I'm going to cut into your head and explore
a woman stopped me on the street yesterday. and by yesterday, I'm referring to moments after my doctor found a ROCK in my head. Not just grains of sand left over from my face colliding with the pavement. A ROCK that had taken residence INSIDE my head for the past two months, A ROCK that the hack doctors at the hospital didn't happen to notice the first time they pulled ROCKS from my head before stapling me shut. But I digress, in her thick eastern european accent she exclaimed, "I MUST GET INVOLVED!" it was more a statement than an "excuse me, do you mind if I get involved?" She proceeded to tell me that whiskey will heal me, preferably homemade whiskey. Did I know how to make whiskey, she questioned. She seemed disappointed that, no, I didn't have any homemade whiskey, nor did I know how to make it. Still thinking that I was going to be drinking said whiskey, she explained that I should heat it up in a pot and soak a towel in it, and then wrap my leg in the whiskey soaked towel, and THEN drink some whiskey, wait an hour, I should be fine after that and no longer need crutches.
not suitable for gabe:
also, just to throw a little grossness in there - when my dr stuck me with the freezing needles (needles in head not recommended) I could feel the freezing juice running down the side of my head, thinking that the freezing didn't actually go in, I told her I could feel it, but she explained that yes, it had gone in, but it squirted back out the little hole where the staple had been (a staple that was taken out 8 weeks ago and had already healed over) I've imagined this as one of those physical comedy sketches where the guy is trying to stop a leak in a water bed, and as he's holding his hand over that hole the water starts squirting out somewhere else. If only my doctor was Lucille Ball.
not suitable for gabe:
also, just to throw a little grossness in there - when my dr stuck me with the freezing needles (needles in head not recommended) I could feel the freezing juice running down the side of my head, thinking that the freezing didn't actually go in, I told her I could feel it, but she explained that yes, it had gone in, but it squirted back out the little hole where the staple had been (a staple that was taken out 8 weeks ago and had already healed over) I've imagined this as one of those physical comedy sketches where the guy is trying to stop a leak in a water bed, and as he's holding his hand over that hole the water starts squirting out somewhere else. If only my doctor was Lucille Ball.