(no subject)
For those of you who may have noticed I have been rather distant or not my normal focus. Tay, just so you know...it has nothing to do with said locket, so don't worry. You have enough on your mind already. I wouldn't want to add to it. No, Malcolm I haven't been avoiding you.
A few weeks ago, I disappeared from school for the weekend...to see my father in the hospital. He had been injured on mission. Right go back about what you were doing.
Nicole, this weekend was fun, thank you. Are you going home for the holidays?
I can't believe he isn't invincible. I almost lost him and all he could say when he woke up, with me beside him was, "Why the fuck aren't you in school?" Can't he understand...that once I was told I couldn't not go. I couldn't have focused on my studies. He isn't supposed to be hurt, that would be a failure...failure isn't an option. Failure isn't an option.
Wish everything was simpler. Nicole, has been leery since I made that joke. I knew I had pushed it too far. Sometimes I just don't know when to quit. I never do in fact. I take everything to the extreme. I have never be able to do something half way. It was either all or nothing. School work came before everything else. Now training falls second. So the order is School, Training, Music, and basic needs. Where do I honestly think I can fit Nicole?
I have no idea, but I sure do want to try to fit her into my life the schedule.
Dream tracking for Divination. I would have to sleep in order to record any dreams, but since it is an assignment. If it isn't one thing it is another. Thank the Gods that Quidditch is off of my plate. Now there is room for something more.
There are times I wish I still had it to help, but I can't do that...I want to earn this on my own, and that isn't me. I am not a superhero, and I am not capable of everything, neither is my father. We all have our limits. We are supposed to push them, not break them.
I hope Nicole has understood why I haven't. I mean the oppertunities have been there, but... I had always considered it a distraction. I watched Malcolm...fuck just for the sake of fucking, and Tay was hurt by the one she liked. I had more important things to focus on rather than fucking what asked to be fuck. I mean if I couldn't even mantain my focus on what was important. How was I going to hold up in the line of fire. I couldn't afford distractions.
Am I ready for one now? Am I ready for Nicole? Whether I am ready or not, she is here now. And I know I don't want her to go.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
A few weeks ago, I disappeared from school for the weekend...to see my father in the hospital. He had been injured on mission. Right go back about what you were doing.
Nicole, this weekend was fun, thank you. Are you going home for the holidays?
I can't believe he isn't invincible. I almost lost him and all he could say when he woke up, with me beside him was, "Why the fuck aren't you in school?" Can't he understand...that once I was told I couldn't not go. I couldn't have focused on my studies. He isn't supposed to be hurt, that would be a failure...failure isn't an option. Failure isn't an option.
Wish everything was simpler. Nicole, has been leery since I made that joke. I knew I had pushed it too far. Sometimes I just don't know when to quit. I never do in fact. I take everything to the extreme. I have never be able to do something half way. It was either all or nothing. School work came before everything else. Now training falls second. So the order is School, Training, Music, and basic needs. Where do I honestly think I can fit Nicole?
I have no idea, but I sure do want to try to fit her into my life the schedule.
Dream tracking for Divination. I would have to sleep in order to record any dreams, but since it is an assignment. If it isn't one thing it is another. Thank the Gods that Quidditch is off of my plate. Now there is room for something more.
There are times I wish I still had it to help, but I can't do that...I want to earn this on my own, and that isn't me. I am not a superhero, and I am not capable of everything, neither is my father. We all have our limits. We are supposed to push them, not break them.
I hope Nicole has understood why I haven't. I mean the oppertunities have been there, but... I had always considered it a distraction. I watched Malcolm...fuck just for the sake of fucking, and Tay was hurt by the one she liked. I had more important things to focus on rather than fucking what asked to be fuck. I mean if I couldn't even mantain my focus on what was important. How was I going to hold up in the line of fire. I couldn't afford distractions.
Am I ready for one now? Am I ready for Nicole? Whether I am ready or not, she is here now. And I know I don't want her to go.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?