Dear Dream Girl, Where did you go?
Dear Dream Girl,
Please come back to swimming class! I miss our talks about human bio and other interesting things that we talked about. Now, I'm stuck doing laps with everyone else and you aren't there to push me to work harder.
I must say, I actually am pretty disappointed. She hasn't been at our last three swim classes and I'm starting to think that she may have dropped the class because you can only miss 4 class periods all semester and still pass the class. She was a pretty cool person and there was actual substance behind our conversations. You could tell she was going places and was a hard worker. As if being a human biology major and planning on going to vet school wasn't enough she was also training to run her first marathon. This was such a breath of fresh air because at times I feel that I am not surrounded by people who motivate and push me enough. I feel I do a decent job keeping myself going, but to have those around you who push you to that next level is so great. I think that's why I did so well in high school with the Gilfeather twins spearheading the overachiever manner that I tagged along with. Now, I live with two people who aren't involved in any clubs and sit on the couch and watch TV. Don't get me wrong they get good grades, but they are so satisfied with sitting on a couch and watching mindless shows all night long. There is no hobbies, no favorite authors, and a lack of being cultured in music art and my favorite stupid quips about pop-culture. I could really use someone in my life whose gonna make me want to be a better person and that's exactly what she was. And now, now she's disappeared, never to be seen again. This kind of brings me to my next question.
Why can't I just be friends with a girl? Why does there have to be something more? I feel that I really have a lack of opposite sex friends. Yes, there are acquaintances, but none like Sean, Yat, ACop and Andy who I can share stuff with and kind of say what's on my mind. I wish that I could start making this happen, but I just don't know how to go about it. I'm such an awkward kid and I feel that there is so much closet nerd hiding in me that I keep my guard up and am really hesitant to take that step into anything. Prime example: we've been hanging out with the neighbors a lot over the couple of weeks and one of them is kind of into me. We've actually been alone at 4AM.ish on two separate occasions and what do we do? We talk for a while, I walk her home and give her a hug. I obviously could have gone in for a kiss on both occasions at the door and definitely on the couch, I already had my arm around her anyway and she was only getting closer. Instead of making things happen, here I am on the couch thinking where is this going? Do I really want to be with this person? Why do I automatically go into "relationship" mode? There is no in between or "we'll see where this leads." It's overkill on so many levels it's not even funny. I am my own worst enemy and my mind is preventing me from living my own life. I'm not pissed about it or anything like that. I don't want it to seem like I'm unhappy, but I feel like I'm missing something and am desperately trying to reach out and grab it. Where is that book-loving, intelligent, outgoing, deep, semi-party girl that I'm looking for? I really feel that what I'm looking for will never be found and I should just give up. But here I am not taking any chances and not letting my guard down and embracing some of these girls as friends. I really need to work on this and hopefully make some progress. At least everything else in my life is going well and is finally looking balanced. I will leave you with some interesting words by Benjamin Franklin: "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those be well-tried before you give them your confidence."
Please come back to swimming class! I miss our talks about human bio and other interesting things that we talked about. Now, I'm stuck doing laps with everyone else and you aren't there to push me to work harder.
I must say, I actually am pretty disappointed. She hasn't been at our last three swim classes and I'm starting to think that she may have dropped the class because you can only miss 4 class periods all semester and still pass the class. She was a pretty cool person and there was actual substance behind our conversations. You could tell she was going places and was a hard worker. As if being a human biology major and planning on going to vet school wasn't enough she was also training to run her first marathon. This was such a breath of fresh air because at times I feel that I am not surrounded by people who motivate and push me enough. I feel I do a decent job keeping myself going, but to have those around you who push you to that next level is so great. I think that's why I did so well in high school with the Gilfeather twins spearheading the overachiever manner that I tagged along with. Now, I live with two people who aren't involved in any clubs and sit on the couch and watch TV. Don't get me wrong they get good grades, but they are so satisfied with sitting on a couch and watching mindless shows all night long. There is no hobbies, no favorite authors, and a lack of being cultured in music art and my favorite stupid quips about pop-culture. I could really use someone in my life whose gonna make me want to be a better person and that's exactly what she was. And now, now she's disappeared, never to be seen again. This kind of brings me to my next question.
Why can't I just be friends with a girl? Why does there have to be something more? I feel that I really have a lack of opposite sex friends. Yes, there are acquaintances, but none like Sean, Yat, ACop and Andy who I can share stuff with and kind of say what's on my mind. I wish that I could start making this happen, but I just don't know how to go about it. I'm such an awkward kid and I feel that there is so much closet nerd hiding in me that I keep my guard up and am really hesitant to take that step into anything. Prime example: we've been hanging out with the neighbors a lot over the couple of weeks and one of them is kind of into me. We've actually been alone at 4AM.ish on two separate occasions and what do we do? We talk for a while, I walk her home and give her a hug. I obviously could have gone in for a kiss on both occasions at the door and definitely on the couch, I already had my arm around her anyway and she was only getting closer. Instead of making things happen, here I am on the couch thinking where is this going? Do I really want to be with this person? Why do I automatically go into "relationship" mode? There is no in between or "we'll see where this leads." It's overkill on so many levels it's not even funny. I am my own worst enemy and my mind is preventing me from living my own life. I'm not pissed about it or anything like that. I don't want it to seem like I'm unhappy, but I feel like I'm missing something and am desperately trying to reach out and grab it. Where is that book-loving, intelligent, outgoing, deep, semi-party girl that I'm looking for? I really feel that what I'm looking for will never be found and I should just give up. But here I am not taking any chances and not letting my guard down and embracing some of these girls as friends. I really need to work on this and hopefully make some progress. At least everything else in my life is going well and is finally looking balanced. I will leave you with some interesting words by Benjamin Franklin: "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few; and let those be well-tried before you give them your confidence."