Stuck at the Fork
All summer I've been teetering back and forth between whether I should stay with medicine or switch over to something with business. I feel that I would be more relaxed and get to have a lot more time for friends if I were to do business, but at the same time there's this inner calling to become a doctor and reach out to people. There is just so much to examine from each side. I respect both sides greatly and could see myself doing well in either of them :(
What draws me towards Medicine? I would have to say that I love the idea of being able to help people on a daily basis and be responsible for the lives of others. I'm good at science, but am I that good? I often find myself doubting if I have the intelligence to span the distance. The flotsam and jetsam seem to hold me in a muck quite often. For example I have biochemistry coming up in the fall and for some reason I'm scared to death to take this class. Is it because I think that I could actually do good at it and have to keep going with medicine? I know I have nothing to lose, but at the same time I don't want to get too far in and have to backtrack several semesters worth of work to become an accounting major. I'm so comfortable around the OR and when I'm at the hospital helping people, but I feel alot of that has to do with people skills because that is what I am mainly doing when I'm in those places. Today I saw a butterfly fracture on a clavicle get put back together, a neurosurgery in which they put optamesh into two cervical disks in a woman's spine and finished up the a major abdominal reconstruction due to a severe hernia through the abdominal wall. The human body truly fascinates me and in a way helps to solidify my reasoning behind there being a God. How could one not look at the intricacies of the human body and not understand that we are not here by chance and not some interstellar phenomena. I know science, I'm decent at it, but does that really qualify me to become a doctor? There are so many people out there kicking ass in these classes while I do well, but I can't even grasp the same wrung on the ladder that these students have there feet comfortably placed on. If I were to be a doctor I feel that that is all I would be. All my time would be devoted to living in and working in a hospital. There would be no specific identity to me, just Dr. Carpp, he who works long hours and has no time for himself. I could still have a family, I could still make time for everything, but it would be like a one-legged fat kid trying to cross a tight rope. Comical yes and at the same time painstakingly hard to watch.
Why Business? I love technology and working with people. It's just that simple I'm good at both. I train people in Dale Carnegie, I've read tons of business books, I love the Wall Street Journal and I could see myself in a suit. I could easily see myself going out to job sites or sitting at a desk and working hard towards the greater good of a company. The shear competition of moving up the ladder and becoming a more significant part of a companiy's future intrigues me. Especially something like google or apple. Every morning I could wake up refreshed and ready to go out and do good for my company. No, this may not have the same philanthropic appeal that medicine does, but what's gonna stop me from volunteering and going on mission trips. I want to travel the world anyway,why not do it for missionary reasons? I feel that I could be a more well rounded person if I were to do something with business. I wouldn't be working crazy hours and on call all the time. I could have a hobby or two and hopefully have a loving family to come home to every night. Not to say that these couldn't be done as a doctor, trust me I've seen it done, just look at the Wechter and DeBari families. They are a true inspiration of all that can be achieved in love and compassion.
Another thought that gets tossed back and forth in my head is the thought of being in the right seat on the bus... for those who don't understand that expression Jim Collins talks of having the right people for the right job. So I often find myself saying yes you would make a good doctor, but don't you think that you would make an even better business man with all of the gifts that you've been given? Where did all this lack of confidence come from? Did I leave it in my high school locker or something? These last two years of college have been an absolute mess with more ups and downs than all of cedar pointe. Don't get me wrong I've had a hell of a time in college, but I find myself constantly questioning why I'm taking the classes that I'm taking when I could have more fun in others. For some reason I could see massive repercussions coming from this because as we all know, the grass is greener on the other side. I wish that I didn't let fear leave me standing in the middle of the road like a deer in headlights. And once again it leads me right back to Overkill. "Day after day disappears. Night after night my heart still shows the fear. Ghosts appear and fade away. Come back again another day."
What draws me towards Medicine? I would have to say that I love the idea of being able to help people on a daily basis and be responsible for the lives of others. I'm good at science, but am I that good? I often find myself doubting if I have the intelligence to span the distance. The flotsam and jetsam seem to hold me in a muck quite often. For example I have biochemistry coming up in the fall and for some reason I'm scared to death to take this class. Is it because I think that I could actually do good at it and have to keep going with medicine? I know I have nothing to lose, but at the same time I don't want to get too far in and have to backtrack several semesters worth of work to become an accounting major. I'm so comfortable around the OR and when I'm at the hospital helping people, but I feel alot of that has to do with people skills because that is what I am mainly doing when I'm in those places. Today I saw a butterfly fracture on a clavicle get put back together, a neurosurgery in which they put optamesh into two cervical disks in a woman's spine and finished up the a major abdominal reconstruction due to a severe hernia through the abdominal wall. The human body truly fascinates me and in a way helps to solidify my reasoning behind there being a God. How could one not look at the intricacies of the human body and not understand that we are not here by chance and not some interstellar phenomena. I know science, I'm decent at it, but does that really qualify me to become a doctor? There are so many people out there kicking ass in these classes while I do well, but I can't even grasp the same wrung on the ladder that these students have there feet comfortably placed on. If I were to be a doctor I feel that that is all I would be. All my time would be devoted to living in and working in a hospital. There would be no specific identity to me, just Dr. Carpp, he who works long hours and has no time for himself. I could still have a family, I could still make time for everything, but it would be like a one-legged fat kid trying to cross a tight rope. Comical yes and at the same time painstakingly hard to watch.
Why Business? I love technology and working with people. It's just that simple I'm good at both. I train people in Dale Carnegie, I've read tons of business books, I love the Wall Street Journal and I could see myself in a suit. I could easily see myself going out to job sites or sitting at a desk and working hard towards the greater good of a company. The shear competition of moving up the ladder and becoming a more significant part of a companiy's future intrigues me. Especially something like google or apple. Every morning I could wake up refreshed and ready to go out and do good for my company. No, this may not have the same philanthropic appeal that medicine does, but what's gonna stop me from volunteering and going on mission trips. I want to travel the world anyway,why not do it for missionary reasons? I feel that I could be a more well rounded person if I were to do something with business. I wouldn't be working crazy hours and on call all the time. I could have a hobby or two and hopefully have a loving family to come home to every night. Not to say that these couldn't be done as a doctor, trust me I've seen it done, just look at the Wechter and DeBari families. They are a true inspiration of all that can be achieved in love and compassion.
Another thought that gets tossed back and forth in my head is the thought of being in the right seat on the bus... for those who don't understand that expression Jim Collins talks of having the right people for the right job. So I often find myself saying yes you would make a good doctor, but don't you think that you would make an even better business man with all of the gifts that you've been given? Where did all this lack of confidence come from? Did I leave it in my high school locker or something? These last two years of college have been an absolute mess with more ups and downs than all of cedar pointe. Don't get me wrong I've had a hell of a time in college, but I find myself constantly questioning why I'm taking the classes that I'm taking when I could have more fun in others. For some reason I could see massive repercussions coming from this because as we all know, the grass is greener on the other side. I wish that I didn't let fear leave me standing in the middle of the road like a deer in headlights. And once again it leads me right back to Overkill. "Day after day disappears. Night after night my heart still shows the fear. Ghosts appear and fade away. Come back again another day."