Don't Be a Drag, Just Be a QUEEN.

Mar 11, 2011 00:16

 Lady Gaga is wondrous.  And she creeps my mom out lol.  She tried watching the "Born This Way" video and just made a face all through it.

MOVING ON.  OH LOOK.  ANOTHER MONSTROSITY FROM THE IDEA THAT IS SUPERNATURAL NEXT GEN.  This is actually part of the original idea I think I'm going to run with when I finally start the beginning of this beast.

TItle: Fucking Angels
Author: me >:I  boyonherbicycle
Rating: Worksafe
Characters: Claire, Balthazar, Ben, Jesse, Cupid, Lucas, Michael
Warnings: Um.  Crack.  Pure crack.  And swearing.
Summary: Someone dead has an Enochian symbol carved into her heart.  Unfortunately, it's Cupid.  This can only end badly.  And what the hell is this weird monster they're chasing?
Author's Note: I love Cupid.  Don't judge me.  And Balthazar is completely and totally cracky.  I'm totally lurking over at Sebastian Roche's twitter.  So except odd things from that, duckies.  Because my head!canon Balthazar is one of those people who makes you feel uncomfortable by forcing nicknames and randomly taking off clothes and I feel like I'm describing myself lmao.  Also, head!canon; Claire learned Angel information during her short time as a vessel, so she knows basic Enochian symbols and sigils.

Monster based off of this pasta.  I'm making it more popular here then it really is, lol.

That symbol was the only lead that they had so far.  Jesse had no idea what it was, so it was unlikely it was demonic in any way, and Ben knew next to nothing about this particular symbol.  Because hey, he studied some things and symbols of other religions and all that shit came in handy sometimes. 
"I'm gonna call Luke," Jesse decided, refusing to touch the heart and cringing when Ben flipped it over in his gloved hands, "Dude, that is so gross, you have no idea," The Australian accent flitted through his voice as he voiced his displeasure at the organ.  Ben snorted, and rolled his eyes, not stopping his examination.  
"Who knew that the Anti-Christ was so squeamish?" He taunted, "Your Aussie is showing."
"Shut up, douche bag." Ben simply laughed as Jesse left the room to call Lucas.  If anyone knew anything, it would be him.  But, it couldn't hurt to have someone else check.

He tore off a glove and fished for his phone to take a picture of the symbol.  Once he got a clear picture, he sent it to Claire with a 'Wish you were here :p Can you check around and see what this could mean?'  It wasn't like he expected anything right away, and the sudden call from the blonde had him pursing his lips in confusion before answering.

"I swear to God, that better not be what I think it is.  Did you get Lucas on it?"
"Jesse's calling him now."
"Then get him off the fucking phone and looking."
"...Claire, what is it?" But she'd hung up on him, the bitch.  Ben glared at his phone as Jesse walked back in.
"He says he might have an idea," Jesse relayed, "But he's going to double check."
"Great.  Let's clean up."

They don't hear back from Lucas until an hour later, and he's breathless.
"It's the mark of a Cupid," He explained, "Claire's helped me confirm it.  Guys, the Cupid's not a problem, but if you could find a way to talk to him, it might help."
"Claire knew about it?!"
"She wasn't sure, Ben," Lucas chastised, causing the young man to deflate, "she's on her way now, so hopefully you guys can manage to do something about it."  Ben rubbed his face and Jesse thanked the Demonologist before hanging up.  There was a mumbled "At least one of you says good bye" before the call ended that made the two snort.

When Claire arrived, they ended up in a bar, looking for anything that could mark the sign of a cupid.  Or rather, Jesse was looking (he was the only one who could probably see the stupid being), Claire was glaring at everything around her, and Ben was stuffing his face with food. 
Claire instantly knew when Jesse had seen the thing; he tensed up all over, and looked like a mix between shock and panicked.  Claire shot up and headed in that direction, muttering a curse under her breath and trying to feel the area.

She jumped when she felt Jesse lay a hand on her shoulder,
"He's gone, Claire.  He ran away when he saw me," His tone was apologetic, though there was an urgency there that Claire understood.  An angel had seen Jesse, so it would be in their best interests to leave right now.  Ben was waiting for them in the impala.

It was about four days until they decided to try again.  But it wasn't their idea.

They were woken at eight in the morning by the sound of coffee brewing in the old pot the motel had included in the room.  Since they had been up the whole previous night trying to find a way to kill this monster of the rain.  There had been two more deaths, and the three hunters were feeling them.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jesse demanded, the first one fully aware (and he always had to be; you never knew when someone would come after you just because you were an Antichrist.).  A European accented voice barked in laughter,
"And the true Abomination awakes!" He chuckled, sipping delicately at his cup of coffee, "You humans never cease to surprise me.  I can almost understand why my dear brethren throw away their Grace for you lot.  Except not really, it's a total lie."

Great, Ben thought.  An angel.  That's all we needed.  
Because as wonderful as Claire was, she was obsessed with angels.  And not because she liked them, no.  She told them repeatedly that angels had ruined her life.  So it wasn't surprising to anyone when Claire was the one to reach for a weapon.  The angel sighed as she did so.

"You all tend to be so predictable sometimes too." He turned towards Claire, eyebrows raised, "Try all you want, darling, but you can't kill me."
"I can try," She glowered and the angel chuckled as he drank more coffee.
"Seriously, though, who are you?" Ben finally asked, taking in the angel before him.  
"Really?  I'm surprised that man you call your father didn't tell you," He snorts and instantly, Ben thinks that Claire has the right idea.  Because no one, not even an angel of the fucking Lord is going to bad mouth Dean, "Balthazar," he sneered, pulling at his v-neck.  He finished his coffee, and then grinned widely; childishly, "But please, call me Balthie,"
"What the ever loving FUCK." Ben groaned into his hands as Claire's expression made it obvious she was unsure if she should still be angry and suspicious or just laugh while Jesse full on laughed.  The traitor.

Fucking angels, man.  He should've believed it when Dean told him that Cas was the only sane one.  They're all psycho.

Balthazar actually had a reason for appearing, however.  He was going to help them, actually help them, find the cupid.
"Why not help us yourself?" Ben snorted, crossing his arms at yet another bar.  Jesse had hid in the back rooms, to stop from scaring the lower class angels away.
"How else are you going to get better?" Balthazar snorted.

Cupid's quickly became Ben's least favourite experience ever.  In the history of life.  He could have gone without the naked hug and the bone crushing, and the Cupid in general.  But everything was worth it for Jesse's reaction.

At first, the angel did not like him.  He was mostly terrified that something would happen (a common story told amoung angels was that the Antichrist could indeed turn an angel into an action figure.  Cupid didn't like action figures, and he figured that he wouldn't make a very good one anyway).  Jesse gave him a weird look and said the magic words;
"Uh, I'm not going to turn you into an action figure..."

He was instantly charged by a large, fat angel.  He got the biggest and longest hug.   Jesse swore up and down that he did not scream and beg to be put down.  He dared anyone to say differently, and wisely, none did.

Claire could not be civil to angels for the life of her, so it was up to Ben to ask about the girl's heart.

"She died?" The cupid burst into tears, "But they looked so good together!"
"...What?"
"I marked them; they had found each other.  I mean sure, there was another man butting in, but he wasn't even really a man and it's not like.." The cupid rambled on but Ben had heard all he needed to.  He locked eyes with Claire who nodded, and proceeded to sneak away.  Balthazar stopped it by whisking her away into the night.

Ben groaned while Cupid looked like someone had kicked him.

This was going to be a long night.

When they finally got away from Cupid and returned to the motel room, a little wiser for their troubles, it was to see Claire and Balthazar sitting on the bed.  The blonde hunter was bright red, and looked a mixture between embarrassment, anger, and amusement.

Balthazar was telling a story about the angels in Heaven, while taking his shirt off.

Angels were so fucking weird.

"What are you doing?!" Ben demanded,
"Entertaining." He replied, "I'm an entertaining Balthie."
"You should be locked away, is what you are," Claire told him, sniffing a bit, but grinning at her friends behind the angels' back.  At least she liked one angel out of the lot.  
"Did you get any information," Jesse asked (and most certainly did not plead), "Please tell me we did not do that shit for nothing."

"Of course I got something," Claire chided, before launching into the story.

According to what they learned, a man has been going around, seducing divorced women, with children.  
"And it's always mothers who have custody of the children.  It's usually two or three kids," Claire explained, "They're targeted after they've begun to date again, and all the women targeted have started new relationships."
"What else?  Is this a ghost or what?"
"Or what, I reckon," Jesse mused, "It's always raining when it appears, and it's during strong storms..."
"I'm calling Michael," Claire sighed and Jesse nodded in agreement, announcing he would call Lucas.

Michael ended up being the one with the answer.

"It's a story online," He started.
"Obviously, it's all over the news here," Ben pointed out, frowning.
"No, no, it's a story.  Like, a legitimate story on some website for creepy stories," 
"No way."
"Way.  A whole bunch of people are saying how it's like a strange version of like, Zeus or something," Michael was obviously rubbing his face as clicking sounds were heard in the background, "I'm reading it now."
"So what, do we set it on fire?"
"It's an angry being who was driven out by his children, while his wife stood and did nothing, and he couldn't go near them, so he just watched in anger, until he was let back."
"And he was an angry SOB, ain't he?"
"Yup."
"Shit." Ben crashed onto the bed beside Claire,
"Fuck," Jesse agreed, sitting in a chair.
"How do you kill something that doesn't exist?"
"Tell it you don't believe in it?" Balthazar contributed, speaking up finally and making Michael curse and yell "Who the fuck is that, you guys better not have involved fucking civilians in this shit, you fucking dumbasses".   Claire shut the phone on him.
"And that will help how?" She demanded.
"By telling something that is created of off pure belief, don't you think that if it was faced with something that doesn't believe in it, it would disappear?"
"...Fuck you, Balthie, you sunnuva bitch." Ben snapped, but holding no venom in his words.

Maybe they could keep this angel.

Turned out that they didn't have to wait to find this thing they were after (armed of course, to the teeth, but the only real idea of taking it down other then shoot it to death?  Balthazar's idea).  One of the people Claire had talked to called her to tell her that he'd seen "that man" around again.

He was way too ordinary.  Not too attractive, didn't dress to differently then those around him, all that business.

It all changed when the woman he was hounding turned to look at him, because the shift was obvious when they were looking for it.  He suddenly became attractive enough to warrant a second and third glance, he had dimples, the perfect smile and a personality that appeared out of no where.  
"He's our guy," Jesse nodded, stating the obvious.  Claire snorted, lightly tapping the Antichrist on the forehead.  
"Thanks, Captain Obvious." The three smiled at each other, before going back to work on catching the guy.

"He spends a week with his target," Ben scratched his head, "And it looks as though the week is almost over,"
"Right.  Maybe after a date night?" Claire looked at Jesse who screwed up his face, "Are they going on a date any time soon?"
"What?  Why would I know?" Jesse sniffed, and both his friends threw him disbelieving looks, 
"Because you have powers?" Ben offered.
"Because you're a creep who listens in on other's thoughts?  Or does that make you a perv?" Claire shot at him, causing the Antichrist to grin widely.
"You're just jealous." His face turned stony, "But yeah, date tonight, actually.  Nothing special, a small time restaurant.  But she doesn't think it's date," He added, "She thinks he'd being very nice,"
"Seriously?"
"Hey, some people literally can't take a hint."
"Must be a common human trait." Balthazar's voice joined the others, causing all three to jump.
"God fucking dammit, Balthazar, are you trying to give us heart attacks?" Ben gasped, grasping at his chest.  Balthazar went quiet, and looked almost fond for a moment.  Then the now-familiar light returned to his eyes,
"Perhaps.  Would save me an awful lot of trouble," Ben groaned and threw his head into his arms in exasperation, the sounds of his companions laughing echoing.

They knew what was going to happen as soon as the wind started, which eventually brought the rain.  They could only hope the thing was nice enough to try and off the lady inside a barn, or something.  Which, luckily for them, he was.

He had one hand around the neck of the woman, looking like he's both strangling and drowning her at the same time, while petting her hair with the other.  he was muttering to himself as he did so.

"Don't worry, my Bride, we shall soon be together once again.  I have found You at last, after all those others who thought they were You, I have finally found Your mortal form,"

It was creepy.  Ben opened his mouth to say something, but at that moment, he turned as lightning lit up the sky and garage.

He wasn't human at all.  How could they have not seen it?  His skin seemed to drip with the water that wasn't reaching them, his eyes made of lightning itself.  If it were possible, Ben would've thought that his hair itself was the raging wind just outside the walls.

But it wasn't.  Because they had to believe it.  They had to believe that he, that it, wasn't real.

They looked at each, and gripped hands tightly before closing their eyes.  Their eyes opened, fires burning behind them.  They stood together to face the monster that could not, that could not exist.

Hours later, Balthazar managed to fit the three onto one bed.  They all maneuvered so that they could curl around each other, bodies instinctively seeking out the comfort of another body, a familiar one.
"I promised him I would watch if he couldn't." He whispered to Ben and Claire as they slept, "And then he passed Dean's promise onto me, so then I had two little humans to worry about."

He hoped to God that they could find Dean, because by finding Dean, Castiel would be sure to return.

supernatural; the next generation, awesome, forget your troubles c'mon get happy, my soul is slowly draining away, fuck you and your fucking cheese and cra, fan fiction, bullhorn

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