(no subject)
When Im especially anxious I post. Well, I guess Im especially anxious right now because here's another post. lol
I really dont know what to do about my love life. I really really dont. My God Jehovah, Father of Jesus Christ my Lord, has been especially kind to me this year -- not just 2007 but my whole birthday year -- like the past 8 months since last 9/11/06. ...especially kind... & I thank you Lord. I recognize Your healing sovereign grace running through all aspects of my life and I do not deserve it. I deserve destruction for my sinfulness but You constantly keep me and preserve me and prosper me. Everything I have has been touched by the LORD in a special way this year -- I have had favor at work, Princess was lost and I found her at the vet hospital, my car has been taken care of, bills have been paid, health has been great, all my checkups have been painless.... so Im really wondering what the LORD is doing on the Man Front.
Wait. Good news about Princess. Took her to the vet this morning. She has (yet another) tumor. It's on her lymph node under her front right leg near her lung. Thought the vet would want to euthanize her since he said he wanted to last year when she had a 2nd tumor removed (this is a new one since that one -- her THIRD golf ball sized tumor...this will be her 3rd surgery in a year and a half). Well, he said to remove it and he didnt recommend euthanizing her this time, so she goes in for surgery hours before the flight to Texas and she will be boarded at the vet's for a week for recuperation. That's huge. I thought I would have to put her to sleep before I left. One less thing to be concerned about. Im so glad she wont die right now. Im so glad shes still alive. I need her to be alive for a little while longer.
Thank you so much, LORD. This means so much to me. Thankyou.
So I say all that to say I really am perplexed about what I should do -- or not do -- regarding my love life. Since I believe God has His hand on every part of me, just as much as He has been with me in all these other areas of my life and has given me favor, so it will be concerning my mate. So with Stephen, I thought, ok, maybe Im being too passive here. Maybe I need to contact *him.* Maybe he thinks since he was such a jerk, I wouldnt want any contact with him now (which is TOTALLY understandable considering he was a total jerk the last time we talked...grrr...jerkbuttjerk) so I thought, maybe if I call him and he IS for me, it would open the door for a new relationship. I thought, OK... God is in control here. If I mess up (but my intentions were good) He will open any door that needs to be opened and close any door that needs to be closed. I KNOW this.
I just dont know what to do. I just dont know. I am at the end of myself. In many many ways I am a throwback to another era. I want men to be strong and feel empowered and be the aggressors. I dont want to take over their role and hunt them down like women do. I dont want to be calling men. I want them to come after me. So, Ive purposely been more passive so he -- like any other man who might be the one for me -- can decide what he wants to do. But it's tough to be a woman like that these days (in a sea of piranha wenches.) So, I just left it in God's hands this year and just prayed prayed prayed.
So, I pray You will continue to make this a great birthday year and You will bring me to my mate, LORD. I dont know what else to do but my times are in Your hands.
Amen
I really dont know what to do about my love life. I really really dont. My God Jehovah, Father of Jesus Christ my Lord, has been especially kind to me this year -- not just 2007 but my whole birthday year -- like the past 8 months since last 9/11/06. ...especially kind... & I thank you Lord. I recognize Your healing sovereign grace running through all aspects of my life and I do not deserve it. I deserve destruction for my sinfulness but You constantly keep me and preserve me and prosper me. Everything I have has been touched by the LORD in a special way this year -- I have had favor at work, Princess was lost and I found her at the vet hospital, my car has been taken care of, bills have been paid, health has been great, all my checkups have been painless.... so Im really wondering what the LORD is doing on the Man Front.
Wait. Good news about Princess. Took her to the vet this morning. She has (yet another) tumor. It's on her lymph node under her front right leg near her lung. Thought the vet would want to euthanize her since he said he wanted to last year when she had a 2nd tumor removed (this is a new one since that one -- her THIRD golf ball sized tumor...this will be her 3rd surgery in a year and a half). Well, he said to remove it and he didnt recommend euthanizing her this time, so she goes in for surgery hours before the flight to Texas and she will be boarded at the vet's for a week for recuperation. That's huge. I thought I would have to put her to sleep before I left. One less thing to be concerned about. Im so glad she wont die right now. Im so glad shes still alive. I need her to be alive for a little while longer.
Thank you so much, LORD. This means so much to me. Thankyou.
So I say all that to say I really am perplexed about what I should do -- or not do -- regarding my love life. Since I believe God has His hand on every part of me, just as much as He has been with me in all these other areas of my life and has given me favor, so it will be concerning my mate. So with Stephen, I thought, ok, maybe Im being too passive here. Maybe I need to contact *him.* Maybe he thinks since he was such a jerk, I wouldnt want any contact with him now (which is TOTALLY understandable considering he was a total jerk the last time we talked...grrr...jerkbuttjerk) so I thought, maybe if I call him and he IS for me, it would open the door for a new relationship. I thought, OK... God is in control here. If I mess up (but my intentions were good) He will open any door that needs to be opened and close any door that needs to be closed. I KNOW this.
I just dont know what to do. I just dont know. I am at the end of myself. In many many ways I am a throwback to another era. I want men to be strong and feel empowered and be the aggressors. I dont want to take over their role and hunt them down like women do. I dont want to be calling men. I want them to come after me. So, Ive purposely been more passive so he -- like any other man who might be the one for me -- can decide what he wants to do. But it's tough to be a woman like that these days (in a sea of piranha wenches.) So, I just left it in God's hands this year and just prayed prayed prayed.
So, I pray You will continue to make this a great birthday year and You will bring me to my mate, LORD. I dont know what else to do but my times are in Your hands.
Amen