Memories RESURFACED
Ahhhhhhh....Where to begin. So today, I called Breanne told her some stuff. Then I had to drive my uncles to their golf tournament in Fountain Hills, now I wait for them to call so I can go get them and go out for the night. I don't know whats going on as of yet, but I do know that I need to get out of my house tonight. Dan may be having a get together at his place, he invited me (first time thats happened in a while) Not sure if I'll go or not. I just got back from Danny's Family Caraousel (car wash), I went with Jason and he showed me his flashy new projector beam headlights. He asked me if I wanted to spend the night, I will most likely take him up on that offer. Hmm, I had a horrible awfully dreadful expierience today. I saw someone that I haven't seen in about 2 years. My friend Bryan. He wouldn't even look me in the eyes, I just felt like crying cause of what he is doing to himself, I just wish there was something more I could have done, but in the end I know I could have helped him, but I chose to systematically cut him out of my life, something that I often do because its how I deal with issues. Part of me wishes that I would have just stuck by his side because he truly was a good friend, and even if I did end up being a drug addict and a criminal like he is, I would know that I had a good, loyal, and honest friend by my side. Thats very hard to come by these days. It seems all my true friends have left me as I have left so many of my good friends. Maybe it is time for me to make amends. I am starting to wonder if leaving Dan and Vince and Benji is really worth having to go through what I went through with Bryan. They'll clean up one day cause all they do is drink, and in this stage of life, who didn't party with a lil' ripple every once in a while. I dunno, I guess what I am trying to get at is I am still a teenager and I teens do stupid stuff. It's not like if I get pushed into doing something different is a bad thing, it may suck, but I'll learn from it. These are my years that I have to make mistakes. And I am not talking about ruining relationships or cheating kind of mistakes that you make with a significant other, I mean mistakes you make for yourself. I haven't expierienced that andrenaline rush one gets from the fear of being arrested, a feeling that I rather enjoy (as long as I am not arrested that is) I used to live for that feeling of helplessness, knowing that at any moment you could get caught. I don't wanna fall back into it the way I was before, I just want another taste. Maybe tonight I can get that feeling with Jason. Hopefully we will be driving at high rates of speed, and God knows that Jason is crazy enough to try and outrun cops. It shall be interesting...I dunno, we'll see what happens