finally
i'm waking up from this short lived experience on "cloud 9".
i'm mad at myself for feeling something i shouldn't have felt,
and for telling myself something good was going to happen.
i should know by now,
good things don't really happen to me.
i've had it once and i'm not going to have it again,
not for a long while atleast.
i wish i could just shut myself down,
and stop feeling all together.
i don't want to care for anyone.
i don't want to feelings to get in the way of my life.
i just want to be alone,
and every time i try something just comes in the way.
but i will always miss someone looking at me with caring eyes,
and wanting the best for me,
having a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time,
and honestly thinking about it now hurts just as much as it did 2 years ago.
i will always miss that feeling.
i'm mad at myself for feeling something i shouldn't have felt,
and for telling myself something good was going to happen.
i should know by now,
good things don't really happen to me.
i've had it once and i'm not going to have it again,
not for a long while atleast.
i wish i could just shut myself down,
and stop feeling all together.
i don't want to care for anyone.
i don't want to feelings to get in the way of my life.
i just want to be alone,
and every time i try something just comes in the way.
but i will always miss someone looking at me with caring eyes,
and wanting the best for me,
having a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time,
and honestly thinking about it now hurts just as much as it did 2 years ago.
i will always miss that feeling.