I have to wear headphones around my mother..
clean up and move things out of the way and keep unseen, but miss that for a moment and you are a slob.
get on the computer to apply for jobs, no im just dicking around apparently.
sleep for 8hrs, no apparently thats 24hrs, soo in a comma?
bickering complaining mimicking me, no thats just asking a simple question i can't get upset over.
ask to have breakfast cooked bc im a guest and would make a bigger mess in her eyes, but nooo thats me being lazy and not knowing how to do anything myself.
You ask to pay for yourself, but no she has to do it bc she doesnt want you to spend money but then its just held over your head.
You try to smile and say okay or im sorry, but thats just argueing and pointless attempts to defend oneself.
YOU CAN NOT WIN. YOU CANT TRY. SO YOU GIVE UP.
I'm sorry, im not going to live my life in a way that has to be scheduled around someone 24/7 and have to be absolutely the most fake person. she'll never know me. I'm still the 7year old that didnt pick up her toys and make her bed.
It didnt matter if I was slaving away in college and for portfolio. I will still be the screw up, lazy daughter in these people's eyes.
No room for forgiving, benefit of the doubt, listening. none of that. it's all out the window.
so to get along with her i have to ignore her and have no conversation whatsoever?.. it get so quiet it's depressing.
--------------------
When do you come to the point where you decide that you have to let relationships end?
I still will only speak when spoken to, and courteously accept invitations to visit..
but.. thats all superficial. I don't like superficial. I rather have none of it at all.
I know i piss people off. I'm 23 years old. I'll make a mistake but I can't be given time to grow up.
They say all I ever spoke about is how I want to be independent and yet still be a kid.
Noooo its not like that... cause YOU NEED TO GIVE PEOPLE TIME.
"I just don't want you to make the same mistake others have made"
Shit happens is all I can say. I'm sorry is all I can say.
STATEMENT: I'll continue to learn from the situations that happen to me even if they somehow shorten my chances for a good future, but I HAVE A LITTLE MORE FAITH IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITY THAN THAT.
I'd love it if my family did to.
I'm going to change. Hell I AM changed. Maybe actually just closed off to some parts.
People say they know everything about me. They dont. I apologize that the moments some see are my struggling times, but is that all people are going to use to judge me over?
Always a face to wear, and if that face is an enjoyable one... then they assume you obviously don't understand your own bad situation and have to be told over and over how you're a screw up.
Do you get it yet?.. That you will never be good enough? That what you have isn't actually anything at all?
That what you love to do is a waste of time? That you must give up who you are to live?
I'm tired of people thinking I'm ungrateful after all the thanks I've given. One day.. there will be a physical, tangible thanks to everyone.
AND WHEN I AM OLD AND SUCCESSFUL NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING OR ASK ANYTHING OF ME THEN.
The debt would be paid and the gratitude already given. Then... nothing. I want nothing. I need nothing. You get...NOTHING.
***SO TILL THEN EVERYBODY WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, sit back... enjoy the show..
get on the computer to apply for jobs, no im just dicking around apparently.
sleep for 8hrs, no apparently thats 24hrs, soo in a comma?
bickering complaining mimicking me, no thats just asking a simple question i can't get upset over.
ask to have breakfast cooked bc im a guest and would make a bigger mess in her eyes, but nooo thats me being lazy and not knowing how to do anything myself.
You ask to pay for yourself, but no she has to do it bc she doesnt want you to spend money but then its just held over your head.
You try to smile and say okay or im sorry, but thats just argueing and pointless attempts to defend oneself.
YOU CAN NOT WIN. YOU CANT TRY. SO YOU GIVE UP.
I'm sorry, im not going to live my life in a way that has to be scheduled around someone 24/7 and have to be absolutely the most fake person. she'll never know me. I'm still the 7year old that didnt pick up her toys and make her bed.
It didnt matter if I was slaving away in college and for portfolio. I will still be the screw up, lazy daughter in these people's eyes.
No room for forgiving, benefit of the doubt, listening. none of that. it's all out the window.
so to get along with her i have to ignore her and have no conversation whatsoever?.. it get so quiet it's depressing.
--------------------
When do you come to the point where you decide that you have to let relationships end?
I still will only speak when spoken to, and courteously accept invitations to visit..
but.. thats all superficial. I don't like superficial. I rather have none of it at all.
I know i piss people off. I'm 23 years old. I'll make a mistake but I can't be given time to grow up.
They say all I ever spoke about is how I want to be independent and yet still be a kid.
Noooo its not like that... cause YOU NEED TO GIVE PEOPLE TIME.
"I just don't want you to make the same mistake others have made"
Shit happens is all I can say. I'm sorry is all I can say.
STATEMENT: I'll continue to learn from the situations that happen to me even if they somehow shorten my chances for a good future, but I HAVE A LITTLE MORE FAITH IN MYSELF AND MY ABILITY THAN THAT.
I'd love it if my family did to.
I'm going to change. Hell I AM changed. Maybe actually just closed off to some parts.
People say they know everything about me. They dont. I apologize that the moments some see are my struggling times, but is that all people are going to use to judge me over?
Always a face to wear, and if that face is an enjoyable one... then they assume you obviously don't understand your own bad situation and have to be told over and over how you're a screw up.
Do you get it yet?.. That you will never be good enough? That what you have isn't actually anything at all?
That what you love to do is a waste of time? That you must give up who you are to live?
I'm tired of people thinking I'm ungrateful after all the thanks I've given. One day.. there will be a physical, tangible thanks to everyone.
AND WHEN I AM OLD AND SUCCESSFUL NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING OR ASK ANYTHING OF ME THEN.
The debt would be paid and the gratitude already given. Then... nothing. I want nothing. I need nothing. You get...NOTHING.
***SO TILL THEN EVERYBODY WHY DONT YOU JUST GIVE ME THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, sit back... enjoy the show..