembered the time when he could have shot her at the start. Over, done. Yuka, what happened to you? A string around his heart tightened and tugged it downwards.
Do something, Yoshitoki. Move. Their conversation seemed to be going in a bad direction, fast. All of her begging wasn't working on Shuuya, the guy wasn't there. This wasn't the same Shuuya Nanahara from school. It was his shadow. What am I doing...? He could easily pull out his gun, point it at someone, and end all of this. No more fighting.
Eight minus one is seven to go.
It was one or the other. Yuka or Shuuya. And - why, Yuka? - if she had just stayed with him, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe, he, she, and Yutaka would have been somewhere in the middle of working on their escape plan. Shuuya, too. It might have worked. Maybe, Yutaka would be alive and this wouldn't be happening and I hate the word maybe.
"You do what you have to. And I told him I'd pick him everytime." Shuuya. No, no, no.
And Yoshitoki didn't move as Yuka was pleading with Shuuya again. Backing up and looking desperate to survive. Her stark, uncharacteristically serious eyes (hey, when did that happen) looked severely dire, almost lost because hope was fleeting. The game had torn all her jokes out of her. There was no laughing out of this one.
Hope. Faith. Plans. Future. Tomorrow. Gone.
you killed her
you left me!
Yuka--why
he's gonna kill you (really?)
He should have intervened, but -
he'll kill me, too
but - hey, number seven
why so afraid?
BLAAMM!!!
The shot knocked her whole body over, her head exploding outwards from its side. Brain matter and guck flew out of her, coating the ground beneath her. It had only taken one hit to erase fifteen years. Yuka Nakagawa was dead. It had happened so fast. One big noise and, that's it, it's over. Shuuya had killed her. Yoshi bit back the urge to throw up. No. Why'd you have to do that?
Shuuya kind of stood there, looking like a ghost. Yoshitoki met his gaze and held it.
A fistful of fear lanced through his soul.
"Shuuya...what - what have you done? What did you do?!" The cold in his voice had edged itself away, replaced with lukewarm terror.
Stunned, "Yoshi, I... She would have tried to kill us later." He looked a little lost for words as he stepped closer to Yoshitoki, his arms out like - like I'm so innocent. Don't you believe me?
I don't have an answer for that. "But, hey, wait, that was Yuka," Yoshitoki gripped the edge of his darkened shirt. "Yuka." Like it would have made it any better saying her name twice. Like it would change anything.
"Yeah, I know." Shuuya looked down at his shoes, then back up at his friend. "She killed Megumi. And she was going to kill us." He had this panicked look in his eyes that made Yoshi take a few steps back. "She was gonna kill you, Yoshi."
"How do you know that?" He asked without looking away.
"The - the rock and Megumi. You saw the whole thing!" Shuu put his gun away. "Y-Yuka would have killed you, why don't you understand? I did it 'cause I had to. For us. I don't get why you're mad at me."
"You had to? Oh, did you have to when you killed Kayoko?"
"What? She attacked us first. Us, as in me and Mizuho, you know. And, she was crazy, okay? I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't want to." He looked sad about it, that was for sure, but it wasn't an apologetic I'm-so-sorry-please-forgive-me kind of sadness. More like, that was the only choice he had in the situation, sorry.
"But, you did it, anyway." Yoshitoki seethed. "You're a--"
"It was an accident! I was trying to stop her, but my knife... Things went kinda fast. Look, Yoshi, if it had happened to you, you would have done the same thing. What was I supposed to do?"
Yoshitoki didn't have much to say to that. "You, you really expect me to believe you?" So, he went elsewhere with his line of questioning. "First, Kayoko. Kiriyama. Kawada. Then, Yuka. When's it gonna end?"
hypocrite
"I did it to protect you! I don't know what you're saying."
"Kawada and Kiriyama, okay. I get that. Kotohiki, fine. But Yuka wasn't a bad person. She didn't want to do anything to you!" Part of him knew it wasn't all the way true (I mean, she was a killer like the rest of us), but another part of him just wanted to hit Shuuya as low as he could. He wanted to ruin him, to make him cry again. To take him down to his level and off of his throne.
"But, Yoshitoki, she would have." There was a slight tremble there. "You know she would have." Another step towards Yoshitoki. "Please... Don't be mad at me for this. I meant everything I said earlier. Everything, it's all because of you. You're my best friend."
"I don't care." Yoshitoki's fists clenched and unclenched. "I don't care, I don't care, I don't fucking care anymore!!" He screamed. "Everyone fucking worshipped you. Everyone was in love with you. Yukie, Megumi, all those girls. For what? Why the hell did they love you? Hm? What's your big secret? I asked you a question, stop staring at me and fucking answer!"
"What?" His face took on a shocked appearance. "I-I don't know."
"Shut up. If only they knew the real you." Yoshi bit his lip. "You're just a fake, Shuuya. The best kind of liar there is. I don't know anybody worse than you."
Shock turned to hurt, which turned into a litre of tears running down Shuuya's face. "Okay, okay, I know."
"That's right. So, you do know, then."
"I'm sorry! What do you want me to do to prove it to you? C'mon, I'd do an-y-thing." A sob choked up the last word a little bit. "I'm so, so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am..."
"I don't even know what makes you so fucking special. Basketball star. Rockstar. You - you always got everything you've always wanted and you even got shit you didn't want, but you still got it. Always. And what did I ever get? Huh? Tell me what the fuck I got in the end! Tell me!" Tears rimmed his eyes.
"Yoshi, that's not true."
"Yes, you did! Didn't you ever see it?"
"S-see what?"
"Noriko. Did you ever stop and look at her?" The cookies, the bus ride. They weren't leftovers from what she had made for her brother. She had made them for you. For you. "No matter what I did for her, it was like, two steps forward, four steps back. It was like, good job, thanks a lot, Mr. Nobu. And then, wow, what's Shuuya doing right now? Wonder what's going on with Shuuya. Shuuya. It all came back to you."
He nodded his head. "I...yeah..."
"She wrote poems. Didn't you know? Those lyrics she was always writing with you," The tears were free flowing. "Noriko wanted to talk to you so badly and needed a way in. I gave it to her, told her to write lyrics with you, and you, you gave me a way out." Yoshitoki beat a fist against his chest, right at the heart. "Special guy... It was you. How didn't you know?"
"I knew, but, she had no idea I did. I swear." Shuuya fidgeted. "I-I just... Y'know, K-Kazumi, and..."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"It's not like I wanted her to like me. It just happened."
Yoshitoki reached back an open palm and -
SMACKK!!
Shuuya took the hit completely, flinching harshly on contact and holding his reddened face afterwards. It looked like it had hurt. "Yoshi... I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't it have been me? Maybe, I couldn't play guitar. Maybe, I can't sing. But, dammit. I could have been so much more than that for her." Yoshitoki said softly. "We could have been happy together. But, I...I was never good enough for her. I was never good enough for anyone."
"You were more than good enough for me." Shuuya's eyes lit up a bit. What's that? Some kind of hope? "Everything I am today, it's because of you. If you weren't around to back me up, I don't know what I'd be right now. Definitely not the same person. You know who you are to me. You're the one I can always depend on, the one on my side no matter what. C'mon."
Yeah, and who are you?
"No. Shuuya, what have you ever done for me? It's your fault I'm like this." Yoshi covered his face with his hands. "It's your fault that I'm nothing. If-if...if you weren't there, it could have been me in the spotlight."
"W-what are you saying?"
"Everyone would be looking at me. Me. Just me. Not the kid who's best friends with Nanahara. I don't want to be Nanahara's best friend. I'm not that guy."
"You're not. You're more than that." Shuuya spoke gently. "You're my brother."
"Shut the hell up." Yoshitoki moved to strike him again, but refrained.
For whatever reason, Shuuya seemed like his grandeur was shrinking. He kept shaking as if he were in the middle of a blizzard. The eye of the storm. "Why? Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?"
"What didn't you do? You overshadowed me in everything. You have no idea what it's like to be in the fucking dark, off the stage while someone else is getting just about everything they could ever want. And the worst part of it is is that they don't even realize it. You've got the whole world in the palm of your hands!" He was yelling again. "Do something with that. You've got all the power here. Hell, you're probably gonna get to go home. It's not fair."
"Then, why'd you stay with me if you hated me so much?" Shuu's entire being quivered, Yoshi could tell. "Why would you even bother?"
"Because you're my brother," He shot it back at him. "And, because... Because that's how it just is. I was waiting for you to say something, to notice. I wanted to matter without having to say anything. And guess what? You failed me, brother, but you've kept being a hero to everyone else."
"Wait, Yoshi--"
"Even now. I've let everybody down. Yutaka, Yuka. I was supposed to have made an escape plan for them and by now, I should have had these off." He gestured to the collars. "But, no, I messed up. And, Oda." Yoshi smiled weakly, although it hardly could be called a smile. "Ha... I killed Oda, can you believe that? I was scared and I just wanna go home as Yoshitoki Kuninobu. I don't want to be forgotten."
"You killed Oda?" There wasn't any blame in the question, only a bit of stunned curiousity.
"And you killed Kotohiki. They were together. I've done it, too. We're even." He didn't know how to feel about his confession. "I've messed up everywhere, haven't I? Noriko, please forgive me... I can't keep anyone and I can't keep hold onto anything. I...want to start over, but it's too late for that." Yoshitoki's hands shook.
"Yoshitoki..."
He walked forward and embraced him, pulling him into a hug. "It's too late." They stayed like that for a few moments, memories echoing through his mind before he shoved Shuuya away from him, sure to push against where he had been slashed. "I'm not going to die as a background character. I'm not!"
Everything. Everything had led to this moment.
"Stop!" Shuuya screamed at him. He knew what was going to happen. He knew as well as Yoshitoki did. "Stop it, Yoshi, please. Don't do this."
The sound of another slap split the air. No resistance. There was a slight recoil but he took it without complaint. "If it weren't for you, I could be someone. Without you around, I...!"
"You don't have to do this!"
"I do, because it's you. You're what's holding me back. I have to be strong without you." He walked backwards, furthering the distance between them. "I have to do it. I have to prove to everyone that I'm worth it." Yoshi took out his gun and pointed it right at Shuu. "Y-you...you do what you have to, right?"
Oh, man, I'm losing it.
"No!!" Shuuya did the same. Barrel to barrel. "Please, Yoshitoki. Don't make me do this."
"I'm going to count to three, then I'm going to do it." Yoshi said. It's me against the world. "One."
"Yoshi." --
"Two."
"I'm sorry."
"Three."
Two fingers, two triggers pulled, two brothers --
Goodbye.
((OOC: PC Control approved - I was told the nature of Yuka's death, so I hope it's okay. If not, I'll fix it ASAP. Part one of a FTD! It's Yoshitoki Kuninobu versus Shuuya Nanahara. D: Best of luck to the both of us. Every vote counts!))
could have been
a savior. It was important, didn't Shuuya know that? The scanner was the ultimate defense in the program, especially now when things were so crucial. Was throwing it away some futile attempt at lashing out against him? It was pitiful, like an indiscreet double stab wound that would get them both killed. They'd bleed out slowly and, surprise, there was somebody with the jump on them.
Crazy...
This was it. They were walking on a deadly tight rope. And as sad as the sight was in a pathetic sort of way, Yoshi reveled in the image of Shuu begging for him to stop talking. It felt like something he couldn't name. It made him feel taller, somehow. The fact that there was more to be said - so much more truth for him to choke on - made Yoshitoki smile upside down. Now, you finally see what's been in plain view all along. Behind every smile, there's nothing.
His anger boiled his speech over, but before he could say anything else, Shuuya explained himself. "I don't need it. I know where Sakura is. And if she's not there when I get there, then it wasn't meant to be. If you still wanna come, then... That's up to you, Yoshi. To decide if it's meant to be."
Compared to its childish weakness hours ago, Shuu's voice flowed thrice as strong. Yoshitoki hardly recognized its aged sound. It was almost as if he were a changed man (that's a funny word to say, 'cause we never got a chance to grow up and be men for real
and now we never will). He stepped out of the moment to think of the word future and how all his thoughts on ten years from now -
Hey. Shuuya's leaving.
- had been put to an abrupt halt. As a kid, he'd been one of those unsure types, not really ever knowing exactly what he had wanted to be. One year, a children's doctor. The next, a therapist. Then, some type of poetry connoisseur, a real art appreciator fully commited to his work. Or perhaps, being an editor for a certain poetess would be better, if things had ever had a chance to get that far. And, yeah. He'd never been one hundred percent sure of himself. Too late for that. His chance to choose had been ripped out from under him.
It tore the wind out of his lungs. Future, it lay in the barrel of a gun. Choices - make them now - not like there were many options left to choose from. That definitely narrowed things down... So, what am I supposed to do? Follow him and put in a repeat performance, huh? Up until his time on the island, he'd led an auto-pilot life. A smile here, a cheer for someone else there. Repeat. It was a role he had been shunted into, a bunch of tracks his last place express train had been forced to ride. Why?
Okay, okay. Stop it. This wasn't getting him anywhere but back to the beginning. There were still nine people left. Nine. And, dammit, it would suck if their collars exploded. How bad would that hurt? Or, would it be over so fast that it would be like, hey, do you hear something? Explosion. The end. Out of all the ways to die, that had to be the lamest way to go. That wouldn't be fair to everyone that had put the effort in to off at least one person. A total cop-out.
I'm not the only one alive that's messed up. Alright? Everyone had done it. No blame,
(he was gonna kill me, you saw it)
no shame.
(oh... Toshinori, I--)
There was nothing to do except keep moving forward, towards where Shuuya had went. It didn't take much to reach the star athlete's location. The guy was a magnet, after all. He was on the ground, his familiar back to Yoshi. In his arms, lay the body of a girl. ...What? How'd that get there? Surprisingly, Yoshitoki recognized her small frame instantly. Megumi Etou.
While they had never been particularly close, he did remember her as being one of the nice girls, friends with Mizuho Inada (she's still alive, why aren't you with her) and Kaori Minami. She had kind of reminded him of Noriko, a little bit - she'd never hurt a soul intentionally and she was so friendly and polite in a genuine way he admired, but, Noriko was different from Megumi in better ways. Honestly, though, everyone paled in comparsion.
But the way Megumi was lethargically lying down and the way Shuuya was desperately holding onto her didn't seem right together. Walking closer and seeing the way the light shined on her hair, he saw just what was wrong with her. Blood. His stomach knotted itself inwardly.
Oh, God, she's dying and -- "Shuuya."
Her mouth moved painfully, speech coming out in short bursts. Yoshitoki was close enough to see the life in her eyes flickering in and out everytime she broke for strength. How could anyone - whoa - little Megumi from class, someone actually - and as much as she strained her words and as much as it was killing her faster to do so, she held on to get out her message. It wasn't meant for him to hear, but Yoshi got the gist of it immedieately. The look she was giving Shuuya, it was
Love. Megumi and Yukie had felt the same way about Shuuya that he had felt about Noriko Nakagawa.
I never got the chance.
In those final moments, what was Noriko doing? Was there someone there to hold her until she ran out of air to breathe? A friend. If she had to have died, it should have been with a friend by her side, cradling her peacefully and singing her to sleep.
it should've been me
Everything should have been in reverse. Yoshitoki holding Noriko and telling her everything that she had to hear. He'd tell it to her in a poem he had memorized the first day his core reached for her grace. Every important thing there was to say about her, he'd let her know. He'd tell her it's not fair and that he was sorry he couldn't have found her sooner. His heart would shatter, much like it was rupturing now, and he'd say it.
I love you.
He'd hug her until her pain went far, far away, while his would be there to stay forever. That was how things were meant to be.
I fucked up.
Yoshitoki hadn't saved her when it mattered. He had once told her that he would always be there for her and this time, when he wasn't
I messed up so bad. If what they said about learning from your mistakes was true, then, fuck, he had too much shit to learn.
So, what is it now? Eight of us left? Me, Shuuya, Sakura, Kawada, Kiriyama, Inada, Sakaki, and Yuka. Who would have thought it was going to be us? If he smoked, he would have lit up a cigarette right now. Perfect moment. Yoshitoki shifted from foot to foot, waiting to see what to do next. He had ran out of tears after that crying session in the truck and instead, his heart grieved eternally for the poor girl.
Poor girl? Try poor everyone. This sucks. It meant that this was pretty much endgame. There was going to be one more report, right? Then after that, collar detonation, or something. Or, something. He glanced over to Shuuya. Okay, maybe I should say I'm sorry. He's all crying... I mean, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing.
"No..." A voice distinctively female, obviously stressed.
Reflexively, his hand gripped around his gun. It was stuck into his belt, at the ready for any snap decisions later on. His eyes took her picture in, wandering all around her unkempt hair, messed-up clothes, down to her worn shoes, then back up to her hands. Hey, that's a rock. A really bloody-looking rock. It wasn't much of a leap to say that that was the murder weapon here.
Looks like things had taken a turn for the worse with her, too. He remembered when they had first met up during the game. And Yutaka, goofy chipmunk-faced Yutaka. Whatever happened to him, Yuka? Then, he grimly realized that as messy and changed as she looked, he must not have been looking so good, either. No matter how long he spent scrubbing himself and guzzling water, he couldn't clean the blood off of him. The smell never went away.
He leaned back and watched them talk. Watched the pleading in Yuka's eyes. He thought back to the time when she reassured him that she'd never be able to kill anyone. Remembered the time when he could have shot her at the start. Over, done. Yuka, what happened to you? A string around his heart tightened and tugged it downwards.
Do something, Yoshitoki. Move. Their conversation seemed to be going in a bad direction, fast. All of her begging wasn't working on Shuuya, the guy wasn't there. This wasn't the same Shuuya Nanahara from school. It was his shadow. What am I doing...? He could easily pull out his gun, point it at someone, and end all of this. No more fighting.
Eight minus one is seven to go.
It was one or the other. Yuka or Shuuya. And - why, Yuka? - if she had just stayed with him, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe, he, she, and Yutaka would have been somewhere in the middle of working on their escape plan. Shuuya, too. It might have worked. Maybe, Yutaka would be alive and this wouldn't be happening and I hate the word maybe.
"You do what you have to. And I told him I'd pick him everytime." Shuuya. No, no, no.
And Yoshitoki didn't move as Yuka was pleading with Shuuya again. Backing up and looking desperate to survive. Her stark, uncharacteristically serious eyes (hey, when did that happen) looked severely dire, almost lost because hope was fleeting. The game had torn all her jokes out of her. There was no laughing out of this one.
Hope. Faith. Plans. Future. Tomorrow. Gone.
you killed her
you left me!
Yuka--why
he's gonna kill you (really?)
He should have intervened, but -
he'll kill me, too
but - hey, number seven
why so afraid?
BLAAMM!!!
The shot knocked her whole body over, her head exploding outwards from its side. Brain matter and guck flew out of her, coating the ground beneath her. It had only taken one hit to erase fifteen years. Yuka Nakagawa was dead. It had happened so fast. One big noise and, that's it, it's over. Shuuya had killed her. Yoshi bit back the urge to throw up. No. Why'd you have to do that?
Shuuya kind of stood there, looking like a ghost. Yoshitoki met his gaze and held it.
A fistful of fear lanced through his soul.
"Shuuya...what - what have you done? What did you do?!" The cold in his voice had edged itself away, replaced with lukewarm terror.
Stunned, "Yoshi, I... She would have tried to kill us later." He looked a little lost for words as he stepped closer to Yoshitoki, his arms out like - like I'm so innocent. Don't you believe me?
I don't have an answer for that. "But, hey, wait, that was Yuka," Yoshitoki gripped the edge of his darkened shirt. "Yuka." Like it would have made it any better saying her name twice. Like it would change anything.
"Yeah, I know." Shuuya looked down at his shoes, then back up at his friend. "She killed Megumi. And she was going to kill us." He had this panicked look in his eyes that made Yoshi take a few steps back. "She was gonna kill you, Yoshi."
"How do you know that?" He asked without looking away.
"The - the rock and Megumi. You saw the whole thing!" Shuu put his gun away. "Y-Yuka would have killed you, why don't you understand? I did it 'cause I had to. For us. I don't get why you're mad at me."
"You had to? Oh, did you have to when you killed Kayoko?"
"What? She attacked us first. Us, as in me and Mizuho, you know. And, she was crazy, okay? I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't want to." He looked sad about it, that was for sure, but it wasn't an apologetic I'm-so-sorry-please-forgive-me kind of sadness. More like, that was the only choice he had in the situation, sorry.
"But, you did it, anyway." Yoshitoki seethed. "You're a--"
"It was an accident! I was trying to stop her, but my knife... Things went kinda fast. Look, Yoshi, if it had happened to you, you would have done the same thing. What was I supposed to do?"
Yoshitoki didn't have much to say to that. "You, you really expect me to believe you?" So, he went elsewhere with his line of questioning. "First, Kayoko. Kiriyama. Kawada. Then, Yuka. When's it gonna end?"
hypocrite
"I did it to protect you! I don't know what you're saying."
"Kawada and Kiriyama, okay. I get that. Kotohiki, fine. But Yuka wasn't a bad person. She didn't want to do anything to you!" Part of him knew it wasn't all the way true (I mean, she was a killer like the rest of us), but another part of him just wanted to hit Shuuya as low as he could. He wanted to ruin him, to make him cry again. To take him down to his level and off of his throne.
"But, Yoshitoki, she would have." There was a slight tremble there. "You know she would have." Another step towards Yoshitoki. "Please... Don't be mad at me for this. I meant everything I said earlier. Everything, it's all because of you. You're my best friend."
"I don't care." Yoshitoki's fists clenched and unclenched. "I don't care, I don't care, I don't fucking care anymore!!" He screamed. "Everyone fucking worshipped you. Everyone was in love with you. Yukie, Megumi, all those girls. For what? Why the hell did they love you? Hm? What's your big secret? I asked you a question, stop staring at me and fucking answer!"
"What?" His face took on a shocked appearance. "I-I don't know."
"Shut up. If only they knew the real you." Yoshi bit his lip. "You're just a fake, Shuuya. The best kind of liar there is. I don't know anybody worse than you."
Shock turned to hurt, which turned into a litre of tears running down Shuuya's face. "Okay, okay, I know."
"That's right. So, you do know, then."
"I'm sorry! What do you want me to do to prove it to you? C'mon, I'd do an-y-thing." A sob choked up the last word a little bit. "I'm so, so sorry. You don't know how sorry I am..."
"I don't even know what makes you so fucking special. Basketball star. Rockstar. You - you always got everything you've always wanted and you even got shit you didn't want, but you still got it. Always. And what did I ever get? Huh? Tell me what the fuck I got in the end! Tell me!" Tears rimmed his eyes.
"Yoshi, that's not true."
"Yes, you did! Didn't you ever see it?"
"S-see what?"
"Noriko. Did you ever stop and look at her?" The cookies, the bus ride. They weren't leftovers from what she had made for her brother. She had made them for you. For you. "No matter what I did for her, it was like, two steps forward, four steps back. It was like, good job, thanks a lot, Mr. Nobu. And then, wow, what's Shuuya doing right now? Wonder what's going on with Shuuya. Shuuya. It all came back to you."
He nodded his head. "I...yeah..."
"She wrote poems. Didn't you know? Those lyrics she was always writing with you," The tears were free flowing. "Noriko wanted to talk to you so badly and needed a way in. I gave it to her, told her to write lyrics with you, and you, you gave me a way out." Yoshitoki beat a fist against his chest, right at the heart. "Special guy... It was you. How didn't you know?"
"I knew, but, she had no idea I did. I swear." Shuuya fidgeted. "I-I just... Y'know, K-Kazumi, and..."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"It's not like I wanted her to like me. It just happened."
Yoshitoki reached back an open palm and -
SMACKK!!
Shuuya took the hit completely, flinching harshly on contact and holding his reddened face afterwards. It looked like it had hurt. "Yoshi... I'm sorry."
"Why couldn't it have been me? Maybe, I couldn't play guitar. Maybe, I can't sing. But, dammit. I could have been so much more than that for her." Yoshitoki said softly. "We could have been happy together. But, I...I was never good enough for her. I was never good enough for anyone."
"You were more than good enough for me." Shuuya's eyes lit up a bit. What's that? Some kind of hope? "Everything I am today, it's because of you. If you weren't around to back me up, I don't know what I'd be right now. Definitely not the same person. You know who you are to me. You're the one I can always depend on, the one on my side no matter what. C'mon."
Yeah, and who are you?
"No. Shuuya, what have you ever done for me? It's your fault I'm like this." Yoshi covered his face with his hands. "It's your fault that I'm nothing. If-if...if you weren't there, it could have been me in the spotlight."
"W-what are you saying?"
"Everyone would be looking at me. Me. Just me. Not the kid who's best friends with Nanahara. I don't want to be Nanahara's best friend. I'm not that guy."
"You're not. You're more than that." Shuuya spoke gently. "You're my brother."
"Shut the hell up." Yoshitoki moved to strike him again, but refrained.
For whatever reason, Shuuya seemed like his grandeur was shrinking. He kept shaking as if he were in the middle of a blizzard. The eye of the storm. "Why? Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?"
"What didn't you do? You overshadowed me in everything. You have no idea what it's like to be in the fucking dark, off the stage while someone else is getting just about everything they could ever want. And the worst part of it is is that they don't even realize it. You've got the whole world in the palm of your hands!" He was yelling again. "Do something with that. You've got all the power here. Hell, you're probably gonna get to go home. It's not fair."
"Then, why'd you stay with me if you hated me so much?" Shuu's entire being quivered, Yoshi could tell. "Why would you even bother?"
"Because you're my brother," He shot it back at him. "And, because... Because that's how it just is. I was waiting for you to say something, to notice. I wanted to matter without having to say anything. And guess what? You failed me, brother, but you've kept being a hero to everyone else."
"Wait, Yoshi--"
"Even now. I've let everybody down. Yutaka, Yuka. I was supposed to have made an escape plan for them and by now, I should have had these off." He gestured to the collars. "But, no, I messed up. And, Oda." Yoshi smiled weakly, although it hardly could be called a smile. "Ha... I killed Oda, can you believe that? I was scared and I just wanna go home as Yoshitoki Kuninobu. I don't want to be forgotten."
"You killed Oda?" There wasn't any blame in the question, only a bit of stunned curiousity.
"And you killed Kotohiki. They were together. I've done it, too. We're even." He didn't know how to feel about his confession. "I've messed up everywhere, haven't I? Noriko, please forgive me... I can't keep anyone and I can't keep hold onto anything. I...want to start over, but it's too late for that." Yoshitoki's hands shook.
"Yoshitoki..."
He walked forward and embraced him, pulling him into a hug. "It's too late." They stayed like that for a few moments, memories echoing through his mind before he shoved Shuuya away from him, sure to push against where he had been slashed. "I'm not going to die as a background character. I'm not!"
Everything. Everything had led to this moment.
"Stop!" Shuuya screamed at him. He knew what was going to happen. He knew as well as Yoshitoki did. "Stop it, Yoshi, please. Don't do this."
The sound of another slap split the air. No resistance. There was a slight recoil but he took it without complaint. "If it weren't for you, I could be someone. Without you around, I...!"
"You don't have to do this!"
"I do, because it's you. You're what's holding me back. I have to be strong without you." He walked backwards, furthering the distance between them. "I have to do it. I have to prove to everyone that I'm worth it." Yoshi took out his gun and pointed it right at Shuu. "Y-you...you do what you have to, right?"
Oh, man, I'm losing it.
"No!!" Shuuya did the same. Barrel to barrel. "Please, Yoshitoki. Don't make me do this."
"I'm going to count to three, then I'm going to do it." Yoshi said. It's me against the world. "One."
"Yoshi." --
"Two."
"I'm sorry."
"Three."
Two fingers, two triggers pulled, two brothers --
Goodbye.
((OOC: PC Control approved - I was told the nature of Yuka's death, so I hope it's okay. If not, I'll fix it ASAP. Part one of a FTD! It's Yoshitoki Kuninobu versus Shuuya Nanahara. D: Best of luck to the both of us. Every vote counts!))