One Crazy NITE/morning
So, a good man once said, "They will forget what you said, they will forget what you did, but they will never forget the way you made them feel" Mr. Robling (substitute teacher from school)This quote just seems to strike a chord. But to begin to explain this I have to first explain the events of last nite/this morning. I woke up this morning thinking "What the Hell happened, how, and why?" And I really couldn't tell anyone how this moment was even birthed into existence, maybe someone up there just has a sense of humor and wanted to test my new beginnings...I feel that I passed...Anyways, it all began with a conversation about roller-coasters other theme park shit, but then it went from roller-coasters to a session of brutal honesty at its purest form...Basically things were said that I want to forget and I can, but I won't forget the way I felt, I never wanna feel that way again, it was that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach thats starts as being angry but then it turns to physical pain cause your tensing with anger trying desperately to hold on to the words that you know will completely ruin a night if you speak them, yeah, that feeling, I don't like it...The only reason I can think of for why this morning could have almost ruined a BEAUTIFUL nite is simply because the whole nite was emotionally charged...From one extreme to the other...One moment of being extremely playful, to another of being scared and frightened, to a moment of being full of love and not questioning the one you're with at all, to a moment of being hyper (with the exception of myself) driving around in circles until I almost thought I was gonna puke, then to a moment of feeling sadness, anger, helplessness, and vulnerability all at once...And on top of that finding out that the thing I hate my father most for, is the thing which I am, all I can say is I'm sorry, I cannot change who I am, and maybe we would be better off not being together in situations where one exhibits hyperactiveness, but I dunno, God Damn Desert Ridge, this all started with that God forsaken shit hole of place, once again more memories I didn't want...And maybe I'm not passing this challenge cause I seem to be dwelling on this moment, but hey, it's human nature and I'm not sorry (Vogue,haha)I know now that it's how you deal with these feelings and how you make them go away that matters most. I am not trying to dwell on things or analyze, I just need to get this off of my chest, and if that means dwelling for the moment so I can put it to paper than so be it, this is how help myself now...FUCK ME, hahaha, God, this just gets better and better, my grandpa, Ragnar,has pneumonia and just had a heart attack, oh how beautiful life can be at times...Anyways I don't know whats going to happen today, as far as going out, I may be off to the hospital, I have yet to have been given more info...It's just funny, my problems so stupid and meaningless, yet I continue to drag them out, it's just the way I am, and here my grandpa could be dying, and I'm still writing in this...Well, I gotta go for now... (I'M NOT GOING TO HARM MYSELF IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, I AM NOT GOING TO HIT BOTTOM, I HAVE KILLED THAT PART OF ME, SO DON'T BE WORRIED)...I love you baby, we just had our moment,thats all...MUAH!!!