and it's still one of those days.
besides going to church and eating and changing the remote and peeing, i haven't moved at all today. my energy level is negative. i'm physically and emotionally drained. my mom and i were supposed to see mona lisa smile but we got in another fight. i look horrible. i'm freakishly pale, my eyeliner is smudged, i feel like a cow. i ate half a joe's sub for lunch plus a huge slice of greasy pizza. i haven't worked out in like 4 months. i'm so freakin out of shape. it doesn't help that jeremy picked me to do lifts in one of the dances. out of the four girls, i am the only non-dancer. the other girls weigh at the most 112 lbs. and of course my partner is the skinniest, scrawniest guy in the group. i'm doomed. i'm going to break his neck. i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep. arrrrrrgh. now my leg is asleep. what i really want right now is a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. or just the dough for that matter. but that really wouldn't help my fitness situation. i'm not happy. today i decided to take a break from pretending i am. a lot of good it did me. i feel worse. i need someone who understands me. and as wonderful as my friends are, none of them really do. one of the people who used to understand me, i haven't been friends with in over two years, and the other lives in alabama. this year has just been really sucky. and for some reason, all the suckiness in choir happened to land on me. all of my friends are having a great year. i don't understand why i'm the one that got shitted on. i don't know what i did to deserve this. i'm happy for them, i just wish i could share in that.. but. nope. my teacher picks this year to hate my guts and torture me. and it helps that this has been one of the worse years economically but i couldn't get an extra job because of the musical. whenever something good happens to me, something or somethings happen to outweigh it. i'm so tired.