Giving Up
Title: Giving Up
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: TOP/Seungri
Genre: drama/angst
Summary: Seungri wonders if people can really change.
A/n: Idea taken from
ymo1557 's challenge. Prompt #5: TOP/Seungri - Goodbye.
“Do you think people can change?” Seungri asked as he stared off into the abyss that was Seoul’s city lights, his legs bent at the knees pressed up against his chest as he sat on the window seat facing the large window. The chaos that was Seoul at night was nothing compared to what seemed to be going on in his mind.
“How do you mean?” Seunghyun questioned, not looking away from the pristine black and white keys of the baby grand piano, his fingers mindlessly pressing down on random keys somehow magically creating a melodic tune.
The younger puffed out a mouthful of air against the window, his warm breath fogging up the otherwise bone chilling glass. “Like, change. You know, the way we live; the things we do. Stuff like that.” He traced the beginning of a word in the condensation with his finger but smeared it away with his palm before Seunghyun could see it.
“Sure, why not?”
The elder answered the question too easily for Seungri’s liking. “Really?” He didn’t turn to look at his lover, and merely glanced at the man’s reflection through the window. Head bent, strands of dusty blonde hair falling over to partially cover one eye, the look of deep concentration etched across the other’s face had Seungri’s mouth slipping into a feeble smile despite the pain he felt inside. He had always been the good-looking one in the relationship.
“Why?” Seunghyun’s fingers halted. He had numerous conversations like these with Seungri, often late at night when they were entangled in the sheets and in each other but they would always end the same. “You don’t think so?”
Seungri shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to believe they can, but,” His voice faded away before he finished the thought and his mind was pulled off into another world.
The elder watched through the reflection of the mirror as Seungri wandered off into his own thoughts yet again. He looked so innocent, so naive. Seunghyun hated these moments the most - when he felt like Seungri was finally opening up to him only to have the door shut slowly in his face. “But?”
“Hmm?” Seungri peered over his shoulder, the deep baritone voice pulling him out of his daze.
“You were talking about how you want to believe people can change,” Seunghyun reminded him, throwing one leg over the piano bench and straddled it so he could face Seungri. “You added a ‘but,’ and then zoned out. But what?”
“Oh.” His lips outlined the shape of the syllable perfectly before twisting up into a sheepish grin, but Seunghyun could see that he was still so very close to slipping away again. “It’s just - I’m finding out that it’s easier said than done, that’s all.”
“Nothing in life is easy.” Seunghyun stated grimly, his tone far more cool and indifferent than he wanted it to be. “And if it is, then it’s not worthwhile.”
“But why can’t it be?” Seungri countered, half pouting while he twisted around, unfolding his legs to let them dangle over the window seat and completely face the other. “I mean why does everything have to be so hard?”
Seunghyun took his time answering this time. He knew a golden opportunity when he saw one, and right now Seungri had left the door to his thoughts wide open. “To test us, I guess.”
“And if we fail?” There was an underlying tone of sadness in his spoken words and Seunghyun felt uneasy by it. “What if we try our hardest to make it work, but we still fail?”
The elder tilted his head to the side, his lips pursed. “I don’t know. I mean the easy way out would be to just give up.”
Give up, Seungri sighed.
The two were enveloped in a blanket of silence, the second-hand on the clock the only noise they were privy to. “I need change,” Seungri concluded, his voice breaking through the eerie stillness that filled the air.
“What kind of change?”
“I don’t know.” Seungri shrugged again, his heels beating into the window seat in an offbeat rhythm. “Just change.”
Eying the younger curiously, Seunghyun frowned momentarily. “Like changing your hairstyle kind of change, or quitting your day job and moving half-way across the world kind of change?”
The worry in Seunghyun’s voice spoke volumes and seemed to burden the younger even more. “Maybe,” Seungri croaked, his throat going suddenly dry, “I don’t know.”
“Well, which kind is it?” Seungri lifted his eyes, and Seunghyun could see the door closing again and mentally berated himself for pushing the issue.
“Both, maybe.” He pulled one leg up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, resting his chin on his knee. “I just - I don’t like who I am right now.”
“I like who you are.” The devilish smirk that washed across the elder’s face was futile; he didn’t like the vibes he was getting from the other one bit when the younger failed to respond to his comment. “So, who are you right now?” Seunghyun asked, scooting closer to the edge of the bench to put him directly in front of the younger man.
“A fool.” The words came out solemn and monotonous. “I know, hyung.” Seunghyun held his breath as the maknae’s words echoed in his mind and it had every fiber of Seunghyun’s being tensing up with unabridged fear. “I know.”
The elder’s eyes fluttered shut and he dropped his head, staring down at his fingers grasping onto the edge of the hand-carved oak bench. A part of him wanted to ask, to clarify just what the other was talking about, but the other part of him knew. “About you and Jiyong.” Seungri continued, his eyes never leaving the others now defeated form. He looked so guilty it hurt.
Seunghyun released a breath and slowly felt everything that was important to him slip away with it. “I never meant to-”
“Yeah, but it happened.” Seungri bit back softly, “It’s still happening.”
Armed with a flurry of excuses, Seunghyun wanted to fight back; to tell the maknae that it meant nothing. That they were just fooling around, and it was stupid and it meant nothing. At least not like it was with him, but Seungri moved away from the window seat before Seunghyun even opened his mouth.
“I’m not like you.” Seungri said, stopping short in the middle of the room, not even bothering to glance back at Seunghyun. “I don’t think people can change; especially not like this.”
Seunghyun stood to his feet. “Wait,” he somehow managed to blurt out, but Seungri merely shook his head.
“You said it yourself. If no matter how hard you try and it still doesn’t work, give up. Well, this is me giving up.”
word count: 1135
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: TOP/Seungri
Genre: drama/angst
Summary: Seungri wonders if people can really change.
A/n: Idea taken from
ymo1557 's challenge. Prompt #5: TOP/Seungri - Goodbye.
“Do you think people can change?” Seungri asked as he stared off into the abyss that was Seoul’s city lights, his legs bent at the knees pressed up against his chest as he sat on the window seat facing the large window. The chaos that was Seoul at night was nothing compared to what seemed to be going on in his mind.
“How do you mean?” Seunghyun questioned, not looking away from the pristine black and white keys of the baby grand piano, his fingers mindlessly pressing down on random keys somehow magically creating a melodic tune.
The younger puffed out a mouthful of air against the window, his warm breath fogging up the otherwise bone chilling glass. “Like, change. You know, the way we live; the things we do. Stuff like that.” He traced the beginning of a word in the condensation with his finger but smeared it away with his palm before Seunghyun could see it.
“Sure, why not?”
The elder answered the question too easily for Seungri’s liking. “Really?” He didn’t turn to look at his lover, and merely glanced at the man’s reflection through the window. Head bent, strands of dusty blonde hair falling over to partially cover one eye, the look of deep concentration etched across the other’s face had Seungri’s mouth slipping into a feeble smile despite the pain he felt inside. He had always been the good-looking one in the relationship.
“Why?” Seunghyun’s fingers halted. He had numerous conversations like these with Seungri, often late at night when they were entangled in the sheets and in each other but they would always end the same. “You don’t think so?”
Seungri shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I mean, I want to believe they can, but,” His voice faded away before he finished the thought and his mind was pulled off into another world.
The elder watched through the reflection of the mirror as Seungri wandered off into his own thoughts yet again. He looked so innocent, so naive. Seunghyun hated these moments the most - when he felt like Seungri was finally opening up to him only to have the door shut slowly in his face. “But?”
“Hmm?” Seungri peered over his shoulder, the deep baritone voice pulling him out of his daze.
“You were talking about how you want to believe people can change,” Seunghyun reminded him, throwing one leg over the piano bench and straddled it so he could face Seungri. “You added a ‘but,’ and then zoned out. But what?”
“Oh.” His lips outlined the shape of the syllable perfectly before twisting up into a sheepish grin, but Seunghyun could see that he was still so very close to slipping away again. “It’s just - I’m finding out that it’s easier said than done, that’s all.”
“Nothing in life is easy.” Seunghyun stated grimly, his tone far more cool and indifferent than he wanted it to be. “And if it is, then it’s not worthwhile.”
“But why can’t it be?” Seungri countered, half pouting while he twisted around, unfolding his legs to let them dangle over the window seat and completely face the other. “I mean why does everything have to be so hard?”
Seunghyun took his time answering this time. He knew a golden opportunity when he saw one, and right now Seungri had left the door to his thoughts wide open. “To test us, I guess.”
“And if we fail?” There was an underlying tone of sadness in his spoken words and Seunghyun felt uneasy by it. “What if we try our hardest to make it work, but we still fail?”
The elder tilted his head to the side, his lips pursed. “I don’t know. I mean the easy way out would be to just give up.”
Give up, Seungri sighed.
The two were enveloped in a blanket of silence, the second-hand on the clock the only noise they were privy to. “I need change,” Seungri concluded, his voice breaking through the eerie stillness that filled the air.
“What kind of change?”
“I don’t know.” Seungri shrugged again, his heels beating into the window seat in an offbeat rhythm. “Just change.”
Eying the younger curiously, Seunghyun frowned momentarily. “Like changing your hairstyle kind of change, or quitting your day job and moving half-way across the world kind of change?”
The worry in Seunghyun’s voice spoke volumes and seemed to burden the younger even more. “Maybe,” Seungri croaked, his throat going suddenly dry, “I don’t know.”
“Well, which kind is it?” Seungri lifted his eyes, and Seunghyun could see the door closing again and mentally berated himself for pushing the issue.
“Both, maybe.” He pulled one leg up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, resting his chin on his knee. “I just - I don’t like who I am right now.”
“I like who you are.” The devilish smirk that washed across the elder’s face was futile; he didn’t like the vibes he was getting from the other one bit when the younger failed to respond to his comment. “So, who are you right now?” Seunghyun asked, scooting closer to the edge of the bench to put him directly in front of the younger man.
“A fool.” The words came out solemn and monotonous. “I know, hyung.” Seunghyun held his breath as the maknae’s words echoed in his mind and it had every fiber of Seunghyun’s being tensing up with unabridged fear. “I know.”
The elder’s eyes fluttered shut and he dropped his head, staring down at his fingers grasping onto the edge of the hand-carved oak bench. A part of him wanted to ask, to clarify just what the other was talking about, but the other part of him knew. “About you and Jiyong.” Seungri continued, his eyes never leaving the others now defeated form. He looked so guilty it hurt.
Seunghyun released a breath and slowly felt everything that was important to him slip away with it. “I never meant to-”
“Yeah, but it happened.” Seungri bit back softly, “It’s still happening.”
Armed with a flurry of excuses, Seunghyun wanted to fight back; to tell the maknae that it meant nothing. That they were just fooling around, and it was stupid and it meant nothing. At least not like it was with him, but Seungri moved away from the window seat before Seunghyun even opened his mouth.
“I’m not like you.” Seungri said, stopping short in the middle of the room, not even bothering to glance back at Seunghyun. “I don’t think people can change; especially not like this.”
Seunghyun stood to his feet. “Wait,” he somehow managed to blurt out, but Seungri merely shook his head.
“You said it yourself. If no matter how hard you try and it still doesn’t work, give up. Well, this is me giving up.”
word count: 1135