(no subject)

[boynamederock]

its official.
i am going fucking crazy.
my head wont stop.
it wanders and runs around
all fucking day.

i work 10 hrs non stop pretty much,
only taking a break to use the bathroom
and/or refill my cup with coffee or water.
the maps wont fucking end. revisions,
new/untold maps thrown on my desk
for me to do. and i have a growing
intense fear of carpeltunnel syndrome.

i come home from work and do nothing.
wander the internets alone with no voice
but the one-sided chorus of ryan adams,
to keep me company. he doesnt answer me,
i fear that my communication skills are
deminshing. i never know what to say.
i have friends, i think. i dont bother them
cause i am not in the right state of mind
to keep anyone company.

i need her,
i need to hear her voice, those three
words that melt my heart.
i need to see her,
hold her, fall asleep next to her.

i really am trying not to be miserable,
this is not an act, i am scaring myself.
at work i crave a drink, but deny myself
of such addictions. i need to pick up
my pencil and let my mind flow on to
the page. creating images to make
me laugh and smile.

help.